Win the Room—No Apologies with Perla D. Cuevas

She walked into the boardroom, felt the air shift, got written off with a glance, and won the room without raising her voice. Here's how Perla Cuevas leads with kindness and hard standards. No apologies. Welcome to the NeuroLeadership Edge podcast, brain science for bold leaders ready to master their mind and own their voice. I'm your host, Claire Hayek, neuroleadership expert and founder of Mind Soul Purpose Team Building. Welcome everyone. Now, by the end of this episode, you'll know how to steady yourself under bias and pressure, pair compassion with uncompromising standards, and use a 2-minute reset to walk into any room grounded and clear. So today is— Hitting the room with presence, not permission. Definitely not permission. All right. Well, my guest today, Perla Cuevas, is an award-winning Latina business leader named a Top 40 Under 40 who serves as COO and CMO at Gomez Trial Attorneys and teaches HR law as a professor at San Diego State University. In addition to leading one of California's premier Plaintiff Law Firm, she owns a portfolio of real estate investments and is recognized for blending expertise in legal operations, marketing, and organizational culture to create lasting business and community impact. Hi, Perla, how are you?

I'm well, thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you this afternoon.

Thank you so much. I mean, uh, So happy that you're here. So impressive. Your profile is, I mean, multi-talented would be an understatement. But let's dive right in. Really excited about sharing your insight on the podcast today on this episode. So bring us into that moment when you were underestimated, when you felt underestimated, and you were underestimated, and what you did next. Walk us through it.

You know, I think that being a young Latina and a woman in leadership, sometimes, you know, they raise eyebrows and they assume that you're the assistant and not the executive. And so that moment has taught me that I need to walk into every boardroom fully prepared. I walk in with data, I walk in with solutions, I walk in with a clear agenda, but I walk in as myself. Here's who I am. I am, you know, we talked about this, Claire. You know, I think what has pushed me and driven, given me this drive and the grit is that, you know, I'm not first-generation American. I'm an immigrant. I came here. I came here to learn. I came here to succeed. And so the moment that I felt I was underestimated, I took that as a gift. It gave me an opportunity to level up. It's important, and it reminded me that leadership isn't about matching other people's expectations. It's about reshaping myself and how I walk in with presence, ready, prepared, because they will underestimate you. And so how do you take that? And you need to make sure you're 10 steps ahead. Right? I don't need to prove anything to anybody. I need to prove it to myself. And so it's not so much about demanding respect. It's about earning the respect through preparation, through being grounded, being confident, leading with love, being kind and genuine along the way.

Absolutely. I mean, I couldn't have said it better, Perla, to be honest with you. And I can totally relate to your story. No comparison here. I think each one of us have their own story to tell. But I myself also came from Beirut, from that poor child who came here, had to start everything over, you know? And it gives you a different perspective when you're born through chaos and uncertainty and lack of safety. As much as I had the most loving parents, and I'm sure you do too, it's still very alarming as a teenager, as a young adult, child and to kind of navigate this. And, and I think these are the experiences that really shape you into somebody really special and gives you a superpower. So I always, always mention at the end of the podcast that, you know, every challenge is a gift. Find the gift in every challenge. And I think your story just says it all. And I'm looking forward to diving deeper into this. But before we do that, I do want to give— Quick tip, brain tip about when we're feeling the pressure, where we're feeling judged, whatever the case may be. What happens is that the body would react. The brain goes typically into the amygdala where we're just in our emotions and we're panicking in a way. 2 quick things we can do is just take a long exhale for a count of 6 to 8 seconds just to quiet that alarm going, oh my God, what's happening?

No.

And Then you can silently name what's happening in your state. You know, I'm panicking, I feel judged, but then switch right away to what your intention. So if you're panicking, you just want to calm down, and you say calm. If you want to just be direct and say what's on your mind, say direct. If you want to make sure that you remain kind and not rude, say kind, or say all the 3 of them, calm, direct, kind. You just point your brain that you put your intention reframing what's happening and bringing it back to your prefrontal cortex, your CEO, so you can make clear decisions. And labeling, it really sets the prefrontal cortex so your presence leads, not the adrenaline rush, right? So, that's a quick tip for everyone. I find that really helps a lot of people and it helps me. That's what I do all the time. I think a lot of us leaders probably do it intuitively or instinctively. Without knowing, but really, it's all science, brain science happening. And when you know what's happening, you can even control it better and you'll remember it when you mostly need it. Absolutely right. I mean, I love that stuff. But, you know, again, I'm always saying I'm the one— I'm here to geek out on brain science and neuroscience so you don't have to. Gladly doing it. So, Purnima.

And what I want to add to that is I give every person in the boardroom a moment to be genuine. So there are times that I've taken those deep breaths in the middle of big meetings, and I'm like, okay, if anybody else needs that moment in that space, I give them that space during a meeting because not everybody comes to the table the same way— ready, prepared with the techniques, breathing. I do a lot of breathing, right? Mental health is real. So some people will show their their stress and their nerves in different ways. So it's also allowing that safe space for someone to come into the boardroom, maybe not fully prepared, and just giving them that personal space to be authentic in who they are and supporting them through calming the chaos is so important as a leader as well.

You're creating that space, you're giving that space and also giving that psychological safety and telling them it's okay. take that moment. I do it. And showing that vulnerability is amazing. That's true leadership as far as I'm concerned. So I applaud that. Thanks for sharing that.

That's it.

If you're listening, write this down. This is something you can do tomorrow. So—

It allows that safe space, you know, and for those leaders that are out there, that's so important to give that individual a safe place, like you said, to help reduce the stress all around. It'll be such more of a productive meeting at the end of the day. But leadership needs to allow that space for others.

Absolutely. And you said it. It's being mentally aware and having that mental fitness and mental awareness, mindfulness to recognize what's happening in the room and leave that space for everyone. So, that's part of mental fitness. Being mentally fit is being present. I love that we're talking about presence. And I really want to know what change So you stopped proving and started really leading with presence, talking about presence and everything.

You know what changed me was I had a very— I had a leader who brought me to tears. And I said, I will never be that person. I will always lead with love. I will lead with kindness because what she created was an unhealthy Workplace, and not unhealthy because of the unhealthy interaction. It affected my mental health. For you as a grown adult to bring me as a grown adult to tears, it was too much. There's always a place for you to be able to lead and have emotional intelligence. And so I made sure that as I scaled, that I kept that in mind. We can bring structure, we can bring accountability, but you can also bring kindness along with it. Learn to tap into the empathy, tap into kindness, tap into that human is also probably going through something, right? So acknowledging that you have the power to affect someone. So, how you lead, how you present, and how you show up could affect several people in your organization. So, I think that I appreciate this individual coming into my life because it taught me who I did not want to be moving forward.

Finding the gift again. I love that. I love that because things will happen and they will shape you. Either take them as a gift or as a blessing in a way. You don't and you torture yourself And you keep rerunning that horrible scene that traumatizes you. Learning to take it and turn it into a gift is such a powerful way to overcome challenges and come out stronger in a way, right? Speaking of all that, I just wanted to mention quickly here, I'm putting up a QR code on screen. I have a free webinar coming up on September 10th about owning your voice.

That's dope.

It's a free webinar for an hour. It's at 1 PM EST, 10 AM PST. And we're literally talking about this, like, how do you own your voice? Owning your voice is not literally about your voice, but being in your power, being present, lead clearly from a place that where you're grounded and you're authentic to your true self. And it's weaved in with a lot of neuroscience tools. You'll walk out with tips and understanding a bit more. maybe finding that voice that you thought you had, that, you know, you're probably misjudged in a way. You went, oh, I thought I had that voice. But wow, I can have that higher voice, you know, that the higher potential, and I can really own my space and take up that space. So please do scan the code here on screen. Would love to have you. And no limited space. And no, there will not be you know, limited spots. Just go ahead, invite everybody that can, you know, gain value out of this. So would love to see you all. So moving on. I'm loving this, Perla. I mean, you're so inspiring and I find that your story is so— it just needs to be told more and more. You know, we need to talk about this more and more. And I would like your insight on Nowadays, leaders are faced with a lot of challenges, disruption, complexity. Without going into detail, I think you know what I'm talking about. When you're living through that, when everything's constantly changing and shifting, what do you think you wish— I mean, what do you wish most leaders understood? What matters the most in your opinion in these moments?

We are walking into a new era of artificial intelligence. And I feel like there's already that uncertainty from your employees on whether they're going to have a job here today, tomorrow, or in a year. Right. So I think that continuing to foster and build a strong relationship with your workforce is very important. You want to make sure that that person Feels secure, is empowered, is heard, is seen. Because if that is a good employee that you want to retain, it starts with the communication and the relationship that you continue to foster and build. And so taking the time out of your day to simply walk up, say good morning, brings so much more. I could be a leader that heads straight into my office and closes the door. I prefer to be a leader where I walk to everyone and say, good morning, how are you? So they are seen, they are heard, they are valued. And I show them that through presence. I show up for you to say good morning. It shows you that I'm here for you, that my door is open, right? You are going nowhere. We are embracing artificial intelligence. That does not mean you're going anywhere. So keeping that calm emotion in the human is very important. Just giving them that space to be seen is very important.

It's amazing how powerful that is. Also on what really happens, it lights up in the brain. We call them the mirror neurons. So if you're showing empathy, transparency, authenticity, you're being real, you know, you're smiling, saying good morning. People will feel that. This is how we work. Our brain works that way. They're amazingly smart and they can mirror. The neurons can mirror themselves. So, if you're firing those positive vibes, the whole team will feel it. Do not ever underestimate the power of leadership or what you can bring to the table. That's why they say the leader brings the weather. It's not just a saying. It's true. And I think a lot of leaders know this. But they forget it. We're all human. We have bad days, good days, et cetera. But when you are good and grounded, you just, the effect just trickles on to everybody around you. And having that conscious, mindful presence, that's priceless.

And you said something so important. You said when you are good, Mm-hmm. Leader. Okay, because we have to always be available for our employees, be available for colleagues, be available for everyone around you. But when you are good, you will produce more for your people. So mental health is real. I make sure that I do therapy at least once a week. I take care of my mental health, I take care of my physical, I am being better to my body, mental fitness, mental awareness, spirituality, whatever it is, if you're good, your team is even better. So along that, make sure that you stop, you take a break, and you look at yourself, your inner state, right? How am I doing? How am I feeling? Check in on yourself. At the end of the day, you walk away with so much. You check in on everyone else, but who's checking in on you?

Yes.

Make sure you're doing it for yourself.

And also being empathetic towards yourself. You're going to be more empathetic with people. I'm just too busy. I don't have time. You know, I really try. Well, you have to start by being empathetic towards yourself. You need to start forgiving yourself. You need to just give yourself a couple of seconds. Look, you did your best here. Next time, you'll try to do better. If you cannot practice empathy on yourself, and you said it, Perla, take care of your mental health, take care of your mental fitness, take care of your body, take the time that you need. How are you going to show up and lift up a room? It's not your job to lift a room. But as a leader, in a way, It is your job. Who wants to come in and be toxic to the room? You might not change the room if you're having a bad day. But we definitely don't want a leader to come in and be toxic in the room. But leadership positions have so much responsibility in a way. Take responsibilities on yourself first before you can even serve others, right? We talk about servant leadership. Well, you need to serve yourself first. Serve others. I think we agree on that.

Yeah.

Yeah. I want to learn a bit more about, you know, we talked about this earlier, you and I, you know, that people rarely see what's happening in the background. And I think a lot of leaders, specifically women leaders, feel that. From your perspective, What do most rooms miss and what would better leadership look like?

Leadership is made up of 2 individuals, male and female. And I think that for me as a female, one thing that sometimes is not taken into account when you walk into the boardroom is where I am hormonally. And we don't talk about hormonal cycles and yet we all go through them. Right? And there, now as a leader, I not only have to take care of my mental, I'm very aware of my physical.

Mm-hmm.

Because in a cycle month, you are your best during certain times, you know, of the day, during certain times, during specific weeks. So you want to make sure that you're reflecting on your physical state, where you are hormonally, because I can't speak for all, but I'll speak for myself. You know, there are times where your hormones help either tone, you know, your week, your work week. Am I my best this week, or am I being overly emotional? Sometimes I write emails that I'm like, this is not me, but I'm more aware that I'm now going maybe into a cycle, right? And I actually use an app and I track Why am I being so rough in this email? Is my cycle coming? And I'm more aware, and that has brought me to take a pause, take a step back, give myself the moment to analyze whether this is really the tone, whether it's really me, or am I being affected by my hormones? And trust me, it has saved me. Being aware of your body has saved me because I'm like, you know, I'm sitting there writing this email like, no, no. This is not who I am. So it's given me the opportunity to pull back, become a little more self-aware, analyze, put the email aside, come back to it the next day. And what was normally 3 paragraphs turned into 2 sentences.

Right. That's leading with clarity. There you go. Being mindful, that's the result. And I mean, there's so many, you know, women, we talk about, you know, menstrual cycles, the different cycles of a woman's body. I mean, a woman's body is like a temple. It brings life into this world. And it's just so complex. People are still trying to figure out a lot of things about the women's bodies. And I think more and more people talking about it. And what I really like what's happening right now, and I think it's not enough, I think we need to talk about it a bit more, is women that are in premenopause or in menopause. That's a huge stress, hormonal disbalance, unbalance. And it does affect the mood. It does affect how you feel about yourself. It affects everything, mental health. And, and I think more women need to be aware of this and being able, like you said, you know, track it, you're trying to understand it, take care of yourself more, but more importantly, people around these women need to understand what's happening, or maybe just stop And say maybe something's going on. But I think having an open conversation about this is the way to go and not sweep it under the rug. It's like, oh my God, I can't talk about my hot flashes. Or let's stop making this a taboo. This is natural. It's a woman's body. This is what it is. And the more we educate, the more we talk about it, then, you know, there's less stress about it and everybody feels good in their own. It doesn't become— somebody might feel uncomfortable and they might be less uncomfortable next time.

I think we keep saying women, women, women, but there are many men in leadership roles too. I would encourage them to also be kinder to those in the room because of this one factor that maybe they don't deal with, but it's something that definitely affects how we show up. Chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, cortisol, it all impacts the way we show up, the stress levels we carry, the team dynamics, how we might be responsive, reactive, or even tearful. I encourage those men in leadership to also be kinder and understanding.

Absolutely. Perla, you seem to be the expert in winning the room. And I'm putting you on the spot here. How do you win the room in the first 90 seconds? What's your advice to listeners? How do you win the room in the first 90 seconds? Body, voice, first sentence. What is it?

I will say this. You walk in and the first thing you do is you shake hands with someone. My handshake is firm. It's soft, meaning I come in as a female and I shake. But when that shake goes in, it's strong enough to know, here I am, I mean business. The second part of it is I call it the elevator pitch. If someone doesn't know you, you have 30 seconds. You say 90, I say 30, because in my industry, our attention span is this short. I'm done in 30 seconds. Like, I'm like, who are you? Let me absorb you. Handshake. Oh, you've got a strong handshake. I'm engaged. Tell me who you are now, right? So I feel like the first 30 seconds is really what matters. The way that you present— I come inward, the handshake, here's who I am, pleasure to meet you. So very secure in who you are. The way that you present, the way you shake, and the 30 seconds that you have is what that person is going to take away.

Yeah.

What I want to leave And it's funny because I said this in a post somewhere. I said, I always want to leave a room and have people say, whoa, who was that? You know, even if they didn't get that 30-minute elevator pitch, you made a presence through your presence.

Yeah, definitely love that. This is so intentional. So really walking inside a room with intention. You're not scattered. You're not just rushing and, oh my God, I'm late. And your coffee's Really being focused. And I'm going to talk about this in a second and talk about our listener challenge for the week and how we can really start developing that 2-minute presence reset just before maybe a tough meeting or an important meeting. But before we do that, a couple of rapid-fire questions your way. What's the biggest myth about women in leadership?

The biggest myth?

Hmm.

Wow. Okay. That's a great question, actually.

That's why it's called rapid fire.

Oh, women are so much better at leading because we can multitask. Yes, absolutely. But it's okay if you're not part of that, of that group of women. Sometimes we can't. Sometimes I am mentally taxed. I can't do anymore and the balls are going to fall. And that's okay too. Sometimes we are not great at multitasking. And if we're not, let's find better tools to support us in our leadership roles because not all women can multitask the same way. Yes, there are single parents and there's so many different dynamics. Women taking care of family members or whatever it looks like. Yes, we wear different hats, but sometimes multitasking is not, is not going to be a strength that everyone carries.

It's not a given. That's not assumed.

No, it should not be.

Oh, women are so much better. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. Next one. Book that rewired how you lead. Oh gosh.

That one has to be— so I read, I read the book about the hormonal, the menstrual cycles and how to achieve success and fulfillment. So that one's a Miranda Gray book, The Optimized Woman. That one's a really good read, along with The Four Seasons in Four Weeks: Awakening the Power, Wisdom, and the Beauty in Every Woman's Nature.

Okay, well, thanks for sharing that with us. Let's jump into the listener challenge for the week. So here's what I'm going to ask you to do. Just practice this just before an important meeting or Deaf meeting or any meeting that is important to you. It's called the 2-minute presence reset. So put your phone down, one long exhale, 6 to 8 seconds, and just 60 seconds, a minute or so of quiet. And just one intention, one line. Set that intention, focus it in your mind.

Then you begin.

Then you enter the room. This is my goal. This is what I'm doing here.

Good.

Right? And then share what shifted. Practice this this week. Tell us how that went and share what's changed. What did that do to you and for you? And you could share your comments and bring in your notes and share them with us and #WinTheRoom. Do share it with Perla and I and tag us on LinkedIn if you're on LinkedIn or any other of these social media platforms we're on. And why not bring it to the September 10th webinar, which I'm going to put up the QR code again here. Again, I would love to see you. I've worked really hard on this webinar because I get a lot of people asking, how do I do this? What are the tools? You know, this great content, amazing leaders you have here, so much wisdom, but give me the tools. Like, how do I apply this in my day-to-day? How do I— space? How do I work on my full potential? What's mental fitness? You know, I don't— I think I know. So all of this will be answered on this. I mean, you know, it's an hour. I'll do my best. Bring in your questions. And we'll have a talk and we'll look at really very valuable tools that you can apply right away in your day-to-day life, whether personal or professional. So you can really lead with presence and clarity while taking care of yourself first before taking care of others. And if today's conversation helped, you know, at all, and I'm sure it did, please hit subscribe so you never miss another episode. There's a QR code that you see also on top here. You can reach out. These are all the socials, the podcast links. We'd love for you to follow us and share. And again, I always end with lead boldly, stay human, and turn every challenge into a gift. And I think Perla is the example of how you can turn a challenge into a gift. And Perla, I'm just going to let you say a couple of words before we go.

I want to start off by just thanking you, thanking you for having me and for this opportunity. And Owning your voice is about clarity and courage. Be courageous. And it's okay to make mistakes along the way. Be kind to yourself. It's not about being the loudest. It's about being the most grounded and the most authentic person. And so once you stop apologizing and start showing up as who you are, you will naturally win the room.

Love that.

Full circle.

Thank you so much, Perla. And we'll see you all next time.