This Mindset Can Destroy You As A Basketball Player

One of the episodes of your podcast you taught, you kind of talked about the mama mentality, the Hooper's mindset. And you kind of talked about how, you know, a lot of times that's like a really praised. It's. It's like the, the goal of what every player should be mentally. Every player should have that mindset. But you also talked about how that can become toxic a lot of times and a lot of times it can do more harm than good. And, and I actually really love that, that topic and that conversation. So kind of explain the why behind hey, why can this be? Why can this be a toxic thing?

Yeah. So first off, I've been thinking about like, I don't like tarnishing the mama mentality because obviously Kobe was phenomenal and rip Kobe. So it's, I mean it ended up being the mommy mentality and that's what I titled it. But kind of like that toxic. Like, like I, I need to just put everything into basketball. I think that that can be toxic sometimes. And I think unless you're. Because yes, there are some late bloomers and sometimes you may figure it out later on in life. And you can go pro, obviously. But I feel like a lot of pro guys know throughout their life, like I have an opportunity to go pro. So your average guys like myself, like I did. I have a dream of playing in the NBA when I was like eight years old. Sure. But as I got older, obviously, like, I kind of realized I don't know if the NBA is realistic, like, whatever, maybe overseas. And then as that obviously things change. But like a lot of people have this mindset where in reality we're all like pretty average players, like a very, very small percentage of players go and play and get paid millions of dollars. Right. So if we have this mindset that all we need to do is work out and watch film and consume basketball and that's our entire life. And from an early age that we adopt that mindset. That's all we have. Right. So that mama mentality, that kind of, that's all we have. Like that, that becomes our identity and we really latch onto that. So whenever that time comes where it's like, okay, it's either I try to sign an agent and like figure out if I can go play overseas and kind of keep this dream going, or it's like I go find a 9 to 5 or like a different career path. Obviously you don't have to go find a, find a 9 to 5, but it's either. Basically I try to fight that dream. Or I kind of let it crumble. So whenever that time comes, you have to make that decision, you kind of lose your identity, right? So whenever you latch onto that identity and like, I am basketball, you don't have anything else to fall back onto. And I. And you know, I. I actually got some questions from friends of mine and, like, just people that listen to the podcast. Well, isn't that considered quitting? Or like, like, why should you have a plan B? And I'm like, well, honestly, it's not a bad point to bring up, because if you are somebody who does have a chance, then maybe you shouldn't have a plan B. But I don't really view it as a plan B. I just view it as being a human being, right. And enjoying life beyond basketball. Because you don't have to be basketball. It's just something that you do. So I think it becomes toxic when it consumes you. And that's all you have. And in the episode that I put out, I said, there are people out there that are like, I'm gonna miss time with my family because I need to get this workout in whenever it's consuming you so much that you're, like, choosing it over your family, your friends, holidays, things like that. It's not that big of a deal because, like, you just have to be realistic with yourself. If you're getting paid millions of dollars, yes, prioritize it. But if you're just like, on a men's league team every Monday or every Thursday, like, you don't have to miss time with your family, it's really not that big of a deal. And I think at that point it becomes toxic because you're losing valuable time, right? Like, live your life. I think that experiencing, like having hobbies, experiencing the world, experiencing your friends, having a good time, like, those things are way more important to, to me at least, and I think they should be more important to other people then making sure you get your. Your lift in or making sure you get your shots up, when in reality it really doesn't matter all that much unless you are a college athlete in your.

In.

In your season or in your off season or like, you're getting paid paid million millions of dollars. Obviously, like, high school is important too. I'm not saying, like, your situation isn't important, but just be realistic with yourself. And like, do I really have to miss this dinner with my aunt to go get shots up or can I just do it after? Right? Like, don't prioritize that kind of stuff because in that, at that point, I feel like it becomes toxic, at least in my opinion.

Yeah. And I think, I think one of the, one of the points that you made that you kind of talked about was just like your, your what, what is your identity, right? And I think that's where a big struggle is and where this can become sort of a toxic thing. It's like when your identity becomes basketball and basketball is what defines you, then, you know, you're, you're literally at the whim of did you have a good game or not, right? And then if you do, then life is great and if you didn't, then life is horrible. Right? And that's just like the worst place to be. And that can be, I mean, this can be for way more than just basketball can be for. It can be the same thing with like, with training. Like, if, if I'm like, hey, you know, if workouts went well today, then I'm awesome. If they didn't, then life is horrible. If that's my entire identity is just that, then like, things are going to be bad. And I don't want to be in a spot where like 50% of the time I feel great. And then the other 50% of the time it's just like the world is, is over. Right? And I think when, when players put everything into basketball, especially younger players, like when everything is just about that and you kind of neglect everything else and that's where all of your like, self worth and all your identity is based on, then you're going to set yourself up to like, be really miserable all the time. And that's not, that's not a position where, I mean, because I see it obviously, like, I mean, I've been through it. When I was growing up, that was like the, that was. The thing is like, it's all about this, all about this, this, this. And then it's like, man, you're going to spend a lot of time being really upset because at the end of the day, basketball is like, it's a great thing, but there's so much that goes into, you know, being successful in it. And it's not always just how hard do I work. If it was a competition about who works the hardest and whoever worked the hardest was, you know, the best player, and it was just like a, it was just like that was how it worked, then things would look a lot different. But at the end of the day, Some people are 7ft tall and jump 40 inches and they might not have to work as hard as somebody who, who, you know is 5 foot 10 and jumps 25 inches, right? That they might, that that person who's smaller, less athletic might work. They might. And listen, that's, that's like I might work way harder than, than that person who is 7ft tall, but at the end of the day, they have, they have a very big affordance over me, you know, and that might, that might mean that the, that work isn't going to translate to me being more successful than that person. So if my entire identity is based on, hey, like, this is what matters, then you know, you're going to set yourself up for being miserable when things don't happen. So I think, like you said, putting basketball in its place is like, hey, this is a great thing, you know, but I also have a family, right? I have other things I like to do. And now basketball stays what it is, which is something that's supposed to be fun, so it's supposed to be enjoyable. And obviously you want to work at it and get the most out of it that you can, you know, because you can get a lot out of basketball. Obviously, you and I, like, this is, this is what we do. Like, we have a lot. We're not playing in the NBA, but basketball has still done a lot for us, and that's what's how we've even met, Right? So it's like, it can produce, it can do so much for you, but at the end of the day, if it's your identity, it can end up being what consumes you as well.

Yeah. And I, I don't mean to, like, shine it so negatively. Like, like you said, you learn a lot of really good things from basketball. Like, if you, if you bust your ass every day for years, like, that's valuable. I'm not trying to say don't do that. I'm just saying, like you said, don't identify with it and be consumed by it to where it takes you out of important situations in your life. And like, whenever I was a little bit younger, that, like, like it consumed me, right? Like, it became my identity. And whenever I would have a bad game or if we lost or if I didn't get in as much as I thought I should have, like, I would go to dinner with my friends or with my, with my family, like, sometimes family that like, drove like hours to come see me play that I haven't seen in months, and I would sit there and sulk the entire time at dinner, right? Like, I couldn't differentiate and I couldn't dissociate myself from that game because I was identifying with the game. I was identifying with my mistakes. But it's like, I, I, I can't do that because it's not fair to one myself, and it's not fair to the people that are around me because they're not getting who I am. Like, I'm, I'm not present in that moment. I'm, I'm stuck in that moment, right? So it's not fair to do that. And I can't identify with those mistakes. I can't identify with the game of basketball because it's just, that's not who I am. It's just something that I do, you know what I mean?