12 Dating Red Flags Every Christian Man Needs to Know 😬 (Watch Out For These Toxic Woman Signs!)

12 dating red flags that every Christian man needs to know. You've got to watch out for these toxic women signs even when dating Christian women. We all know someone or have heard stories of someone who married someone thinking they had found the love of their life, but it ended in total disaster. Things quickly fell apart, and now they're completely miserable. It is heartbreaking to me to know of people, good people, who entered into a relationship that was not equally yoked, and now they're paying the price for that. No one deserves to be in a toxic, unhealthy situation, and so much heartache can be completely avoided simply by knowing how to spot the red flags early on. Learning this now is going to help you be available for a happy, loving, affectionate relationship. The kind of relationship God wants all of us to have. As a Christian dating coach, I'm here to walk you through the red flags you need to know about to avoid a miserable marriage and instead have the kind of loving, affectionate marriage God wants for you. So make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and let's get started. The first red flag every Christian man needs to know about is that she uses religion as a tool. Often we think that if someone says they're Christian or they go to church a lot or they can quote a lot of scriptures that they must be a faithful person and that their heart must be involved in this. And the truth is, I wish that was the case, But even in the Bible, we read of people who were religious leaders or who professed to be religious, but it wasn't written on their hearts. For those who don't know, I was raised with a very abusive father. And I, one, as I was dealing with all of the aftereffects of that, I had a therapist introduce me to a phrase I had never heard before, and that was religious bullies, and that religious bullies exist. Which is just another way of saying there are toxic people who profess to be religious. So pay attention. Is she interested in religion because it's a tool to be better than other people? We see that a lot, and it's sad. That is not what Jesus taught. As a matter of fact, that would be the exact opposite of what Jesus taught. For many people, religion is a way to be better than other people, it's a way to control other people. "Oh, you need to do this," "because this scripture verse says this, so you have to do what I say." Pay attention. Actions speak louder than words. And if religion is a tool to her rather than a way to worship God, that is a huge red flag. Have absolutely nothing to do with this person. This leads us perfectly into the next red flag that you need to know about. And this is that her actions don't fit her words. Ask yourself, are these really her standards? Does she live up to these standards? Or does she just say that they are her standards? An example of this would be being able to quote lots of scriptures, but she doesn't actually follow through on those things. Or maybe she criticizes some people for certain things, but she does the same things herself, perhaps just more subtly. So actions speak louder than words. Notice, are these actually her standards because she wants to live that way? Or does she just say one thing and do another? Religious bullies are so good at that. The next red flag every Christian man needs to know about is that she dresses in very revealing ways. Can I just, can I just say how I really feel about this for just a second? We hear all the time, we're taught modesty. I am a huge advocate of modesty. However, often when people are teaching modesty, they tell women, "Oh, "It's for the men. It's for your brothers in Christ. You need to dress modestly so they don't have bad thoughts." And the truth is, of course, there's some truth to that. Obviously. But! Can you tell I'm passionate about this? It is also for her. The way we dress affects how we act. It just does. Even if it's not on a super conscious level. So if she is dressing in a way to seduce, then that is what she is going to be thinking, that is what she's going to be feeling, whether she realizes it or not. Now I, of course, am not trying to say that everyone who dresses inappropriately is a bad person. The truth is many people do it because they think that they have to to be attractive. They think that that's what they have to do to fit in. Or perhaps they just even don't know. You'd be surprised how many mothers do not teach their daughters to dress modestly. So I'm not trying to say that she's automatically a bad person. But realize there are a lot of women who have learned that they can use their bodies to completely distract a man from what's going on so that she can manipulate, she can control, she can get your attention because your brain is so high on those infatuation and other things that she can completely trick you into a relationship with her. This is not an uncommon thing. So if you notice that she dresses very revealing, take that as a red flag because that's exactly what it is. A woman who has high self-esteem, who is confident, and who understands that her body is a temple does not need anyone except her husband to see it. And until he is her husband, she's not going to show him. The next red flag that is so important to pay attention to with dating and relationships is that she is a judgy or critical person. Sometimes we can think that this is okay because they're being judgy or critical to other people. Maybe you haven't had her be super judgy or critical to you. However, it does affect you. One, she's not really a very nice person if she's doing that. But two, we tend to start to automatically walk on eggshells because we can't really be our full selves with them, we have to to make sure we don't do anything that would be criticized or judged. In addition to that, if she's judging and being critical of other people, it's only a matter of time until she is with you and with your children and with your family and your friends. It's a red flag of someone who has very toxic habits that you just don't want to spend time around. Now, Christian people, religious people, they may hide it behind being righteous judgment or, "Oh, we know this and they shouldn't do that." And there's certainly a place for, you know, "Oh hey, we know that that's wrong and we shouldn't do it." Of course there's a place for that. However, being judgy is not the same thing as judging righteously. Another red flag in dating and relationships to watch out for is a woman who's hot and cold. One minute she's like super excited to see you and she's nice and she's cute and she's bubbly and then the next second she like just, you know, goes cold. And then back to hot and then back to cold. You deserve someone who has emotional maturity. A woman who has to play those kinds of games is not an emotionally mature woman. She's not consistent. Having a relationship with someone like that, like a marriage with a woman like that, would be completely exhausting. So if she's doing that in dating, you know, why in the world would she not do it in marriage? Only that emotional maturity will make a happy marriage and a happy wife. So if you see that hot and cold going on, honestly, I would just steer away from it. Okay, this next red flag is another one of the biggest that every Christian man needs to know. This red flag is that she's rushing the physical side. Let's just this is just be real about this. Of course when you're attracted to someone you want to touch them. That's totally fine. That's normal. That's healthy. That's beautiful. And in marriage it's important and it's divine. However, again, toxic people know that if they can kind of distract you in one area you won't pay attention to the other. You won't pay attention to the manipulation. You won't pay attention to the fact that she's judgmental and critical. You won't pay attention to the fact that she says one thing and does another. So if she can keep you so distracted with all those brain chemicals that go off when we're infatuated and attracted to someone, you may marry her before you ever come down to earth and realize that she's a total jerk. Something we talk about inside my Academy, Attracting Lasting Love Academy, is that when you're in that infatuation stage, there are so many brain chemicals going off. And if you commit while you're in that stage of that high infatuation, those brain chemicals are going off like crazy. That's what causes people to wake up one day, look over at their spouse, and say, "I don't even like you," or, "I don't even know who you are." So if she is someone who is rushing, you know, really intense kissing or trying to touch you a lot before it's remotely appropriate, obviously I mean in inappropriate ways, but even in totally appropriate ways, if she's even rushing that before you have any kind of relationship, red flag. Don't have anything to do with her. The next red flag in dating and relationships is that you feel like you need to save her. This is incredibly common for Christians because because we want to be good people, right? We care about people, we love them, we want to help them. The honest reality is though, only Christ can save, and she should be turning to him to save her. Many men will get captivated by a woman who's needy and plays the victim because she needs him. And the truth is, we all need to be needed, and your wife will definitely need you. Trust me, she will. But she will need you in healthy ways, not in manipulative, fix everything, take care of me, my life's so hard, I need a man to save me kind of ways. What happens with this is it's manipulation and she ends up completely controlling your life. Kind of like the horse with the carrot dangling in front of it and it can never quite catch the carrot. "Well, that's what it is. Oh, one day you'll save me. One day I'll be whole. One day it'll be okay." No. She needs to turn to Christ to save her. You can support, but you cannot save her. So if you feel like you need to save her, total red flag. This is another huge red flag. If you can't remember all the other ones, at least pay attention to this one. This red flag is that you feel drained or exhausted after spending any time with her. This is another thing I teach in my Academy when we're talking about signs of a toxic woman and how to make sure you're in a relationship that's equally yoked. You must trust your gut. Sometimes we can't explain why something doesn't feel right. Sometimes we can't explain why we don't think this is a good relationship. Sometimes we even have other people telling us it's a good relationship. But in your gut you're just like, "This just doesn't feel good or right or healthy. Something about this feels off." God gave you that alarm system for a reason. Trust it. You do not have to have an explanation. You do not have to give that explanation to anyone. If you just don't feel right about it, if you feel drained, if you feel exhausted, if something feels off, trust it. Now if you attract a lot of toxic women, it's a sign that you need to learn how to start attracting the right ones instead. Because the truth is you can 100% learn how to repel toxic women and attract a high-quality godly woman instead. It's not that all the women out there are toxic. Often it will feel that way, especially if that's all you're attracting. It's not that they're all toxic, it's that you need to learn how to attract the right ones instead. This is exactly what I walk you you through in great detail inside my Academy. And you are going to learn 3 of the most important pillars to this inside my free masterclass. Just like every man needs to know what to avoid, every man needs to know what to do. So you need to make sure you watch this training. Go to coachmelannie.com/masterclass. I will also put a link in the pinned comment and in the description below. Our next red flag is very similar to the one we we just talked about. This is that you get nervous when you have to see her, you know you're going to see her, or you have seen her, you feel very nervous. And this is totally different from that excited nervous energy, you know, when you're gonna see your crush and it's like an excited energy. This is just you feel nervous. This is a good sign that she's not treating you right or you feel like something is off. It should be a positive experience to be around someone you're attracted to, not something that gives you great anxiety or makes you feel bad about yourself. The next red flag I truly hope is one that goes without saying, but I am going to include it because it's very important. This red flag is that she hurts you in any way. Many people are aware of the fact that a man may physically harm a woman, and of course we need to be aware of that. That's something that should be prevented. That's not appropriate. What a lot of people don't realize is that there are women who will physically harm men too, and it's inappropriate. I'll never forget the day when a man looked me in the eye with tears in his eyes and said he thought it was normal for his wife to hit him and to hurt him. That is not normal. That is not appropriate. And if she's doing things like that, She may even try and make it look like an accident or something she's entitled to because she's a woman and you're a man, you should be strong enough to take it. No! She's out of line. That's not okay. The next red flag is one that's really easy to overlook if you're not paying close attention. This red flag is that you find yourself doing things you wouldn't normally do or lowering your standards. She may have subtle ways where she convinces you to do something that you're not really okay with. Now, it may not even be something that's wrong per se. It may not necessarily be a sin, but it is something that you just don't feel good about or that you never would have seen yourself doing before you knew this woman. If in some way you're not being true to who you are, like for instance, a boundary that she tries to convince you shouldn't have. Those are signs that this person is not good for you. If there's anything that you stand for, you feel strongly about, and she tries to, you know, kind of get you to abandon that, that's a sign, a huge red flag. No, this is not a good situation to be in. And again, you don't owe anyone an explanation. If it's a bad situation, you can just get out of it. Another red flag is that she talks about her exes a lot. Yes, there comes a point in, as you're dating and you're wondering if you should get serious, there does come a point where it's appropriate to talk about exes. You kind of want to know about the life up to this point of the other person, or things that you're processing or you're working through. That can be a really good healthy thing. But if she's someone who goes around talking about her exes all the time, maybe she compares you to them, or maybe she complains about them, or things like that, her mind is not in the relationship. Maybe she's not an ill-meaning person, but she's not really in a place where a relationship with her sounds like a good idea. Idea. So if you notice that she talks about exes a lot, or even just other men a lot, then that can be a huge red flag that this is probably a situation that should be avoided. As a Christian dating coach, I am here to guide you, walk you through, guide you through, it doesn't really matter. I'll do both. Let's go. Another red flag is that— I don't know what I'm doing with my hand there. It's like, "Wow, party time! Okay, I'm gonna dance now." Okay, I came prepared with a word today. So a little bit of a quick story for you. I am in an Easter choir and it's so much fun. And we are up on the stage. We did our dress rehearsal last week and up on the stage and they turn on all those bright lights. And I suddenly remembered how hot it gets on the stage. And unlike most performances, you're not exiting and entering. You're just standing there for like an hour and a half in the hot lights. And the truth is, you know, I'm okay muscling through it because performing and singing, those are some of my favorite things in the whole world to do. But I am now very grateful for my small lighting kit, that it's not as hot as those lights because I'm almost sick by the time we're done with this show. So we are going— I think we've already done lights before as a word, so we're going to do bright as our word for the end end of the video today. All right, that's the end of my story. It sounded really interesting in my head. Ta-da! Ta-da! Okay, do you ever just sing off-key on purpose because it's funny? I do, especially like if I'm like really brain dead or I've been really stressed. I will like purposefully saying really loud and weird and wacky because it makes me laugh. Now that I've said that out loud, it sounds weird, but I don't really care. I'm gonna keep doing it. You know that saying, like, kitchens are made for dancing? I agree. They're also made for singing really loud. It's especially funny because I do know I'm fully capable of singing very well, and I do that frequently. As well. But sometimes you just want to like sing like a dork. And there you go. You know, dance like nobody's watching? Well, sing like nobody's listening. I think that's a thing. Okay, I'm gonna stop now before I can say anything else embarrassing. So, not that I'm remotely embarrassed. Okay, bye. If you enjoyed this video, you will also enjoy this video, which is 7 Signs She's Using You. You always want to make sure you are aware of those toxic girlfriend signs. So I will link that for you. Thank you so much again, my amazing friend, and have an amazing day!