First Date Mistakes That Kill Attraction

First date mistakes that kill attraction. You know that feeling, right? When you finally worked up the courage to ask that gorgeous woman out and she said yes and you officially have a date. But then you start worrying about all the things that could possibly go wrong. How's it going to go? What should you say? What if you say the wrong thing? What if she doesn't like you? What if it becomes awkward? Pretty soon your mind starts racing and what is actually a very A very exciting event can become one that makes us feel anxiety and nervousness. Maybe you've had bad first dates in the past and you never want to experience that again. Or maybe you just want to be prepared because this gal really matters to you and you don't want to mess it up. Either way, you are in the right place. The truth is, it's very important to prepare for a first date because most bad first dates could have been totally avoided with a little prior know-how. So thankfully, in this video, you're going to learn some of the biggest mistakes to avoid so that instead of attraction crumbling, her attraction for you can grow, and you can feel relaxed and confident on your first date. Knowledge is the gateway that unlocks the love you truly desire. As we dive in, if you haven't yet, make sure you subscribe. As a Christian dating coach, you can always count on me for authentic, wholesome dating advice that leads to lifelong love. So if you're sick of slimy games and tactics, you're definitely in the right place. So make sure you subscribe. Let's get started with the first mistake you definitely want to avoid. This is having the wrong mindset. Mindset is everything in all areas of life, including dates and love. Let's be real. When it comes to a first date, sometimes we feel like it's a do or die situation. We can feel so much pressure, and then that keeps us from acting like ourselves. That's not going to help you because you want her to fall for the real, authentic you. Another really sneaky mindset that very frequently happens for first dates is having the mindset that this is the person you will marry. We feel so much pressure that this is gonna be our future spouse and we have to make sure it works. The truth is this puts so much pressure on you and a lot of pressure on her because that mindset is going to affect the way you act. And even if you've never told her, "You are my future wife," but she's going to feel that pressure and it's going to be very off-putting to her. This is going to create a lot of awkwardness. Instead, it's important to just do a reality check. You may need to do this several times throughout the date if this is something you struggle with. The reality check is, This is not a man and his wife on a date. This is two people who are attracted to each other and wondering if they want it to go somewhere. That's it! This is just two people trying to decide if they like each other enough for another date. It's that simple. You don't need to put any more pressure on yourself than that. There are no wedding bells, there's no midlife crisis if this doesn't work out. You want someone who wants you. If it's not this girl, it's going to be another as long as you are proactive positive about being your best self. So this is not a do-or-die situation in any way. The second first date mistake you definitely need to avoid is planning the wrong activity. Of course, this can include inappropriate things. Honestly, I don't think I really need to say that here. I hope that goes without saying. However, there are sometimes what can make a woman think twice about saying yes to a date is the activity itself. If the activity is something that makes her feel vulnerable or uncomfortable, it can tempt her to say no. I have actually experienced this in the past, a couple times actually, where a guy would ask me to do something with him that I didn't want to do. Now thankfully, I'm a more confident person and I would just explain that. But not every woman is comfortable doing that. And can I just say, it's really an awkward feeling when you're attracted to him, you want to spend time with him, but you just don't feel comfortable doing that activity. At least not right now. Maybe it's an activity you'd feel comfortable with once you know him better. But as a first date, you're just not comfortable doing that. So here are some tips to help you while you're planning the date. Tip number 1 is never ask her what she wants to do. Instead, you give her several options. I would say giving her 3 options is a very good rule of thumb. Now here's why you want to do this. If you ask her what she wants to do, that does put her in an uncomfortable situation. A high-quality woman wants to make sure she's always respecting you. And if you just say, "Well, what do you want to do?" she doesn't know your budget, she doesn't know the amount of time you want this to take. It can make her feel very awkward, and it also does not present you as a leader in the relationship. Now, once a relationship develops, of course, you can ask her what she wants to do. And that's really cute. She wants to be involved in this too. But for your first date, give her options. The other reason you want to give her 3 options is if one of them makes her uncomfortable, Well, then she has two other options. Like I mentioned, I've had guys ask me out to activities I wasn't interested in. Well, one of them actually did offer two other options. So the one that made me uncomfortable, I didn't want to do as a first date, it was fine because I just said, "Well, let's do one of these others." So see how this is going to help you so much? Another tip is honestly just be thoughtful about the dates. Is it something that could just make someone feel a little uncomfortable or a little shy or something, okay, then just don't do that for a first date. So just think it through from a woman's perspective in particular. My next tip is for a first date it's a very good idea to plan something a little shorter. Maybe 30 minutes, 45 minutes, something like, "Hey, let's go get a smoothie at my favorite place," or, "You know how I feel about Chipotle." "Not sponsored, just amazing. Let's go get some Chipotle real fast." Whatever it is you want, it's a good idea if the first date is short but you have a backup plan. So if this first date just really isn't going very good, the date is short, and now you can move on and no hard feelings. But if it's going really good and the date is short, you can then say, "Hey, "Hey, why don't we just walk over here and do this?" Or, "Hey, do you have a little extra time? Could we also do this?" So it's okay to have that backup plan, but keeping the first date short is a really good way to keep things from getting awkward. You don't run out of things to say too soon. Okay, the next mistake you definitely want to avoid on first dates, this one's huge. Pay very close attention to this. The next mistake is not preparing what to say before the date. You need to make sure that you have a list of some things you can talk about before you ever pick her up or meet her there. Because it's actually very normal to meet someone somewhere for the first date. This is going to help you avoid that really painful silence where you're both like, "I have no idea what to say," and then your brain goes blank and it becomes worse and worse and worse and worse. So having things in mind beforehand is huge. I'm gonna tell you guys something that I don't know if many people on here know about me. But I used to be a terribly shy person. Awfully shy. Like, as a child, I was scared of everything and everyone. And as I, you know, even into my teenage years and stuff, I was just a very shy a shy person. Proof that you can in fact be an extrovert and shy. It's a painful place to be. However, now I can talk to almost anyone anywhere at any time. The reason why is I've learned some skills. One, I've learned a lot of confidence. But two, I've learned some skills for being able to talk to people. It is so helpful to just kind of have a go-to list of things you can talk about at any time, and you just reuse them. I think a lot of people don't realize that you just reuse the same small talk with everyone. Because unless they're with you all the time, they're not gonna know you're reusing the same things. For instance, I'm someone who, when I go to the grocery store and I'm checking out, I like to make small talk with the cashier. Why not? It makes us both smile and have a good day, right? There's nothing wrong with that. And so I will use the same— you guys know me. I think I'm cheesy and I think I'm funny. And so I will say some of these clever things to the cashiers, but they don't know that I say it to every other cashier. To them, it's completely new. So it's okay to just have a mental list of things you say to people that creates chemistry, it creates a connection. They don't know that you're using it all the time. So it's not cheating, it's just smart. You don't have to create an all-new conversation out of nowhere every single time. So those small talk skills are incredibly helpful. And when you go on a first date, maybe just brainstorm a list of questions you can ask her. You want to make sure you don't, like, interrogate her. "All right, here's our first date. I gotta ask you this and this and this and this." you know, that's gonna feel really awkward. But have a list of some things that you can just talk to her about. Some of them are questions, some of them are just other things that maybe you already know you have in common. For example, in my Academy, I encourage my clients to play a game of 20 questions. That can be really fun because now you both know that you're just asking questions, right? You could also play a game of would you rather. Just Play these little games because that just clears the air. It's like, "Okay, we're going to ask each other a bunch of questions," and it becomes fun instead of feeling like an interrogation. So just make sure you're practicing small talk in low-pressure situations. That's going to help you a ton. And then have some things in mind of what you're going to talk about. The more you practice this, the better you'll become at it and the more automatic and easy it is. The next mistake people make on first dates is trying too hard to make it feel magical. This kind of goes back to what we've already talked about. You want to make sure that you're not acting like this is your wife and it needs to be the most amazing first date ever. She's not your wife. Not yet. She could be, but right now she's not your wife. So don't feel tons of pressure about making it amazing. That pressure can cause her to pull away because you're acting like there's an emotional understanding that's not there yet. Instead, something casual is usually best for a first date. If the date is very expensive or very elaborate, honestly, she's probably gonna have a much harder time focusing on you. She's gonna feel pressure, maybe a little bit guilty, "This is way too much for a first date." You don't want her to be feeling that way. You want it to be casual, lighthearted, and fun so that she's connecting with with you. It was honestly kind of hard to decide what mistakes to put in this video. I have several more I could have added. If you guys would like me to make more videos on this topic, to share more, please comment "first date" to let me know. Your feedback helps a lot, so thank you. The next mistake that's totally easy to make is just being too stiff. Dates are supposed to be fun. They're supposed to be flirty and enjoyable. The point here is to just be yourself and enjoy your time together. Yes, you want to be your best self, but if you're habitually working on being your best self, well, then that's just automatically going to be what she sees. Sometimes a first date can feel very stiff, like a business meeting or networking. Instead, it's supposed to be feeling like two people who think each other cute. Yes, you want to be polite and you want to be respectful. Those are necessary. However, you don't want it to feel like just a friend. That's how you end up in the friend zone. You need some flirty, romantic chemistry going on as well. So if you need to brush up on your flirting skills, then do it. Take note of that and work on it. Something that helps if you struggle with acting and feeling really stiff is to just remind yourself to breathe. Take time throughout the conversation, throughout the date, to just, "Okay, yep." Breathe, let the tension go. All right, this next mistake is a big one. Don't do this! This mistake is trying too hard to be sexy or just moving too fast. This will scare good girls away faster than anything else. And honestly, it should. She's not looking for a guy like that. There's a big difference between confident masculine energy versus making her feel safe or objectified. High-quality women want both chemistry and emotional safety. There is a lot of advice right now on the internet that focuses on lust and creating that. High-quality women do not want a man who just jumps right into lust. They want nothing to do with a man like that. There can be a lot of pressure around first dates. "Hold her hand, put your arm around her, oh, get a kiss on that first date!" If she's okay with that, she is not a lady. If she is a lady and you make those moves, you've just lost all chance with her. This is not about making a move fast. This is not about rushing the physical side, rushing all those hormones. This is about two people seeing if they like each other. You need to save even appropriate things like holding hands and kissing, you need to save those things for when it's appropriate in the relationship. The next first date mistake that you need to know about is having bad body language. Body language that's not helping in any way. Our body language directly affects how we feel and how other people feel around us, how they perceive us. Do you want her to feel drawn to you? Do you want her to feel a connection with you? Do you want her attraction for you to just grow and grow and grow? Then you need to use your body language correctly. Otherwise, your body language can make her feel uncomfortable, awkward, or like this first date just really is not going well. So you want to avoid things like closed posture. You want to avoid crossing your arms, nervous eye movements, nervous body language, being really fidgety. This can make her feel like you're very insecure. That nervousness can kind of make her feel more nervous, or she may even just think you're just not even interested in her. Instead, you want to present yourself as a confident masculine man. You want to to appear, and honestly be, relaxed. It's like I teach my clients in my Academy, how you position your body affects how you feel. So if you have nervous body language, you're just gonna feed that. But if instead you have confident, strong body language, you're going to feel confident. And speaking of body language, I have a quick 5-minute confidence-boosting exercise that is life-changing. You can do this before dates, you can do this before you talk to a gorgeous woman, you can do it before a business meeting. It helps boost your confidence so much. I share this exercise with you in my free masterclass. You'll also learn what's been keeping you from the love you want, how to permanently transform how women respond to you, and what it is that makes her fall passionately in love with you. So I'm gonna put a link to this free training in the description below, or just go to coachmelannie.com/masterclass. I packed that with information every man needs to know. If I only had, like, 30 minutes of your time, this is what I would share with you. So make sure you watch it today. This next mistake is very easy to make, whether it's on the first date or at any other time, really. This mistake is being glued to your phone. This is an incredibly easy mistake to make in our world where our phones are always in our hands. However, it can also be one of the fastest ways to convince her she's never going out with you again. None of us wants to feel like we got all dressed up nice, we're excited to spend time with this person, and they're on their phone the entire time. They're not even interacting with us. It's kind of crazy how many people will just spend the entire evening on their phone. This is honestly really silly to me because where you want to be is with this person, so why are you on your phone looking at somebody somewhere else doing something else? Like, it doesn't make sense to me. With that said though, I think for many people checking our phone is kind of like something we do when we're nervous. It feels like armor. You know, you're holding up your phone looking at to the screen and it somehow makes us feel a little bit more secure, a little bit more safe. When in reality it's actually messing up the situation. So it's not helping you at all. But if you are someone who does that as a nervous reaction, become aware of it, acknowledge it to yourself, and decide what you're going to do about it. What is it that you could do instead? Or how can you feel more prepared so that you're less nervous? What are some ways you're going to boost your confidence right now so that you don't feel as nervous. There are certainly situations where maybe you need to check your phone, or if perhaps you're like, "Hey, someone in my family is sick and they may reach out to me. I apologize if I need to check my phone." You can say something like that. It's not that you can never look at your phone, but even just casually or occasionally checking your phone during a date can make her feel like she's not important important to you. Presence is what makes people feel like they matter. When you show her that she matters to you, you'll be surprised by how much more you matter to her. This next mistake is very important. Pay close attention to it. This mistake is forgetting to have fun. Dates are supposed to be fun. With everything going on, you can be running through things in your head, you can be overthinking, feeling nervous. Those are normal emotions. However, attraction grows so much better when two people are present and emotionally alive with each other. If the date feels tense or like you're overthinking or like there's too much pressure, that right there is going to kill the date faster than almost anything. A lot of men feel like attraction is built by trying harder. But often attraction grows when you're just more confident and playful and just genuinely enjoying the moment. Again, you want her to love the real you, not some perfect fake version of you. So take time to just enjoy being with her. You're on a date with a beautiful woman. She said yes. She is here. Spending time with you that she could be spending doing something else. So enjoy the fact that you're together. Let's get started with the first date— the first first date mistake. Okay, that's really not gonna help you at all because you want her to fall for the real you, not a fake or unauthentic— inauthentic. Inauthent— unauthent— Not authentic. Okay. 3 options is a pretty good— I can't think of the word. That's really gonna bug me now. Rule of thumb. I got it. Okay. That took too long. I'm filming early today, okay? And the brain is still warming up. In the relationship. I just threw my remote across the room. All right, this mistake— I wanted to say this date. I've been talking about dates a lot today. Oh man, I forgot. I think I had a word and now I can't remember what it was. Okay, secret end of the video club, we're gonna switch things up. This time I want you to comment what you think the ideal first date would be. That's the word for today. Or words. You know, if you want to. You don't have to. But I think it would be fun. Okay, bye! Next up you're going to want to watch this video which is on ways women flirt without being obvious. You know, so you're prepared on the date. You can see if she's flirting with you. I will link it for you here. Thank you so much, my amazing friend, and have an amazing day!