In this video Coach Melannie addresses the question of whether Christians can date people who have been divorced. She begins by noting the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding divorce, sharing how her mother’s divorce revealed true friendships and how media often portrays divorced individuals negatively. Melannie emphasizes that divorce is an event, not a defining identity, and that the experience can foster personal growth, making someone a better spouse. She outlines common reasons for divorce—abuse, infidelity, toxicity, rushed marriages, and situations where divorce is the healthiest option. Drawing from her own dating history with divorced men, she illustrates how shared painful experiences can create deep connection, but also warns of challenges such as lingering comparisons to ex‑spouses. The core advice is that dating a divorced person requires the same diligent process as any relationship: take time, look for warning signs, build a godly foundation, and be honest with oneself and the partner about comfort levels. If one cannot emotionally handle a partner’s past, it’s okay to step back. The video concludes with a clear answer: it is okay to date someone who’s divorced, provided the relationship is approached thoughtfully, honestly, and with a focus on shared faith and values.
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Hello, my wonderful friend! In today's video, I will be answering the question, is it okay to date someone who's divorced? Thank you so much for watching. Melannie here from CoachMelannie.com. I help Christian men find and attract the girl of their dreams. So if you're interested in learning more about how you can work with me to learn how to find the life and relationship you're dreaming of, be sure to check the link in the description below. As I mentioned in today's video, we're going to be talking about divorce and let's face it, that's a topic nobody really wants to talk about. A divorce is one of the most heartbreaking things we can go through, hands down. Unfortunately, many people don't really know how to act around someone who's been through a divorce. It's actually really hard to watch sometimes. Some people can treat someone who's been through a divorce like there's something wrong with them or like they have some kind of disease and and don't get too close because you might catch it. It was so fascinating to me to watch how people treated my mom when she went through her divorce. Um, let's just say she learned who her real friends were really, really fast. And on— it's gotten better lately, which is really good, but several years ago, um, the media went through this phase where they would portray people in movies and such who had been divorced as though there was something wrong with them and they would never have a good relationship and they were just a little, you know, and it's led to a lot of people being really confused. And frankly, a lot of people who've been through a divorce, it can completely shatter their self-esteem and self-image, which is tragic. So is it okay to date someone who's been through a divorce? This is certainly something that a lot of Christians are concerned about. Here's what you need to remember: divorce is something a person goes through. It's not who the person is. It's just not. It's like anything else in life we go through, any kind of hardship. It's something we go through. It does not define who we are. As a matter of fact, again, just like any other hard thing we go through in our lives, it can actually help us become a better person by learning and growing through that experience and ultimately become a better spouse. For many people, the things that someone has learned through their divorce can actually be what is attractive to another person because of who they've become and how they've grown. I've actually dated a couple of guys who went through a divorce, and for one of them in particular, that was actually what attracted me to him to a large extent. We— I felt like he could relate to me and I could relate to him. For those who don't know, I actually was raised with an incredibly abusive father. Terribly abusive, and this man's ex-wife was incredibly abusive, absolutely awful. And for that reason, we could relate to each other on a deeper level, a much deeper level than most people ever could in those— in reference to those situations. And so that was part of what attracted me to him. So really, divorce can be something, um, what you learn through that can be something that builds you into a really good spouse. Here's something you need to know about divorce that many people, most people don't talk about, but it really needs to be talked about and really needs to be recognized more widely. And that is sometimes divorce is the best option. Sometimes it's the only option. And this is something I have very, very personal experience with. That's a story for another day and another video. But sometimes, guys, sometimes divorce is the best thing that has ever happened to someone. It's not that somebody did something wrong. Sometimes they were the only person in that relationship who were trying. And if they were to stay in that relationship, literally they'd be dying bit by bit each day. Sometimes divorce happens because a spouse was unfaithful, either emotionally or physically. The emotional side of being unfaithful is not one that is acknowledged as widely as it should be either. Sometimes it's because of abuse and, and/or the person is so toxic that the other person can't be with them any longer. And sometimes some people rush into it too fast. They think they've found the one and only. They don't take the proper procedures to make sure that this is a good relationship. They rush into it and they just don't work. That does happen. It's heartbreaking and it's sad, but it does happen. And sometimes trying to make it work is the worst option possible. I actually have a friend who I absolutely love and adore, but he's openly told me that he got married too young. She was hot and man, this is just gonna be perfect. And so that was the only thing he based his relationship on was the fact that the physical attraction was there. Rushed into it, and guys, he is one of the most miserable people I know. I am not kidding you. He is absolutely heartbroken, and you can see it in his face every day. He tries so hard to make this relationship work, and the truth is he just becomes more and more miserable because she is not interested in making it work. They just— they don't work. So sometimes divorce literally is the very best option. There's not something wrong with somebody who's been through a divorce. They don't have some kind of disease. Sometimes really the fact that they were willing to go through a divorce actually shows their strength. They were brave enough to push through a really hard thing and come out, um, on the other side to a much happier reality. So here's the bottom line. Here's the answer to the question, is it okay to date someone who's been through a divorce? Here's the bottom line. If you are going to date someone who's been through a divorce, take your time, look for warning signs, and make sure you're building your relationship on a solid foundation. But here's the bottom line: if you are going to date someone who has not been through a divorce, take your time, look for the warning signs, and make sure you are building your relationship on a solid foundation. It doesn't matter if they've been divorced or not. Any walk of life, any kind of past, the, the way to make sure relationship is going to be good is exactly the same. It's the same method. It's about taking your time, making sure you're compatible, really knowing this person and seeing them in all different types of relationships, making sure they feel about God the same way you feel about God. The, the process is the same whether they're divorced or not. So as long as you know how the, the right way to approach a relationship so that you have a healthy and happy relationship. That's all you need to know. Now, with all of this being said, I do have one final note on this topic, and that is whether it's right or not to date someone who's been through a divorce. It's critical that you are honest with yourself about whether or not you can handle it. We've already established it's okay, it's totally fine, and sometimes even really good to date someone who's been through divorce. But if emotionally you can't handle it, that's okay. And it would actually be wrong for you to try and force it if you can't. Be honest with yourself, do some soul searching, and just see if that's something you can handle. And the truth is, you may not know at first, and that's okay, as long as you're honest with the person about it. I mentioned before, I've dated a couple of guys who have been divorced, and I believe in being very, very honest, um, in in good communication and being really upfront with people, um, in all types of relationships, but especially in a romantic relationship. And as I'm getting to know someone, and so both of these men asked me how I felt about it and if I was okay with it. And I thought about it and I answered very honestly. And my honest answer was, I don't know how I feel about it, but I'm interested in you and I'd like to get to know you better and we'll just see where it goes from there. And as I got to know the first guy better, I quickly realized that in this situation I was not okay with it. He was always comparing me to his ex-wife, and I really felt awkward and like I was playing second fiddle, and it was not a good thing. So that ended very quickly. The second guy, as I mentioned earlier, as I got to know him better, that was actually a lot of what I was attracted to in him. We had shared some of the same types of life experiences, and we could really relate to each other and communicate in a way that I couldn't communicate with any other man up to that point. Now, that relationship ended for some, some other reasons, but had it continued, I would have come to a point where I would need to sit down with him and explain some of my concerns and get some clarification on some things and work through some things with him on that, because there were some things that made me really nervous about that. And again, I believe in being honest and open, and had we been able to do that and work through it, it wouldn't have bothered me that he had been married before. That was something that we could work through. Regard— so it is okay for you to get to know the person a little bit more and then decide. If you just know right from the start that you're not okay with it, don't even try. Don't go there, because that's really not fair to the other person. It's just not. Do not take too long in the process of deciding if you're okay with it, because the last thing you want to do is not face it, not be honest with yourself, and lead this person along, get really far into the relationship, and then end up hurting them or end up feeling too guilty to back out now and ending up in a relationship you're uncomfortable with. So don't take too long about that. Have those discussions if you need to, when it's appropriate. Don't do it right from the start. Um, but be honest with yourself. If you can't handle it, that's okay. That doesn't make you a bad person. But if you're unsure, it's okay to get to know them a little bit better and find out, as long as you're honest about it. So to sum things up, the answer to the question, is it okay to date someone who's been through a divorce? The answer is yes. It completely and totally is, and for many people, they actually become better people and better spouse because of how they learn and grow through that experience. For many people, they have traits that are very attractive because of what they've been through. Remember, I cannot stress this enough, you guys, divorce is something a person goes through, it is not who they are, and so get to know who they are and decide if you're okay with it. The biggest thing is to be honest with yourself and with them about this whole process. As you do this, and as you make sure you know what is necessary to build a healthy and godly relationship, as you make sure you know that and you both are building your relationship on that foundation, then absolutely you can have a beautiful, joyful, wonderful relationship with someone who's been through a divorce. Because again, Divorce is something you've gone through, it is not who you are. Thank you so much for watching, my amazing friends. I would love to hear from you in the comments, especially if you've dated someone who's been through a divorce. Let me know your thoughts on this, and if you've been through a divorce and you have some additional insights or even some topics you'd like me to cover in another video, please leave me a comment about it. I would love to hear from you. If you learned something new and enjoyed what you saw, give me a big thumbs up. And subscribe and ring that notification bell because I have a lot of videos just like this coming very soon and I don't want you to miss them. If you do not yet follow on social media, be sure to check out the links down below. I share some awesome stuff over there. We have some good laughs, so you don't want to miss out on that either. Sharing really is caring. Relationships are an area in our lives that we all want to succeed in, and so sharing really is caring and your friend will appreciate it. So be sure to share right now. Thank you so much again for watching, my amazing friend, and have an amazing day! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! I found love and I live for you! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Gotta make sure my hair looks good. What am I talking about? My hair always looks good. I'm just kidding. In today's video, we are going to— blah, blah, blah. Okay. Messed up already. Okay, here we go. Whoa, I'm getting all fired up about this one. The end. The end, the end. The end, the end. The end, the end. The end, the end. Just kidding. Okay.
