The Biggest Attraction Mistake You're Making

Today's video is about fixing the hurt. What do you do when she's not attracted to you? You're a wonderful man, you ache to love and be loved. You want a family, someone to come home to who cares, who's affectionate. You want to belong somewhere. But it's not working and you don't know why. And every day that passes is another one that's lost to loneliness. Where do you go from here? If this is you, the first thing I want you to know is you are not past hope. You are by no means past hope. I've been coaching for years, and I've helped so many men who thought they would never stand a chance with women actually find the woman of their dreams and marry her. Men who had been struggling with women for decades are now married. So it's not too late for you. In this video, we're going to go through some of the top things that can be totally killing the attraction. Not so that it can look like a list of failures, but so that you can finally know what the problem is. Because once we know what the problem is, we can eliminate it. It's very hard to eliminate a problem that you don't know you have. And you don't have to do this alone. I'm here for you. If you're new here, do make sure you subscribe. As a Christian dating coach, you can count on everything I teach you coming from a place of authentic, wholesome strategies. No mind games, no tricks. Authentic love strategies that lead you to the affectionate closeness you deserve. So let's get started with why you're not attracting the kind of woman you want. Number 1 is that you're giving off guy vibes instead of man vibes. This is a difference women definitely feel. There's a difference between a man and just a guy. She may not even be able to explain it, but she's definitely noticing this. The guys who give off the guy vibe are the guys who tend to stay single. A man is someone with confidence. He's someone who leads in the relationship. He's someone who has drive in life. A guy is not someone she can see herself marrying. Maybe he even has good qualities that will make him a good husband. But if she can't see it, she's just going to think he's some guy. So if she sees you as someone who is passive, someone who hesitates, someone who doesn't have a lot of drive in life, she will not feel that masculine pull that she wants to feel towards a man. That masculine presence, that confident presence, that's what creates deep, deep, incredibly fun attraction. The second reason why you might not be attracting women is because there's no flirting and therefore no chemistry. Maybe you have great conversations together, but it doesn't feel romantic. It just feels like a conversation with another person. She can have a conversation with any other person. But if you want her to feel romantic towards you, you need to create that. If there's no playful teasing, that appropriate kind of romantic tension, not in a mind game way, but just the "I'm a man and I see you as a woman." That right there is electrifying. She wants to feel like a woman with you. If she's not feeling that fun, romantic, exciting, playful energy, if there's no chemistry because there's no flirting, then you're just going to be a guy or you're going to end up in the friend zone. You might be someone who's nice to talk to, but not someone she's drawn to. Another possible reason is that she doesn't see you as a leader. Attraction is never about control, but it is about direction. She wants to see you as the masculine leader in the relationship. As a coach, I have seen so many men who just appear too passive, or quite frankly, they are too passive. I'm trying to say that as nice as I know how. But we're just gonna do some real talk here. If you're too passive, she's not going to see you as a leader. And that kind of man, she doesn't really want to be her husband. I've said this several times, masculine and feminine energies are irresistible to each other. She wants to just relax into her feminine. She wants to feel led, not just by any man, but by her man. And if you're too passive, she's never gonna feel led. And that is going to cause her to need to step into her masculine energy, which just really doesn't feel very good as a woman. A high-quality woman is drawn to a a man who can take initiative and create an experience, who is a leader instead of a bystander. You can't really be a bystander in a relationship. It doesn't really work. Again, never about control, just about leadership. This next reason that might be keeping you from attracting women is a huge one. This is that pessimism and bitterness are kind of leaking through, even if you don't mean it to. You might not realize that you are showing that. But if she feels it, it's going to kill the attraction. So what does this look like? This can be just being pessimistic about dating in general, or talking about how hard it is to find a good woman, complaining, maybe even subtle jabs at past experiences. When you're reflecting on those things a lot, even if it's just quick and subtle, it doesn't matter. Women pick up on those things. Attraction needs lightness. It needs possibility, it needs hope, it needs excitement instead of a really, really heavy feeling. In addition to that, if she senses that there's still some bitterness towards women or relationships in general, then she's gonna ask herself, "Why in the world would I have a relationship with this person? He doesn't even want one. He doesn't even like women. Why would I have a relationship with him?" It's okay to acknowledge to yourself, it's important to acknowledge to yourself, You've been hurt and you don't deserve to be hurt. But it's good to allow yourself to process that and release it so that you have a place in your heart and in your life for a woman who doesn't want to hurt you. Another reason you may not be attracting women is that you're afraid to take risks so you just do nothing. This is another thing I see constantly happen. And it makes sense. You're scared. And so it sometimes feels easier to do nothing. The problem with doing nothing though is your problems just become bigger. We think if we do nothing then nothing will happen, but that's not the case. Attraction requires involvement and effort from both people. But if you're afraid to flirt, you're afraid to ask her out, you're afraid to express interest, or lead in the relationship, then nothing can ever develop. And women will just assume after waiting a while, "Oh, he's really not that interested. If he was interested, he would do something about it." And so this is why she just will move on. Okay, this next reason is one I think a lot of men don't even realize they're doing. This thing that might be keeping you from attracting women is that you have taken on the identity of being the nice guy and you haven't given yourself any room to grow past that. Being the nice guy can definitely become an identity. And when you see yourself as the nice guy, you don't really let yourself grow into the romantic guy. The guy who can flirt, the guy who's super attractive, the guy who's downright sexy. Because you're instead keeping your mind stuck on, "Well, I'm just the nice guy." This can cause you to avoid improving your physical attraction. It can cause you to avoid being the bold leader in the relationship. It can make you avoid flirting or anything that nice guys aren't known for. There's nothing wrong with being nice. She wants her husband to be nice. No smart woman woke up and said, "You know what? I've decided I don't want to marry a man who's nice." Of course she doesn't think that. However, if you're someone who's too passive or someone who tries so hard to be agreeable that you have no boundaries, you have no self-respect, that's not going to leave you feeling good, and it's not going to be attractive to her. She wants a man who has confidence. Attraction comes from being real, from being grounded, and from being confident. Not from being easy to push around. As we're going through these lists of things you might be doing wrong, I do want to give you some hope. I do want to give you something to do that can help you overcome this. So I've created some free training for you with 3 things that unlock and transform everything with women. I'm going to share with you what makes her fall deeply in love with you and how you can stay authentically you and just become the man of her dreams and show her that you are the man of her dreams. To watch this free training, just go to coachmelannie.com/masterclass or check out the link in the description below. As I mentioned earlier, I have helped so many men who thought they never would stand a chance with women, and it turns around so fast when you know what to do. That's what I'm here to help you with. So make sure you watch that free training. Even if you're struggling to attract women right now, that's not your destined future. You can change it. So make sure you check that out. Another reason you may not be attracting women the way you want is that there's no emotional connection. That's something you have to build. Sometimes we get really in our heads when we're nervous. It happens to all of us. However, that can cause us to not really open up emotionally to the other person. And women, they want to know the real, authentic you. Not the perfect version of you, because none of us are perfect. She wants to know, "If I married this man, who would I be waking up next to every morning? If I married this man, who is he on my good days and on my bad days? Who is this man?" And the emotional connection is what makes us really just feel drawn to someone. That's what makes them our person. The person we feel safe with, the person we want to be with. So If you're not creating that emotional connection, then you're going to really struggle keeping women attracted to you. Many men have been taught to focus so much on physical attraction or saying something sexy that they never create the emotional attraction. And that's what causes her to lose interest. Another very common thing that could be keeping you from attracting women is that your body language is not working for you. It's actually working against you. Now, really fast, because I'm trying to keep this video from getting too long, our body language, if you're not familiar with that, is just how we hold ourselves. And the way we hold ourselves directly influences how other people perceive us. It also influences how we feel. And so if your body language is masculine and confident, she's going to see you as a masculine, confident, attractive man. However, your body language can also work against you. For instance, maybe you have lack of eye contact, or maybe you have closed-off posture. You're crossing your arms, you're turning away. Maybe you have lots of nervous movements, which funny enough tend to make us feel more nervous. We think sometimes, "Well, I'm letting out the nervous energy," but it tends to just kind of be like a hamster wheel. Maybe your energy is just really Hesitant instead of confident. These are little signals that to yourself are saying, "I'm not a confident man." But it's also sending that signal to her. This is why body language is one of my favorite things to teach my clients inside my Academy. Because when you have confident masculine body language, you feel confident and masculine. And then she is going to sense that in you as well. So polishing your body language is a huge tool when it comes to attraction. The next thing that might be keeping you from attracting the kind of woman you want is that you are giving friend vibe, friend energy, instead of romantic energy. You are someone who's nice to talk to, you're supportive, and you're kind. But you never create that man-to-woman dynamic that is so electrifying and exciting and romantic. If she just sees you as a friend, if that's how you position yourself in her life, well then she's just gonna see you as a friend. But if you show up as a man who is a man and who sees her as a woman, that's kind of how you start creating some of that chemistry. She cannot put you in the friend zone because it is blatantly obvious you are not a friend. And so you you need to make sure that you're having that kind of manly romantic energy. Another reason why you might not be attracting the woman you want is because she does not see long-term potential with you. As a coach, this is something I see far too often. A high-value woman who wants a relationship, she wants marriage, she wants a family, she is always asking herself, "Would this man be a good husband? Would he be a good partner? Would I be happy if I spent the rest of my life with this man?" But if she sees things like maybe you don't have a lot of direction for your life, or maybe there's some neediness or emotional suffocation, like you don't open up emotionally, if she sees that maybe there's not the integrity or the commitment or the follow-through that she needs, if she's not seeing those things, then the attraction just fades because she doesn't see herself having a life with you. This is why sometimes attraction will initially be there and it'll be like, "Yes, things are going great!" But then all of a sudden it just kind of fades away and dies and you have no idea why. When that happens, it's a very good sign that she just doesn't see this working long-term. Another very valid reason why you may not be attracting the woman you want is because you're either ignoring the power of physical attraction or you simply just don't know how to use it. Because quite frankly, that's pretty common. Many people don't know how to use that as a tool. Physical attraction is not about perfection. A lot of people will try to tell you it is, but it's not. Instead, it's just about effort and even awareness. Wanting to put effort into looking your best. Do you want her to put effort into looking the best she can for you? Well, she wants that from you as well. And many people will just think, "Oh, well, I'm just not an attractive person." God doesn't make ugly people. He just doesn't. Maybe you don't see what's attractive in yourself, but as a coach who's been doing this for a long time, of course, you're an attractive person. You just need to know how to show it. You just need to know how to embrace what's attractive about you and show it to the rest of the world. This is in how you dress, this is in how you groom yourself, how you carry your body, body language like we mentioned. There are very, very simple things you can do that dramatically transform your physical attraction. There's a whole part in my Academy about this. It doesn't have to be complicated. But when we don't know what to do and we feel overwhelmed, or maybe we're a little bit scared of it, maybe you've put yourself in the nice guy category, when you don't pay any attention to it, well, she's gonna struggle being physically attracted to you. Nobody is just automatically physically attractive. When you present yourself well, you are attractive before she even speaks to you. And that helps a lot. Not to mention, physical attraction is just something that makes relationships more fun. It helps keep the spark alive. It's a beautiful gift that God has given us. Physical attraction is important. And so it's important to make sure you're paying attention to it. The next reason why you might be struggling to attract women is because you are focused on her instead of yourself, instead of becoming what I like to call "attracted by default." Now I just need to clarify That does not mean, "I only think about myself." We're not talking about being selfish here. When you chase, the other person runs. That's just how it works. However, the best way to attract what you want is to be the best version of yourself. You create those little micro habits that are what I call attractive by default. Because there's no way you can have those things and not be irresistibly attractive. Once you have that shift from, "Well, how do I get her to like me?" to, "How do I become the kind of man that that kind of woman will naturally want?" Do you see the difference? It's not, "How do I make her like me?" It's, "How do I become the man she can't resist? How do I become attractive to her by default?" When you focus on that instead, that's what makes attraction so much easier. That's what helps prevent you being needy. That's what helps you show up as a man with confidence who has so much to offer her. Of course, when she sees you as the man of her dreams, she's gotta fall in love. That's just how it works. This is how you make attraction, love, and connection feel effortless instead of forced and exhausting. You can learn more about this and how to permanently transform your love life in that free training I mentioned. So do make sure you check that out. These are little signals that— that— Yes. I feel terrible that I can't give the how on every single one of these. It's so hard. But then this video would be super long. That's why I created an Academy, because it's much longer. But I really struggle. Okay, secret end-of-the-video club, our word for the day is peacock. Why? Because I just think peacocks are really pretty and I'm reading a book that has a peacock on the COVID And so I was like, "Done! Peacock!" You know? There you go. Thank you for being here and for commenting the word. I really look forward to seeing your comments, so thanks so much for doing that. If you enjoyed this video, you will also like this video where I explain some of the things women are actually attracted to in men, because a lot of people really misunderstand this. I will link it for you here. Thank you so much again, my amazing friend, and have an amazing day!