What Is A Modern Gentleman? (And Why Good Women Want One) 🥰

Full confession. A little while ago, I fell into a trap. An internet trap that you've probably fallen into as well. As a matter of fact, it may actually be how you found my channel in the first place. Here's how it went. It was a normal evening, you know, where you just open your phone and all of a sudden something is suggested to you that you've never seen before. And next thing you know, you're watching video after video and you're slightly obsessed with this new topic. Does that ever happen to you? Be honest. Well, it's happened to me several times. And the topic this time was I was watching all these little videos with short clips of men being gentlemen. And it just melted my heart. There was a part of me that wanted to cry. It's probably no surprise that I happen to be a little bit of a romantic. I know, shocking, right? And so watching one video after another just totally touched me. Now, there's actually a deeper reason. It's not just because I'm a dating coach. It's also because because ladies truly appreciate gentlemen. It matters to us. High-value women love to be treated with respect, and they respect you so much better. And so it started making me think this is a good time to make a video on this because there's some confusion right now about what exactly it means to be a gentleman. And a lot of people wonder, "Is it old-fashioned, or do women not want that anymore?" Because some women, toxic women, can't seem to handle being treated that way. How does being a gentleman fit into the modern world? These are all fabulous questions, and I wanted to make this video to answer it. As we dive in real fast, I invite you to subscribe. If we haven't met yet, hi! My name is Melannie. I'm a Christian dating and relationship coach for men and your go-to source to learn how to make attraction, love, and connection feel effortless. So if you're looking for a wholesome approach to dating and relationships, Congratulations, you found it! Make sure you hit the subscribe button. Here's the thing. When we say the word "gentleman," many people think of lots of money, or they think of Jane Austen-type period clothing and lots of polite manners. And some of those things can be a part of being a gentleman, but they also can have absolutely nothing to do with being a gentleman. So let's get a little more specific a little more clear about what it means. Being a gentleman actually looks very different from what most people think. And this confusion makes it really hard to see yourself as a gentleman, and it makes it really hard to kind of step out as a gentleman even more. So we're going to go through some of the most key aspects to being a gentleman. And just for clarity's sake, when I say gentleman, This is just another way to say "high-value man" or "high-quality man." The first thing that absolutely has to be there for you to be a gentleman is integrity. At the core, a gentleman has integrity. This is why having lots of money or wearing certain types of clothing doesn't actually make you a gentleman. You can have those things and be a gentleman, but it's the integrity that truly makes you a gentleman. This is why I became mildly obsessed with binging all those videos, is it was men who were showing kindness to other people. Sometimes it was their significant other, sometimes it was a complete stranger. But a man who has real integrity wants to do good. He wants the world to be a good place, and he wants to be sensitive to other people's needs. He wants to be to be there for other people. And this is true strength. This is the strength of a leader. This is the kind of person we look up to. Not just women in a romantic sense, but society. This is why it's so much more than just holding the door open because that's what you're supposed to do. Not that, you know, that's bad. That's a place to start. But if you hold the door open or offer her your coat because you want to show respect to her, you want to show that she matters to you, that you value her, that right there is what sets you apart as exceptional. Because here's something interesting about being a gentleman. There are so many people in society right now who aren't doing this. And when she sees that you are that man, wow, you're exceptional. You're the kind of guy she's been waiting for. You're like no one else. She knows you're going to stand out. In a good way. So at its core, being a gentleman means having integrity. Number 2 is understanding, truly understanding, what real masculinity is. There's a lot of toxic voices in society right now that portray masculinity— they're trying to say it's masculine, but it's actually just outright arrogance and ego. It's about making everybody dominate. It's about being cold and distant. And it's like being an iceberg and it's like nobody wants to cuddle with an iceberg, okay? Just so you know. However, those things actually show emotional immaturity rather than masculinity. When a man is confident and strong enough to be gentle, to be protective, to look out for others, this is a man who understands true masculinity. Masculinity as God intended it to be. Sometimes it's just verbally defending things, standing up for what's right. But when you have that, that is what sets you apart from all the other guys. That's what helps her see, again, that integrity, that deep understanding of what it truly means to be a man. This is why so many women love Mr. Darcy from Jane Austen. Funny fact, he's actually not my favorite hero from Jane Austen. There's another one who's my favorite, but that's a topic for another day. He's a really good character though, because one of the reasons Elizabeth falls in love with him is not because of his money. She actually rejected him despite how much money he has. It was when she saw his heart and she saw how good he was and that he would go out of his way to help those who had less than him. That's what made her see him as a man. The third trait you need to know about what it means to be a gentleman in this modern world is having a boldness and a confidence. Being a gentleman, a high-quality man in today's world, means you're going to stand out. You just are. In a world where so many people settle, so many people are apathetic, so many people rather complain than actually do something good with their lives, when you are a man who has that that confidence and that masculinity and that integrity, you're going to stand out. That requires a certain amount of boldness. This is not something every man will do, but you do it anyway because that is who you have chosen to become, that is who you want to be. That is completely irresistible. This is what makes you a hero in her eyes. This is what makes her feel like, "Man, I can't get enough of of him. Like, I love this guy! So yes, being a gentleman in the modern world means being kind of bold about the fact that you are different, that you are, you have integrity, you are protective, you do what's right, you look out for others. This once again sets you up as a leader. The fourth trait that is critical to being a gentleman in any era, but including the modern age, is having respect. You have respect for God, you have respect for yourself, you have respect for the woman you're with, with people in general, you have respect for society. You cannot be a high-value person without having respect. It's completely impossible. But when you have that respect and you hold that as something important, this is part of what separates you from the apathy, from the negativity, from the people who are just drifting through life and not really contributing anything. You see a bigger picture and you take it seriously. None of this is about perfection. None of this is even about being serious all the time. Have you seen my bloopers? I'm not serious all the time. You don't— it's not about being super stern. It's about valuing what really matters and wanting to show up in life in that way. And having respect for yourself, for God, for society, for others, that is automatically going to make you act differently. And it's going to make you stand out in exceptional ways. And it's going to completely melt the heart of a good woman. Why? Because she has similar feelings and traits. She respects others as well. And she's looking for a partner who does the same. Now, a question that might be on your mind at this point is, "Cool! I actually see some of these traits or all of these traits in myself. But Melannie, if I'm so cool, then why am I so alone?" Why can you be a gentleman, why can you be a high-value man, and still be alone? Maybe you're trying with all you've got but something just isn't working. Does that maybe sound like where you are right now? The truth is, when this happens, it's not because something is drastically wrong with you. It's because there are a few blind spots. There are just a few pieces to the puzzle that you're not seeing. And that's just human. That's how we work. This is exactly why I have decided to open up a small number of one-on-one coaching spots. Yes, I am saying that you can work with me personally through one-on-one coaching. This is application-based. We will put a link in the description below. Make sure you fill that out and submit that as quickly as possible, because if the slots are filled, I'm sorry, there's not much I can do. But fill out that form, submit it, and you will hear from someone on my team. If your application is accepted, then they will— someone— you'll meet with someone from my team. They'll do a quick meeting with you online to see if this is a good fit for you and for me, answer any questions you have. If that goes well and you're accepted, then you get to have one-on-one coaching with me. So there are more details through the link that I put in my description below. So I'm very excited to be able to offer this to a few men. So make sure you fill out that application and submit it. Through the link in the description below. I want to just come full circle with this concept of being a gentleman. If you are a man who strives to be that high-quality person, you strive to be a gentleman, I want to take a moment and just say thank you. I don't think you can fully comprehend what you are adding to society. And it is needed, it is desired, And ladies, high-quality women, truly, truly appreciate that in you. This is part of what helps her realize that you're going to be a good husband and a good father. None of us are perfect. She's not perfect. She doesn't expect perfection from you. But that level of effort and desire, oh my goodness, it is, it's life-changing in the best way possible because it makes her want to share her life with you forever. Thank you so much for watching, my amazing friends! I really enjoyed this topic. If there's any questions you have about this or suggestions for similar videos, will you please let me know in the comments below? And if you just frankly enjoyed it, so then please let me know that in the comments as well. If you don't yet follow me on social media, there are links in the description below. A quick reminder again, make sure you fill out that application once those Slots, time slots are taken, they're gone. So make sure you check that out. Thank you so much again, my amazing friend, and have an amazing day! Fun fact for those of you who've been around for a long time. So as of February, that marked, I believe, 8 years since I first started my YouTube channel. It's crazy, right? I've been doing this a while now. Here's the other funny part. One of the blessings and curses about being a dating coach is you often just stop hearing from people. And it's because what they learned from you worked and they move on because they actually applied what they learned. But it's also a little sad. There's always this part of me that I'm like, "I wonder what happened to so-and-so?" And like, it's really fun when they'll send me like a wedding picture or something. And then I just never hear from them again. It's kind of sad. Very different from what most people think. And this confusion— that's what I have right now is confusion, okay? That is completely irresistible. This is what makes you a hero in her eyes. This is what makes her feel like, "Man, I can't get enough of him. I love this guy!" That's maybe not the most romantic way to say it, but sometimes, you know, the emotion is just so— you can't be eloquent. Trust me, it happens to me sometimes. Oh goodness gracious, the things I say on camera.