Dealing with Difficult Times in Life

I was asked, Brendan, how do you deal with difficult times? You know, times of life when it's just challenging. Maybe you're frustrated at work or it's difficult in a relationship you have, or you get sick or you get hurt, or somebody you know you care for is sick or hurt or they die, and you just. You find yourself at a period of life when it's just difficult. The days have felt a little dark, a little heavy, frustrating. You have a sense that things aren't going well. What do you do during that time? You know, that is not an easy question, and I respect the person who wrote that into us, because I don't know where you're at, but I've certainly been there in my life. I've lost loved ones. I've been through dramatic car accidents in my own life. I've had a brain injury. I've had great friends who've been majorly sick or ill or debilitated in some way or another. And I get it. It's tough. And I deal with millions of people every single week. And I can tell you all the comments I hear a lot of people are struggling, and it's a reality. It's difficult. So I'm not here to gloss this over or hype you up. I just like to give some things that I do when I get in that situation. I hope it serves you or serves your family member, your friend, your loved one, whoever you share this message with after you watch it. I think the first thing that we can do, and it sounds so simple and so tactical, it almost seems like a throwaway, but it's this. When times are difficult, try to find every single day three things that you can do. I mean, just set three goals for the day. I know that sounds so simple, but as a blanket strategy, it works. You know, if you're down and out and you're depressed, I mean, just having three things to do during the day, giving yourself three simple things to move yourself through, will help you. It will feel like it will bring a little progress or a little accomplishment or a little connection with yourself into the day. It could be as simple as if you're really down out, you're really struggling with difficult times. Sometimes that goal can be get up, take a shower. It can be, hey, today I'm going to walk down to the coffee shop with a good positive book and I'm just going to sit down and just read for an hour. Drinking a coffee. You know, it can be as simple as call somebody, call a friend or family member. It can Be so simple. But having three of them helps you progress throughout the day. It doesn't have to be complex, but it keeps you moving through the difficult times, remembering the old adage that this too shall pass. But if you're just sitting around waiting in your own darkness, in your own sadness or depression or frustration, waiting for it to pass, and not having any, what we call in psychology, personal agency in your life, you're not taking any action to move that ball forward, then it can get really frustrating. So just set three small goals for yourself during the dark times every day. Just knock them off. Just three little goals. No matter what they are, just move towards them, get those done, and you'll start to feel a little bit better over a period of time. I would say the next thing to do is just keep perspective. And that's the hardest thing to tell somebody when they're going through a hard time. Because, you know, it's so easy to say, well, you don't understand me, or this is so hard, or this is the worst time in my life. And some of that might feel true, and it might be true. It might be one of the most difficult, trying times of your life. And all we can say is keep perspective. We can't say keep perspective other than just say, you know, there have been good times. Remember them. Don't cut loose of those good times in your memories just because now your focus is on the dark times. Remember those times that were better. Remember those times in which you did connect with others, that you did create, that you did take action. And remember also your strength. Because it's so easy when the times are dark to just focus on all the things that you're doing to screw it up or all the things that people are doing to mess with your life. And you forget what the incredible power that you have. I mean, it is an amazing miracle. If you're looking for the miracle, you already got it. That miracle that you've been given the power of choice and will to direct your own attention each day, to direct your own attitude each day, to direct your own actions each day, to direct your own affections and emotions out into the world that you control those things, that you can move those things, that you can shape those things. And that's the miracle you are, the miracle you've been waiting for something to show up and change. And I just say you've already been given the gift, now you have to activate it. So when it's difficult, keep perspective on the fact that there have been good times, there will be more Good times that even if you are struggling personally, you still have that great freedom that has been given to us and that. That choice, that gift of free will to start directing yourself. So start remembering your strengths and start directing yourself again. Because, look, in the dark times, it's the easiest time to curl up in the ball. And sometimes that's okay. If you need to have a bad day and sit on the couch and watch a bunch of movies with some tissues and just go through a bad day and a few bags of potato chips, you know, a lot of people have to deal with that situation. It's okay. But if that happens day after day after day after day after day, that's the time to take control of your life back or ask for some help. You know, part of perspective isn't just understanding our life has been better. Understanding that we have strength and choice and will. It's understanding that we aren't the only thing that perspective reminds us. There's other people out in the world who we might be able to connect with who could help us to raise our hand and connect with a friend or take somebody out for lunch or to call a therapist or to get some support from other people, other family, other friends. It's important. That's part of perspective as well, I would say. You know, what else comes to mind when there's a difficult time is to ask, what should I be learning here? Because sometimes when it's really difficult in life, we don't feel competent, we don't feel capable. We feel like, you know, we don't have any personal power. We don't have any knowledge of how to proceed through there. So I tell people, when you're in a difficult time, create, like a learning map, you know, like, okay, based on everything that's going on right now, what are three things I need to start learning right now? You know, what can I learn from this situation? That's always powerful, right? That's one powerful way to learn. Well, what can I learn from you? What's the universe sending a message to me right now? What can I learn from this situation? From my behavior or my beliefs, from my interactions with other people, but also going to that next level and saying, okay, at this point, what should I start learning in my life? And I know it sounds so weird. You know, it sounds. I'm not saying, hey, you know, you're really depressed. It's time to start learning French. But you know what? It might help you, because in the process of learning something, our brain starts activating in different ways that also End up activating other parts of our brain's capabilities to grow, to cope, to deal. A great time to start learning again. And is the times when you feel just beaten up and kicked by the side of the road, it's time to stand up and say, okay, what would I need to learn now to advance my life to the next stage? Because, look, no matter where you are, if you're in a difficult place in life right now, realize you've just been. You've been in the last stage, and now there's gonna be a new stage. So what would you have to learn or master in this new stage to feel better about yourself or about life or get ahead a little bit more? Don't forget that. What else comes to my mind? Know just the desire to have intention, to be your best self, despite the difficulties. I know it's hard. I know it gets difficult. And I can share personally there's been times in my life it was so extraordinarily difficult. If you ever had my book, the Charge, you read about my brain injury, there. There was a time in my life it was really difficult. I couldn't control my emotions. I couldn't control my reactions to other people. I was just. I was damaged enough from a concussive syndrome that I got after an accident. I just. I was kind of out of control. And it was so difficult that all I could do is just set the intention every single day. And every single time I saw somebody's eyes, I was in a relationship, I could see somebody. You know, someone walked in, I connected with them. I triggered this thought in my mind. I said, just whatever you do, interact with this situation as your highest self. My best. How would my best self interact with the situation? If you think about it, it's like your family's going through turmoil. There's challenge in your life. Show up and be the person says, how could I deal with this as my best self? How would my best self view this and work through this and support the people around me? How could. Even though I'm going through difficulty, but other people are too? How could I be a role model? How could I challenge myself in that way to take personal power and responsibility back onto our shoulders? Because sometimes in difficult times, that's when we start wearing our victim hat and we just curl up on the ball and we forget our extraordinary power to say, you know, I can do something about this. I might not know what, but I'm just gonna. Whatever does keep coming my way right now because it feels like I'm in a Fight. I'm gonna react in a positive way. I'm gonna react for my high self. And then I think the last thing, this is the most important. And you probably thought of this right when I mentioned the topic of the video, and that's this. When times are difficult, do not forget gratitude. That part of keeping perspective, part of living from our highest self, part of the greatest lessons of life, part of the greatest goals that we could ever set in our life are to become more grateful people, to become more appreciative of what we do, have to become more aware of the blessings that are all around from God, from the universe, from the cosmos, by luck. Whatever you attribute blessing to, you know, it's that time to say, gosh, what could I be grateful for? What is going on in my life right now that I could pay attention to or what has happened or what is opening for me that I could give some awareness and attention to that would make me understand that I am lucky. Even amidst all this, you know, I do have some things going for me. I have had some breaks, I have had some opportunities, and I will have those again. To be grateful for your health, to be grateful for what physical powers you do have, for what visual powers you have, to have a vision for your life, this is the time when it's most difficult to get grateful for the blessings and. And the choices you do have for who you are and who you can become, for the people who are around you and who do support you. And if you can keep these things in mind as you're going through these difficult times, you can start feeling the energy come back up. You can start feeling engagement with life again. You can start feeling enthusiasm again for tomorrow. You can start feeling again once more, what we call the charged life. Hey, everybody, it's Brendan. Thank you. Did you enjoy this episode? If you did, would you do me a favor? Just share it with your family, your friends, your loved ones, someone that you care about, your coworkers, someone you think could benefit from having this positive message in their life. And if you'd like to hear more from me, just go over to itunes and download my podcast. It's called the Charged Life. And you can also get my book for free@motivationmanifesto.com until I see you next time, Go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly, and make your difference today.