How to Live in Alignment with Your Best Self

You can grow into your aspirational self. You can learn to be more congruent with a better version of yourself than you are today. That's where personal growth comes from, a better vision of yourself. And you live into that each day. You congruently show up, consistently show up for that new image, that new image of yourself. That's what's beautiful about life. What does congruence mean? Congruence means you are living in alignments with what you know is the best of you. Congruence is living in alignment with what you know is the best of you. Write it down. Congruence equals living in alignment with what you know is the best of you, comma, consistently, okay. Congruence, living in alignment, meaning it's consistently living into your best self, consistently coming from your best place, consistently showing up as the person you know you are. It means speaking your truth. It means living your values. It means being a person of integrity. That's what congruence means. Living in alignment with the best of who you are, living in alignment with your values, being someone who represents what you really believe. And this one, I mean, imagine if you feel like you're a kind hearted person, but you're consistently a jerk to your neighbor. Your brain knows that and your brain logs it into a perception of self. And that's the problem. Write this down. The brain keeps score. That's the challenge with congruence. Your brain's keeping score. You say you're gonna be a healthy person this year and you knock down a couple bottles of wine, hopefully not the same sitting. You overdid. You know, you took four weeks off of working out. Just because you don't follow, you're not congruent with what you said. You said you were going to do this thing, you didn't. And that incongruence creates a greater log of reasons to not be confident. Because guess what? When you are not congruent, your brain logs that and what it says in that log, that log entry. When you're incongruent, your brain makes an entry in your confidence. Bank account, a withdrawal. And what it says. Not living your word, not living your truth, not doing what you said you would do. And too many of those negative withdrawals sucks away your confidence. And so some people are bankrupt in confidence because they're not consistent in congruence. You follow, you got to go, oh, okay. But here's what you need to be congruent. What do you need? Clarity. You say, okay, these are my values, these are my beliefs. This is what I think is important as a human being, as a parent, as a caregiver, as a leader? Okay? And then congruence is living up to that. Congruence is measuring this. Congruence measures whether or not you're doing what you said you're going to do, and that's important. So here's the simplest fix. If you're been pulling too many withdrawals out of that bank account, it's time to put some back in. And so today might be the day you go, where have I been incongruent? Where do I say something and I don't do it? Where have I treated people in a way that that's not who I really am? Where am I doing things because I feel obligated to do them for others? But that's not. That's not really me. Where have you been faking it? Where you've been showing up as someone that's not authentic to you? You know, share a funny story. I'd like to keep it hopefully entertaining enough for you guys as we ask some tough questions. Personal development. The best of personal development is tough questions, you know, but some of it's too just those epiphanies we get along the way. And I remember I was talking with a person about social media, and, you know, they had seen what, you know, we had achieved. Early days of Facebook, I was the first person in personal development to hit a million people on Facebook, like a personal development teacher. And so we had a million, then it was two, then it was three, and there's four. And it was just like. It was bananas. It was totally crazy. It was my quotes and my writing that was getting shared so much. And someone said one time, you know, well, all these other influencers, they're showing their day more than you do, you know, and they're, you know, you live on the beach. We've never seen a picture with you on your beach. Or we've never seen you do this. And we don't see that. We don't see that, and we don't see that. And I go, I don't feel like I have to show every part of my life. I don't need to take my shirt off for everybody just because other people take their shirt off. That's not congruent with how I feel like I show up in the world. I don't have to show my butt. I just don't feel like it's a thing. That's just not gonna be me. No judgment. I just know that that's not me. There's A lot of things also. I wish I was like this, or I wish I could do that. But when I really think down, I go, you know what? That's not for me. And I have clarity. That's not for me. Think about every major pain you've had in your life. You went in the wrong direction or you went with the wrong person, or you didn't listen to that whisper that said, nah, that's not us. And so you faked it till you made it, but you made it, and you're still faking it. And so what ends up happening is we got to know when we're out of congruence. Where are you out of congruence? And can you do the simple acts? Sometimes when you're out of congruence, first you just apologize to yourself. You say, you know what? Gosh, Brendan, I haven't been honest with myself. Let's make a change. Maybe you've been incongruent with someone who you love. And just go, hey, you know what? I'm sorry about my behavior lately. That's not the energy I want to bring to my marriage. Maybe you've been incongruent with some friends. You know, you said you'd be there, and they're going through a hard time, and you haven't even called them. You call them up and say, hey, you know what? I'm sorry. I want to let you know I'd like to think of myself as a better friend than that. So I'm going to call you every Monday, 5pm I'm gonna bother you, make sure you're okay. I think the fastest path back into congruence is an apology. An apology to yourself, an apology to other persons. Because, you know, apologies are hard. Apologies are integrity. It takes a lot of guts to say you are wrong. It takes a lot of guts to acknowledge you could do better. And I think it's a beautiful place. I think most people are scared of apologies. I think they open a big gate. They open the gate to communication. I think apologies open a gate to your spirit. I think an apology can go, I'm better. I'm better. And so where could you be more authentically you? And where could you be more authentically you more consistently? More consistently. This is a critical one. Again, your brain is keeping the bank account. It's logging your behavior. This one's fundamental. But here's the good news, too. You get to decide today what to be congruent with. You get to decide who you are, and you get to decide to show up and Live into that. You get to, like many of you go to, know my story. When I was a depressed young man and suicidal, at some point I knew that wasn't me. I wanted to live my life. And so I had to go. Okay. I need to make sure each day I give reverence to my creator that I'm still here. I need to make sure each day I do something that has a passion. I do eat something today. I bring some joy each day I sense aliveness in my life. I'm going to live into that congruence because I. I'm not there yet, but that's who I really feel. So in other words, you can grow into your aspirational self. You can learn to be more congruent with a better version of yourself than you are today. That's where personal growth comes from. A better vision of yourself. And you live into that each day. You congruently show up consistently show up for that new image. That new image of yourself. That's what's beautiful about life. You get to recast. A mature adult gets to recast a vision of themselves, right? Unconscious animals don't get to do that. We as a human species have this weird, bizarre ability to set a different vision for ourselves. You know, an alligator's always going to think of itself as an alligator. It's just an alligator. Humans can imagine a different self. How incredible is that? So use that power. Use that power. New vision for yourself. Show up for it each day. New vision for yourself. Show up for it each day. New vision. Show up. The more you do that, the more the brain logs puts that cash money into that confidence bank account says, uh huh. She's walking the talk, people get out the way. Here she comes. She's in charge. She's back. There she is. Got it. It's important, y' all.