Daniel Borschel explains why blaming the other person keeps conflicts stuck. Real progress happens when you stop seeing it as their fault versus your fault and start treating the relationship as a shared project you're both building together.
Have you ever been shocked to find out that you're part of the problem? How easy to say, no, it's them. But soon as you are interacting with them in a conflict, now it's the two of you. And that's the biggest breakthrough you're ever going to have in conflict resolution. The most important thing to understand in any conflict situation is what's called a shared future. What we usually do is we go, I am against you. I'm gonna win. But there's no shared future in that. This is why you always hear people teach you it's about the we, not about the me in conflict. What this means is you need to frame the positive about the two of you and things are gonna be okay in the future. Or that things have a goal in the future. Because, listen, in a marital spat or conflict, what's the worst thing in marriage? Well, somebody threatens divorce. Like, you can be like, if you don't change, I'm leaving. Well, usually making a threat does not get progress in a conflict. Almost all progress in a conflict happens when one side or the other or both realizes things can get better between the two parties. And it's not me versus you.
