I'm Discouraged, What Should I Do?

Hey, my friends, it's Brendan. And I'm in my podcast studio today, and I was chatting with my team and texting with them, and they were saying, you know, a lot of our community is asking right now, how do you deal with discouragement? You know, when you're trying to achieve your dreams, you're trying to do something important, you're really passionate about a project and things aren't going well, or someone makes fun of you or something fails and you're just in this place where you're like, I'm so discouraged. I just want to, like, sit on the couch and watch Netflix all day and quit the universe. You know, Quiet. What do you do when you're, like, down on yourself? And I know this is a big topic. I take on a lot of my episodes and I hope that you will enjoy this one because I think there's four things you can really do to help you deal with the discouragement, both emotionally and practically. So the first thing, if you are feeling discouraged right now, I want to make sure that you do this one thing. Don't compare yourself to other people. A lot of our discouragement in life comes from we compare ourselves to other persons. It's like, oh, well, I'm starting my art and my craft and my views and the work I'm trying to do. But look at how far else someone else is. Look at how beautiful their art or how big their business is or how many following they have. And we, like, get discouraged because we're starting small and they've already achieved so much. And we're comparing our beginning to what they've already achieved after years or years or decades of achieving what they've achieved. And do not compare yourself to other people. Instead, ask, am I following my truth? Am I working diligently towards what is important to me? Am I on my own path? Am I staying consistent to what is important to me and what I believe in and what makes me feel alive? Do what makes you feel alive, not what makes you compare with other people, not what makes you feel like you're measuring up to anybody else. You got to walk your own path. A ton of times, discouragement really comes from. It's not that we failed at something. It's we truly know in our deepest part of our life, our soul, we know we're on the wrong path. That's where, like, perennial discouragement comes from. Where.

Where it's just like year over year.

We'Re discouraged with our life. We're not on our path. We are not constantly pursuing the Things that are true to us, that make us feel like we have a sense of personal freedom. You know, those things that are like, that's my thing. I'm doing this because I want to do this. I intrinsically feel like it aligns with my values, my hopes, my dreams. It's my thing. Cause when you're doing your thing, you don't get as discouraged. When you're doing something and comparing it side by side to other people over and over and over and over, what you really do is you're blending your thing with theirs, and you're living a conforming life, not a free life. And when you're living a conforming life, there's always discouragement there. When you're living a free life, there's an openness and optimism. Even if you're struggling, there's this openness and optimism because you're like, you know what? I'm doing my own thing, and that brings me alive. And that aliveness dampens down or knocks out that discouragement. So first, if you're feeling discouraged, be honest. Have you been comparing yourself to others? Have you been measuring yourself to others? You know, I've been doing my episodes on YouTube as an example for what, you know, 10 years. And I know that it can be very discouraging if I go and I look to other YouTubers and I'm like, oh, my God, they have millions of subscribers, and they've only been doing it for, like, six months, and I've been doing it for a decade. You know, obviously, I have problems because I don't have any cat memes. You know, I don't pull pranks on people. I don't swear, and I don't do anything that's like clickbait. So, yeah, maybe that slows me down. However, I never get discouraged because I know that doing episodes like this, that's what I'm meant to do. I'm meant to be a teacher. I'm meant to be a coach. This is my style, like it or not. I've been doing it for a decade. It's what I deeply feel is my calling and what makes me feel unique. I'm doing this extemporaneously. I don't have a script. I don't have a teleprompter. I don't have all these, like, extensions and notes. I just. My team's like, people are struggling with this. Brendan, what would you say? And I just go, that's my natural gift. Because I spend all of my days in my life as a high performance Coach and trainer helping people. This is what I do. I don't try to do what other people are doing. So when I don't measure up to them, I don't get discouraged because I'm like, oh, they're doing their thing, I'm doing my thing. Do your thing. You experience less discouragement in life. Second, if you get discouraged, please adopt a learning mindset. What people who are discouraged often do is adopt a catastrophic mindset. Their mindset is like, oh my gosh, I failed here. So I'm a miserable jerk, I'm a loser. And they start identifying with progress, meaning if I'm not progressing enough, my identity means I'm a loser. And so they get more and more discouraged versus adopting the learning mindset that simply asks, am I learning here at the speed I'm capable of? Like, am I learning? Oh, what did I learn? Implement that. Test, implement, test, implement, test, implement. And by testing more, instead of like, everything is on the line, it has to go perfect or everything falls apart. That's catastrophizing. Learning more says, oh, what did I learn here today? Let me try that again tomorrow, Let me try this again next week, Let me do this new thing next month. And that learning mindset almost completely wipes out that discouragement for me. Anyway, I don't get discouraged very often. Cause I'm like, well, I'm learning. Okay, got a new distinction today, right? The more you're looking for distinctions versus allowing yourself to wallow and live in discouragement, the more your life advances, the more the emotions come back to the positive range, the more your curiosity is fired. Because if you feel discouraged, guess what that does? Discouragement destroys creativity. But when you feel like you're learning, that sparks curiosity. Curiosity is the foundation of creativity, and creativity is the igniter of motivation sometimes. So you see how that works. If you can just look at where you're at and say, okay, what's the five things I've learned in this experience that can help me change my behavior literally tomorrow or next week or next time I do that thing? That knowledge gives us competency, right? When we learn, we get competent. The more competent we get, the more confident we get. In high performance studies, we call that that confidence competence loop. And so the more you have that learning mindset, the more you'll advance. It'll change everything. Third, when you're getting discouraged, I'd love for you to try something that sounds a little woo woo, but it really works. Next time you're discouraged, what I want you to do, sit down Close your eyes. Imagine like literally sitting next to you or standing next to you is your most confident, happy, healthy, joyous self from like 10 years out. Like, literally. Imagine like 10 years from now, the most confident, happy, just successful you returns to today is next to you and you're like sharing. I'm discouraged because of this. I want you to imagine that confident you standing stall, standing tall, breathing proudly, looking you in the eye and advising you, what would that future confident, incredible you tell you to do now? What would they say? What would the tone of their voice be? What's the three things they would tell you to do next as the right action of integrity? I love that practice. Every time I kind of get down on myself, I'm like. I mean, just like anybody else. I could sit and wallow in it and I could be like, ugh, I suck, I suck, I suck. Or I could go, you know what I'm feeling discouraged, having a down day. Hold on, world. Close my eyes, I'll think about the future best me, right? A future Brendan. And I'll like, park that bread in next to me and I'll see that me stronger, confident, more buff, looking good, you know. And literally, in the most positive, joyous, confident way, have that future me say, hey, kid, know you're having a bad.

Day, but you know what?

In five years, your life is going to be extraordinary. So here's what you need to do. Pick yourself up. And the next three things I want you to do are bop, bop and bop. And I'll listen. I'll listen. Let your future highest self coach you to the next level instead of the current you who feels down. And in other words, don't try to make decisions based in your current funk. Envision a compelling future you coming today, advising you how to rise to your highest. If you can do that and not like casually, but really invest in it, really feel it. Like, hear yourself, see yourself, believe in that future you giving you that advice that can change the game. And if you, like, struggle seeing the best you the best future you doing that. Imagine one of your greatest mentors. Imagine somebody who's inspiring as a figure to you. Maybe it's your grandpa, your grandma, your parent, your caregiver, somebody who you follow on social media who's like your hero, a historical figure. And have somebody look you in the eye, like intellect, like, just visualize it and tell you what to do. Do these three things, kid, and then implement. Follow those three things. Do those three things as fast as possible. Like, what's the next three things? Not three things over the next 10 years have that future you or that aspirational figure tell you the next three things that you can do literally today to pick yourself up that will change the game. And number four, if you are feeling discouraged, here's the hardest one. Share that truth with people. Like give yourself permission to be vulnerable and tell other people, like, I'm really feeling down right now. I'm feeling like it's not working. I'm feeling like I'm not doing okay. Because the opposite of that is just stewing in silence, suffering in silence, striving in silence. And sometimes in that silence there is a lot of emotional suffering. You know, you don't have to be on this journey alone. There's people you can reach out to, whether it's at school or at work or your caregivers or your family or non profit organization or something online where you can go and just like share. It's important. You know, I know it's easy to say I don't want to do that because people will make fun of me. I'm like, yes, it's true. Some people will make fun of you. And some people will say, hey, here's some advice, kid. Or we'll say, hey, it's okay, I get what you're going through. I've been there too. Or some people say, hey, here's a resource for that. Literally, there's 7 billion people on the planet and it's hard to tell people this, but I really want you to hear this. There is absolutely nothing that you are going through right now that others have not also been through. Like I, as a coach, sometimes, like the hardest times in my life is when I've had to tell parents who lost a child other people lost a child too. Let's get you connected in that group so that you can learn how to deal with it and understand what's going to come up emotionally and in the future for you. I've had to tell, you know, people who got diagnosed with cancer, you're not the first person to get that diagnosis. And it sounds flippant to say, I know, but you know, it's too bad that we close ourselves off and we really think that our experience is so unique that we can't share it. Because if we believe it's so unique, we won't ask for help. If we don't ask for help, we don't get the resources or the social support that help us pull ourselves out on days that we can't do it on our own because we're Social humans, you know, sometimes we need that encouragement from others when we are feeling discouraged. And that won't happen unless we reach out. You know, if you just sit on the side of the road and mope, very few people will have the recognition to pull over and help you in life. But if you raise your hand, if you make some noise, if you reach out to people, all of a sudden people take note. And I know that that's hard to understand sometimes when you're really down, trust me, I get it. I've been in every position of failure in my life. Whether I got bad grades at some point, or I started my first business and that failed, or I did my first big online course, or I did something and that didn't do the numbers I wanted, or I got sick, or I had my brain injury, as many of you guys were with me when that happened, or I started this new program, or I did that big thing with that big person, it didn't work. I mean, it's all happened to me and other people too. Whether I've lost loved ones or I failed in business, or I struggled in this area, the thing that pulled me through was I was never silent about it. I would say, hey guys, I'm going through a tough time. What do you do when you're in this position? Like, can, can you walk me through, give me some pointers, give me some tips? I'm curious. I just want to learn. And they'd hear me ask for the learning and they would open up. And sometimes I need to reach out. Sometimes I needed to go to a volunteer organization and ask because I didn't know any, you know, people around me who were dealing with that. Sometimes I needed to join a group or a mastermind or, or go to a seminar or, or like, do something to get around other people where I could share my journey, whether it was like minded people or qualified professionals. Sometimes you need a coach, sometimes you need a therapist, sometimes you need a nutritionist or a support network. I don't know where you're at, whether you're having issues with health or family or relationships or your team, but somebody out of 7 billion people with thousands of years of human history has dealt with it. And you can take just solace in that, just knowing you're not alone, just knowing, wow, other people have dealt with this. Let me get curious to find them. Let me go and approach them with a learning mentality. Let me go be vulnerable and say, hey, what would you do in this situation? Because if you'll ask them, it will Spark curiosity. If you'll ask them, they'll give you some steps. If you ask them, you'll learn. If you learn, you get competence. You get competence. A little confidence comes back in. You know the next steps to do. You have that confidence. You take a few steps, you got a few more people cheering you on, and suddenly the days aren't so dark and you're not alone and discouraged. I hope this episode serves you. But I also know, you know, that you probably know somebody who is discouraged. So if you do me a favor, just send this video to them. You know, just send it, just get them to watch this video. Somebody you know going through a tough time. If you thought any of these points were helpful, subscribe to my channel. If you haven't seen all the videos that we do here, I'm always taking questions on just like this. For 10 years I have been recording videos, doing podcasts, putting out a weekly newsletter, just answering questions like this. So get pun. So get somebody in our community. We call our community Team HPX or HPX Life, because HPX stands for the High Performance Experience. We really believe that, that everyone wants to experience the highest levels of success in their life, but they have to perform at the next level. They have to be their best. And sometimes that requires a lot of courage to ask for help or to be part of a community like this. So if you're in what we call our community, like Team HPX or HPX Life, High Performance Experience, please invite other people if you're getting value from these videos. You see, I'm not selling anything in them. I'm just asking you to help spread the message. I feel like right now we're like a scary time where a lot of people are really discouraged and they're down. And instead of sharing positive messages or resources like this, we're sharing, you know, stupid clickbait or we're sharing like hate filled messages online. And I think it's up to you and me, like literally individuals like someone like you watching this, to share content like this. I think we can turn the tide. I think the world is tilting a little bit more negative than it needs to. I think we have to do something individually, each of us. And all you need to do is grab this link, share it with a friend, tell somebody about what we're doing here, and I hope that this message will support them. And if you're somebody who got that blessing or that grace from somebody else and they sent you to this video, return that, pay it forward, send to somebody you know who's discouraged today and let's light up the world a little bit. There's good people out there. Never forget that. There's those of us who really care. Never forget that there are support groups. Never forget that there is a more positive tomorrow. Never forget that, my friend. Alright.

Hey guys, it's Brendan and I hope you enjoyed my video today. If you did, would you do me?

Two simple things.

Number one, share with somebody else and.

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That will help so much and then you'll get notices every time I post a new video. Also, if you're somebody who's always like looking at my work and you're wondering like, how does he do it all? We have two new tools that can really help you reach what we call that high performance experience.

As you know, I call you guys.

Team hpx, which HPX stands for High Performance Experience. It's that idea and that philosophy of living that says I want to live the highest version of myself. I want a life that's, you know, vibrant and connected and excellence driven. Like you want to reach that next level of high performance and success in your life. That's why I call you guys Team hpx. And we have two new tools for Team HPX that everyone is freaking out about. So I hope you check it out. The first one is our new High Performance Planner. This is what I fill out every day to keep my mindset good and positive, to live a happy life, to really prepare myself for the day. So it helps me not only just set my goals, but make sure my priorities are clear. Keep a clean schedule, review and rate and measure myself at the end of each day on the high performance habits that we know make you more successful. This is available on Amazon or most bookstores anywhere. It's called the High Performance Planner.

Pick up a copy of it.

It's what I fill out every morning. And our new HPX Optimize. Many of you have wondered how I keep the mental clarity and mental motivation and creative edge. This is our new supplement. It's called HPX Optimize. You can also find it on Amazon. This is the thing that gives me that, like that energy and that focus each day to be my best, which as many of you all know, was really important to me. And I developed this because I had a brain injury in 2011 and it threw me off my A game and my mind wasn't right and I just didn't have the ability to focus anymore. And this is not a product to cure, you know, brain injuries. This is a product for any person out there who says, I want a little more focus in the day, I want a little more creative edge, I want my mind to be just more alert and aware. And this is what the product does. Without caffeine, without gmo, without soy, without all the nonsense. Look it up on Amazon. It's called HPX Optimize. These are the two new tools for our HPX community. I hope you engage. I hope you look them up on Amazon. There's some links in the post down below where you can get them at the best rate. So please engage again. Please subscribe, please share, stay part of Team hpx. And please, as you know, every single day you have a choice. You can go be average or ordinary, or you can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends go be extraordinary.