It Doesn't Take 10 Years to Heal Your Past

If you want to improve your mindset in the world, improve your relationships. When somebody improves the relatedness that they have with other people, their sense of agency goes up. They actually assert themselves in the world more. Your whole mindset improves in life, but it's also malleable. You are changeable. And I'm here to tell you your relationships are more changeable than you think too. If you want to improve your mindset in the world, improve your relationships, your whole perspective will move towards optimism. And you know this because you've been in love before. You fell in love and what happened? Everything shifted in your mind. You felt better about yourself. The world was great. There's flowers blooming around the world. This person's so lovely. You see no faults with them at all. You are completely blinded by love. You are completely absorbed. Your whole mindset improves in life. It's like one of the determinate major mindset shifts in people's lives when they fall in love or get married. It's like a, like a huge ramp to mental health. Massive. Also, when people's relationships fall apart, it is a massive detriment to their mental health. It's majorly measurable, but it's also malleable. Like someone broke up with you. You can shift that mindset right back into gear faster than you think. It does not take decades to recover from a divorce. I know that people commonly say that in our world and, and you know what? Maybe 1 out of 10 times it was that bad, but it doesn't take decades. We're the ones who's taught ourselves. It takes decades to shift things. That came from a therapeutic culture that is truly emboldened and acting from a place of. I want to be forever paid to make sure this person talks about these problems. That is not a way to move towards real resolution and true mental growth. Now, I'm not saying that therapists operate from that, the industry does. But there's good therapists and bad therapists. Just like in my world, there's good coaches and bad coaches. No great coach wants to work with you forever. That is a financial incentive towards them. That is not your transformation in mind. And so I want you to understand, like none of these things take. It does not take that long. Sometimes it takes that long for the average person because they're not doing what mental conditioning and mental training. They are not actively working on their mindset. But remember all the studies in mindset. Go read them. The studies in mindset show that short term interventions to teach someone to improve their mindset can Overcome years long of bad grades and bad mental health. It's an incredible improvement. Cognitive behavioral therapy, even as in the therapeutic realm, has shown short term interventions on cognitive behavioral therapy and the tools related to CBT can dramatically improve somebody's mindset, but also positive outcomes in short period of times, not years. This means you are changeable. And I'm here to tell you your relationships are more changeable than you think too. Your ability to be in more frequent, positive, deep conversations with people. Often it just means yo, pick up the phone and try to condition that relationship for those areas. Don't try to to think the relationship needs to change immediately. Notice the words I use. You are conditioning the relationship for frequency, positivity and depth. Like if I want to get more frequency, positive and depth with one of my brothers, it's not going to happen in one conversation. But in conditioning that conversation over a period of time, a short period of time, just weeks or just months, it's astounding how that relationship can improve. So I want you to see the dramatic impact you can have in your life when you just make it a name. Find 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 people more frequent positive and deep conversation. Just try as you develop that. Here's what magically happened in the research of self determination theory. As an example, when somebody improves the relatedness that they have with other people, guess what happens? Their sense of agency goes up. They actually assert themselves in the world more. Guess what? Their competence goes up. Their sense of like, oh, I have the knowledge, skill and ability to make positive improvements in life. Okay, I need to increase the same thing. I'm going to give you an acronym now. Frequency, positive interaction, int and depth. Specifically with mentors. If you don't have mentors, consider them coaches. If you don't have mentors or coaches, inspirational figures. But I'd rather you get off of this social media train belief that just following positive people is going to make the difference. I'm here to tell you that has perpetuated. Imagine the generation behind you. They've been told this lie. Well, just follow positive people, you'll be great. What we need is mentors, role models. Actual interactions with people who observe you and give you real feedback. Following somebody on social media is not the same as getting a feedback mechanism and loop in your life from an expert, a mentor, a coach, an aspirational figure or role model, whatever you want to call it. I'm going to generalize it as mentors and coaches because I want you to seek them out, not just follow them, seek them out because what are we trying to do in this specific thing? I want to be very specific for you. What I am trying to do is I'm trying to actually introduce to you critical feedback. And you're not going to get that on social media. I want you to have critical, genuine feedback from experts, mentors, role models, people who have been there or people who can coach you to there. Because we live in a world right now that believes, oh, negative information into me will ruin my positivity. And I'm like, no, sometimes negative information to you is just actual critical feedback. And if we don't get any critical feedback, we can't handle the errors that we tend to make in our thinking and our behavior. See, part of having an adaptive mindset and growing in life is learning to be aware of and anticipate errors. It's one of the things that makes the human species extremely capable in how our brain operates versus other species. Like, we are very able to spot errors, right? We have a high negativity bias in terms of spotting error. Our error detection systems have made our human like, like we build a building, it falls over. Oh, error notif got it built, building fell over. Let's not make that same error in new buildings. That ability to build by identifying error is so important. But see, in most people's lives, part of their building is leaning over. They're already near, you know, falling over. There's already enough negativity there. It's already structured wrong. And if you don't have an architectural engineer coming and go sometimes like, hey, man, you better support this beam over here or you're gonna just, this thing is gonna collapse. You haven't set this up right. It's gonna collapse. That's not negative feedback. That is critical error detection that is so important to make sure the thing doesn't collapse. That's called critical feedback. I want critical feedback in my life when I reach out to mentors, experts, thought leaders, role models, coaches, I want them. What are you seeing here? Give me the feedback. Give me the hard stuff, the harsh truth. Give me the tough love. If I have no one giving me tough love from an expert position, I'm growing slow, man. Because see, you don't know you're building the building wrong until you get an expert in and go, yeah, I don't think it's going to work for you. Here's some best practices that people have learned years ago. Let me help you put this in motion. So I want you to seek out a mentor, a coach, somebody you can talk to to Give you critical feedback, right? Even in like I tell people all the time, it's like if you are dealing with dramas and traumas and difficulties year over year over year and you've not cracked that, then work with the therapist. And here's how you know if you got a great therapist after three sessions, are they being real with you or are they just allowing? And I know for the therapists who are here, trust me, I understand the different styles of therapy. I understand why sometimes in psychotherapy you don't want to do that too quickly with people. But I also think that the great therapists, they understand how important it is to be real. They will give that tough feedback. They will say, well that's an interesting way to think about that, tell me more. And they will sist something out. And if it's something that is leading that person, if it's a thought pattern leading to disorder over and over and over. You can't just listen to somebody's thought pattern leading them literally into pain and disorder every day and not address it. The faster you address it, as you learn to be more capable, then what ends up happening is we can move this person through healing. If we don't give a person awareness, we can't give them healing. How do you give someone awareness? You often have to note where there is error prone, where there is disorder, where there is difficulty. And that tough love, that straight candid feedback. God, you want that, you want that, you want that more than your self esteem will ever ask for or allow. But see, I'm not here to placate your self esteem. I'm here for personal development and spiritual development. I'm here to activate a potential that's not even here. See, I'm trying to activate you towards a potential that's not here. So your self esteem in the immediate moment might not be the thing I need to placate towards. And if you're around people who are yes men and yes women and they never tell you the truth, they're placating your self esteem. They're trying to get acceptance or love or something from you by not telling you the truth. Here's the problem. Most of the world won't tell you the truth because they just want to go along and get along. That's why you need to find that paid mentor, the paid expert, somebody above you who can take you to a whole other level. It's so important to get that critical feedback. I don't know how you're going to set up in your life. I just know you need to. I've been doing this, what I do a long time. I have other coaches who coach me. I have therapists who work with me. I have experts who are public speakers, marketers, teachers, trainers, work with me. I'm always seeking that critical feedback from somebody who. And please listen. Somebody who I chose. I chose that coach, I chose that therapist. I chose that expert. That's what I'm saying. Seek them out. Listen. The audience will make noise at you, but they might not know how to deliver critical feedback. That's not their expertise. I want to find people who know how to do that and know how to do that well to accelerate my progress. That's what I'm talking about here. Increasing your frequency with that person, your positive conversations, interaction with the person, the depth of relationship with that person, the relationship I have with my mentors, they're like lifelong mentors. The relationships I have with my coaches, it's like we go deep. I don't let them do superficial work with me. I don't let anyone do superficial work with me because that critical feedback makes me go faster. I hope that helps. Hey my friends, it's Brendan Burchard and I'm excited to welcome you to the brand new Growth day. We are happy to roll out three brand new features that will help you on your personal development journey. First, our brand new growth streaks and rewards. Every day you come into growth day and we will give you that daily inspirational life strategies so you can listen to an audio. Then create your journal, your checklist and your habit tracking to truly experience an extraordinary quality of life. We will also roll out to you the world's best AI life coach. This AI life coach has been trained on almost 20 million million words of my deep dive training in high performance, motivation and psychology. And third, all access pass to the world's greatest personal development teachers, coaches and trainers. These are the world's best highest paid keynote speakers, coaches and teachers who can really take your life to a deeper level. Because we have over 400 classes, over 40 deep dive courses and those are available to you right now. All in Growth Day. Lasting change begins with a daily personal growth practice. And that is why you should be using Growth Day. I can't wait for you to use it and to level up your life and become more. Go get your growth streak and Growth Day right now.