Motivation Mashup: THIS is How to Become STRONG Even in CHAOTIC Times!

How are we going to set our emotional tone in this chaos? How are we going to find our strength, our center, and project goodness and compassion at a time when it is desperately needed? How are we going to hold the line in our businesses so that we don't overreact and going one direction when we ought to be in another? How do we manage all this today? And my joy to talk with you about, number one, is the decision that I will always be the one to remain centered amid the chaos. And I have worked on myself, and I have taught myself that for pretty much, you know, 25 years. I've worked on that at a very steady pace. When everyone's freaking out, I take a bunch of deep breaths. I connect with my breath. I make sure that I'm keeping perspective. But ultimately, that decision to I will be centered amid this means for me that I will choose the emotional tone and my attitude as I am dealing with uncertainty or chaos. You know, I remember years ago, I was doing an event, and a person in the back of the room had a seizure, and literally, they fell out of the chair and on the ground. They started having a full physical reaction to the seizure as well, where they were shaking, and it was terrifying for the people around them. And I was kind of at the beginning of my career, and I saw it happen. It was almost in slow motion. And could you imagine you're on your stage, I mean, put yourself there, you're in front of hundreds or thousands of people, and all of a sudden, somebody is falling over and having a full seizure in front of the whole audience. The whole audience literally starts looking back. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. People are standing up. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Total panic sets in the room. And I remember standing up there, and I have this on video where at first my first reaction is like this, kind of, like, shocked, just like everybody else, like, whoa. And then I kind of look over, and instantaneously in my mind, I go, brendan, you have to be in charge here. I didn't want to be in charge. I had to be in charge. And my mind immediately said two choices here. Join the panic or stay stable and strong and present and connected with what's really happening. And so that decision, I'm going to say, centered amid this, made me immediately also decide I need to center the audience. So I asked the entire audience, I just announced. I said, everyone, sit down. And everyone just kind of looks. I said, sit down. And everybody, they sit down. And I said, please sit down, because your panic and your chaos Right now is not serving the energy of this person who needs healing. Sit down, be quiet everyone. Please close your eyes so my team can address this situation. Please close your eyes and let's put some positive energy and prayer in the room for this person who needs our attention right now. They don't need negativity and fear in the room. Let's put some love and prayer. Let's do a little, let's send some energy. So please close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and remember, you can choose to contribute good energy to the situation. And so I had everyone close and their eyes take a few deep breaths and meditate or send prayer back to this person as my team was clearing that row and getting to this person so that when the paramedics would arrive, that person could be removed. Now here's the deal. I knew I had like 20 minutes at least before we could get a paramedic, probably at that spot in the seminar. And I thought, how am I going to buy 20 minutes? I mean, people are going to start freaking out. And I realized, no. If I set the emotional tenor in this room on purpose and if I ask of others to find the best within themselves, if I ask of others to take a breath, if I ask of others to be responsible for the energy they are projecting into this space, if I ask of that, and if I demonstrate that we'll make it through this moment. And that might not seem like a big deal, but I really believe the energy in that room either was serving this man as he was having a seizure or was making it worse. You know, imagine here he is having this unbelievable, stressful, life threatening situation. And if all around him everybody is screaming in chaos, the body feels that, you know, the body and the mind feels the energy of what is around it. And so if that is true, let us all be responsible for the energy we are projecting right now. I've seen friends who hop online and something's happening. And what are they doing? They're contributing to the chaos. They're posting snarky comments. There's sarcasm, blame, vitriol, anger. And I'm not here to say that we can't use our social mediums to contribute to an argument or to make a case. But every word has a tone to it. And the tone that we are setting in reply to chaos either furthers the chaos or it levels it. And the more of us who choose to be even tempered, thoughtful, caring, compassionate, you know, the values that we would all hope to have as a global citizenry, the more that we will Judiciously take action in a thoughtful way. That's the hope. And whether you believe that or not, I hope that you'll hear this first. Practice. Your family needs to see you centered, calm, strong, and assured in chaos. Otherwise, we are passing down panic to another generation. It's sad, in my view, that we have a world that is so connected, so potentially capable, so well informed, and yet we still have people who overreact. Now, I'm not saying that overreaction isn't something you would anticipate, but there's a difference between overaction, as in taking action to overprotect, like doing something useful to shore up things, versus an emotional overreaction of fear. You can deal with really difficult situations without the negative range of blame, vitriol, hate, and anger. Now, I know I'm preaching to the.

Choir, but I'm just here today to.

Touch base with you. You can set that emotional tenor. Let's all do a better job at that. Let me give you a couple examples of how I'm doing it right now. To stay centered amid chaos, you also have to stay a little distanced from chaos even as it is happening. I'll give you an example of how I'm doing it. And many of you guys know I have four major companies that I'm either, you know, the principal in or one of the principal investors in. And for me, like lots of different teams around the world, and obviously you've seen here, we have a global community. Well, for me, because I'm constantly being hit up on this phone by people from literally around the world. And. And people count on me to advise their companies. So what do I do? I don't engage the chaos all day. Instead, I work my plan. And many of you already know how. I do that with my morning routines. My morning routine doesn't change, still stays steady. Wake up, center my mind, plan my day, open up my body. But I also do simple things. Right now, right now, listen, I'm not checking in my phone every 10 minutes because right. Guess what you want to do in chaos.

Refresh. Refresh, refresh, refresh.

But every time you hit refresh, and every time you scroll, don't forget, it takes emotional and mental energy. And if.

Refresh, refresh, refresh.

Chaos. Bad news, Bad news. Bad news, bad news. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Just think about that for a minute. You're hitting the oh, my God button all day. When you're refreshing in chaotic news times, and that is creating the panic and the stress inside that is freaking you out. So as an example of simple things that I do, I only check in on the news twice a day. I always say news at noon, right? I'm going to get through my morning. I'm going to make the magic happen. I'm going to move my projects forward in the mornings. If it's news that I need to know about that affects me dramatically and locally, trust me, I'll hear about it. My friends or my wife or somebody will let me know via text. But I don't check in on the news because nothing's going to change for me in dealing with the news until around noon. And I know people say, well, what.

If this is canceled or that's canceled?

You'll hear it from your family, you'll get the news. But I don't check into the major media. I don't check into social media multiple times a day. I don't check into. And I'm talking about what people are doing right now. They're hitting refresh by the minute, by the five minutes, by the time. How many of you are guilty about this? How many of you have been addicted to refreshing in the last 72 hours? Right? It's easy to do that when there's chaos, but that's also the most important time not to do that for your own psyche, right? That's the most important time to separate yourself from chaos versus what do you do. Reconnect to it every 30 seconds. Think about what that does. You cannot doesn't matter how conscious or intelligent or brilliant or meditative you are. If you check into oh my God, bad news 24 7, there is no human that. That does not start to shape your emotional reality. No human alive. The Dalai Lama couldn't do it without feeling that emotion, if that's what he did 24 7. And right now, that's what we have people doing. And so I think what is necessary is to stay absolutely informed. But realize not a whole lot is going to shift in periods of time throughout the day. Now, I know it depends on what you do and how you respond in your career and where your family is and all these things. No question. No question. So here's what I suggest to you. To stay centered in the mid of the chaos, you choose how much you check in, you choose. And then at a conscious level, I'd say back it up a little bit. So however you're like, I gotta check 20 times this hour. But I'm like, okay, I appreciate that feeling and that concern. So let's just back. Could we Check in just five times in the hour so you can actually get something done. So please don't think I'm saying don't be involved or don't be informed. I'm saying don't let the chaos eat you alive. Because listen to this statement. Chaos inside grows as checking in on the outside grows, right? The more everyone's freaking out and the more you listen to all of it, the more it infects you. Because there is also another contagion going on right now. And if you've studied neuroscience with me for a while or you've been with me in this community for a while, you know how much we talk about emotional contagion. Energy spreads. It's like, listen, we can act without losing our center. We can act without spreading fear. We can act without the anxiety. Like the stuff that I have to take on on a daily basis. If you saw it, you'd be like, oh, my gosh. But I choose not to address it with anxiety. I choose to be in center of my emotional reality, the chooser, the captain of the ship. And I just want you to be that observer of how you've been dealing with this and choose to stay centered amid the chaos. I do things like keep your morning routine. It is so important right now, that is stability in an unstable world. Don't overly engage what is happening. Don't contribute to the negative energy in any way. Even if you want to trust me, when I do check in, I want.

To say, you idiots, oh my gosh.

What'S happening over here? Don't be that person. It's not going to help your spirit or your soul. I promise you. Be the person who's centered amid the chaos today.

I want to start with what we promise in growth day and what we talk about in growth day because we have three big themes that we're always working towards in growth day.

It's this.

It's this framework that I teach that I believe is really the drives that we're all after. This is something that we are going to work on together all year. Everybody wants these three things. We all want aliveness, connection, and meaningful pursuits. And these are things that I promise after you make your next 10,000 or $100,000, or you have your next child, or you move to that dream place or. Or you get that perfect job, or you start that new business, no matter how busy you get or how successful you get, these three things never go away. Our sense of aliveness is our sense of being. Our sense of aliveness is that thing that we all want enthusiasm, zest, pop, Joy, emotional vitality, right? Vibrancy, full presence, that sense of aliveness. Each day where we feel the day, where we bring the joy. These are themes. So here's what I have to ask you. What could you do this month to feel more alive? What could it be this month?

Maybe it's.

You get your family together on zoom once a week just to feel, like, a sense of joy if you like your family. If you don't, maybe you go take an adventure. Maybe you do more of your art. Maybe you do that creative endeavor again. You go out in the garage and you build the thing. Maybe you try something new. You challenge yourself. But also, please know what's the other side of aliveness? Well, deadness. So is there anything that's in your life that you're just like, that's just. That shouldn't be in my life. It drains your life. Drains your life. An obligation, a task that you can outsource or help get some assistance with. Is there something that is just draining your energy, your good energy? If it's a person, a place, a thing, what is it? Let's think about, okay, the last 30 days, the last 60 days here in 2021. Is there anything that has stolen your sense of aliveness? What is it? And how can you change that thing, alter that thing, outsource that thing, quit that thing? I mean, you want to feel more alive, you got to get rid of things that don't make you feel that way, but not in a. You have to do it in a responsible manner. We got to find what makes us feel alive. Maybe comedy makes you feel alive. Maybe you need to dance more. Maybe it's time you put on some music around the house. Whatever you got to do to feel more alive, that's got to be a focus of this month. Our theme is Focus. What should be our focus? How alive we feel, how present we feel, how vibrant and healthy we feel. These are things that you should plan for. These are things that you should plan for. The second thing you see, there is connection. We all want connection with ourselves, the world, other people, specifically, after we've had everything, want a deeper connection with self and others, right? What is that relationship that you need to improve with yourself or others or.

Your God or your creator?

What is that relationship that you go deeper on? As an example, somebody who you know, you should set your relationship goals on.

The first of the month, right?

So what are your relationship goals for this month? What's your relationship goal for your spouse or your relationship goal with your son or your daughter? What's your relationship goal with your key team members? So what are some goals you could.

Set.

To deepen connections with your customers, your clients, your friends, your family, your loved ones, your spouse, the kids? Like really think about that. Last up, but certainly not least is these meaningful pursuits. We all want a sense of meaning, satisfaction and engagement in pursuing something, in progressing towards something, in achieving or contributing or creating something. These are your creation goals or your contribution goals.

Right?

Your meaningful pursuits. It's your artistic endeavor, it's your hobby, it's your passion, it's your purpose, it's your mission. Whatever it is, it's something you draw meaning from just by being in the hunt, just by engaging or doing the thing. So what are you going to do this month that you're going to find meaningful, satisfying, fulfilling? And again, what are the things you got to get rid of? They're just not tasks that you find meaningful, fulfilling, satisfying, engaging. So let's talk about focus now. So if we set our goals each month around aliveness, around connection, around meaningful pursuits, and we think about how we want to grow into those things, let's figure this out. Your focus at any given time is based on what I call three states of mind. And these three states of mind are where your mind is going at any given time, consciously or unconsciously. Very few people are aware of it, but once you become aware of it, you realize how you can regain.

Regain your focus.

For the most part of our unconscious life, especially as we're young and striving to build something and we're not familiar with personal development, we're just kind of going through the motions. Our mind, our mental chatter, a lot of our unconscious thoughts are built on protecting ourselves. Our thoughts are protectionist.

Right?

It's you all call this survival mode. Your mind has that, you know, part of our evolutionary history that is very focused on protecting ourselves. And we protect ourselves not just physically, but we protect ourselves emotionally and mentally. And so what does this have to do with focus? A lot of people's focus without them even being aware of their consciousness. Yet a lot of their focus is always on worry, on protecting ego, on fear based thinking. All of these thoughts, this mental chatter is to protect oneself or one's things or one relationships, or one's standing and identity in the world. I need to protect my status, my ego, and my standing in this community, right? I'm embarrassed to be seen starting small because I need to protect the sense that I have strength and respect. We're protecting ourselves a lot.

Why do.

I bring this up? Well, we're in March. You had January at your big Vision New Year's goal session. We crushed it. January and February, you got these dreams out there. If you are not moving towards them swiftly with focus and discipline, it's because in your mind it's saying, be careful. Don't go too fast. What if they don't like you? What if it doesn't work out? And in the way that you know you're protecting mindset, it always almost is this internal state of thought that says, what if? Followed by a negative statement. What if it doesn't go well? What if I don't know what I'm doing? What if they judge me? What if there's ruin? What if there's regret? What if there's disaster? What if it was better over there and I wasted my time? What if I choose the wrong thing? That's the protecting mind. Sometimes, when we don't have the focus we want during the day, it's because we're scared all the time. You know why a lot of people lack discipline? Not because they don't have things they want. It's because it's easier not to do something when you're scared. It's because it's easier not to do something when all your thoughts are saying, what if this doesn't turn out? Well, let me just disengage. It's not that you as a human lack the character trait of discipline and hard work or commitment. It's that your thoughts are betraying you. Your thoughts are on this merry go round of doubt. You follow? And that doubt sounds like protective thinking. Protecting the ego, the sense of security, protecting who we feel like we should be or are. Protecting our current bank account, protecting our current progress. And I'm not here to say protecting thoughts are bad. I'm here to contextualize our conversation today about focus and discipline and drive. So if you feel like you lack focus, you probably have a lot of fear. If you feel like you lack discipline, you have a lot of doubts. If you feel like you lack drive, you have a lot of discouragement. Because every time you try something, the brain goes, well, I look stupid. I better quit. This ain't working. What if it gets worse? What if it never turns out? What if followed by a negative statement is how our mind can trick us from being focused, disciplined and driven? Now listen. Thank God our mind has that mental chatter of protecting. It's the thing that keeps you out of going down strange places where your intuition is saying, hey, don't go there. It's what helps you protect yourself in times of crises. It activates the part of you that reacts swiftly and carefully to protect your physical being.

Right.

It's survival mode. Sometimes survival mode is needed when you're in real threat. But I can also share with you. I thought my plane was going to crash and I didn't allow my brain to go into threat. I heard it go there and I said, let me choose a different thought pattern right now. Let me turn my focus to something useful. If I'm and you all. I hope this doesn't sound metaphorical because this is real. If that plane is going to go down when I'm in it, I don't want my last minute or two to be focused on the terror of it. I grab my thoughts back and I start praying and giving appreciation for this incredibly blessed life. I start asking for my family and my friends to know I lived a happy life, for them to continue living a happy and a great life even if I'm not here. I want to be intentional with that last minute or two or three minutes, even though my amygdala is going, holy crap, this plane, the smell that's still there. But what I'm trying to encourage you is with enough time and personal development, you can override the protectionist things that take away from the experiences that you want in life. We can teach our brain we can override those things with enough time. I'm not here to say it's easy. I'm here to say it's required for a good life. That's the difference. I don't care if it's easy. I just go crazy. When people say, well, Bren, that sounds hard or it's easy for you, I'm like, oh, ease is not the goal. Progress is. Ease is not the goal. Consciousness is. I'm not worried about making it easy on you. I'm here to say these are the requirements of a good life. What else? Where else is our brain?

Often?

Well, often in our day to day, we're actually more in what I call a processing mind. Right, a processing mind. What does that mean? Well, a processing mind means it's your thinking mind. It's your thinking mind. So what is that? Well, it's you just ruminating on things, thinking through things. Why did she do that? Why do I feel this way? What's next? What do I need? What am I learning here? Why did that thing happen? It's the questioning, inquisitive, curious mind that's just chugging along. It's just. It's just going. And that inquisitive mind is wondering how things are going to turn out. Or it's wondering what's next. Or it's wondering. But here's something to know. Here's something to know. This is also where analysis paralysis happens. We got any over thinkers out here?

Anyone? Just.

You're always you just thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking, studying and studying and studying, but not always taking action. Just like you're stuck in processing all the time. Or some of you, something happened last week and you're still thinking about it. It's gone. It should be let go, it should be forgiven. It shouldn't be on your mental dashboard today. You got missions to serve, people to serve, things to do today. But you're still thinking about something that happened. I was in an emergency plane ride on Tuesday. I'm not feeling it or thinking about it today other than to share a lesson with you. It's not like I woke up today thinking about it. No. Instead I said, well, that's not going to be useful. Me processing that a million times and running it over and over in my mind. What is that going to achieve?

Okay, it happened.

Cool. What's the lesson? Great. Move on. And this is so important. Some of you are still feeling the same anger and emotion about something that happened a decade ago. And it's stealing from your aliveness. It's stealing from your connection with other people. It's stealing from your sense of meaning and joy. And you got to get a hold of that. If you got divorced 10 years ago and you're still processing it, get a therapist. And I mean that with not judgment, with joy to recommend professionals to you. If you're still processing something that happened when you were in high school, when she broke up with you or that person, and that negative thinking or that negative emotional reality is still here with you decades later, raise your hand and be proud about asking for help and getting a professional person to help you work through that. I'm not here to say that we should all be able to get over things quickly. If you've ever studied my work, you recognize I don't lack empathy or intelligence around how the brain works.

I get it right.

I spend my life in human behavior change. I understand it takes time. I understand it needs support. I understand sometimes you don't even know what's going on. And that's why you might need a coach or a therapist or to at least even voice it for the very first time to your friends, your family. Your community. But if you're still processing over and over, replaying things from the past over and over and over again in a way that's limiting your. Your sense of aliveness, connection, or meaningful pursuits, it's time to deal with that thing, right? Sometimes the most powerful thing in processing is to close it down.

What do I mean by that?

Okay, that situation, I didn't like it, period. Didn't like it. Learn from it, period. And not drag all those emotions into today. Not drag all that feeling into today.

Right?

And I'm not here to offer therapeutic advice to you. I'm a coach.

But what I'm here to suggest to.

You is that be aware of where are you stuck on something. Where are you just in forever processing, thinking, ruminating, because that can also spin your mind into equal deficit as much as protecting. And all of a sudden, it's just like, ugh. And what I want to encourage you to do, even in those experiences, at some point, we got to shift the mind into progressing. Progressing. Okay, what's the next right action of integrity for me? What's the next thing I can do to move the ball forward? What's the next thing I can say to myself to release the past and get on with it?

Right.

Sometimes we have to interrupt the thoughts and say, okay, what's next?

Let me.

Let me get this old clunky brain here into motion again. And that's what's going to give you the aliveness and the connection and the progress towards those meaningful pursuits. It's like, you got to take hold of mine and go, okay, what's the next right action of integrity? Like, let me switch my gears. That's why I have to fill out my high performance planner every morning. Because my mind, I'm a nutty professor. I will be in processing and thinking and analytical all day.

I will.

I have to go, Brennan. Okay, action, Progress. Move it forward. Otherwise, you know what? Without progress, the mind goes a little batty. It gets restless, it gets frustrated. Now you get discouraged and sad and upset. But we need a little bit of that progress to sense that momentum. And that momentum gives us more confidence. That confidence gives us more competence. Those senses give us a little more mastery and engagement of the day. But guess what? Some of you, you're in progress mode all the time, and your family's like, can you take a minute to just eat your food? Can you just chill out for five minutes to be with your child? Can you just relax one night? Can you just not work till X amount? Or could you please stop Putting in the hundred hour work week. Like, you know, sometimes when you're in just action, progress, progress, progress mode, we're in trouble. So all of these things, I hope you hear me saying, examples of good and bad, right? Protecting can be good, processing can be good, progress can be good. But they can also equally have their negative flip side, right? If you progress, if you're always progress.

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

And you don't take care of yourself, we're in trouble. So I'm hoping to draw this out, to say your focus is in one of these three buckets. Sometimes it's all simultaneous, sometimes it's one focus. Some of you live a life in one of these buckets.

Does that make sense?

Maybe it's like you might go. Some of you can identify a year or two or 10 years where you were just in one of these things and you never made that shift.

Here's how to do great network in the room. So let's put you in the room, right? Been invited to an event where, you know, a lot of movers and shakers are there, or people who could be in your group or your downline or could become clients or are peers who you really respect. What's the best way to start that first conversation? My first piece of advice for you in networking is to always use the context to your advantage. Use the context, what does that mean? It means the opening line and the opening conversations to you that are 100% available all of the time is getting the other person talking about where they're at, right? If you're all at a particular type of networking event in a particular kind of building, well, obviously you can talk about that area of town, you can talk about that building. If you're there at a symphony, you get to talk about the symphony, right? The context itself gives you so much conversation points. But what I want to do is actually give you my super secret, super famous line that will do it for you. That is so powerful. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to say to them, okay, are you ready for this? I want you to say to them, let's say you're at a. I'm just going to use an example. You're at a fundraiser. You're at a fundraiser, there's a lot of people there. And at this fundraiser you have the ability to meet some people. That first person you walk at the fundraiser, what do you say? Like, we have a lot of really successful people here watching this. So type down below in the comments down below, please what would you say to the person? You're at a fundraiser, you meet somebody, what would you say to them? First line out of your mouth. First line out of your mouth. What would you say to them? What do you want to think about it? Would you go to them and give them your elevator pitch? Probably not. You don't know anything about them. You can introduce yourself, introduce your name, that's helpful. But do you introduce your name and then tell them what you do? However the chit chat happens and chitchat is usually contextual, right? That's why I say use the context. Chit chat, it can be. You know, this fundraiser is really amazing. You're at a fundraiser. This fundraisers are really amazing. How did you hear about it? Here we are, a whole group of people together. It's the easiest first thing. Hey, here we are at the symphony. How'd you hear about it? Hey, here we are at this networking event for multi level marketing. Hey, here we are. This multi network marketing thing. How'd you hear about this company? How did you hear about it? Is the easiest entry. Oh, I got this person introduced me or I heard about it this way, my friend. Like starting with. That's why I say use the context. Ask how did you hear about this very event we're at? We're at the symphony, we're at the fundraiser, we're at the network event. How'd you hear about this thing? Oh, my buddy, so and so Pete. Oh, cool. Why did you want to come here? That next question. Why did you want to come? I know the director. My friend's in the downline.

Oh, I wanted to come as this.

How did you hear about it? Why did you want to come? That why did you want to come? Is often a jumping point in asking what they do, right? Oh, how did you hear about it? Why did you want to come? Oh, that's interesting. What do you do? Oh, well, I'm in this area. I'm in that area. Okay, cool. That is the easiest chit chat way to get into a conversation. How'd you hear about it? Why did you want to come? What do you do? Simple, simple, three steps, right? So I always. That's always easy for me. Always easy for me. But then I don't like to spend too much time chit chatting from there. That's as much as I'm going to chit chat. I don't want to talk about the weather, I don't want to talk about the punch, I don't want to gossip. My next favorite question, this is like the big four, I call it sometimes. How'd you hear about it? Why did you want to come and what do you do next? Big question I love to ask is, you know, there's a lot of really successful people here. What do you think made you like the most successful in what you do? And it's complimentary, right? What do you think made you successful? When you think about your career or your life, you know, what do you think are three things that made you successful?

I'm just curious.

I loved asking people that. I kind of collect people's success stories, like what made you successful? And they're like, oh, well, gosh, I had mentors. My mom was like this. Oh, I practiced these habits. Oh, well, I worked really hard. And whatever they share now the relationship really deepens. Well, it made me successful. You know, I had great parents. Oh, tell me about them. Tell me about them. I had great mentors. Huh? Who is the number one mentor? Oh, you know, I guess I just had a lot of doors open for me and I had a lot of luck. Well, what was like the biggest door that over opened for you? Whatever they say, when you say, hey now, notice the context here. There's a lot of successful people here. What do you think made you successful? Whatever comes out, just dig down another two layers. My parents, tell me about them. Who's most, you know, just like whatever that comes from there? My mentor. Oh, who is the most important mentor? What's the best value they ever talk to if you get someone talking about what made them successful? Have you ever noticed people like to talk about themselves? I'm sure you all read Dale Carnegie's how to Win Friends and Influence People. His whole thing is smile at other people and ask them about themselves and use their name. I think that was the big three things, right?

So simple, right?

Smile, ask them to talk and use their name a lot. I mean, listen guys, it doesn't have to be that hard, but I promise you, if you go in weaponized with this information, comment, use the context. Huh? How'd you hear about it? Why did you want to come here? What, what do you do? And lots of successful people here. What made you successful? Do that with one person. Then when that natural break in the conversation comes, guess what they're probably going to do? After you've asked those types of questions, they'll ask you the same or you share like they share. I was successful because these things, then you get to share what made you successful. Oh, I totally get that. You know, for me it was just like this. But they'll ask. Most people will ask. I'd say 80% of them will ask back, oh, well, what do you do? What made you successful? And now you started the conversation in recognition that you're both successful, that everything's good. Now I know some people are going.

To comment down below, well, what if.

The person I'm talking to isn't successful? And they're like, well, I'm not successful. And be like, oh, well, what's been the biggest obstacle you faced so far? That's it. What's been the biggest obstacle you faced so far? When you find that out, you start learning about the person and seeing where you can add value. And I also know some of you have the self perception problem where you don't have the confidence yet. So you're like, well, when they say, well, what made you successful? And you're like, well, I'm bankrupt. I'm living on my friends couches. And if you think I'm making fun of you, I'm not. That was my real story. So I was still out there networking. I was bankrupt. I was literally living. My friends wouldn't even give me the dignity of their couch. They gave me a half inflated airbed on the side of the, you know, the little nook between the TV and the wall. You know, at that point, like, our.

Couch is too valuable for you, Burchard.

So it's a true story. I was networking even then and I remember once a person saying to me something similar. It's like, oh, well, you must be successful being this room. And I said, you know what, I feel like I'm successful because I'm a grateful person and I just want to add value to people. And I kind of feel like I'm on my starting journey of that. Any tips for the new guy? And that humility. If you're talking with somebody who's more successful, asking them for tips in your genre, in your career, in your industry is so valuable. And I always said something like that. I was like, any tips for the new guy? Just humble, like, wow, you're so amazing at what you're doing. Any tips for the new guy? They'd always say the same thing. Keep working at it. Keep believing in yourself, work hard. They'd always say the same things and like, that's really good advice. What do I say with that? I wouldn't. Most people, when they ask someone for advice, do you have any advice for me? What they usually do is their next move. You want to ask them for something, oh, that's good. Can I ask you a favor instead? When they say, you know what, Yeah, I can give you some tips. Tell you what, work hard, be grateful, keep at it. The first thing I say to them is like, those are really good. Who taught you? Those who taught you? X is one of my favorite questions to ask somebody. When someone ever gives me advice, I'm like, I love that. Who taught you that? Sometimes I say, I learned it through, you know, hard knocks kid. Most of the time they're like, you know what? I had a mentor. What would the mentor teach you? When you get someone talking about what made them successful or who their mentors were, it's a whole different relationship than everyone else. They're talking about what the weather or what that woman's wearing over there. Don't gossip and don't chit chat. The most amount of chit chat I will allow for you is, how'd you hear about this? Why'd you want to come? Anything outside of that, I really believe if it doesn't lead you towards observing successful people here, acknowledging them that they're a successful person, asking what they're doing or what has made them successful, I think you're missing huge opportunities and I think all of you will be stunned when you actually put this into play. Like, I know you can be writing down a journal right now, you're like, yeah, yeah, Brandon, sounds good. But these strat when you actually do them and you leave that party or you leave that networking event, you're like, whoa. That was a whole different conversation. And why do I ask you to do this? Relationships and the conversation of success tend to be things that are very personal for people. It's about their dreams and their relationships. So guess what? You talked to person number one and you talked about what made them successful. Maybe you got some tips from them. Maybe you learned about who made them successful. You talked to person number two, three, four, and five. When you go to introduce person number five to person number one, you get to say something very honoring of them. When you introduce person five to number one, you say, hey, person number five.

I want you to meet person one.

We just met. But what I love about person number one is that, like me, they had a mom that taught them about life. Or what I love about person number one is, you know, they became very successful in this pharmaceutical thing they were just telling me about. And they really became successful because they felt like they had this amazing, like, daily habit. Would you tell them about the daily habit? Would you tell them about your mom? Would you tell Them about this successful thing. You already have an introduction, and I want you to write down this phrase. Person number five, meet person number one. What I love about person number one is when you do that, person number one is like, he listened. Wow. This person absolutely listened to. This person is honoring me in front of another person right now. That's amazing. And then if you can engage them and say, hey, person number one, you know, reason I brought person number five over here is because I thought they had the similar value or the similar experience or they're successful. And what I love about them is. And all you are doing is you are linchpinning these two together based on what you loved and respected about what they told you about their success journey or their relationships. Got it? I'm always listening for what's their success journey and who's important in their relationships. If they honored their mom, their first teacher, there's something like that. So let me give you an example. Remember I told you about my teacher Linda ballou a minute ago? If you and I are at a party now and you come up with another person you've met at that party and say, hey, brendon, I want you to meet person number five, Sarah here. Don't say person number five. That might be weird. But say, brendan, I'd like you to meet Sarah. You know what, Sarah? One thing I love about Brendon is, you know, as he's striving for success, he's still thanking his teachers from 25 years ago. Brendan, you have that story about Linda ballou. Tell Sarah about it. I'm gonna be like, you are awesome. Yes. Please let me talk about Linda ballou. She's important in my life, and now I'm gonna have that connection with Sarah. So I'm gonna tell Sarah about Linda ballou. And then I'm gonna say what to Sarah? Did you have any important teachers in your life? And she's gonna say, oh, yes, my fifth grade teacher. So and so. And we're gonna have this great conversation. And when we leave at night, we didn't talk about the weather or the punch bowl. I'm gonna remember forever her teacher. She's gonna remember forever my teacher. Now we have something real, and you were the linchpin to unite us in a beautiful memory about someone who made a difference in our life. Are you following the different strategy here? It's such a different experience. This is why you're in coaching. This is high performance experience. There's a different experience in life. It's sometimes so simple and subtle. But your job is getting people to share about their success journey and the relationships that were important to them. And then you get to connect people that way. It's everything. Next up, what else can you do? I think asking people about their priorities is everything. Is everything. I mean, I might only be three, four, five minutes into a conversation and I'll say something like, you know what, it's mid February. What's most important to you to finish this month? That's a priority, right? What's most important to you this month? Or if it's the first of the month, Or I'll just use the date or the time or the season, hey, you know, we're in the last quarter of the year, like what are you trying to do by the end of the year? Or hey, you know what, it's Valentine. What's most important to you right now about your relationship? Right. Whatever you like. Use context, use the time of the year and ask them what's most important to you in X? Whatever it is you know you shared with me. You're trying to build schools in this other country. What's most important to you about making that happen? What's the most important thing to you about making that happen? What's the most important thing that you need to do in the next three months to make that happen? I love that question. If someone ever shares a dream with you, I really want you to listen to me closely. If anyone ever shares a goal or a dream with you, your next follow up question should be something the effect of, oh wow. What's most important for you to do in the next three months to make that happen? And here's why I love to ask that question. If you say, what's your first step? Everyone's going to say, what's the first step? But if you say, what's most important to you to do in the next three months, it stops the person and makes them think, why is that important? When you stop a human at a networking event and you make them think they want to stay in conversation with you longer, you're going beyond the punch bowl now, you're having a deep conversation. What's most important to you in the next three months to make happen towards your dreams? Not many people talk like that. When you're someone who's talking like that, they're just like, wow, you know, this person is interested in my dreams. And I think that's really vital to have. Okay, I think there's three things you should know about every person that you're going to meet. At least five people at a networking event. Anywhere else out there, I think there's three things. Number one, always know what people are trying to create or build. Are they trying to create a movement? Are they trying to create a better career? Are they trying to create a better life for their family? Are they trying to build a school? Are they trying to build competency in a specific skill set? Are they trying to build their empire? What every person, like, we're built, like one of our human aspirations is our desire of creation. We came from creation. If you're a spiritual person, if not, no worries. But like, things are created, things build. The universe is being created by itself. Even if you don't believe in God, it's building and expanding itself. Like that is part of our DNA and part of the whole universe. So it's like, what is it a human is trying to create and build in their life? Some people, they're just trying to build their career. So what do they want to do in their career? Ask them. Ask them. I always like that I'm a person who. I don't mince words a lot. I don't chit chat a lot. So I ask them directly. I'm like, hey, at this stage of your life or your career, what is it you're really trying to create and build? That's literally the question I try to ask. What is it you are trying to create and build? What is it you are trying to create and build at this stage of your life or your credit, your career? And sometimes I'm just trying to create some sanity at home. Great. Now you know what's important to them. And now you continue that conversation. Oh, what's up at home? And now you learn some things. Now you might be able to recommend some books or introduce them to someone who's dealing with those same parental issues or the same relational issues. So what are they trying to create and build? This one I love in my own industry. What are you trying to create and build? I'm trying to build my Instagram. Oh, what do you want to achieve with your Instagram? I'd like to reach a million people. Oh, what's the message you'd like to get to a million people? Oh, I'd like to get them, you know, this message that they have a second chance and that every day they can, you know, live extraordinary lives if they choose to. If they practice the right habits and mindset. Oh, okay, cool. You know what?

I know somebody else in this room.

Who'S in personal development.

Do you know that person?

Over there. No, hang on a second. Grab them. Hey, you know what I love about this person right here? They're trying to impact the world in a positive way. You've done that. Could you share any lessons on your success journey with them that might help? Ask people to share their advice with each other when you know they have similar backgrounds. Huge. Next up. I love this question. What's the hardest part? What's the hardest part? I met Bill Gates several times, as some of you guys know. And.

And I.

The first time I ever met him, first time I ever met him. Inspired by a question Larry King told me. I maybe four minutes in, I said, so at this stage of your career, what's the hardest part of what you're doing? And he just lit up.

Oh, we're trying to solve that.

You know, he was trying to. I think if I remember the timing right, he was like, trying to solve malaria. Worldwide big problem. But it was like, oh, what's the hardest part of that? He's like, getting the right people to believe it's possible. I said, that's amazing. You've gotten people to believe what's possible in so many ways before what worked in the past. And he was just, he was so excited to share these things. And it was just from this question of what's the hardest part?

Last piece.

Is their connections. Not as in, who are you connected to? As in, like, is there anyone you've been trying to meet that you felt like, or is there any type of person or any network that you're trying to get into? I might not know them, but who are you trying to connect with at this stage of your career? Who would you love to be connected with in this room? Right? I love to ask that question. If I'm in a room, 40 people networking, if I'm talking to someone. So, Pete, you know, there's a lot of people here. Who here would you love to meet? I'd love to meet Sally over there. Oh, do you know Sally? No, I don't. I'll be right back.

I'm.

Hi, Sally. How are you? I'm trying to meet some people around you around here, and I know you probably are too. Like, how'd you hear about this event? Oh, that's how you heard about it? Well, why did you come? Oh, you came. What do you do? Ah, okay. Hey, tell you what, I know someone.

Who wants to meet you too.

Can I make an introduction?

Sure.

Brings.

Hey, salary meet Pete.

Now you got what I'm talking about. This can be your day for personal growth. This can be that day you committed to. You remember, you go, that was the day I got myself a community. I got better coaches. I committed to making my life the absolute best that I could. This is that day. Make today your growth day. Click the button on this page and sign up right now.