Nurturing Great Relationships

Everybody wants better relationships because you and I both know when your relationship sucks, your life sucks. But a ton of people have terrible relationships and they don't know why. And they're constantly fighting and they're always in the argument mode. They're always, like, thinking the other person isn't sufficient, isn't delivering for them, isn't happy for them, isn't supportive enough. And so you have all these people who have, like, good people in their lives, but their relationships suck. And sometimes the relationship sucks with their family or their friends, or it can be their significant other, and it's just like, it makes you want to tear your hair out. So let me give you four ideas that can actually help you improve your relationships. Nurturing, deeper, better relationships with anybody, right? Friends, family, or your significant other. Your partner, your lover. So the first idea is you never know a person if you don't know their goals. And if you don't know their goals, you're never going to be a great friend. You'll never be their great lover, their great supporter, their great family member. And it's weird, though, because most people actually don't know other people's goals. I'll ask family members to say, what's your sister's goals? You know, she wants to be a dancer. Okay, what kind of dancer? When. What does she want to do with that career? Is it short term? Is it long term? Like, you have to really get into people's goals to understand their heart. And so that's what I want you to do, is if you want to be a great spouse to somebody, you got to re engage and say, hey, what do you want at this stage of your life? Because I know you used to want, then we had kids, but where are you at now? You gotta get in that conversation with your partner and say, hey, listen, I know we've been through a couple of weird months where we just haven't really felt each other out. It's like, let's just do some personal development. Like, what do you really want to do right now at this stage of your life? Because you have to understand when I say this stage of your life, that's very specific. Meaning a lot of people's goals change. And it changes like, every three months, every year, every three years. So if you haven't had the conversation with the important people in your life recently about what your goals are and about what their goals are, then I'm telling you, you're just skimming at the surface. Because if you don't support other people's dreams how can you ever have a deep relationship with them? And if you don't share your dreams and your heart and your desire with other people, how could they possibly help you meet that hunger? How can they possibly help you become the best version of you if you haven't shared it? So you also have to be very honest with what's your real thoughts? What's your real feelings? What's your real dreams? What do you really want at this stage of your life with all the important people around you? It's one of my favorite things to do with high performers to say, okay, do all the people around you know what you really want right now? Are they clear on what your goals are? Are they clear about how they can support that or how much you want them to be involved in it? It's like a lot of people start their own business, but they don't tell the other people around them what that business is, what it requires, how they love. And so we all go it alone. And isn't going it alone the opposite of having healthy, supportive relationships? So first thing you gotta do if you want better relationships, get to know other people's goals. Second thing you gotta know and you have to share is people's fears. And your fears. You have to know your spouse, your partner, your friend's fears. Because if you don't know their fears, you don't really know them. Because, you know, isn't it true we're all kind of like running around sometimes feeling inadequate or unworthy or undeserving? Isn't true we all have a bad day? Isn't true we all doubt ourselves? Isn't it true sometimes our fears prevent us from chasing our dreams? That's part of life. And if you don't know that part of the life of your partner or your friend or your spouse or your kids, do you really know them? If you don't know what people are scared of, you don't know their outer limits. If you don't know what people are scared of or fear, you don't know what their real comfort zone is. Meaning, A, you can't make sure that they have that comfort, that certainty, that stability with you. And B, you can't help them grow. And if you're in a relationship with somebody who can't help you grow or you can't help them grow, they get bored with you and they move on. And a lot of relationships that could have been great end because the people didn't realize what either the goals were or what their fears were. Because, listen, you might have somebody who's they're desperately afraid of losing you, but they've never shared it. And so they're running around this insecurity in your relationship all the time, and you're never really getting to know that. You really don't understand that. So those, those nights out when you're late, they're having fears. Those nights out when you don't respond to the text, they're having fears. Those times that you don't reply fast enough, they start wondering things, and those fears grow into doubt about the relationships or doubt about your character. And all of a sudden you're fighting about stupid stuff. And if you knew that they were worried about those types of things or fearful of those types of things, you could preempt those and say, hey, listen, I know this has been an issue for you before, or I know this is a concern, but here's what's happening, here's what's going on. Meaning once you know someone's fears, you can over communicate and you can cut off those fears in advance. And now they feel supported and. And now they're not scared. In your relationship, you have to know people's goals and their fears. The third thing you gotta do is create unique, varied experiences. You know, a lot of people in relationships, they just go through the motions. Ah, let's go out to the movie, let's go out to dinner. And then they're out to movies and they're on the phone, or out to dinner, and they're on the phone and they're not even paying attention to the other person. Trying to create magic. But if you remember, at the beginning of a relationship, you really worked hard to do unique things. Take some to a nice restaurant to create an experience. At the park or at the show, you worked hard to set up flowers for them or give them a nice card like you were thinking about experiences. Oh, I love you so much. Let's go. Let's go to Italy, let's go to France someday. Let's go and swim with the dolphins. I mean, you had all these ideas for adventures and unique experiences, and then it turned into Thursday night Netflix. Four barrels of popcorn and a barrel of wine. And all of a sudden you're like, why don't we have the zest and the pop anymore? Because you stop creating experiences that brought out that newness and that vibrancy and that adventure and that growth together. Like the most important thing in great relationships, they do things together. And this applies to your friends too. Like, are you creating situations with your friends where you go out on adventure together. I mean, when's the last time you really hung out with your friends and you did something new? Not the same old thing, something new? When's the last time in your relationship, maybe your marriage or your partner, did you really try to, like, craft something magical? And often people, they'll realize they didn't try to craft something magical in years. And now they wonder why their marriage is in trouble. They haven't tried to craft something magical in months, and they wonder why their boyfriend's disinterested. You have to work hard in relationships. You have to plan in relationships. You have to make sure that that variety is there and that experiences forming a tighter bond. Because, listen, you can share your goals and share your fears. You can talk all day, you can have great dates. But if you're not having new experiences together, suddenly you get bored with each other and the magic is gone. So what geek out thing could you do together? What new thing can you see? What exciting thing can you participate in together? Is there a show coming up? I always love to tell people, you should know everything cool coming to your town this weekend. So if you want to ask your girlfriend or your friends or your partner, your spouse to that thing, you got it. Listen, it's in the newspaper. It's like, here's everything happening cool in town. Go do more stuff together. And the connection deepens. I would say the fourth big thing that you have to do is you have to share your personal growth journey with others. I mean, every week, what would it sound like and what would it be like if you said to someone, hey, here's something I learned about myself this week, hey, here's the things I'm working on. Hey, you know, I've got this weakness over here. I'm trying to strengthen it up. If you shared your growth, the journey with other people, instead of like feeling like you have to be so perfect with other people, say, you know what, I'm really struggling in this area, but here's what I'm trying to do better at it. Do you have any advice for me? If you sought advice for other people about your personal growth, if you shared with other people what's the books you're reading, what's the courses you're reading? Share this video with them, Share my podcast with them. Share whatever you're consuming that's making you better share, share that more and talk about it more. Put the conversation of personal development into your relationships. And then those relationships start to grow automatically because the discussion is there. If the conversation of personal development is always present in your relationship. Your relationship is always getting better. If the conversation about personal development is never in your relationship, then your relationship will always be stagnant because you're not growing together. But if you're growing together, you'll be happier together, you'll be together longer, and you will feel more connected with the very important people in your life. Relationships bring life to life, so do a better job at it. Sam.