Stop Being a Helpful Burnout

Are you the helpful burnout? The person who's always saying, hey, let me in, let me help, let me add value, let me be of service to other people. But sometimes you find yourself compromising your own well being, your own sanity, your own agenda, your own life. Do you feel like you go from relationship to relationship and you're the most helpful one in it and you don't get enough back? Or sometimes you're working and you're just giving and giving and giving and you feel like you fall off any self care, you fall off your own routines and you feel like you're blending those boundaries too much between life, between work, between relationships where you just go, I'm losing myself here a little bit in the mix. First off, don't worry, happens for all of us at some point. Because if you're a person of service, if you're a giver, if you have high degrees of kindness and compassion, wanting to serve and give others is a great compelling need and a don't stop doing that. See, people think they have to stop doing that and then they get themselves in trouble because in their heart says, I want to give more. So it's not about stopping that. It's about achieving a greater level of balance. Now everyone today says, well, Brendon, you know, life balance isn't possible. You don't understand. I go, no, no, no. Life balance is possible. The only reason people believe it's not is because so many people has failed at it that it's become a cultural meme to say it's not possible. But believe me, millions of people have found balance and they're doing just fine. Maybe you just don't hear about them as much because they're not out there complaining. But you can do it. You can find that secret magic of how much can I give without burning out my life or taking away from my own needs. So let's talk through that. First big idea is you need to make sure you are clear on what your needs are. What really are your needs and your priorities that you don't want to compromise or fall out of balance from. Lots of people will find themselves completely out of balance or burned out. And they're like, I don't know why? And I'll say, well, what did you want? And they're not sure. It's just like goals, right? You ask people, you know, what is it you don't want to deal with anymore in life? And they have a big long list. But then say, what do you want of life? And they go, I don't know. And so if you're not clear on what you do want for your own practices, for your own habits, for your own well being, if there's a list somewhere that says, this is kind of what I want my life to be like, my days to be like, these are habits and routines that I value, that I prioritize, that are big and important to me. If you don't have that list written down somewhere, then it's not real and your day will be continued to be defined by randomness, not routine. The more it's driven by randomness, the more it is you'll blend and bleed over the lines between work, career, serving others, serving your own well being. So make sure it's written down somewhere. These are the things that are important to me. Second, you need to know where you really add value and where it is that you add value that matters. Because I bet a lot of people ask you for a lot of things. You know, I teach a program called High Performance Academy and as we talk to high performers, high level achievers, they're always the ones who get asked to do the most because they're good. And when you get someone who's good, they're constantly overwhelmed with requests. So it's important for that person who's good, the achiever, to know what's your role, where do you add value the most? And be really clear on that, like where do you really add value the most? And all the other things that come along, you say, I can't focus on those things. I'm going to focus on these big moving pieces that I know I add the most value to and these other pieces, that's not for me, it's very, very important. Because just like not having a list of what's important to you, not having knowledge of what you're best at makes you do everything else. And now it's where you get the, you know, very senior executive doing, you know, tiny little admin things versus focusing on their unique ability or their strengths. Third, big idea. Say no. Say no early, say no often. Once you know those first two things, anything that butts up against them, that's going to mess up with your values, your priorities, your routines, your habits, or is not going to contribute to the value you really add. That's a no. It's got to be an automatic no, a first time no, an immediate no. Don't trudge around going, oh, you know, I'll tell them someday, I don't want to do this. It's no. Because the way to set boundaries is with a no. It's not with a yes to, and then I'll explain later. It's you teaching yourself and giving yourself permission to value yourself and value the value that you're capable of adding by saying no to everything else that comes your way. Look, if you say no and the person who you're trying to serve, or the company you're trying to serve, or the cause or the mission or the relationship that you're trying to serve doesn't like it, and they can make a great case why, that you could figure out a way to do it well and do it without distraction to your life and still add value, great. But if they can't make the case, it stays a no. I always tell people, the higher levels that you get in achievement and success and fulfillment in your life, the more you should say no. At the beginning, you know, you're just starting out and you're new to any opportunity. Everything is yes because you're trying to learn, you're trying to acquire skill, you're trying to make money. But once you've learned you've acquired some skill, you made money. More people rely on you, more people ask for things from you. The automatic first answer should almost always be no. Until you can justify. Until they can justify, make yourself or make other people make the case why you should make yes to things. And if you can't make it and they can't make it, it's a no. Trust me, this will save your day. And last little simple one, have a weekly honesty session. My sessions are on Sunday. Every Sunday, I sit and I journal a lot about my life and my week. And one of the honesty things is, did I protect my boundaries? It's a question I ask myself every Sunday. Did I protect my boundaries this week? And I'll just think about where I felt like I just kind of went over or I extended myself. I didn't recover, I didn't take time. I didn't complete that routine, that habit, that project that was important to me. And by having a weekly check in, it makes you more focused and diligent when those things come up. The reason a lot of people hit burnout isn't because it's a sudden thing. It happens because it's week after week after week after week after week after week after week, compromising yourself. So if you're checking in each week, it's more likely you're going to stop that and say, oh, my gosh, look how poorly I managed this week. Look how poorly I failed to. You know, I Didn't say no. Look how many places I took on new things today or this week that I shouldn't have. You need a weekly accountability moment. Whether it's journaling, talking to a friend, talking to your life coach, your certified high performance coach, talking to somebody who can say, sounds like you're overextending yourself, or where you can write and look and say, I took on too many projects this week. And if you'll do these four things, you'll start to find it's much more likely that you say like, oh, my life is imbalanced. Oh, I am happy with the amount of work I'm doing, with the amount I'm giving to this relationship, versus just feeling like everybody's taking away from me. It's on you. You own your life. Nobody else is going to make it great. You got to set the stake in the ground, set your boundaries, do things that you know are true to you, that add value, that protect your life, and ultimately make your greatest difference. Along the way. Do those things, you'll start to live what we call the charged life. Hey, guys, it's Brendan. Did you like this episode? If you did, you can do three things right now to continue your journey. First, you can subscribe right here to my channel, which I hope you will, so I can keep sending you videos on a weekly basis to change your life. Second, you can get my brand new book for free by clicking the link right here. And third, you can also go to my website, sign up for my newsletter so that I can send you free offers, free products, free programs, updates on my events, new podcasts, and everything else that we don't do on this channel here, here. If you'd like to do that, just go ahead and click any of these buttons you see right here. Look forward to seeing it on the next video. Until then, go out there every single day of your life. Live fully, love openly, and make your difference today.