Your Four Worst Fears

Oh, my God. The excuses that people use about why they can't get ahead in life. What do you think is the number one excuse of why people think that they're not succeeding more? Or why do you think other people keep getting stuck or don't break through? You know what I found? Everyone thinks the answer tends to be fear. Oh, well, fear is holding her back. Oh, you know what, Brendan? I just have a lot of fear about, will this job work? Will he say yes? Will this turn out? Will I make money? And the fear supposedly paralyzes their progress. But my question is, is that really true? Is fear the thing holding most people back? Because I think that most fear is just poor management of the mind. Most fear, right? Now, listen, if all of a sudden a big, huge animal jumped out and started chasing me, that's physical fear. And physical fear is something like, oh, my gosh, I better protect myself. But most fears, they're mental and emotional fears of some conjured future we're worried is going to happen. So in this video. Hi, I'm Brandon. I'm going to talk to you about fear. We tend to have four primary fears. But under those four fears, there's really a bedrock of two fears. And once you understand how all this plays together, you really can't blame fear anymore. You kind of have to look at how you're using your mind, because like I said, most fear fears these days is just poor management of your mind. And so if you really want to break through and reach the next level of life, you've got to understand how you think about fear and how fear may be consciously or unconsciously holding you back. And then I hope that you get some tools here of understanding how to use your mind better. So let's talk about those four primary fears. The first fear people have is usually what we call ruin. Like, I am going to ruin my life if I do that or if I try this. It is. It might turn out so terrible, it will ruin this relationship, ruin the business, ruin my finances, ruin my reputation. And so we fear doing something, because what we do is we catastrophize, right? We think, if I do this small action or I make this decision or I start this thing, this terrible thing will happen, right? The house will burn down, everything will fall apart. My life will be ruined. But we have to ask, is that true? Will my life really be ruined if I try this? I mean, people think, oh, my God, if I got a bad grade on this one report, my life is ruined. I can never go to college, right? Or they start their first business and it doesn't go well and the client doesn't pay them. They're like, oh my God, my business is ruined. No, these are one incident, one circumstance, one challenge. And you have to say, is this one thing really going to ruin the rest of my life? Because tomorrow you have a choice and next week you have a choice and next month you have a choice. You have a choice on how you're going to show up in life tomorrow. You get to choose your attitude, what your actions are going to be and what you're going to work towards. And that power, understanding you have choice and really living in that and thinking through that, that gives you personal power. And now you have personal power. Not a false fear about this idea that everything is going to be ruined. Because isn't it true you've already screwed up in life? I have. If you knew how many times I've screwed up. I mean, look at my space. Listen to me. I'm clearly a screw up. It's like, listen, people can mess up. My first video's so bad. Some of you think this video is bad, right? My first work efforts, my first stage presentations, my first social media, my first business, I was no good. But nothing ruined it. What it did is it gave me the opportunity to build. Right. The mindset shift is from this is going to ruin me to you know what, I'm building here. I'm building here. This terrible thing happened. It's okay. I'm going to build from it. I'm going to rise like the Phoenix. This thing, I'm worried it's going to mess up all these other things. Nope. What it's going to do is it's going to build your character, build your skill set, build your capability to be resilient, build your capability to keep going. If you switch your mindset from ruin to build, then you're honoring that struggle when things don't go right. And better yet, you're not focusing on these big false fears that are in the future because again, you're just using your mind wrong. You're looking all these terrible things are going to happen. Now, I know people will say in the comments section, but Brendon, it's good to think of worst case scenario. I'm like, oh no, that's great. But if you ruminate on the worst case scenario, if you keep thinking about the worst case scenario over and over and over and over, then you are planning for failure. You are planning for your worst fears. Yes. Consider, anticipate the struggles, the challenges, the Difficulties. Think through the worst case scenario once. But if you are obsessing about the worst case, you are living in fear. The second big thing that everyone really like, thinks that they fear or senses that they fear is rejection. Well, if I do this, she won't love me no more, right? If I do this, they're gonna make fun of me, they're gonna judge me, and I'm here to tell you, they are gonna make fun of you and they are gonna judge you. Many of the comments of this video will be, brennan's an idiot. And you know what? I've seen millions of them, and I'm okay with it. Because your progress in life is not dictated on other people's approval or acceptance or understanding of you. Their understanding is not required for your progress. So stop thinking that everybody has to cheer you on and throw rose petals at your feet. Like, once you acknowledge that, you know what? Most people probably won't get me. Most people won't understand my path. And that's okay, because most people, they're on their path. They don't have to support you in everything that you do. And once you don't think that other people owe you appreciation, honor, respect, cheering on once, you don't think that that has to happen. Now, rejection is not so scary. Because the truth is, most rejection anyway doesn't last. What I mean by that is, isn't it true someone in middle school rejected you, made fun of you, teased you, and now that person is completely irrelevant in your life. Does not shape your identity today, does not shape your choice for your next hour, your next day, your next breath. So, yeah, what if somebody hurts you in the past, Brendan? I'm like, yeah, that happens every single one of us. I've had my heart broken. Many of you don't know. That led to my big journey in personal development. Because after my heart got broken, I fell into suicidal thoughts, a deep depression, and ultimately, and luckily, I had a car accident that, like, shook my head and said, no, kid, you want to live, not die. But I look back to that time of that person who rejected me and hurt me and cheated on me. That person has no hold of me now in this moment, unless I choose to revisit that, Unless I choose to let that continue shaping me. But I choose to shape my own life. And once you choose to shape your own life now, rejection, it doesn't have that stranglehold on you because you realize, well, whatever they think, some people are going to support you and some people are going to hate you. That will always Be the case. So stop living your life, guiding your decisions based on the haters, and start living your life based on the decisions you want to make for who you want to become and what you want to serve and give and contribute. That's the change. When you follow your path and you stay on your thing and. And you don't expect everyone to cheer you on, and you understand that there's always gonna be haters, then it's very easy. Only people who are surprised that there are haters, stop. Third thing that people fear and they worry about is they think of, oh, my gosh, regret. If I do something, I'm gonna regret it. You know, I'll always regret that decision. That's what people say, well, what if I quit this job? I'll always regret that decision. You know what if I leave this relationship? I'll always regret that decision. First, please stop thinking of your life in terms of always. Right? There is not always going to be anything negative in your life unless you choose it to be. And so always is just not a good parameter. Second, I think it's really important for you to adopt this mindset that says, okay, I might regret it, because, you know, maybe I make this decision and the grass isn't greener on the other side. At least you made a decision and you moved forward. Because you know what the real fear should be? Stagnation. Going backwards, not growing, not trying. So, you know, what if you try something and you feel like you feel regretful now and it hurts your feelings or hurt other people, you know what? Honor that. Say, okay, I regret this. So what did I learn? How can I be a better person and do it better next time? Because once you adopt a learning mindset, regret tends to go away, right? It doesn't mean that we're always going to get things right. And hey, look, every time you talk about regret with somebody, they say, but, no, Brenda, I really do regret this decision I made. I hurt this person or I did something. And listen, if you regret something now that you have done, you need to do the actions necessary to release that regret so you can continue forward free and confident. So maybe if you do regret a decision you made, do simple things like A, apologize to people, say you're sorry, acknowledge your part in doing something that you regret. B, forgive yourself. Like, be like, okay, at that time, I wasn't as conscious, I wasn't as aware. I wasn't as awake. I didn't know what to do. My back was against the wall. Don't make excuses for yourself. But Recognize where you were and say, okay, based on where I'm at today, I need to forgive that so I can move on. Let it go, man. And third, please do yourself the simple favor of asking yourself every single day or in every single difficult situation. How would my highest self do this? How would my best self approach this? The more you asked, the more you ask yourself about how the best of you would handle something, the less you'll end up doing behaviors that you regret later on. So if you're dealing with regret, acknowledge it, release it. Take that learning mindset. Ask how you can do better, and then do better. So don't let regret stop you. Don't fear regretting something. Ask, is this in alignment with my highest self? Should I do this and move forward? Because you'll be proud that at least you made progress instead of stalled out. Stalling out is the bigger fear. And then I think the last big part of the primary ones is we all fear greater responsibility. And that sounds weird, but a lot of people, they're actually scared of taking on more. They feel like, oh, you know, if I have more success or more abundance or more responsibility, I won't be able to handle it. And so that fear is. That's too big for me. I'm not good enough, won't be able to deal with it. And so they back off their dreams because they really feel like even if they march towards it, all of the struggle, the skill, the difficulty, the comparison that happens along the way, I won't be able to handle it. So you know what? I'm comfortable here. And you got to choose. Do you want to live a comfortable life where you're at, exactly where you're at right now, or do you want to grow and give and serve more and lead? And if you want to grow and give more and influence better and serve more, it's going to require you to take on more. I remember when I was starting to do all this, it used to be literally me in my studio with a little flip video camera, and I'd go, and I turn it on. I'm like, hi, I'm Brandon Burchard. It was just me, Just me. And then I just couldn't. I just. I couldn't scale. I couldn't grow. I couldn't do it better. And I didn't want to hire a team. I thought, I don't know how to have a team. I don't know how to employees. I don't know how to find people and build a culture and make a company and do business. I don't know how to do that. But I had to ask, do I want to reach and serve more people? And if I do, I'm going to have to adopt the responsibility as a business owner, adopt the responsibility as a team builder, adopt the responsibility that comes with running a real business versus just standing, staying where I was. I was scared of all that it would take. But I did not let that fear, my internal fear, dictate the external movement towards the things that matter. Meaning, yeah, I acknowledged like, I don't know if I can handle this. But every day I said, well, the only way to know is to try to handle this. And then along the way I honored the struggle. Along the way I tried to show up. I was my best self. I didn't get it right all the time, not even close. But I gave myself the shot. Because if you never give yourself the shot, you will regret it for the rest of your life. If you never try to take on bigger responsibilities, bigger challenges, bolder actions, more courageous movement towards things that matter. You'll always say, ah, I wish I coulda, woulda and shoulda. And to me I wish I coulda, woulda, shoulda is a bigger fear and a bigger concern than, than you fearing that you can't handle it. So those are like the four primary fears, right? You're like, I'm scared of ruin, I'm scared of rejection, I'm scared of regret, I'm scared of like all of a sudden not being able to handle responsibility. But under those four things, you recognize there's really two foundational fears operating there. Number one, I think is the obvious one is the fear of inadequacy, right? I'm going to be inadequate. I can't possibly handle these responsibilities. I'm going to be inadequate. Like I'm going to regret it so much that I'm not going to be able to move on in my life. People are going to judge me and reject me. I'm inadequate. I'm not good enough for them, right? Oh, my life is ruined. I failed at something. I'm not going to be able to keep going on. I'm not, I don't have the capabilities. And so we fear we're not good enough. We feel we don't have like the capability or the abilities in life to march through the failure. But I'm here to tell you, if you are watching something like this, you are more than enough. And at some point in your life you have to say, alright, I gotta be okay with who I am. Because listen, the opposite of inadequacy is confidence. But most people like they don't understand confidence. Confidence is just your belief in your ability to figure things out. You don't have to have all the capabilities now. You will grow into them. So move. You don't have to have it all figured out. You will learn as you go. So move. Stop letting inadequacy. Like, I didn't have any of the skills necessary for anything I do today. I was terrified of public speaking. I didn't know how to use cameras. I didn't know how to make a difference. I didn't know how to build curriculum. I didn't know how to do social media. I didn't know how to hire employees, didn't know how to build a business. And now I've got four major brands, tens of millions of customers, clients and fans around the world. You know, across our companies, almost a thousand employees across the companies I own or invest in. And I didn't know how to do any of that. It didn't stop me because I had the confidence that I could believe in myself and figure it out. You must shift from I'm not good enough. No, you're just untrained, my friend. I'm not good enough. No, you just don't have the experience yet. I'm not good enough. No, you don't have the mentor yet. I'm not good enough. No, you just haven't tried enough yet to figure it out, to master it. So stop thinking that you have to be fully adequate in the moment. You are enough as you are as a human, but you will build the capabilities as you go. Confidence is the belief in one's ability to figure things out. The other fear on their inadequacy is insignificance. Well, if I ruin my life, I won't be significant to other people. I won't feel significant to myself. I won't matter in this planet at all. I mean, the greatest fear of all is really insignificance, that we won't matter. It's what throws people into really deep depression sometimes or into suicidal thoughts, is I don't matter. I'm insignificant. You know, I'm an ant. I'm nothing. I hate myself. I'm worth nothing. That's a terrible feeling in a terrible place. And it's a fear we all operate from many times of our life, right? That we're not going to be enough. That's inadequacy. But that we don't matter. That's insignificance, right? Think about the terror of like oh, if I leave this relationship or if someone broke up with you, the pain that came from someone breaking up with you was that feeling of insignificance. I don't matter to this person anymore. I'm not going to be loved, I'm not going to be cared for, or I'm not going to mean anything to anybody. That's a real fear. So what do you have to do? What's the opposite? Well, you can be driven by that fear or you can be driven by the idea of service. What do you mean by that? You know what? You never worry about being significant or insignificant if all of a sudden you turn your heart and your mind to connecting with other people and adding value to the world, being of service to the world, getting outside of our own little, small, little minds and saying, how can I contribute to the whole? How can I make a difference here? Because if you are making a difference, like every day, you're saying, what can I do that contributes, that there's something positive that helps somebody that shows compassion, empathy, good values. If on a consistent basis you are attempting to serve, your mind goes, you know what? You matter, you're doing something here, good for you. It cheers you on instead of freaks you out. So ask, how can you be a better servant? How can you contribute more, do good in the world? You hear me saying it all the time to my Team hpx. That's what I call you guys. Like our community, we call it Team hpx. HPX stands for the high performance experience, right? We're all trying to live that next level of experience and the next level of joy, love, contribution in the world. So we call that the high performance experience because we don't be average, we, we want to be high performers, right? So we call it Team hpx. And one thing I'm always asking, Team HPX is double down on your goodness. And I don't just say that as a phrase. When you double down on your goodness, you stop worrying about whether or not you're significant because evidence is there that you are significant. Like literally serve and make your contributions and your difference in the world and your mind sees the evidence, says, I'm not insignificant, I'm doing something here that helps and serves. And now that fear starts going away. And when you make just a few of these mindset shifts, my friends, I promise you, it changes your life because you're either going to be guided by the fear of those things, right? Or you're going to be guided by your consciousness and the freedom that comes from you knowing you can shape your own mind. That fear ultimately is a choice every day. I know fear wins or freedom wins and I choose freedom. Alright. Hey guys, it's Brendon and I hope you enjoyed my video today. If you did, would you do me? Two simple things. Number one, share with somebody else and number two, click subscribe down below. That will help so much and then you'll get notices every time I post a new video. Also, if you're somebody who's always like looking at my work and you're wondering like how does he do it all? We have two new tools that can really help you reach what we call that high performance experience. As you know, I call you guys Team hpx which HPX stands for High Performance Experience. It's that idea and that philosophy of living that says I want to live the highest version of myself. I want a life that's, you know, vibrant and connected and excellence driven. Like you want to reach that next level of high performance and success in your life. That's why I call you guys Team hpx. And we have two new tools for Team HPX that everyone is freaking out about. So I'll help you check it out. The first one is our new High Performance Planner. This is what I fill out every day to keep my mindset good and positive, to live a happy life, to really prepare myself for the day. So it helps me not only just set my goal but make sure my priorities are clear. Keep a clean schedule, review and rate and measure myself at the end of each day on the high performance habits that we know make you more successful. This is available on Amazon or most bookstores anywhere. It's called the High Performance Planner. Pick up a copy of it. It's what I fill out every morning. And our new HPX optimized. Many of you have wondered how I keep the mental clarity and mental motivation and creative edge. This is our new supplement. It's called HPX Optimize. You can also find it on Amazon. This is the thing that gives me that like that energy and that focus each day to be my best, which as many of you all know was really important to me. And I developed this because I had a brain injury in 2011 and it threw me off my A game and my mind wasn't right and I just didn't have the ability to focus anymore. And this is not a product to cure, you know, brain injuries. This is a product for any person out there who says I want a little more focus in the day, I want a little more creative edge. I want my mind to be just more alert and aware. And this is what the product does without caffeine, without gmo, without soy, without all the nonsense. Look it up on Amazon. It's called HPX Optimize. These are the two new tools for HPX committee. I hope you engage. I'll be able to look them up on Amazon. There's some links in the post down below where you can get them at the best rate. So please engage again. Please subscribe, please share, stay part of Team hpx. And please, as you know, every single day you have a choice. You can go be average or ordinary, or you can choose to be extraordinary. So my friends go be extraordinary.