This is a YouTube video titled "How to let go of the small things with Rachel Hollis" containing a monologue-style discussion recorded in April 2021. Rachel Hollis shares advice on coping with grief and overwhelming feelings by accepting reality, journaling, and focusing on actionable steps to regain a sense of control and centeredness. The content is a motivational talk rather than a multi-speaker conversation.
Bulletproof radio, a state of high performance. And some of the lessons in your book, you know, about grief and all apply there. But is there actionable stuff? Maybe some people listening to this right now are already getting triggered, and if so, then, like, get a therapist. But if you don't have a therapist, Rachel, what is your advice? Like, give me the steps to let go of that, to come back into a little bit more of a. Of a centered place.
Well, in my own life, I like to come back to the question of what is true, what is real, what.
Is Byron, Katie kind of stuff, right?
And for me, I can get. I can get worked up. I can get nervous about things at work. I can get, you know, someone will say something on social, just kind of hit me in the right way, and that'll, you know, hurt my heart. And I can sort of get affected by those things. And what I always come back to is like, okay, but what about your real life? Like, what is true in your life right now? So before we jumped on, I was recording a podcast for my podcast, which is what to do when everything feels hard. Because that's something that I'm hearing a lot. Everything feels hard. I'm overwhelmed. And I think that this sort of walks hand in hand with grief, in that you have to accept what is. What is what has happened, what is the reality that we are dealing with today, and whatever that looks like in your life, you've lost someone you love, you've lost your job, you've lost your business, you're mourning the loss of what was going to happen, or you're transitioning into this new world. And the first thing is you have to be honest about what actually. Actually is happening, not what you are telling yourself is happening. Because when I think of the question of everything feels hard for me, what I want to follow that up with is, is everything hard or does everything feel hard? Because those are two completely different things. And once you know what the answer is, once you have accepted what actually is, then I think you have to allow yourself to hold the pieces. The hard stuff, the suffering, the things that are painful. You have to allow yourself to hold those so that you can process them. And then I also think that you have to look for which parts can you affect. So the example that I use in the podcast I was just recording is one of the members of my community. I was just going back and forth with her in DM because she. Her mom has cancer. And it's terrifying and awful and hard and all of the things. And that is something that is so big and so massive that everything feels hard. But if she can get to a place where she can allow herself to unpack all of the pieces of that pain. So my favorite piece of advice for people, and I give this tip so much that I feel like I'm going to start getting letters. People are going to say, stop saying. This is journaling. Doesn't cost anything. Grab a pen, grab a piece of paper or a notebook and just use this prompt. Everything feels hard because. And just start going. And when I journal, I give myself a minimum time frame. So I say, you have to sit here for 45 minutes. I do that because oftentimes when we journal and we just like, stream of conscious, just write down anything that pops into your head. You'll Write for about 8 minutes, and then you're like, that's all I have to say. But if you know that you have to sit there for 45 and meditate on this question, about 10 more minutes go by, and that's when the magic starts to happen. That's when the stuff that's kind of below the surface, the true worries, the true concern, the real authentic you. That's when it starts to come out. So for me, I was giving instruction to her. I said, unpack all of the things that feel hard about mama being sick. You know, you're scared. You don't know what the future holds. You want to be able to spend time with her. You want her to feel loved and supported. You want all of this stuff. And if you look at all the pieces that are painful, all the things that are worrying you, some of those you cannot change, you cannot affect, and you just have to hold them. It sucks and it is awful and it is unfair, but you just have to hold them. But if you can unpack it, there are parts of that that you can affect. You want to make sure mom feels loved and supported. Awesome. You can come up with a list right now of something you do every single day. You can speak to her in her love language. You can show up how she wants it. You can get her friends involved in her church community. Like, you can come up with a plan that will help you affect the parts of it you can touch. And in that process, in that progress, it helps you to feel more centered. It helps you to feel more calm. And it is a massive stress relief when you are facing hard things. So inside of grief, it is the same. There are parts of that that you're going to have to hold, but there are pieces that you can use tools, use tactics and sort of pull yourself forward up out of the place that you're in. And that, honestly, is the book. It was all the tools that I could come up with that might help you do that.
