Staying in a failing marriage to keep the family together teaches kids that unhealthy relationships are acceptable, which often leads to their own divorces later. The speaker argues parents should model authenticity instead, even when it means having hard conversations repeatedly.
I think one of the worst things that people do is they say, well, you know, if a marriage is dysfunctional and isn't going to get functional, and there's no harm in saying, you know what, we both did our best, and doing something that isn't working, it isn't going to work over and over and over actually just creates more suffering. So if you've gotten to that point, then the worst thing you do is show your kids that that's what they should do when they're in a relationship. Right. So just realizing I could wait longer and longer and longer, and I know so many friends, I'll just wait till they're in college and then they get divorced. Right. And then the kids are mad at them, and then everyone feels like it a sham, so it's being authentic. Talking about feelings with the kids, those are all really difficult things. And for me, maybe the hardest part is when they're really young and you just have to say the same thing like, a thousand times before they can hear it. That's just boring. Hats off to people. Of course, we all do it, and we all do it with as much love as we can. But it's hard just because, like, I already said that, like, 500 times. Like, why are you asking me this? Yeah. I find that insane making. But I'm happy to do it because it's my kids.
