Tiffany Haddish Tells Dave Asprey Her Shelter-in-Place Secrets

Bulletproof Radio, a state of high performance.

You're listening to Bulletproof Radio with Dave Asprey. I had a fun conversation with a surprise guest, Tiffany Haddish. You may already know her as a comedian or award winning actress who stars in a bunch of different TV shows and big films. She also wrote the Last Black Unicorn, which is a memoir about her life journey. Really fascinating set of discussions. I didn't even think I'd get a chance to talk to her. She's sheltering in place during the coronavirus pandemic. We got to talk about what she's doing to stay healthy and sane. Gardening, old school, self help, including some of the greats like Wayne Dyer learning to do the splits, which kind of made me jealous. Tiffany does it with humor, whole lot of sass. It's an interview you're really going to want to see. All right. Well, I don't even know where to get started. I mean, what's. I don't know. I think people would love to hear. Hear your story. Like how. What was it like when you were a kid? And I think a lot of people listening maybe wouldn't understand that. And then how did you become so successful? I mean, you're a monster in your career right now.

I don't know if I'm a monster. I'd like to think of myself as a worker bee and I'm putting in the work.

You're more than a worker bee. You might be getting into that queen bee status. I mean, seriously.

Okay, princess bee. I'm a princess bee. We can.

I mean, you're in what, multiple series? Emmys. I mean, you've, you've made it in a big way. So I want to know what made that happen and what was it like.

At the start, in the start, I mean, the start of my career, the start of my life. The start of my life was amazing. I barely remember most of it, and I remember all of it pretty much. I mean, it was cool, you know, I got two brothers, two sisters. My mom ended up with some brain damage and schizophrenia, and I was in foster care. Moved around a lot, got to learn a lot about different people and how people live. Also learned how to, you know, maneuver and fit in. But I was getting in a lot of trouble in school. I talked too much. So the social worker ended up coming up to the school because I was getting in trouble for talking so much. I was just really trying to be, you know, I was trying to be fun and funny and make friends, but sometimes that's disruptive and bad. Behavior. So the social worker came up there. She got tired of coming up there. She was like, you know what? You got two choices this summer. You can go to psychiatric therapy or you can go to the Laugh Factory comedy camp. And I went to the comedy camp and I learned communication skills and how to tell, you know, how to tell a joke, when to tell a joke, you know? And it was the first time that a man told me I was beautiful or smart or anything where I didn't feel like something bad was gonna happen. I felt safe.

How old were you when that happened?

I was 15. About to be 16. Or maybe I was. No, I was 15. About to be sixteen.

Right in the middle of being a teenager. Okay.

Mm. When, you know, I was very impressionable. I was definitely. I would like to think of myself as a semi follower. Whatever the cool girls was doing, that's what I wanted to do, you know, not even realizing I was kind of a cool girl too. But in the process of everything, I fell in love with stand up comedy and I fell in love with performing. And really, the thing that makes me love both, like, performing and comedy the most is to see people smiling, to hear their laughter. Like, there's something about hearing people laugh that just brings my vibration, my heart up, you know, and so. And I have this belief that, you know, if you laugh every day, you'll look young. You know, the more you laugh, I feel like the healthier you are. I mean, it's a good exercise. First of all, you got your organs working and everything, and so. And you just make more friends, can make people laugh. I feel like. So, yeah, I got into the standup, and then I stopped doing stand up for a while and started working at the airlines as a customer service agent. And I thought I was the best at that. And I ended up getting depressed, and I ended up in psychiatric therapy. And the therapist was like, what makes you smile? What makes you happy? And I'm like, hearing people laugh makes me happy. And she was like, well, why don't you get back on stage? And so I started doing stand up as a hobby. And I'm just like, I'm gonna just try it out. And the first time I got on stage, somebody's like, hey, can you do this event for us, man? It'd be great if you could come through and just do like 10 minutes. 10, 15 minutes. And I was like, oh, sure, I guess. And it's like, it pays 50 bucks. I'm like, I'm there, I'm there, right?

Yep.

Get on stage. I Bomb. It's the worst performance ever. Horrible. The audience is heckling me. It was like it was a convention or it was like a party. It was a lot of lesbians there. I didn't even. This is my first time ever being at anything like that. I was like, 22. I'm like, what the hell is going on? Like, these women, like. And all my jokes were about my boyfriend. And it's, you know, my man this, my man that. They're like, I could be your man. Like, I could be.

Oh, man. So. And you were 22 and I don't know, did you grow up around a lot of like.

No.

So you're pretty much like, I've never met a lesbian that I know I.

Met lesbians, but I had never been at something like that.

Okay.

Yeah.

Where it's like part of the. Part of the group. Yeah.

I was wondering, it was a little strange why there was no men around. But, you know, I didn't think nothing. I ain't think nothing.

Making dick jokes at a room full of women only probably is not the right call. Whether they're lesbian or not.

I mean, big fans, big, you know, like, it was stuff I think is hilarious.

Right.

Anyways, I bomb. I'm like, well, I'm depressed. I hit like rock bottom in that moment. Like when I got off stage, I'm like, I don't. I don't think I can do this. I'll never. This is not for me. I don't even know why I even tried to do this. And, you know, they come up to me say, you know, you'll have a better show next time and still pay me my $50. I was like, I'm doing this for the rest of my life. Okay, that was horrible. And they still paid me. I'm doing this forever. And it was 50 bucks.

Okay, so. So that. And that was literally it.

That's how I got into stand up comedy and performing and doing the standup. You know, one of my friends that worked at the airlines, she was friends with an agent and she's like, I'm doing this thing big back comedy show, and I'm looking for attractive female comedians. There's no attract. Is there any attractive female comics out there? And my friend that worked with me at the airport, she's like, I know somebody. Her name is Tiffany. She's pretty cute and she does stand up comedy. She's funny, she makes us laugh. And that's kind of how I got that lady called me and, you know, she became my agent for like 10 years. She convinced me I needed to take acting classes and convinced me that, you know, if you want to make it in stand up, you're going to have to make it on TV so that you can put asses in the seats. Because if you can't put asses in the seats, then nobody's ever gonna come see you, and you'll never make money at stand up. Mm. So then I started getting little jobs and TV shows and stuff. And mind you, I was doing background work, too, and saw developing relationships and building friendships and, you know, getting people to see my talent. Here I am today. Few really great breaks. You get one or two real good opportunities.

Did someone take you under their wing? I'm finding the stuff that I'm doing in my career, there aren't that many people who do it at a certain level. And I don't know what I'm doing half the time. You wouldn't guess that looking at me, but then I call someone who's 30 years older than I am, and I'm like, hey, what do I do? And I have a few of those. Did you find that people, the old names in comedy or old names in tv, like, were they helpful? Were they hostile? You know, did you have, like, a guardian angel somewhere who was helping you out?

I feel like every. Okay, so, like, comedians are very clique ish, and there's like multiple cliques. And I can go pretty much into any clique. I can meet anybody. And what I've learned throughout my career so far as always ask for help. Always ask for it. But even if it's not help, just advice from people that have been doing it longer because they might have a way where you don't have to bump your head as much.

Right.

And I didn't learn that, really, until Kevin Hart helped me out with some money to get an apartment. Right. Because I was homeless at the time, and I didn't ask for the help. He gave it to me when he found out I was homeless. And it's like, get it together. Make a list of goals and start accomplishing those goals. And that's pretty much how I've been living my life ever since. That was, like, in 2005, 2006. That was a long time ago.

So it's like conversation. Okay.

And that was from a conversation of me because I was kind of. I mean, before then, I was pretty prideful, you know, had a lot of pride. So I didn't want to tell people that I'm struggling or I didn't want to tell People I was homeless, I would make sure my nails stayed done and my hair stayed done. I always looked nice. So they couldn't tell that I don't have nowhere to sleep. I'm sleeping in a Geo Metro. So he figured it out, though. He noticed, like, a difference in my attitude and mood and stuff and had a conversation with me and I just told him. And so ever since then, you know, I've been more open to asking my mentors or people that have been doing this for 20 years plus, more years than me, hey, can you tell me about, like, what would you do in this situation? Do you know anybody that works over at this place? Do you think, hey, do you know any good directors that can help me with this? Like, I'm always asking questions and they're helping. You know, people that have knowledge are flattered when you ask them their advice.

On something they want to help. It's amazing, right?

Yeah.

You said comedians are kind of cliquished. Do you have to be mean to be a comedian?

No, I'm not mean. I mean, I can get mean. I can. You have to be able to have the ability to.

There you go. Right.

Do not. You do not have to be mean at all. I don't think you have to be a nasty person. And when I say nasty, I mean the attitude or the way that you treat people now, washing your ass, all that other stuff that's on you. But as far as how you behave with others, you don't have to be rude or mean or say mean things, but some are. Some are just hurt. I think you have to have some kind of damage.

Yeah, some trauma is usually there with. With the average comedian. I had a guy who's nowhere near your level on my friend jp and we talked about that and, like, it actually, it felt bad to go back to, like, kind of making fun of each other, because I don't. I made it a point for the last decade to not say bad things about people, and I'm usually pretty good at that. There's a few people who are super douchebags, where I still make an exception, but other than those. And so when I tried to, like, do the comedy thing with him, I was like, oh, that kind of hurts my heart a little bit. Do you ever feel that, like. Like, if you say something mean to a heckler, where you're like, I can't believe I just said that.

No, no, hecklers, they deserve it. I don't get mean with the heckler until they say something mean to me. With shots are Fired.

I fire that. All right. The gloves come off. All right?

And I don't think that's me. When they shoot shots at you now, just coming out of nowhere on somebody. Yeah, that's me, I think. And I have had those moments in life. I mean, maybe once a month when my cycle comes on, I might pop. I might say something rude. I might. And it's not me. It's my hormones.

Got it. Yeah.

It's the parasites in my intestines.

It's their fault. Yeah. They do what they're going to do. Now let's talk about the pandemic. You're at home. How are you doing?

This is my pandemic gear.

Nice. Well, you're looking all stylish as normal. I look like I always do because I live in the middle of nowhere. So this is why I do the podcast. So not much to say, really.

But you look great. It looks like you're getting haircuts. Like, your barber shop is open. Are you doing it on here?

I just woke up like this, and I had, like, the CEO hawk when I was going to Burning Man. I said, hey, I want to look like I have a Mohawk, but I have to look like a CEO when I'm done. So they buzz the sides. This is a true story. And I just kept it that way so I can keep buzzing those until the top gets into a mullet, and then I'm screwed. What's going on with food where you are? I know we have these food deserts and parts of town you can get more food. I mean, you're in the LA greater area, so certainly you can drive around, but lots of parts of the country you normally shop at, you know, whatever's in your. In your neighborhood, what's going on where you are?

So where I'm at, I'm in south. I'm in the Crenshaw district, which is south Central la. And it is. I mean, I'm not having a hard time with food personally, because I keep food in the freezer and I have a garden, so I can eat out of that every day.

Nice.

But as far as the grocery store goes, like, I went, like, a week ago, maybe a week and a half ago, and the grocery store on Crenshaw was closed. And then I was like, dang, why is the grocery store closed? And then on the neighborhood app thing I got. It's like a app for our hood. It was saying that the grocery store was closed because someone was diagnosed with the virus. They. And they were cleaning the whole thing, and then they Would reopen it in like a day or so. And I was like, dang, that's messed up. Because I really wanted to get what I wanted to get. So I had to go like 2 miles the other way to the other store. But otherwise, I mean, it's quiet around here. I'm not hearing as many helicopters as I'm normally here in this area. Yeah, it's. A lot of the fast food places are open. I noticed when I was driving they're open to like seven, I guess or eight. So people are in drive throughs. I seen that. And yeah, I'm concerned about, you know, personally I'm just concerned about like how many people are passing away. And I hear ambulances, which lets me know they're picking up people. And, and I hear those probably twice a day. And I say a prayer when I hear that. But yeah, I think people really need to focus on keeping that immune system up. I always think of it as saying only the strong survive. And it seems like everybody's going to get it.

We all know when you look at the numbers, obesity, I weigh 300 pounds. I don't know if you know that or not. I used to be really fat as a younger person. And that is correlated with income. The less money you have, the greater chance you have of being really fat. Which also means diabetic almost 100% of the time. Type 2 diabetic or you're about to be. And that's a big problem statistic. It's a bigger problem if you're black. And I'm wondering if the death rate from coronavirus is mostly economic where you don't have access to good food or it's some kind of a nutrient thing. And I've been thinking about that quite a bit and there's something that's not right going on there. And so I've got some thoughts on it.

Well, I got some thoughts on it too. I mean, I think it has a lot to do with definitely these food deserts and the way people eat has, I think, a huge effect on your health. But a lot of people, I know four people at this point that have passed away in, I think all of them either, okay, two of them are older. Someone's like my age, someone was younger. And the way that I'm seeing it, well, three of them already had issues with certain things. Blood pressure issues, diabetes, you know, sickle cell. The younger one, you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't, I don't. You don't know why? Yeah, you know, you just not. Like, I'm just drinking my ginger and my turmeric every day and taking my vitamin Cs and working out, making sure I'm using my lungs to push, you know, clear out everything, keep them strong.

Right now, do you know about vitamin D levels?

Oh, yeah, Well, I hear about that all the time, too. Like your vitamin D, if that's not right. And then like, I guess for people of color, it's harder to absorb vitamin D from the sun, I guess, or something.

So everybody changes sunlight into vitamin D and it just takes more sunlight for you to do it than for me because I'm, you know, I'm completely but white. At least my butt white. And so if I go out in the sun for 20 minutes, I'm going to make some vitamin D. If you go out in the sun for an hour, you'll make the same amount of vitamin D because you have survival genes to be in bright sunlight. And I basically, my people evolved somewhere in Northern Europe where it's cloudy all the time. But the difference, and this is something that's bothered me since I started the blog, is that when you don't have enough vitamin D because you don't get as much sun, but you and me both spend about the same amount of time indoors, which is too much for either one of us. But it's even worse.

Oh, no, I spend a lot of time in the backyard.

Okay, so you might actually beat me.

I got a little. Can you see my tan? I got a little tan.

Okay, you have a difference there. Now, for me, I don't know. I'm about the same color and it's all white, so that means I'm not tanning enough. We got to give vitamin D to moms and it should be free, and we got to give vitamin D to kids and it should be free at school, and that should just be part of how we do it because it's. It's cheaper than a school lunch program to do it for a whole month. Like, it is not. It's, you know, a couple bucks, right? And we get healthier kids miss school, less healthier. Everybody. And I, I think it matters. And at the same time, is there.

Vitamin D in certain foods? Is there certain foods you can eat that have more vitamin D?

Not really. That sometimes they, They've. They will put it in milk. They'll, They'll. But they put the wrong form in. In milk, so it doesn't really work. So what do it come down to?

Milk is like my mortal enemy. Yeah, I know, milk don't get along.

It's ruinous for a lot of kids, especially ones like you and me by the way, who had behavioral problems when you were young. Man, my foul was big. I might have been in more than a few fights. I never threw a first punch, but I oftentimes threw the last one and same thing, you know, if I don't talk, I would, I would literally pass out in class. The whole reason I have a career is because I'd be the guy in the meeting who would get so bored I'd have to talk or I'd fall asleep. So I would talk and then I get promoted and like that. That really is true and I have the neuroscience to prove it. So. But you give me milk, I'm 10 times worse than I was before. It's like a drug. So I would say put a few drops in kids food, you know, you get a little dropper, it's going to be like 20 bucks, it'll last you for three months. For kids, they can't taste it. It just goes in there.

I take a little vitamin D pill every morning.

Good. And that's one of the things that's dirt cheap. That's going to lower risk for all cause mortality, including the virus. It's not going to cure the virus, but I think the more people can do that. I'm actually, for my body weight, I'm about 206 pounds. Last night I take three pills because I need a lot of vitamin D because my body doesn't handle it very well. And my kids are getting, they're getting their one but kind of an adult sized pill because if any of us gets it, I want us to be the ones who are like, oh yeah, I, I got a little sick last week, not that I went to the hospital last week. And that's the goal for everyone. And I feel like sometimes this stuff to do, it's expensive. But vitamin D, vitamin C and zinc are really cheap. So a gram of vitamin C a day, it's not going to cure the virus. It's not a shield to protect you. It just means you might have a little bit more, a little bit more resistance. Yeah, resistance, that's the word for it. So you're resilient and you're doing your best with your diet. And I know that you're, you're also.

And I've been running every day. I want to really get to your place so I can get on that machine.

What's your favorite machine there at Upgrade Labs?

The cheap machine. I was like, can I buy this? Can we get this at my place?

You know, after. I will hook you up. There's probably a way to get a small version of that at home that's going to tide you over.

I would love that. I'm on a treadmill right now that I got off well, one of my friends, and I'm pretty sure it's from the late 1900s, but it works. But it works. Yeah.

Treadmills are treadmills, right? At least you got something. But what else are you doing? You've learned to take care of your body, and you have. It sounds like a sensitive brain. Like, I do. Like, you give either one of us milk. The way you're describing your childhood, they would have said I had Asperger's syndrome, I had oppositional defiant disorder. They just gave me detention, and then I would get in fights, believe it or not.

So you didn't get a title. Because where I come from, you bad. You badass with bad, kid. You don't follow directions. You bad.

I got that. I definitely got that. I had to deal with it all, too.

Do you think you.

Do you have that voice in your head still that says, like, you're bad. That little one like, oh, you failed and all that.

Yeah. That you ain't never gonna be shit.

Yeah.

Disrespectful. You dumb. You stupid. Like, it's still play back there, but I have. See, I feel like if somebody went inside my brain, they would be like, how do you function? Okay, there's that childhood voice that comes up that's like, you're not good enough. You're dumb. You're blah, blah, blah. Then it's like my teenage adult self like, shut up. You don't know what you talking about. I got this. I know what I'm doing. And then there's the, like, adult me that's like, everybody be quiet. I'm gonna fix this. Like, so. All right.

When I was 30, I found someone who could look inside my brain. They put radioactive sugar in my arm, and then they scanned my brain and they thought I was hitting them up to get Adderall. So I could. I could do better in school and all that. And after I walked into the psychiatrist's office, I walk in and he goes. He goes, dave, I saw your brain. He's like, inside your brain is total chaos. I don't know how you're standing here in front of me right now. You have the best camouflage of any human I've ever met. Direct quote from a psychiatrist. And then he Gave me the drugs. So I'm with you, Tiffany. And now I started.

Shut up, everybody. I got this.

I was like, I have to hack this. And that's part of the upgrade labs thing. Like, the stuff you do there to make your biology works better, calms the brain, makes it work better. And then I started. 40 years in. This is that neuroscience thing I do in Seattle, and I spent four months with electrodes trying to shut up that voice. I. I honestly feel like I finally got it there where I don't have that. You know, you're. You know, you're a failure. You're bad. You know, people are gonna know that you're not worth it, and all that stuff. Like, that's actually. I think it's permanently gone. Maybe I'll rear its head again. I'm a different person.

Constantly cussing that little voice out and telling their voice to be quiet. They're, like, speaking louder than the voice. And I always have to be like, prove it. Prove it. You can't watch what I do now. Prove it. You can't. I got this. Look. Keep on. I was trying to myself, and it's so funny to me because, like, I think my mom. My mom definitely programmed that in there.

Yeah. Not on purpose, but it happened. Yeah.

Yeah. But she definitely did it. And there's a part of me that's grateful because I feel like it's kept me humble to a certain extent, and I feel like it has. It's, like, hard in my shell to the point where, like, okay, social media wasn't around when I was, you know, first starting out, like, in stand up. And now, like, it's. Boom. It's everywhere. Right? And you hear what everybody. You can read what everybody thinks about you and how they feel, how smart you are, how dumb you are, how you're a disgrace to the culture, or you're. Or she's a genius. Like, all these things. And some people say. But I remember reading one time somebody said how she gets hit by an ice cream truck, and it backs up over. And I was like, damn. Wow. If my mama hadn't already said some evil, mean things to me, this would actually hurt my feelings.

Yeah, you got tougher, right?

It prepared me. And so the voice goes off, and I'm like, okay, I hear you. But no, not on right now. Well, maybe I'll give you five minutes in the shower. That's why I cry. Did I feel better?

So how did you learn those coping skills? Did someone teach you that? Did you just, like. Just willpower? Like, I'M gonna, I'm gonna figure this out. Because that's kind of ninja level stuff. A lot of people get that voice in your head. You have the background you had. They don't, they don't learn how to rise above it. And you're doing something that's pretty unusual.

Well, I'm an unusual character. That's why I'm the last black unicorn. But.

You slide your memoir title right in there. I love that.

No, but I think it's like a combination of watching a lot of TV on, self help stuff, reading self help books, and I love me some Louise Hayes. I don't know why they just watch her videos all the time and read all her books. Like, I was kind of sad when she passed because I really wanted to meet her, but for me, yeah, I think it's a culmination of a lot of different things and just figuring out what worked for me, using my discernment.

Well, you say you had the wisdom to go out and find those books. What are some of the other ones? That had a really big impact on you.

Big impact. You know what? Asking it is received. That's by Abraham Hicks.

Yeah, Abraham Hicks. Right. So you go old school in your personal development. Probably, Wayne.

Dusty, you gotta remember I'm from the 1900s. So I still have a library card. I still have a library card. And when I was coming up on all these books, this is when I was not the best reader, but I heard a NPR saying that if you listen to audiobooks for two years straight, that's the equivalent of getting a bachelor's degree, right? It is, yes. So I started getting. I said, okay, so I'm gonna get some audiobooks. That's like fantasy, sex stuff, romance, and I'm gonna get audiobooks. That's like self help grow, you know, protect yourself, become how to be like, what's that? Rich dad, poor dad, like those kind of books or the weekend millionaire. That's not like I buy properties. I've been buying. Every time I get some money, I'm like, let me buy some land, let me get something.

Wow.

Like so. Because in 15 years, if I buy one piece of property every year for 15 years, I'll be a multimillionaire regardless of what happens with my career.

That's true. I mean, you're saying you're the last black unicorn and still I know few people from even a wealthier childhood who have the level of resilience that you've shown to do that. Like to go out and do that level of inner Work and then to actually take action and to do it. And you're doing it financially, you're doing it in your career. You take advice from people. Even though you probably. The way you grew up, you probably didn't learn to take advice from people. You learned to fear because, I mean, you have a lot of people.

I learned to not fear people. I learned to fear and do not trust. Everyone is full of crap. Everyone wants to hurt you, rape you, steal from you. They want to do something to you. Like, that's. That's also always running in the back of my mind. That's why it's like, when I decide to trust somebody, it's a. It's a big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal. And even though everyone's like, you're so sweet, you're so nice. I'm nice to a certain extent. You know, sometimes maybe I'm too nice. Maybe because once I decide to trust you, then I trust you.

Right.

Then when you betray me, then I gotta pray for you even.

That's like a real advanced skill. And that, that's, you know, forgiveness and compassion, you know, turn the other cheek kind of stuff.

That's.

That's not. It's not what you learned growing up. So you're an unusual spirit.

Well, what I. What I have learned, though, is, especially in my 20s, I learned that, like, you have to learn how to forgive. You do not ever forget, but you have to learn how to forgive. Because if you hold on to that, it's always. It's always hurting you. It's always making you sick. You'll be the one with the period that lasts for two months because you messed up inside, because you not sleeping and eating right, because you stressed out, because you really want to get revenge or you feel so upset, like, instead of just letting it go, let go, let God. Like, once I learned how to do that, my health, everything elevated when I learned how to do that. That don't mean I forgot, though.

Yeah, that nuance is a big difference. You know, Seeking revenge all the time is so expensive and maintaining hate, but if you forget what bad people did, then you're kind of a sucker.

Right? Right. Right. So don't forget. But, yeah, forgive. I mean, I used to meditate on how to get revenge on people. Like, I try not to do it so much anymore. Sometimes it comes up. It comes up.

Yeah.

I mean, Amazon, like, oh, they sell crickets. I can let crickets loose in their car and put lettuce under the seats and that right there. That way you Won't go to jail. Like, how can I get revenge without going to jail?

I'm gonna not piss you off. That's what I'm deciding. I don't want to go to jail. I don't want crickets.

Don't piss me off because I'm afraid for you, pray for you.

You've learned how to meditate, you've learned how to forgive. Do you feel like you've learned how to manage the intense life? I mean, you travel a lot when you're both in a show or if you're doing comedy. Have you managed your biology? Like, do you know how to go to a hotel? And you make sure you go eat the right foods and do you have a whole entourage with you who's bringing you salads and stuff? How do you pull it off?

Really? Yep. So. Really? Yeah. I make sure there is a salad for me when I get wherever I'm going. Or fresh fruit. That's mandatory. There's either salad or fresh fruit. And then. And I need like a lot of water. I drink like a gallon of water a day. And so like when I get to the hotel room, there better be three large bottles of water there for me. Preferably alkaline or at least spring water. And I kill that water, all that water. And then I drink vodka.

That's really the cure for everything.

I drink vodka. Then I go to bed. I make sure I get my rest. And at first it was really hard on me. I was getting sick a lot and like crying a lot. Because it was a lot. It's like all these different things from people. Like, can I absorb this information? Like it was a lot. And then I just had to learn how to say, okay, no, I'm not doing that. Or I need. The show's gonna be an hour late. Cause I need another hour of sleep. Really realizing how important it is for me to sleep. This, this pandemic. I've never been so rested in my life.

You're getting tons of sleep, you're meditating every day. You don't have to drive anywhere.

I haven't felt this. I haven't felt like this good since I was probably like 19, you know, where I'm just like, hey. And not feeling like. Well, no, it was a lot of fear when I was 19. Like I'm so happy with this 40 year old me because it's not as much fear that's like eating away. I'm not worrying about a lot of things. There's certain things I do have concerns about, but I've learned how not to be a worry ward. You know, like, let this one thing dominate my whole entire day. Like. Yeah. Or let this one thing dominate every conversation. I can't stand when people had. When you be around certain people and they have a conversation with one person and you hear them have a conversation with another and they keep talking about the same thing over and over and over all day and then they wonder why they date so fucked up. It's cause you keep talking about that same fucked up thing all damn new person, new conversation, new subjects. Yep, that's how I feel.

Do you know the type you're talking about? And yeah, if you're telling the same victim story to every person you meet, it's not gonna work so well.

They're professional victims. I had a few friends like that and I missed them terribly, but I had to let them go. You know, I'd rather be a professional resilience person or professional overcomer of things. I'd rather be telling how I achieve something as opposed to how I'm constantly being tore down. Yeah, because then you'll constantly be torn out.

I mean, it'd be easy for you to tell that story to yourself. I mean, given what you've, what you've shared and you don't. I mean, I can tell you don't. Which is, which is really impressive. I don't know. Well, you've got some discipline that, some self discipline there. That is, that's remarkable because you see a lot of people in the act one way on stage, but if you talk to someone for an hour like this, back and forth, you can tell the people who are like, I'm putting on the act I'm supposed to put on and inside I'm angry at the world and I'm getting killed at me. You don't have that vibe at all when I'm angry. You're really good at hiding it.

I'm not good at hiding shape and I'm not good at hiding shame. I'm the worst at hiding. So. Yeah.

And now if you could tell someone who hears this interview, like what you think they could do to build that same ability, what would you, what would you tell them?

Okay, so I think the first thing they should do is, okay, if they got that crazy talk going on in their head. This I learned from Luis Hayes. And I think it really helped me so much. And I learned it when I was like 31, 32, and it really took, like, maybe it took probably about four or five months for things to really change, but. And Then the more that I did it, the more drastic my life changed. But you're supposed to look at yourself in the eyes in the mirror, right? You just look at the black part of your eye or the pupil of your eye, and you look at yourself and you say your first, last name or your full complete name and say, I love and approve of you. So I'll be in the mirror like, Tiffany Sarah Cornelia Haddish, I love and approve of you. Tiffany Sarah Cornelia Haddish, I love and approve of you. Do that for five minutes. You're supposed to do it every day. The first time I did it, I couldn't even. I couldn't even last a minute, like, really, like 30 seconds without crying because I really didn't feel that way about myself. And, you know, and it's like the words that you say are like magic. And it programs all the cells in your body and your whole energy field to be that way. So when you start programming whatever you program whatever comes out your mouth constantly, that's what it's going to be, Right? So if I constantly say I love and approve of myself, then I'll be able to protect myself better. And the energy that I'll be putting out, the suit of armor that I have on when I go into the world is, oh, we have. She needs to be loved and approved of. That's someone that we love and approve of. And then that's what. And then that bounces off, that goes to somebody else. They start feeling the same way when I come into the room. They feeling loved and approved, too. Like, it's contagious.

It spreads. Yeah, it's viral. Nice.

You know, at the end of my comedy shows, I always try to. I curse the audience with all the success, joy, love and happiness that they can handle. And I tell them I hope that they become infected with happiness. So infected with joy, happiness and love and success that it becomes contagious. And when you sneeze, you sneeze joy. And when you shit, you shit success. I curse you with that.

What does the audience say when you. They must just be loving it, right?

They are. Like, at first I say, well, I'll curse you. They be like, I say, with happiness and joy and love. They're like, ah, yes. The older ladies always jump up and be like, yeah.

Oh, that's so cool.

It's always fun. The energy level is high and fun.

That's a beautiful thing to do.

Yeah. So I would say to someone to program themselves to have love and compassion for themselves is the First, I think the first step to getting anything changed in your life for the positive. I'm not saying being a lover of stuff. I'm saying, like, care about you so that you can care about others. Because if you're not taken care of, you can't do anything for anybody else.

Okay, who are you in quarantine with right now?

I'm in quarantine with my Justin. I'm at my house.

Okay.

With my brother Justin.

Yeah, with your brother Justin. So you got some company. You're not dealing with that, being alone for a month or two like some people, I mean, it's almost can feel like solitary confinement if you're a little bit in your home or if you just move somewhere and there's people like, oh, my God, I don't really know anyone in this neighborhood and I'm just by myself and maybe I don't even have a job. I thought I had a job, but it just went away. What advice would you have for someone in a situation like that?

I would say to someone like that, I would say write down as many of your thoughts as you possibly can. Challenge us or create. Like, try to learn something new that you try something you've never done before. Like, I'm trying to learn how to do the splits. I've been working on doing the splits every day. You know, I'm only down 5, 5 inches off the ground. A little bit more every day.

The front to back or the side to side?

The side to side.

Holy cow. That's always been like my ultimate fantasy. I mean, I can put my ankles behind my head. I got some pretty good yoga moves. But the side to side splits, that's just. I don't think that's in my. I don't think that's in my, my life this time around.

You can do it. You can do the side splits. I have been watching YouTube videos, okay. And if you practice every day for just 20 minutes, you will get lower and lower and you will become limber and you will.

I know I take. I'm limber, but man, that one angle. I take my collagen every day.

Obviously, I take your collagen too, and I love it. Look at my skin.

Thank you. How much do you work out per day?

Probably, I would say about three to four times, but no more than. I mean, the most time that I'll spend working out is 20 minutes.

Okay. So you do a few bursty things and you're. You're good to go.

Yeah. Like, try to jump rope. I got the jump Rope from Groupon yesterday. So did that for 10 minutes.

Oh, that'll work you.

And they got the counter on there, so I'm like, yeah, you want to try something? I think that's good. You know, do some five minutes standing ab stuff, you know, and then I get on that treadmill and do, like, hit, like, run real fast for one minute, then for 30 seconds, and then jot for, like, a walk for one minute. Like, do that for up to 20 minutes, and that's it. But when this whole thing is over, I'm full on running on the track and field, because I want to compete in the track and field competition. I want to do that.

Really? Like sprinting?

Yes. Like hurdles? I want to do hurdles.

Wow.

I used to do it in high school.

Okay, so you know how.

Yes. Oh, yes, I know how. And I saw online that people are competing in track and field events all the way till they're 90. Yeah, you can do that division. So I'm like, I can do that. I can do 40 to 50 group. I can do that.

Oh, yeah, you totally could. Why not?

Yeah.

Have you ever tried a weighted jump rope?

No.

Oh, my God, it's horrible. I have one that weighs one pound, you think? But the weights in the arms and the rope itself is a little bit heavier, so swinging, it's, like, 10 times harder than it's supposed to be. And the more you do it. I couldn't do 10 minutes of that to save my life. It is torture. You should get one.

And it's only £1.

It's a £1 or £2. It's not that much. But because you're rotating it so much, like, the motion to do it is way more work than you'd ever imagine, and you're exhausted in no time at all.

The Michelle Obama arm, like. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. You'll get those, like, big old ripped, you know, huge concepts. Yeah. Dave, you're already pretty ripped. Okay. You're doing something right.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, when I watch, like, Hulu, and it's like a show that I'm watching that has commercials.

Yep.

I do planks for the commercials.

Oh, that's smart.

Couch potato workout. Squats off the side of the couch like this right here.

Okay. That works.

Yeah. With the arms.

And I swear, it's just like you said, you don't have to go to the gym and do all this stuff. Although you do go, you know, you go to upgrade labs and you do the fancy stuff.

Right.

But you don't have to do that. That's the point.

That infrared vibrating machine, what is that called?

The Bulletproof Vibe. Yeah.

So I was like, I'm gonna try to get me one of those too.

Oh, Bulletproof sells the Vibe platform. We'll get you one. They're not, you know, they're.

I don't know. They're. With the reason I went on Groupon, they had this machine that vibrates that you can stand on and, like, work on. So I got that. And then I had. Got a portable sauna. Yeah. That works from, like, Amazon for like 100 bucks. So then I pulled the panels out, and I stand on the thing, and I'll be vibrating. Smart.

Just if it does this when it vibrates, it's gonna mess up your spine. If it does up and down, it's gonna be okay. But the ones that do this are the cheaper ones. Those are seriously bad for your.

Really?

Yeah.

Well, don't ask me.

Yeah, you'll be fine if you sit.

I was always getting put out of health class because I was always asking the most inappropriate questions. And my mom had taught me. You know, my mom. My mom was so scandalous. She. We was watching a soap opera, right? And I talk about this on stage, too, but it's true story. I was watching a soap opera in a man and woman's in bed. I said, mama, what are they doing? She said, that's what you do to make a baby. I said, well, I'm gonna do that one day. I'm gonna get in bed. I'm gonna do that one day. She said, no, you're not. Not till after you turn 21. Because, see, men have these enzymes in their mouth. If you let them kiss you, it will eat your face up and your tongue will fall out and you will die in 24 hours. I said, really, Mama? She said, yeah. Don't be kissing no boys till you get your shot. You gotta get a vaccination. And then I was like, oh, okay. And she said, and boys are always gonna. Gonna try to put their pee. They're gonna try to show you their pee pee. And you don't want to touch their pee pee because it's something that you felt like snot. In fact, they gonna try to put it in your baby carriage, and it'll eat up your baby carriage and your legs will fall off and you'll die a slow, painful death over three days.

She told you all this?

Yes.

And how old were you when she said that?

I was like eight. Seven and a half. Eight. Okay. Oh, my God. I was like, who? I never. I never. I'LL never, right? So then I go to school the next day, my friend Amber is out there making out. She kissing a boy. I'm like, oh, no, Amber, no, no. Like, you, I want from her. You're gonna die. You're gonna die. She's like, what? You silly. You stupid. Like, what are you talking about? Stop playing. Stop that. Stop. Right? And I'm just, like, crying and everything. I was like, you're gonna die on here. I love you so much. I'm gonna miss you. I get home, I'm crying, I'm telling my mama what happened. And my mama's just shaking her head. She just. I'm telling all the stuff that happened to Amber, and she goes, honey, you don't got nothing to worry about. See, her family knew she was gonna be a hoe. They got the vaccine shot for her early, okay?

No, she continued.

They knew she was gonna be getting a sperm disease early, so they got her vaccines. So you don't have nothing to worry about with her. You just don't do what she doing. Cause I didn't get you vaccinated for the sperm disease. You didn't get vaccinated for it. So cut to me in, like, seventh grade, health class teacher Mr. Herrera, okay, is talking about all the different STDs. It's like STD week, right? So he going over everything, and I'm sitting there, I'm just like, oh, he not gonna try to say. He's not trying to say nobody. Like, mind you, from the time I was 8 until I was about 12 and a half, 13 years old now I'm thinking it's a lot of hoes out here. It's a lot of females out here that's been getting vaccinated. Okay? Okay. So I'm waiting. I'm waiting the last day. He goes, and that's it for STDs. And I was like, Mr. Herrera. Mr. Herrera. You didn't talk about the most important one. He was like, which flat, Tiffany? Like, the sperm disease. He's like, what is the sperm disease? So I commenced to say everything my mama told me. The classroom was quiet by the time it got to the end. By the time I finished, she goes, is that it, Ms. Haddish? I said, yep, that's it. The sperm disease. He goes, well, I think you need to have another conversation with your mother. And the whole class was busting up laughing and stuff. And he's like, but you could get mono. You can get. I don't think there's such thing as a sperm Disease. I was like, there is a sperm disease. Show me that in encyclopedia.

I guess your mom did get, you know, a good. Probably four or five years of really good behavior out of you for that.

But, yeah, I mean, no, all the way from. I was like, 16 and a half. I was super scared to kiss anybody because even though now I know what the truth is or, like, the teacher's explained it to me, it's still my mama voice in the back of my mind, right? That boy kiss you, that's it. You gonna die.

Is this still a problem? I mean, what. What's your dating life look like?

It ain't a problem. It ain't no problem no more. I'm like, oh, you cute. Wanna kiss?

Do you think you're gonna settle down with a guy? Like, what's your. What's your relationship status look like?

My relationship status is good right now. You know, I'm out here. I'm mingling, mingling. Social distancing.

Mingling and tingling.

Definitely tingling now.

Did you do cryotherapy when you were going to upgrade labs?

Yes, and I love it. I love it. I started going because I tore my meniscus.

Oh, that helps. I tore mine, too. When I was in my mid-20s, I had a couple surgeries on it. And are you recovered?

I didn't have any surgeries. They wanted to do a surgery because they said it was flipped and stripped. And I was like, no, what did they do in Bible times? And they said, well, in Bible times, you took anti inflammatories and you prayed. I said, well, that's what I'll do. And then I started doing my research, and one of my girlfriends told me about you guys and y' all had the cryotherapy because I couldn't find none in South Central. There's none over here. So I went over there to Santa Monica, and I was going like. I think I was going like, twice a week going and getting in there. And then I was doing physical therapy. And then the guy talked me into getting on a cheat machine. And I was like, I don't know. This might fit my knee. And my leg felt much better. Oh, yeah, I want to do this every week. And then, like, whenever I would be in town, I would go because I was always going out of town. So, yeah, I love that machine now. So that was like, July when I first started going there.

Now, your sauna triggers some of the same things in the body. They're called heat shock proteins. And it's funny, but cryotherapy and Heat can both affect similar pathways, so it's good to do both. But if you're doing an occasional cold shower and you're jumping in your sauna sometime, vibrating, you're getting the easy version of it. You can do it at home. So you're staying strong, which is. I like seeing that.

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm fitting my clothes better because I've been eating out my garden. So I'm not necessarily. I don't think I'm losing actual weight, but I think it's like more muscle is forming or whatever.

Yeah.

I noticed my booty lifting up a little more. Things is happening around here. More rest and stuff. And me getting out the garden and everything. I'm like. When I come out of this and I'm doing the splits, hey, all right.

You got a split lift.

I'm a superhero. Next thing you know, Tiffany Haddish, black female superhero.

Female superhero. You're gonna have butt lift splits, Michelle Obama arms, and you're good to go. All right, I like that.

And the legs of Flo. Jo. I want the legs of Flo.

Oh, there you go. Those are some legs.

You know, I try to get all my DNA stuff done.

Yeah.

Some of my testing, they said there was an issue because I got rolling veins. So they were having a hard time getting in my veins. And I was like, I need your oldest nurse step. This lady came over. I think her name was Robin. She was like, I got this. And she finally got it.

But the young lady got in there.

Nurse there, she was having a hard time.

Yeah, I got those same veins that just must be a little dehydrated right now. I don't know why, but normally I have these giant, ropey veins that are just. You know, they look at those, and they're like, oh, those are gonna be so easy. And you're like, no, those are tough veins. You're not getting into that thing. So I feel you there.

Yeah. My veins roll and run, and they never show up. This is the only vein that you could actually see, probably on my whole body.

Oh, wow.

And that's it. Not even in the back of my hand. Like. Yeah. But then I thought I wasn't human.

You know, you might only be part human. That could be the option. I'm pretty sure I'm part alien, so, you know, it doesn't have to be an either or.

I'm part unicorn. I had a horn growing out my forehead all of elementary school until, like. Yeah, till seventh grade.

Kind of like Hellboy. Did you have to grind it off and all that. I'd had a complex, if that was me.

No, it was like a. It was like a horn, like, literally growing right out the middle of my forehead. And kids used to call me dirty ass unicorn. They'd be like, you a dirty unicorn? Look at you. You got fleckers. I had a mole right here on my chin. This mole on my nose. This one right here. And then I had this thing growing up my forehead, and I used to cut it with scissors, and it would bleed down, and then they wouldn't talk about me for, like, a week, but it would grow right back, like, so fast. Yeah. And then when. Geez. When my grandma. My grandma had took us for, like. My grandma had got custody. She didn't have custody, but she had us for the day or for the week or something. And she took me to the doctor, and the doctor's like, oh, you have a wart on your forehead. And my girl's like, you're nasty. You're disgusting. You're nasty. He's like, we could freeze it off. And my grandma was like, I'll take care of it. So we went home, she got that liquid nitrous, she froze it off my forehead, and it never grew back. I was like, oh, my God, Grandma, you took away my unicorn horn. And I was glad. I was glad. Cause it was like I would wear bangs, and it would part the bangs.

Oh, wow. This was a big old thing.

It was big growing up my forehead like a unicorn. That's why. So the kids used to call me dirty unicorn all the time, and they used to hurt my feelings. And then I started to decide, like, no, I'm gonna take that. I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna. I'm gonna make a living off of. You're trying to make fun of me.

Hey, you. Did you own that? It's the title of your book. That's cool.

Yeah.

All right, Tiffany, it's been super fun interviewing you, and I appreciate you taking some time to chat.

Thank you. I enjoy you.

Thank you for listening today. I hope you had as much fun as I did. Tiffany is starring in the Netflix miniseries Self Made and the TBS comedy the Last og. You can see all the things she's up to@tiffanyhadish.com. i would be personally grateful if you would take just a minute to rate and review the show on your favorite podcast platform. Just go to daveasbury.com and you can check out the blog, other podcasts, transcripts, and get connected with the new YouTube channel.