Dave Asprey shares a two-step method for men to process emotional pain: first, do something physical to raise testosterone, then sit with paper and write each negative feeling, identify the irrational belief behind it, and state what you actually want instead. He argues that naming the desired outcome shifts focus away from what you don't want.
And it was a technique that I used all the way through that whole period of my life when people were critical of me, knock me down, I had to pick myself back up. And two ways to do it. This is my technique. When something really gets you, you've got to process your feelings, you've got to process your emotions. There's an old saying in China, men don't cry unless their heart is broken. Which symbolizes if it's a big thing, you need to process your emotions. If it's a little thing that the normal stuff of life, you just ignore it and go do something to bump up your testosterone. You know, have your testosterone building. Hobbies that you can do that have, don't, don't have to do with talking about feelings. But there's a place, and this is more common for men today who are actually have way too much estrogen. Things will trigger them. They'll get all upset. If you are all upset, two steps. One, first go out and do something to bump your testosterone up as much as possible. If you exercise, use your muscles. That's a really key factor is using your muscles, solving problems. Do whatever your skill is, Go and do it. Put your feelings to the side, but then come back to those feelings because they didn't go away. That means you have to process them. What's been triggered? And this is what I believe about men versus women, whenever men are hugely triggered, it's activating your childhood. Now, in psychology, we think everything is activating your childhood. And it is to some extent. Women can be activated from yesterday. Okay, so see, they're estrogen beings. They have emotion all the time. They're pushing it down, pushing it down so they could be upset about stuff. And it's just today. But for us, if something hits you big, it's because it triggered something deep from your childhood. So whether it be something about today or something from your childhood, the process is the same. Sit down. This is what I did. I've done a thousand of these during the 90s when I was being attacked all the time. Rarely do I need to do it now. But the I sit down with a piece of paper and I write out what I'm feeling. I write out I'm angry what I want. I write out what I'm disappointed or sad about or hurt by. And I what I want. I go into what I'm afraid of and they're all irrational. So I'm afraid no one will like me again. I'm afraid I'm over the hill. I'm afraid I'M a liar, I'm afraid I'm a fraud. I'm afraid they're right about me. Whatever. See, I don't believe any of those things. But if you've got negative emotions, it's because they're irrational. So a rational guy like you has to say, temporarily, I'm going to exaggerate the irrational aspect of these strong feelings I'm having. And you write out anger, sadness, fear, and then regret. And then. And each time. And what I want, what I want, what I want. You know, the most powerful thing to feel good is to be in touch with what I want. Anybody who's depressed has stopped wanting. Anybody who's afraid is I don't want, I don't want. But every negative emotion is an I don't want. So you write out the negative emotion and then what I want. Write out the sadness and what I want. Write out the fear of what I want, write out the guilt, shame, regret, whatever, and what I want and go into what I want then. That's the first step. Then change the subject and imagine having what you want. You go into, okay, I'm just going to focus on what I want to happen and imagine it happening. And when I imagine what it's happening, I'll feel better because all negativity is just imagining the worst that hasn't happened. So after I've gone through the negative focus on what I want, then I imagine having what I want, which is people thinking I'm great, people think I'm wonderful, people thinking that I made a difference in their life. That's what I want, is I'm successful. Once I've imagined that, then I come back to how does that make me feel? Well, that I'm grateful, I'm happy, I, I'm. I feel love. I love my wife, I love my children, I love my life and whatever. And I'm proud of myself. So four positive emotions to go against those four negative emotions. You're listening to the Human Upgrade with Dave Asprey.
