The 15-Minute Habit That Makes Founders More Resilient

And I'm like, I get out of this pitch with someone and I notice I feel very upset and sad, just a little like frustrated or just maybe discouraged. I used that word a week or two ago with a friend of mine. He's like, Jesse Pujji is discouraged? I've never, like, I don't know that energy in you. And I'm like, that's a little, I'm like, oh, I don't actually know that energy in me either. And I know there's, there's, there's bigger stuff happening for me right now. And I know that it's part of that, but like. In that exact moment where discouragement or all these things show up and you're standing here and you're live coaching, what's the first thing you would have me do?

The first thing I would have you do is welcome your sadness.

And how would I do that?

Locate it in your body. Be like, okay, yeah, you're disappointed, Jesse. Like, where in your body does that show up?

Okay.

And you would say—

What do people typically do just as an alternative? Oh, like what's the failure pattern as we call it here, huh?

Distract themselves, right? So, so maybe jumping on and reaching out to 5 other potential investors, maybe, or having a drink or smoking a joint or watching TV or yeah, or jumping into work and just like over-functioning just to not feel it and make themselves feel better. Sometimes there's defensive patterns like screw those guys, those idiots, like they don't know. Or I'll show them, right? Like the chip on the shoulder. So there's all sorts of defense mechanisms that typically kick in to avoid feeling the sadness and frankly the fear.

Yeah.

'Cause there's sadness, but there's also, oh, I thought this was gonna go well. And then there maybe would be like an upward spiral of like, you know, and now all of a sudden I'm like, oh, shit. And this is the entrepreneur rollercoaster is the like one moment I think it's all gonna be up into the right and I'm gonna IPO for billions of dollars. And then literally the next moment, it's like, oh, this, I'm just gonna fail.

And why did I do this? I'm wasting my time.

I'm wasting my time.

I'm gonna— I almost feel like the first thing, the, the, the one you said, I almost think the first thing is actually probably just to slow down and actually build some awareness how you've been affected by, because I, because I think old me and a lot of people I interact with, I'm like, yeah, you, you may say you're, are you feeling sad? They're like, I'm not sad. No. I'm like, and, and they don't even realize what's taken place because the, the, the machine in their system is already Doing its defensive pattern. Yeah.

And yeah, one of the most simple ways to think about whether you're likely in a defense pattern is if you're in your head, not your body.

Yeah.

And I've spent, I spent decades like in my, just basically like rationalized, like in my head, not really feeling what was in my body, at least not consciously. So yeah, I like what you said, like, hold on, like your, your mind is going to be generating all sorts of thought— thoughts to like distract you or strategize or try to figure it out. Or rationalize it. So, can you shift your attention down from your head to your body and even just, like you said, ask the question, oh, what am I feeling right now?

Yeah. It's almost like, I mean, as a practice, maybe I'm trying to get to even just for myself, like after meetings, like have 15 minutes of just— not that you'll spend the whole 5 minutes, you'll get 5 minutes, but schedule 15 minutes in your calendar so that in the 15, you can get 3 minutes even or 5 of just I'm gonna like just center myself, be with myself. Yeah, with myself. And, and then see, and I notice what's coming up, and, and then the next thing is, okay, maybe sadness showed up or fear or something else.

Yeah, I'm, I'm thinking about resilience, and I just saw something recently. I don't know, it's called like The Resilient Entrepreneur or something, but like the, the typical pattern, you know, what you call failure pattern, is just go right to the next meeting.

Yep.

And I think what happens is all that emotion just gets bottled up and then it kind of leaks out in all these unhealthy ways. So, I actually think if you want to be more resilient, right, like especially if you're, you know, well, you were just in New York and had like back-to-back meetings, right? Like that's tricky. I'm thinking about, yeah. Yeah. If you have to go right from a rejection, especially when you thought they were going to say it, right into the next meeting, like That's— you set yourself up for a pretty big challenge. Yeah, you know, nothing wrong with it, but like, it's likely gonna be more challenging than if you gave yourself time to like have a bit of a reset.

Yeah.

And the, the sort of lie that our minds tell us, like, no, no, don't, don't feel right now because then you're screwed. Like, if you let yourself feel, then you're just gonna go down, you're gonna be like a puddle. Like, you need to be strong and tough so you can get to your next meeting. from my experience, like, if you really feel the feeling all the way through to completion, it doesn't take that long and actually helps you reset and get present again for your next meeting.

Yeah, I love that.

And I've been fond, especially this past year, of saying like, a feeling is worth a thousand thoughts.

I love that.

You know, picture's worth a thousand words. Like, yeah, I just—

I—

it's, it's been especially like an aha for me because I spent years coaching thoughts. And I don't want to dismiss that. Like, there's value in that, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy.

Yeah, beliefs.

Yeah, like challenging the stories your mind makes up, seeing through that. Like, all that is very useful. And what I've been learning, especially over the last year or so, is that often the entire thought pattern is really just a strategy to avoid feeling something, right? And if you again bring your attention down to your body where the feelings actually live Notice the sensations in your body, allow them, versus what we usually do, which is like, fuck, I don't want to feel that. No, go away, sadness. I need to be tough. Go away. Just fully allow it to move through you, right? It's like waves. It's actually amazing how entire patterns of thought can just dissolve because they're all moving through the void.

Yeah. And, I think the most touchstone for most people whenever I explain this stuff is It's just with your spouse or significant other where you can be in the most heated argument ever about something. And literally, if the energy or the emotion feels or changes or someone cries or someone doesn't, you could literally go from cuddling with that. The whole thought pattern, you're like, what were we— I don't even remember what it was. The feeling was so strong and it was just looping in your brain.

Right, because the real issue is essentially, am I feeling loved or not? Right.

Or I'm feeling something I'm not willing to feel. You know, the other thing I've noticed that's interesting, it's actually fun now. I'm kind of actually thinking about what I've been experiencing the last few weeks in New York. You mentioned I had like 8 meetings, right? Running around New York City in between the meetings, which is not a particularly calming experience. And, you know, have you heard this? When you have kids, especially younger kids, they have I forget what they call it. It's like post, post-school letdown syndrome or post—

like, basically, I've never heard of it.

Some dumb name for the idea that kids come home and they're grumpy after school and they're much more prone to throwing tantrums or fits, especially when they're 4 or 5, like they're younger. And the reason that they, the scientists or whatever have determined is, well, at school they're like on the whole day.

Ah, yes. Yeah. And so the second then they come home, they're like, oh, I can be a— I can let my guard down and just be a little jerk.

And it's interesting because what I'm realizing, if I'm not taking that time in between meetings, I basically am like on, on, on, on. And then I realize I've gotten to the end of the days and I'm like, whoo, like I am, I am really cashed. And even then, like thinking about what happened last week when we were talking about it, it's like I then had another thing and I flew somewhere and then I was like, really? And it really almost was like a letdown, a much bigger letdown, not because of that in particular meeting, but because I had been avoiding it all week basically, or I hadn't been doing the reset button.

Yeah. Pretty much everything in nature works in cycles, right? It's like the sun comes and goes. We revolve around the sun, certain— we rotate. Everything is in cycles. And for some reason, we humans try to just ignore that and we burn ourselves out, right?