Bob shares two stories from couples therapy: Nana told him he'd disappoint people if he didn't act fast, framing disappointment as inevitable in intimacy. In a kitchen argument, one word choice—"Shut up before we're both pissed off"—could have shifted everything, showing how small communication changes create different relational outcomes.
Chapters
Okay, now you'll get to interrupt. I just want to finish that. Two great stories, that was perfect. Okay, great. That was great. Great. I mean, it's true. I would have interrupted myself if I could have. Instead of interrupting you. So you can. Two stories that you told. Oh dear. That I loved to tell. Okay. I love to tell it to the couples that I work with in couples therapy. Okay. And one of them is that a while back, Given that you had 5 children. Yes. And— Well, I was a minor partner in that. But about 10 years ago, you had about 50,000 Facebook friends. I don't think you can even count how many you have now. You have a lot of people who come at you and want things, all of that. And Nana said to you, "Bob, you're going to disappoint people, so you better do it sooner." rather than later. And I think disappointment is like suffering, that for couples, disappointment is part of intimacy. It's part of what we have to deal with. The second story though, it's backing up to Bob's point that I loved hearing the first time in Bhutan of absolute self versus relative self. We don't— we're influenced by each other all the time. So it was the story when Nenu was in the kitchen Bob came home from university and you'd had a tough day. I was angry. You were angry. Graduate students, administration. It was always administration. All of that. You want to say what she said? Well, you came in and you were angry and you were telling her what you were angry about. No, what happened? And then she said? She said, "Shut up before we're both pissed off." All right. Now, see, I thought the implications of this are transformative. If you realize there could have been two different Bobs. In one universe she did say, "Shut up, Bob, before you make us both angry." You knew enough to listen, you went and had a lovely dinner. In the other reality Bob said, "Oh, what do you mean, listen? She didn't speak up." Well, a couple of times I said, "Why don't you share my thing?" You know, "Yeah, I did that a bit, I did that a bit, I didn't react." possibly immediately. Yeah. I had to be disciplined. So it's only a minor moment in time when we're influenced in a real positive way by someone trying to get us to shift a little bit in our consciousness and be more present. That's my story.
