Why waiting feels so uncomfortable

Good morning, beautiful heart. How are you? I know it's early morning here, so I don't have the lights on or anything. I don't want to wake up the zoo too early anyways, but I did want to get this message out, so thank you for bearing with me in the dark. So something I've been thinking about and with this current energy, so I wanted to bring it to you guys. Have you ever noticed the moment that you're waiting for something, whether it's a message, a response, a decision, money, your mind suddenly starts inventing problems? That's not intuition. That's your nervous system reacting to uncertainty because that's what the brain does. If there's a delay or you don't really have the answers or anything, the mind will go and try to color in those lines. And remember, this isn't going to be your higher self. This is personality. This is monkey mind. So it's going to fill your mind with worst-case scenarios because that was the old pattern. When there's a delay in life, nothing is actually happening externally, but internally everything starts happening. And this is when altered ego will really just start showing up and popping off. When nothing is happening externally. That's when monkey mind's going to be telling you either you're wrong, it's not going to happen, and starts literally just making things up. Thoughts speed up, anxiety increases, worst-case scenarios appear. A vague sense of something is wrong shows up. How many of you, that something is wrong an old pattern that would always show up, especially when you didn't have answers or there were delays. Your brain does not like gaps. When information is missing, the mind fills the space, and it rarely fills it with neutral stories. I'm gonna say that again: the mind rarely fills it with neutral stories. That is not a default setting. That is a setting that neutral is something that you have to consciously work towards because the normal default setting is worry, panic, and negativity. It fills it with threat because survival wiring prefers false alarms over missing danger. This is why waiting feels uncomfortable. Waiting for texts, waiting for emails, waiting for answers, waiting for decisions, waiting for deposits. Not because something is wrong, but because nothing has resolved yet. Uncertainty is what agitates the system, not reality. Have you ever noticed that, at least for me, I don't like lies, can't do lies, and if I pick up somebody's lying or what have you, like, I won't deal with you. I just will not. That's my own personal thing. But what I'm saying is the personality lies to you all the time, but you interpret it as truth. I hope that made sense. A delay is not a negative event. A delay is empty space your mind is coloring in. Most people mistake a feeling of concern for evidence of a problem. Those are not the same thing. With YCAL and our— and the integration that it does, your cells respond to the meaning you assign, not the situation itself. We've been talking about how a situation on the surface or when it first happens can absolutely look like the past event if you buy into that story. So whatever story you're telling yourself or you're buying, that is basically what you're assigning as truth. Calm interpretations generate calm chemistry. Fear-based interpretations create stress chemistry. Same moment, different internal experiences. Life is often neutral. The discomfort comes from the story, not the delay. Remember, your cells are listening, guys, and if you've been in survival mode most of your life, and I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say if you haven't lived in survival mode most of your life, you wouldn't be listening to me right now. I would make no sense. But since you're here and you're listening, I'm gonna take a drink of my coffee, then you're coming out of survival mode. The stories from survival mode are a program. Yes, they're written on your cells. Why? Because it's something that you have been repeating internally, that internal dialogue, that internal narrative is the most important narrative conversation you're ever going to have because it writes your reality. Your beliefs ignite or fuel your consciousness. What you experience on a day-to-day basis is going to be what you're internally thinking, feeling, emoting, saying, and sending out because everything is energy and frequency. I'm not making this up, this isn't new. And if you're having a hard time with how is everything energy frequency, study Einstein, Tesla, some of the greatest minds in the world knew this and they were definitely ahead of their times. But throughout 2026, '27, and '28, we are going to see huge strides in medicine, technology, and science. A lot of this energy and frequency stuff that I've been called crazy or loony my whole life because I believe it, we're now going to start seeing the proof. Red light therapy, sound frequency for healing, tech— there is technology being worked on now and it's going to be released, like I said, within the next 3 years. I expect us to start seeing it this year. Imaging, body scans, where they're looking at the energy of the organs and they can tell a diseased organ or something going on by the color of the organ. What are they looking at? Frequency and vibration. Just saying. So guys, and I know you're here, you're still listening to me, you believe it. It may not be real in your life yet. You may not have had the experiences yet. That's what I want to say is yet. Everything I bring to you and I talk about or teach, I've proven it, I've lived it. It's not just theory or book knowledge. Yes, I have theory and book knowledge to back up and support my experiences, but guess what? I didn't have that when I was going through the experiences. I had that inner feeling, that inner knowing of, I know that I know. I don't know how the fuck I know, I just know. And the crazy thing was, at the height of when I was battling disease, autoimmune diseases, chronic pain, just craziness out of the blue that hit me in my 30s that lasted a long time to where the doctor said the best you can do is manage your symptoms. You're never going to be better or whatever. I didn't like that answer. I'm sitting there at 30 years old going, no freaking way. And somewhere in that timeline, I knew that I knew a memory of— I don't know if it was junior high or high school science, but school science. I remembered cells have memory. You can activate that memory. And even When it came to me, I thought, no, surely I must have it wrong, right? But at that point, I was at that point in life that why not try it? What do I have to lose? The doctors are just saying the best you can do is be on 21 medications and manage your symptoms. I didn't like that. I didn't care that's how they saw it. There was this inner knowing, and you guys have that inner knowing too. It may not be in regards to health or whatever, but I'm just saying this is how it unfolded for me. That, well, if that's the best, then I got nothing to lose. I'm gonna test this out on myself. I am the guinea pig. Most scientists, that's what we do. And it's so funny to call myself a scientist because I used to get kicked out of science, especially in junior high and high school. Because they would ask me, they'd be teaching whatever, and they'd ask me something, and my neurospicy ass— of course, we didn't know I was neurospicy back then— I would ask questions that I didn't realize were deep, and they didn't know at that time, but it came across as I either wasn't listening, I wasn't smart, combative, whatever. I, I got kicked out of class all the time for asking questions. The funny thing is— I know I digress, but hey, It's morning, as you can see the sun is coming up. Math. I'm not a numbers girl. Math the way it was taught to me in the '70s, '80s, and '90s, it just doesn't stick. I don't get it. Uh, yes, I was in bonehead math all the way through high school. I've always seen number very differently. I have always seen the energy and the pattern of the numbers, and I remember This was high school. My math teachers, I'm not gonna say their name because I'm not, but I would irritate the hell out of them and then I wouldn't ask questions because they would make fun of you. I didn't wanna get made fun of, so I would stay quiet. You know what they did? They called my dad and said, your daughter's not doing well in math, but she won't ask questions. We can't help her. Da da da. I come home. My dad asked me. My dad was a great man, but when he was mad— he hardly ever got mad, but when he got mad, and I remember us sitting at the table and we were talking about it, he's like, if you're struggling, why aren't you asking questions? Now, this is also the man who would help me with math at night and watch me just completely break down in tears, crying at the table. My stepmom would scream and yell at me how stupid I am, and we got nowhere. And it would be like I would understand the problem, I would get it, and then I'd do one or two, and then all of a sudden I'd get confused again. Again, any of my neurospicy friends relating to this? But again, back then, I am Gen X, especially for girls, no ADHD, autism stuff, that wasn't really— we didn't talk about it, we weren't tested for it. Anyways, I tell my dad, I don't ask questions because they make fun of you in front of the whole class. I said, the last time I asked a question, they yelled at me and then made me go to the principal's office. It was Stein's office, not the principal. And I got tired of it. I was just like, I'm not down for this. If they truly want to help and they don't want to make fun of you or whatever, but if they're going to act that way, fuck them. I ain't asking questions. So my dad's mad. He's like, you gotta ask questions. I'm like, but I'm telling you what's gonna happen. He's like, well, I can't believe that would happen. After them calling me, we had this conversation. I said, all right, I'm gonna go to school and I'm gonna ask a question. I said, these guys make fun of me or I get kicked out. I said, that's it, I'm done. I'm not going back. Y'all could go fuck yourself. Yes, I had a mouth on me. Yes, I was a very, I don't wanna say a very rebellious teenager. I didn't do it just out of spite. I did because I wasn't listened to. Anyway, so I go to school, I ask a question, holy crap, whole drama thing goes down, they're yelling at me, blah. I snapped in the middle of class. I stood up and went, you know what, fuck all you, this is what you did, blah. I got carried to the office at that point. I did not go on my own. I got picked up and carried. And yes, I did go to school at a time that they had paddles and they would paddle you. I didn't get paddled, but I got suspended. I think it was I don't know, a couple weeks suspension or whatever. So I went home, I told my dad, I was like, told you this would fucking happen. Fuck you, I ain't going back. Y'all go fuck yourself, I ain't going back. I did not go back. I was like, no, this is bullshit and abuse. And how the hell did I get off on this topic? I don't know, but I know somebody's still here listening. What all of this to say that always trust your gut instincts. Don't trust your mind, because none of that was coming from my mind. It was coming from a deep inner knowing. I knew that. I knew. Now, I didn't know how the mechanics— I didn't know how it all worked out, but again, it was, I've got nothing left to lose. Here's the alternative: stay bedridden, barely able to walk, on all kinds of medication, or Talk to yourself. Let's just see, does talking to myself work? Let me prove myself either right or wrong. At that point, like a true scientist, I needed the proof and the data. So I set out with a theory and I was like, let's just see. I went through quite a number of years, people calling me crazy, that's not gonna work, blah. Hell, I even thought I was crazy at times. Talking to myself, talking to everything I put into my body, talking my water, putting intentions there, my food, the medications, qualifying the energy of all of that. I was doing that work internally behind the scenes, just kind of like what I was talking about with the energy reading for today, that there was so much going on behind the scenes that it didn't look like I was going to prove it right. And then one night, I am not kidding you, go to bed, Wake up the next morning, I had a dramatic weight loss change. My body changed. Now, to most people, it would have seemed like it changed overnight. It didn't, because I was doing the work that whole time behind the scenes. But the visual 3D appearance in my reality— that's why I call it 3D— came because I didn't give up. I kept pushing. Or hanging on. Were there times that it didn't look like it was going to happen? Were there times my mind was trying to fill in the gaps with the old survival story? Absolutely. It wasn't pretty all the time. For those of you who know my story, I had an appointment with the head of Stanford. I'm not gonna give the title or the name or any of that, but he was top in his field. And I went in for an appointment to see, and he had me just get up off the little table that you sit on walk to the door and walk back. Hadn't asked me anything, just said, did that. And I did that. He turns around and looks at me. He goes, you're perfectly fine. It's all in your head. There's nothing wrong with you. For those of you who know me, that didn't sit well. That went over like a lead balloon. And I looked at him and said, you haven't asked me any questions. Just by the gait of my walk, I am perfectly fine. And he's like, but if you still insist something is wrong, I am running a study on chronic fatigue syndrome. I think you'd be a great candidate for that. Would you like to be in that? I'm about 3 years on my journey at this point, right? And we didn't know— I didn't have a named diagnosis at that time. That's what I was trying to, to go for or to see. And I just looked at him and said, wait a minute, you just said there was nothing wrong with me. So if there's nothing wrong with me, why do you want me to be in your trial? So you could get accolades, you could do this, that, and the other, but you're gonna gaslight me that nothing's wrong with me? Fuck you. You're just practicing. I said, you know what, I don't care what your theory says, I don't care what your practice says— you're practicing. I said, this is my body. I am not taking what you say as my truth. I will be back and I will be healed. He laughed at me. My ex-husband and ex-mother-in-law were not thrilled at all. This was a colleague for my ex-mother-in-law, but it's my life, my body, and I was so over people telling me that. For those of you who have been on the chronic illness or disease train, you know what I'm talking about. You have to be your own advocate and you have to fight. And I know it's not easy. It wasn't easy when I did it, but what I'm saying is I stuck to it even when it didn't look like it was gonna happen. I just said, look, if this is the best, then I have a fighting chance, and I'm not gonna go out without fighting. So it took a while, it took a lot to change that inner dialogue. The inner dialogue was the beginning for me. Once I started changing the inner dialogue, everything else started to fall in line. But yes, the physical manifestation did appear to those who didn't know the journey, it was overnight. But that's not the truth. I had been doing the work. So for those of you who have been doing the work but you don't see that outcome yet, maybe your healing hasn't happened yet, the finances haven't come in yet, the relationship isn't repaired yet, whatever, the career, whatever it is, don't give up. Don't abort your mission before you get to the finish line. You may not know where the finish line is or whatever, but just keep going. That's what I'm saying, keep going. Because you are internally— what's happening? You are rewriting the synapses in your brain. You're retraining it on what your truth and beliefs are. But you can't do that until you face your current beliefs and decide, do those work for you now or do they not? This is where it all starts. So, all right guys, as you can see, the sun is coming up. I gotta get ready for the day, but I hope this helped, guys. Um, let me know in the comments if you have anything going on that you want me to either look into or speak about. Please let me know. Happy to do that. And I'm going to go live this weekend. I miss going live, so I'm going to go live this weekend. So also let me know in the comments if you want that information so you can catch me live. All right guys, sending you oceans and oceans of love from my heart to yours. Namaste. Bye-bye.