The Case for Adoption | Sunday Fireside Chat

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Hi everybody, I'm Dennis Prager. This is Otto. Otto needs no introduction. I might, but Otto does not. I get I get increasing numbers of say hi to Otto. How is Otto? It's that it's a very fascinating thing. I never would have anticipated what a hit my dear bulldog will have made or would have made, and it's a very sweet thing actually. You know, I ought to reflect one time on pets. It's a very, it's a very interesting subject, the love of people. I'll give you one example of something that just came to mind. I actually mentioned it on my radio show this week. There was an ad on Super Bowl Sunday, and I don't remember who made the ad, what company, but the ad was about A woman who is the second greatest recipient of medals in the Paralympics. She, she has both her legs below the knee amputated. And it was beautifully done in the one minute that they had. You hear a phone call in the beginning. Many of you may have seen this. It's a true story. And a woman picks up the phone and said, well, miss, we have good news. You can— we have found a girl for you to adopt in Russia. She's, I don't know, 17 months old or whatever it was. But I do need to inform you of something. She has a very rare condition that necessitates that both her legs be amputated. And we're all assuming, or that the the woman might say, "Well, you know, let me think about it." And the immediate response was, "So what? Of course, of course, this is we want a daughter, and this is great." So they in fact adopted her. She she had to have. Both legs beneath the knee amputated, and she has grown up to be one of the world's great Paralympic swimmers. Again, second number, second highest number of medals ever won. I think it's Jessica Strong. Is that it? You want to look that up? I think that's that's the name, and she. She's just, oh, from all I could tell, a wonderful person. And I started to— is that the name? Jessica Long. Long? Not Strong? Long? Good. Jessica Long. And so somebody called me up about this. Oh, and he started to cry. A 58-year-old man called my show and he started to cry because it so touched him. He was adopted. And he so loves his parents for having adopted him and given him such a healthier and better life, as I'm sure this this girl now woman feels with with regard to coming to America, being given all these opportunities, and of course the proper medical care. So I mentioned that. I have two sons, one of whom I adopted. I have a biological son and an adopted son, and it enabled me to start talking about a subject that is very dear to me, and that is the love versus blood. I actually have a very long essay on that in my book of essays, Think a Second Time. It's called Love Versus Blood. So a lot of people think you can't love an adopted child like you can a biological child, and I've always found that somewhat of a joke. I and I have so many great arguments that I that often convince people that it's irrelevant. I I don't happen to be a believer in blood. Blood does not matter to me. For most people, if they have a good marriage, the person they're closest with on earth is their spouse, who is not blood, just for the record. But I give you a whole bunch of arguments. Here's one of my favorite sayings on this, and that is, I have no interest in passing on my seed I have interest in passing on my values. And I could prove this to, to any of you watching who might think, oh, giving your seed is really important. So which would you rather have as a son or a daughter? A biological son or daughter who rejected your values, or an adopted son or daughter Who upheld your values? Everybody will— everyone would vote for number 2. So it's sort of a proof that values are infinitely more important than blood. But here's another one. As a man, I can particularly give this argument because I'm a man. So I'm in the somewhat— it's not unique by any means, But I have both. I have one of each, as it were. Both sons. So I'm sort of a living litmus test for this, of a biological son and an adopted son. So I often tell people, from my perspective as the father, I had the exact same experience. When did I first see my biological son? The day he was born. I didn't carry him, right? My first interaction with him was the day he was born. Well, my first interaction with my adopted son was the day he was born. What difference is it to me? It's— there are so many clear arguments. Oh, here's another one. This really gets people, and it's Otto that made me think about this. People love their pets, right? So I say to people who find it hard to imagine, oh, could I really love an adopted child like a biological child? So I always ask them, let me ask you something. Do you have a dog? Yeah. You love your dog? Oh God, do I love my dog. Are you biologically related to your dog? Somehow that really hits the spot, right? Very few people are biologically related to their pet. Right? I mean, is that a fair generalization? So, so people can imagine, oh, I could really love my dog or my cat, but I really— I don't know if I could really love a child. Are you kidding? So I am a massive advocate of adoption and, and have always been. It wasn't even something I needed to be talked into. I just— I didn't understand. I don't— I still to this day don't understand the mentality of blood. Does— let me ask you a question. Do you love all your blood relatives? The answer is no. I'll tell you right now, nobody loves all their blood relatives. It doesn't exist. That human hasn't been made. And there's nothing wrong with that, by the way. It's not a sin. It's not to be embarrassed by. It's the nature of things. If, in fact, if you love half your blood relatives, you're ahead of the game. I often note, because I, you know, I'm a big fan of the Bible. Just literally 2 days ago, finished the 3rd volume of my 5-volume commentary on the first 5 books. It'll be out in November, and I, I hope you'll get it because I explain things that are generally never explained. And I always note the Book of Genesis is just stories of families. After the creation story, it's just stories of families. Every single family in the Bible's Book of Genesis is dysfunctional. Every single one. And I think of that as God's gift to humanity. You know what? If you have a dysfunctional family, It's normal. It's the functional family that's extraordinary. So anyway, I just, uh, I, I thought about this and I thought it was worth— I had another topic in mind and I could do that anytime, but I, I, I really wanted to talk based on, on thinking about Otto about this notion about blood versus love. Mm-hmm. And the issue of values that are so much more important. You know how many parents and kids, not kids, older kids, parents and children are alienated from each other today because of values? I mean, it's so common that I ask parents when I meet them, I'm not very good at small talk, so I ask people intimate questions. In my whole life, nobody ever said it's none of your business. People love to talk about their life, as they should. And I will say, I'm just curious, how many kids do you have? How many children do you have? A, do you have children? Okay. If yes, how many do you have? 3. So how many of them share your values? And it is, it is, it is the exception when all their children share their values. This is particularly— this is truer today than ever before, I would say, than since the Revolutionary War when there were parents who were in America who were pro-British and there were children who were pro the colonies separating. We have not had this division in families at this great number and this depth Ever in American history, and I won't get into the the whys, but I just want to again emphasize everything is values. That has been my hope. That's my life's work—is is to make the case for what I think is the greatest value system ever devised—the American value system. E pluribus unum, liberty, and in God we trust. It's on every coin. I didn't make that up. That's the best combination of values ever devised for a society. They are being torn down. And I could talk about that once, the war against the American value system. Because I guess a lot of people in America don't appreciate— I don't guess, I know a lot of people in America don't appreciate what we have. And what we have had. The lack of appreciation for what one has is one of the universal crappy traits. There are a lot of universal crappy traits, which reminds me to remind you that my last fireside chat, it's one of the most important I ever gave. And I, and I try to make every one the most important. That really is my aim when I sit down here to To give this chat. Nevertheless, even having said that, my last one about how lousy human nature is and therefore how incredible America has been is something worth watching and worth sharing and worth watching again for that matter. The the realization of human nature, of what it's like, is really is is is almost the whole battle. Do you realize how flawed it is? Something Judaism and Christianity so deeply share, which is why we speak about Judeo-Christian values. Which reminds me of another great topic: Why do we say Judeo-Christian when they don't have the same exact beliefs? But I I will I will deal with that. Anyway, I'm very happy I got to talk to you about love as infinitely more important than blood. And I, I live it in my, in my own family. Okay, good time for questions. And we begin with

Hi, my name is Gideon Onaslow. I'm 15 years old and I live in Huntsville, Texas. And my question is, how do you debate someone who claims that the oppressed need to be advantaged while the rich need to be disadvantaged in order to make things equal?

All right, thank you, Gideon. 15. You know, it gives you hope when all these really young folks, you know, young teens even, have these intelligent questions, take these ideas seriously. It's great. So let's see, how do you debate someone who claims that the oppressed, which he puts in quotes, need to be advantaged while the rich need to be disadvantaged in order to make things equal? Well, this is worthy of its own fireside chat, actually. First, let me make an incredibly Obvious statement, but equally controversial, which is so, so sad. Basically speaking, nobody's oppressed in America. Okay? If you are oppressed in the United States, you might have been oppressed by, for example, your family. That's true. If you've been abused by, by a relative, or by your mom's boyfriend, you've been oppressed. That's a fair way of defining the word oppressed. But America has not oppressed you. And if you walk around thinking you're oppressed, that is bad for you. I can't think of a worse way to walk through life than thinking you're a victim. I have a chapter on victimhood. Victimhood in my book on happiness, written well before all of these current events, so it had nothing to do with the current situation, that people who think that they're oppressed are going to be miserable human beings. And miserable in every sense of the word: unhappy and awful to others. Because people are bitter if they walk around and they're ungrateful. It's a bad combination, bitterness and ingratitude. So I agree with you, Gideon, of putting oppressed in quotes. About making everything equal, well, that too. This is— that's the French Revolution. 2 revolutions took place within a decade of each other. The American Revolution in 1776. And the French Revolution in 1789. They're very different revolutions and they led to very different things. They led to freedom in America, obviously not freedom for slaves. I'm well aware of that. There were slaves all over the world. There was no country in the history of the world that did not have slavery. This is not an excuse. It was an evil, but it nevertheless was a universal evil. So the, the, again, the amazing thing about America is not that it had slavery. The amazing thing about America is that it abolished slavery so early and made a free society, not for everybody immediately, but for everybody over time. This became the freest society, which is why I always remind people so many more Blacks have come to America Voluntarily than came as slaves. About 360,000 came as slaves to North America, to the United States or the American colonies, and millions have come from Africa voluntarily. And if we opened the doors, millions and millions more would come from Africa, which I always raise as a question: Are these people dumb? Why would they come to a systemically racist country? Did they not get the message from the Democratic Party? The Democratic Party says, come, hey, let's, let's, let's open the doors. But it's telling everybody, why would you come here? The place stinks. Why would a black African come to the United States to be oppressed? Whoa, I really put him to sleep this time. You know, actually, his snoring is relaxing, to be honest. When he sleeps in our bedroom and when he snores, it's, it's a very calming effect. Anyway, the French Revolution sought equality. The American Revolution sought liberty. They're not the same. As soon as you have freedom, there will be inequality. That is, it's inevitable. There are people who are talented to be a quarterback or a shortstop, to use a football, American football, and American baseball analogy for those of you watching outside of the United States. And these people make more money than I do. Now, is that right? Why should a baseball player make more money than I? And I've worked so hard. Well, they've worked hard too, to be honest. But, you know, I do maybe— well, I don't even think more important. But so don't take me. A baseball player makes more than a doctor. What could be more important than healing people, right? Than saving lives. Is that fair? So what should we do? Should we then, to achieve equality, or equity as the term is now used, should we make a law, no baseball player shall receive a higher salary than a teacher or a doctor? Right? That's equality, but it's not freedom. So you have to— You pick. Do you want a free society or do you want an equal society? I don't want an equal— I don't understand. I've never yearned to have as much money as people who are richer than me. And I spent much of my life very not rich. I mean, I am certainly comfortable today, but I'm not in the rich category even today. I'm fine. Believe me, I thank God every day for my financial situation. But for much of my life, that was not even the case. I didn't care. I was doing what I wanted. I had— I bought all the books I wanted. I bought all the stereo equipment I wanted and all the cigars I wanted. And I was a very happy guy. So, and I could support a family, which was the most important thing for me since I was a child. That's what I was raised to believe a man does, support a family. It's a nice way to raise a boy, by the way. So this notion of, oh, there are people who make more than others, so what? Now, as it happens, I think that this super-duper trillionaire class or 100-billionaire class, that I am not fully comfortable with because They have so much power. I don't care that they have so much money. They have so much power. Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world, I think, or it goes between him and a couple of others, but one of the richest, in any event, of Amazon, you know, he just decides, hey, I'll buy the Washington Post. So the Washington Post didn't have to earn its way. Into profitability. It had an incredibly, infinitely wealthy man who could buy— he could buy every newspaper in America. That's not healthy. The power of these people with enormous sums of money bothers me, not the enormous sums of money. But that's a very tiny group of people, these trillionaires. And what shall we do? Shall we just confiscate their money? Why isn't that theft? If these people didn't steal their money, what gives us the moral right to steal their money? As unhappy as I am that these people have all that, that's— these are moral questions that need to be answered. Okay, Eric in Benton, Pennsylvania. 19 years old. Hi, Dennis. I mean, hi, Eric. I looked up with hi, Dennis. That was odd. Like, hi, Dennis. No. I've heard you say that Alan Estrin is the most disciplined man you know, and since I assume you are pretty disciplined yourself, that must be high praise. You have no idea what high praise it is. I was wondering, how could I build my own self-discipline? I find it hard to follow through when making new habits and getting rid of old ones. Thank you. You are not alone fighting it hard to get rid of old habits. It's about as hard as it gets. Self-discipline is rough, and I first of all let me tell you something: Alan Estrin is definitely has more self-discipline than I do. In fact, compared to him, I am a bum. That's how I would. Pretty much characterize it. I have such a more free, free inner life. And that's, that's not a praise of me. And it's the other one. It's not a praise or non-praise. First of all, you have to know your nature. So here's what I did. I knew that my nature was not self-discipline. My nature is to do whatever I want when I want to do it. Mm-hmm. That is my nature. I know it. So I didn't want to do homework in high school. I didn't do homework in high school, and as a result, I graduated in the top 80% of my class. I'll let that sink in. Top 80%. Not everybody picks up on that when I say it. Okay, I I won't even explain it further. You all picked up on it now. So I didn't care. My parents were really worried I would end up. Actually, my mother thought I'd end up in prison, which was— I thought it was hilarious. You don't go to prison for not doing homework. I would try to explain that to her, but it was not effective. In any event, I— so I've always had this. I didn't want to do homework, I didn't do homework. I did what I wanted. Now, what I wanted was not— was not to go to parties. See, that's the point. And I would explain this to my parents. What am I doing when I'm not doing homework, Mom and Dad? And they had to admit I wasn't exactly wasting my time. I was learning— I was teaching myself Russian. I was learning how to read symphonic scores. And I've ended up being a conductor. I conduct orchestras, self-taught from high school instead of doing homework. I mean, I was a very, very strange kid. I'm very happy-go-lucky and I had friends and so on. But I marched to the beat of a different drummer. So I did what I wanted. I I wanted to hear Beethoven. I didn't want to do homework. It was a great decision, as it turns out, by the way. So in any event, what I have done in my life, knowing that my nature is not self-discipline, is taken on an immense amount of work. So I have no choice. I have to write a column every week, whether I'm lazy or not lazy. I have to do a radio show and prepare for it every day of the week, get up in time to be at the station, West Coast time, 9 AM, and do my show. I have no choice. I have to meet a publisher's deadline to get my books in. I have no choice. So by having— by the way, my happiness book, I gave all my advance back to the publisher. It was Random House. Because I didn't have the book in nearly on time. And, and it's not easy to give back because I spent it. I'd spent the entire advance. So I remember writing the check to Random House and wondering how I would eat lunch that day. So happily, it was picked up by HarperCollins. The eventual publisher of my happiness book was HarperCollins. And so I got another advance, but It was painful. But that's my point. What you should do is you have to work around your nature. You can't change your nature. You have to work around it and figure out how to do that. So I did, and thank God it has worked out. But he, of course, he is definitely more disciplined than me. He gets up before the sun rises, way before, and then he runs miles. And he takes a cold shower. I asked him if I could say this publicly because he read that cold showers help your immune system. Most people consider cold showers a form of torture, just for the record. I find it amazing that he takes a cold shower. I mean, I end my shower with cold water just on my head, and I'm thinking, I think of Alan Estrin in the shower every day. That's just my head for like 20 seconds. Cold water, freezing water on your body ain't easy, but he does it. No, he is remarkable in this way. And he— I should have him on, really. We should do a fireside chat. They should meet him. Have I done one with him? No.

He was on the 100th episode.

The 100th episode. Did I— but I didn't talk to him about him, did I? I have to talk to him about him. His self-awareness is so great, and he believes that he was given no special gifts. He's a very interesting human being. He's not right about that, but it doesn't matter. That's what he believed at an early age. So he realized, if I don't work really, really hard, I will not amount to anything. And that has— that drove him. So also, it is very important to have goals. The goal— I mean, my goal, as I said, was to get married, have a family, and support it. That that meant I I couldn't be that lazy. I I had to be somewhat disciplined. That goal is not the goal of many young people anymore. That's a big loss. These are all good questions. What's my time frame?

You're at twenty nine.

Twenty nine. Do I have a built-in clock, or do I have a built-in clock? That comes from 35 years of radio. I know exactly when I've done 60 seconds of a commercial. It's eerie, actually. Anyway, these are really great subjects. Think about the blood and love thing, that, that and the adoption thing. You know, I would love to be able to talk to vast numbers of young, or even not young, just Women who are pregnant and they don't they don't want the child for whatever reason, and I'm not judging it. So most have an abortion today. In the past, most gave that up the child up for adoption. So I always I always wonder why is it easier? And and I'm talking I'm not talking morality. I'm not talking Bible. I'm not talking God nothing. But why is it easier to have an abortion than to give the child to people who want to love it? I never got a good answer to that one. An atheist could ask that question. This has nothing to do with God or Bible or religion or anything. But To know that this child is now being taken care of by people who ache, ache to have it and raise it. Why isn't that a source of some satisfaction? Oh well, a lot of questions in life. All right, everybody. I just want to remind you to subscribe to Prager U because only God knows how long. There will be free internet availability, given the censorship that is taking place unprecedentedly in American history. The one thing we always all agreed on was free speech. So please do subscribe to the PragerU channel, and I will see you next week. Thanks.

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