Anxiety

Hi, guys. My name is Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life Anxiety. This podcast, I thought the title didn't need any other fancy, fancy words added to it, because anxiety kind of summed up what a lot of people felt in 2020, as a result of the political climate in the United States, as well as Covid. There was a lot of uncertainty. And with that uncertainty, usually one of the byproducts is anxiety, because you don't know what's. We're kind of like up in the air. We don't know what's gonna happen. And inspired by a friend of mine who approached me at the gym wanting my advice on how to deal with anxiety, I thought I would do this podcast to give my 2 cents on and my personal opinion about anxiety and how to deal with it going forward. So, as I just mentioned, I was at the gym and a friend of mine came up to me and says, listen, I've been. I listened to your live post, and I love your post. I was wondering if you could do one on anxiety. I've been feeling like a hypochondriac, where I always am worried about something wrong happening, something bad, getting sick, something. What can you do to help me? The first thing I asked him. Well, I said, well, first of all, what is it that you're focusing on? Whatever we're feeling in any moment, it's directly related to what we're focusing on. If we're focusing on the possibility of going outside and contracting Covid, then there's a nervousness that's there because we're not just focusing on Covid, we're focusing on all the effects of that. Like, oh, well, what if I pass it to my family? What if I go to a hospital? What if I die? What if they. It's just kind of a snowball effect. So I asked him, what are you focusing on? And it was something along the lines of that. And I went on to tell him a story about earlier in that day. I had a accountability call with a bunch of my fellow coaches, and we were talking about how we were feeling when people were just kind of disclosing about, like, the uneasiness. They felt similar, like the same anxiety, the same fears. And I myself was feeling that same thing. Right. I think we all feel. We all have, like, the same feeling sometimes, but just nobody talks about it. We think that everyone else has gotten figured out, but nobody talks about it. So we think that, oh, my God, how is it that I. I'm the only one feeling this when it's not true. So in this group, we were talking, and people were kind of like just being very, very raw with what they were feeling. And for me, it brought a sense of ease because I was feeling the same thing. And the feeling was like, wow, I'm not alone in what I'm feeling. Other people are feeling it too. So I didn't feel isolated in that feeling. And then secondly, and then I noticed something else. I noticed that I was softening a language rather than letting myself feel what it was that I was feeling. So people around, like, maybe in, like, my household or on the street, friends I would communicate with, they'd say, hey, how are you doing? I'd be like, oh, yeah, everything's good. You know, blah, blah, blah. I would kind of spew the same thing, the same answer that I would tell many people, but it didn't really describe how I was feeling inside. And I realized that I was using a bunch of language softeners, and those softeners were preventing, like, the real emotions from coming out. As a result of that, those emotions being held in, you continue to stay with that feeling rather than letting it out and just, okay, this is what I'm feeling. And once it's out, it's kind of like you feel the release because now it's out there. And then you might have someone else say, oh, wow, you know what? I feel the same thing too. And you're like, oh, wow, okay, we're similar in that way. And you guys could console one another, or they may shed light and say, you know what? Yeah, I understand where you're coming from, but it's really not. You don't have to worry that much about it because of this. And so that was. I shared that with him, and that helped him. Then I asked him, well, what is it that you do want? Like, what are you looking out for 20, 21? What is it that you want to experience? And he was telling me that he wanted to travel more. But I could tell by his answer that it was still being influenced by the fact that he was feeling all of this anxiety because he wanted to travel. And then he said, California. Going to say, like, well, you know, California. It sounded like it was kind of a safe. Maybe I'm projecting or maybe I'm just, you know, this is how I took it. But it sounded like it was a more of, like, a safer answer rather than going internationally. And I can relate to this because I, for one, have traveled to 39 countries so far, depending on which podcast you listen to, sometimes I like. I feel like I lose track of my numbers. It's probably more than 39, but 39 was one of the last counts. And just for myself, I was supposed to leave for Turkey a week or two ago, and then I was going to do another trip. I was going to go to Hawaii, but these trips kept getting canceled. And what I noticed was that there was a fear, if you want to call it anxiety. I don't like using strong words like anxiety or fear because while it's good to get the emotion out there, by softening it, you soften the feeling, too. So you kind of have to pick and choose. When is it okay to really feel these feelings and when is it okay not to. Like the word depression, for example, I don't use the word depression. It's not even in my vocabulary. Because once you have a label to something, you go there. There's a whole state, a whole emotion that is attached to that, a whole identity that's attached to that. And I won't go there. I have friends who've gone there, and they would say that they're depressed when I see them in their everyday life, and they seem everything but that. I mean, that's a whole different story about the identity and what role identity plays in our personality. So going back and so I realized that I was actually getting, like, anxious at the thought of traveling. Imagine that. And a part of it was, again, I had mentioned this in other podcasts, too, was whenever there's long gaps of travel time before, like before between trips, I almost forget what it's like, what the experience is. When I take that experience, once I have that experience, then I'm like, oh, my God, I cannot wait until the next one. So I related it somewhat to that, because there's always a fear present. And when I believe the answer to B, when you experience that, is that you have to take action regardless. And once you take the action, of course you're probably gonna stir up some fears, some anxiety. But when you act and you move forward anyways, you'll see that, you know what? It's okay. I'm okay. So that it would be my recommendation for anyone who's feeling that anxiety, if it's whether it be around a trip or whatever it is, but then also do if to. So when you have an anxiety, when you feel a fear, whatever it is, it's stuck in your head. First thing you should do always is put it on paper. Because when you have it on paper now, it's become something tangible. Now you can say okay, well, you can break it down. You can knock at the legs of the table and break down that belief system and you can say, okay, well, what is it that I believe about this? Okay, I believe that the world is not safe. Is that true? Oh, you may be like, well, yeah, yeah, it's possible I can go out and get Covid. Well, is the world unsafe? I mean, there's a lot of people who don't have it. Right. There's a majority of the population, say, does not have this COVID virus or so you start to break down the legs of the table, and as a result, you weaken the belief and you start to see another opportunity. You start to see other possibilities. And that is where you build from. Then you could build a more empowering belief. Then it becomes, all right, well, this is the belief that this is the possible dangers with doing travel. We'll use that one. Just because it's a theme in my life. How can I mitigate that? How can I ensure that I am being safe while I'm doing this thing that I want to do? You say, well, you know, sanitizing, washing my hands every time, wearing the mask, not staying within, you know, giving distance between people, whatever it is. But you could then formulate a game plan. And when you do that, you'll realize that you're in control. You have the control. And there's always going to be things outside your control. But all we can do is what is in our control. So that is my two cents. Anxiety. And just to recap, when you feel anxiety, the first thing you do is ask yourself, what is it that I'm focusing on? And 10 out of 10 times, it's going to be something that's not serving you. It's going to be the thing that you're focusing on that's creating the anxiety. And I understand it's going to be challenging because everything, the news, the people are talking about it, everything is reinforcing this fear, this uneasiness, this uncontrollability that's happening, that we feel like we're out of control. So I understand that all these things are influencing. So what is it that you're focusing on? This actually brings up another good step. When you realize what you're focusing on that's giving you the trouble. Look to the sources say, all right, well, what are the things in my environment, the people around me, the things I'm watching that are reinforcing this viewpoint? And cut those out. Because while you may like thinking, oh, well, I have to know what's going on in the news. It's not serving you. And things aren't changing that much. Just the same regurgitated crap over and over and over again. And what matters is your well being. What matters is that you're in a state where you can live your life and you could do the things like, you know, you can progress, move forward, grow, be around the people you love without having to have all this other garbage in the, in the air. You want to be present. So cut those out. Next, write it down on a piece of paper, say, okay, well, what is it that I'm afraid of? What is it that is caught the anxiety? Is this logical? Does this make, is it, I mean, is this 100% true? And start to break down the belief system by asking different questions about it. That would weaken it. Once you've weakened that belief system and maybe it's something you figure out, well, what can I control? What is true? And look to your environment, look at people who are doing the opposite of what it is that you're fearful of or what it is that's causing you anxiety. And use them as a model, use them as an example. And then lastly is to act. And I'll go back again to the travel example I did. I would always feel between every big trip, like whenever there would be long gaps from March to November, I would always feel a little bit anxious about booking that trip. Even now I'm going to Florida next week and there's some angst in me, but I got to do it anyways. First of all, I told a lot of people, so I'm not backing out of this one. I backed out of Turkey and Hawaii. So by doing it, you're opening yourself up to a new experience and you're gonna see that everything's gonna be okay. I prom, I promise. As long as you do everything that's within your control, especially with, you know, what's going on in this present environment. With the coronavirus, if you're just smart with how you interact with people and making sure that you're doing everything right, you could, you have a lot of control. So focus on what you can control, not what you can't control. I hope that helps you. If you enjoy this, please give it a thumbs up. Please share it with your friends. Follow Donny Rouse. I'm getting confused. Check out the One Life Podcast. One Life Podcast with Donnie Rouse. Give a download, give a follow and if you're interested in doing online workshop. I'm doing a workshop called Live youe One Life. And this is about planning the next year of your life with one that's going to be filled with passion, joy and excitement. I did this last year this similar. Something similar to the planning and it actually while I didn't travel anywhere because of the whole coronavirus thing, I ended up raising money to build a well for kids in south like for a village in South Africa. I ended up putting on a workshop and planning a seminar. There's a bunch of things that happen as a result of that planning. And so just to convey the importance and what potential your year can have if you just put the thought, put the thought towards it before. So that is you can. If you want to sign up, you can visit donnyrous.com d o n n y r a u s dot com and you can sign up there and then you will get email notifications when the seminar is about to start and some thoughts and stuff like that to consider before. So that is it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. God bless and I will see you next week.