Are You Proud?

Hi, guys. My name is Donnie Rouse and you are listening to the podcast One Life. Are you proud? If someone asks you, are your parents proud of you? What would you say? Does it even matter? I went out to dinner recently with a very good friend of mine, my friend Cynthia. And while we're sitting there, she goes, you know what? I want to tell you, I'm proud of you. And I wish I could talk to your parents because they must be so proud of you. And I had asked her, I was like, well, for what? And she went on to say, well, you travel the world, you have your own business, you follow your heart, you pursue your passions, you're open to new things, you filter out new ideas. Whenever you get new input, you implement in your life and you change. She goes, I think it's amazing. She goes, your parents must be proud. Do you think they're proud? When she asked that, tears welled up in my eyes. And I told her, I was like, I don't know if they are. When I said, well, what does it mean to be proud? I said, well, I think it means when I think of success, I was like, I'm thinking of like monetary gains. Well, that I have to be this certain level before they could be proud or they could, you know, or I, before I could consider myself successful or worthy of that. I had had a similar conversation with my friend Maritza, probably like weeks, like weeks back, and she had asked me the same question. I told her, well, I never actually asked my father that. I never actually asked, are you proud of me? Because the thought of doing that, it was like this awkwardness. Part of me was like, well, I kind of already know exactly what he's going to say. And I was avoiding that. But there's this quote that I love. Courage only takes. I think it says courage only takes five seconds, but I really think courage only takes one second. All you have to do is say, decide. Before you can talk yourself out of doing an action, you commit to it and you just do it. So I was sitting with my father having lunch, and I decided that this was gonna be the time that I asked the question, that I said, dad, are you proud of me? Sitting there with our coffee, I kind of thought about it. It backed away, thought about it, backed away, thought about it, backed away, took a deep breath. And then I asked, I said, dad, what are you proud of about me? Are you proud? He went on to say stuff like, well, you know, all a parent wants to see is that their children are self sufficient, that their children could that they've done a good job and their children are able to make it on their own. That didn't really answer the question. I said, are you proud of me? And you went on like this different tangent. Are you proud of me? And then he continued to go follow that same thought process. And this was exactly what I expected. So the entire time I asked him, I had a smile on my face because I wasn't judging him for his answer. Because I know through conversations I've had with my father in the past, I know that there was conditioning there about what it meant for his parents to be proud of him. Even when my grandfather passed away, when he was on his deathbed, he had moved. When he was living in Italy, he had a good business, he had owned property. Then he sold it all and he came over here to America to open up a business with his brother. Things didn't go exactly the way he would have planned and he regretted that his entire life. On his deathbed, he was sitting there. He goes. I don't know if he said he wishes or he regrets ever bringing his family to America. They were like, his kids were like, are you crazy? Like, it's because of you, you have all this, like the family, look at all the grandchildren you have. It was because you came to the United States that you see all this is here that you see. But the sad thing is that he couldn't see it. So I hopefully, I mean, I believe that when you get to that point, when you pass that you start to see the truth of what is. And I really do believe after his passing that he saw the truth and all the beauty that he created in each and every one of us. It's one of the reasons why you're listening to this podcast here right now. So I didn't judge my father for his answer to the question because I knew where it was coming from. I knew what the programming was. I'm going to have a follow up conversation with him because I want him to become aware of it. But here is the important thing. When I asked the question, what I found was that it was actually very liberating. Yeah. His answer wasn't what I expected, or it was what I expected, but not what I wanted to hear. Because I know there's things in my life for travel, my business like that. Am I where I want to be? No. But I believe that I'm getting there. I believe I'm on my way. When I look back in my life, there's not a single thing that I would do different the travels, the people I've met, the way I started my business, not a single thing I would do different. One of the things he had commented on was my traveling, because, well, you know what I would have liked to have put off travel, to have saved your money first and then to have done the things you wanted to do. When he said that, that's when the liberation came through. Because when he said that, I realized that he was speaking from his own filter and he's not even aware of it. Because I do believe from the bottom of my heart that my father is proud of me. Because when I think, then I notice, well, all right, so if he has a belief system that in order to be proud, all of his kids must have, you know, must be financially stable. They must be able to take care of themselves and be financially independent. All this stuff say that's his belief. I challenge him. Well, I didn't challenge, but in my head, I was like, all right, well, what if I were a priest? Right? Where. All right, well, I wasn't. You know, you're not making a lot of money, but you're doing some service. Growing up Catholic, he would be like, well, of course that would be perfect, because you're serving God. But that's what I mean. It's a belief system. It's a belief system. Well, yeah, okay. Choosing a life where you're, you know, you're choosing poverty to serve. Oh, that's okay. That's. That's fine. So when I recognized that it was a belief system, I felt liberated. Because when I think about what I am proud of myself and what. When I have children, what I would be proud for them for. My definition was different. My definition was I would be proud of them for being raised in good character, to have good values, good ethics, for how they treat other people. I would be proud if they chose to do something that they love. They chose to pursue a passion. I'd be proud if they followed my path and were big travelers and stepped outside in the world and got different perspective. It's a different definition. And when I found that I was trying to fit into his mold, his meaning of the word to be proud, I realized it was just. I was driving myself crazy. I was literally driving myself crazy trying to then, because the actions were like, all right, well, how do I make my father proud? And as a result of doing that, you kind of stay. I stayed in this little bubble, like, not really going out, not really going after the things I want, because it was, help my father with his business, do all These other things for the family. But when I saw that there was a different meaning, I said, that's fine. If I'm not playing by those rules, then now I can unleash. Now I could really go after the things I want. Now I could go after my own meaning of what it means to be proud for myself. I think that I know I'm not the only one who's experienced this, and this is the reason why I share this, because this is personal stuff. I was actually very hesitant to even come on and do this podcast because, like, all right, well, family might listen to or friends might listen to it. It might get reported back to my parents, whatever. But I am recording this because I know it has value. And the value I want you to take away from it is, whose definition of success, whose definition of proud are you living? If you're living someone else's, maybe your parents, because you want so badly for that acceptance, it's at the cost of your happiness. And as I sit here, like, I wish I could put into deep, like, it's liberating. It feels like all the pressure's off. When I was kind of. As I was processing everything that was going on because it happened earlier, like, I asked them the question earlier today, and as I was processing this entire thing, I gave myself permission to go after fully after the things I wanted. It also gave me more awareness of where I haven't fully been committing to my business for different reasons. And, yeah, that's really been the lesson. So, again, to sum everything up, whose definition success are you living? Are you trying to make someone. Are you trying to please somebody? Are you trying to make someone proud? Usually this is going to be the parent whose love you yearned for most of your life, right? You have two parents. Two parents. One person whose love was just there. That was my mother. Didn't matter what I do. I could have burped, and she would always love me. My father. It was a little bit more hard love, right? You had to be a certain way. You had to do a certain thing. And if we were to get reprimanded, he would be the one doing the reprimanding. So as a result, you crave the acceptance of that person. And I thought that I was aware of it in the past, but I didn't realize the grasp that it had on my life and the actions I took until now. And I can honestly say with 100% certainty that that ended today. It ended today. So I want that to end for you because it's at the cost of your long term happiness. And when you get over the fact that you don't have to please anybody, there's only one person in this life you have to please, only one person in this life that you have to make happy, and that is yourself. Because no one knows you like you. No one is going to love you as good as you can love you. And that is really everything that I want to say in this podcast episode. I'll say it one more time because again, I felt like it was such a powerful lesson for me that I really want to drill it in. Especially if you came in from like an Italian household of, you know, your first generation of immigrants where they want better for you, so that there's this pressure to want to please, to want to conform, to want to fulfill their dream for your life when it's not even aligned with what you want for your own life, right? What is that? Who are you trying to please? And what do you have to be or do in order to get that, that, that praise from this person? I knew, I knew with 100% certainty what my father was going to answer. Even before the words came out of his mouth, I knew exactly what he was going to say. It was hearing him say that, that was like, all right, good. This was what I knew it was. Now I can let it go. And I have a feeling if your parent or your guardian, if you are dealing with this issue or if the thought is on your mind, chances are you already know what they're going to say. And before you maybe blame them or anything, realize everything is conditioning. Like with my father and how he was conditioned through his parents and his upbringing. The same thing has happened for your guardian, your parents. So the lesson is to realize that you have to do what's going to make you proud of yourself. You have to do what's going to make you love yourself even more, what's going to make you happy. The choice is yours. So when you know what that thing is you have to do or what you have to be in order to get that praise, question the belief of that word, the definition of that word. Is this true? Is this what it means to be proud of someone or to earn their praise? And you might be saying something, well, like, well, I have to get this degree, I have to earn this much money, I have to have the wife and kids and then call bullshit on it because that is not what makes you worthy. What makes you worthy is that you're alive. What makes you worthy is you're striving for goals what makes you worthy is the constant reaching to grow. What makes you worthy is being able to take those risks. To go, to go after life where so many other people literally will stay on the sidelines with a different. With another friend of mine, we're talking about someone in her family where the family just wanted the kids to stay close. And as a result, everyone lived within like, you know, like a two mile radius. And they were just. And they all lived the same exact life. There's nothing wrong with it. But if you're stifling your life because you're trying to please somebody, then there's something wrong with it. If it's not your conscious choice, then there's something wrong with it. And I want you to get that more than anything. It's about making yourself happy. It's about doing the things you want to do. It's about creating the life that you were meant to live. Guys, I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If you did, please give it a thumbs up. Please share with me your experiences. I know I'm not the only one that has experienced this and I want to hear what your experiences have been. If they've been positive, if they've been negative. If they are, I will gladly give you maybe a different perspective. So this way you can see that you don't have to please anybody but yourself. You can send me the messages via Instagram. Onny D O N N Y ROUSE R A U S Again D O N N Y R A U S that is all I've got for you guys today. God bless you all. I wish you happy, beautiful, healthy and exciting lives and I will see you again soon.