Are Your Needs The Source of Your Suffering?

Hi, guys. My name is Donnie Rouse, and you're listening to the podcast One Life. Meeting your needs. We all have the same six human needs. The only difference is how we meet them. So is meeting those needs causing you suffering in your life? I was at a UPW event this last weekend. If you're not familiar with upw, that is. Tony Robbins unleashed the power within. One of the concepts they introduce at this seminar are the idea of the six human needs. Those six human needs are really quickly. Certainty, the need to feel certain about something. Uncertainty, having variety, the need for significance, the need for loving connection. And then the last two are spiritual, which is growth and contribution. The majority of the population has their top two needs as significance and certainty. And as a result of having these two needs at the top of their list, the thing that they're trying to meet first, it causes a lot of pain. Ten years ago, I did the same seminar, but in person, this one was. Last one I just did was virtual. And in person, I identified my top two needs as being significant and certainty. The need to feel significant and the need to have certainty in my life to know that things were going to go a certain way. I remember being at that event and Tony actually called on me because I had a question. I was raising my hand and he said, okay, you know, you, sir, what would you like to ask? I said, I think my needs are significance and certainty, but I'm uncertain. He laughed and, like, asked, you know, and addressed the rest of the crowd. He goes, what do you think this guy's needs are? The fact that he's uncertain. If certainty is his top need, what do you think it is? Of course it's certainty, because I was asking the question, I was looking for certainty. But here's the humdinger, here's the brain explosion. Anytime you're questioning things, when you're seeking these things, you never get them. And I'll explain that in a moment. So we'll start with significance. Significance is the need to feel different, the need to feel special, right? The need to feel like you're you. Significant. Really, that's all it is, right? But in that need to feel significant is the need to feel like you're separate from other people, that you've. That you're somehow different. But in that need to feel different, what you're doing is you're creating a separation. And here's the other thing is that in that need to feel significant, you're constantly questioning whether or not you're significant. And as a result, you're breaking down your confidence. So it's like this self fulfilling prophecy that swirls you down and down and down and down and causes you literally a life of pain. And you want to know the worst part about it is that 90% of our population probably around there, I know it's very high, have this need at the center. I mean, you don't have to look very far other than social media to realize this. People are, you know, go to the gym, people are taking the pictures of themselves in the mirror and they're not even doing the workout. They might be puffing out their butt a certain way or flexing their muscles, but they're more involved with, they're more focused on that than actually completing the workout. Can you see how that could be a problem in life? How feeling this need to portray and be a certain way, how that could actually in turn break down your confidence and make you feel less so? You're aiming for significance, but that's the last thing you're going to get. Let's go to certainty. Certainty is need to know what the outcome is, right? The need to know, if I take this action, this is the way it's going to be. When I go home tonight, I know dinner is going to be on the table. Whatever that is for you. What are the things that in your life that you look for to be certainty that you look for to feel certain? For me, one of the things it was kind of one of the things that stifled my business was this need to want to feel like I need to know what the next step was. Because it was too scary. For me, the need for certainty was just feeling discomfort and this safety, sense of control when the truth is that there's no such thing as control. We can't control anything. We can influence, but we cannot control. So as a result of having this need at my top, I was looking for this need to know that the next step was going to be the right step. But just like the significance, can you see the problem and what was happening in wanting to be certain? What do you have to do? You have to question it. So I was always questioning, well, is this right? Is this right? Is this right? Is this the way to do it? And as a result of questioning it, what do you think happens? You become less certain. And then let's look at the grander picture. Let's take, you know, like certainty in business, whatever. Uncertainty is one of those things we live for. I mean, there's nothing certain about this world. It's probably why people are freaking out, you know, People are literally losing their shit because nothing is certain. The only thing place you can get certainty is within. If you're looking to the outside world for certainty, good luck, because it's changing too fast. I'll go to the. You know, I wasn't gonna address the rest of the needs, but I'll do it anyways just because we're here. And I want you to get kind of like the full list. So this way you could look at your. You could take a step back, you could look at your own life and say, okay, well, what are the needs that I'm putting first? And are those the needs that I need to drive with? And there is. I mean, there is a correct answer, not really a correct answer, but know that all of them are good in the right amount. Too much of one, too much focus in one is detrimental. So we'll go to love and connection. Because this is also an area where like kind of affects my life. So love and connection, when you're seeking this out, some people might tend to overdo it. One of my favorite quotes, my friend Maritza Coscarelli told me, he was like, you know what? Be kind, not nice. Be kind, not nice. So people, when being nice, and they're just. Difference between the two is be nice is kind of like overcompensating. Giving some of your own personal worth in order to try to appease or to make other people like you for the sake of having that love and the connection, that could be detrimental and that could slash your personal worth. I mean, it literally chips away at it. Being kind is different though. Being kind means, you know what, this is what I stand for. This is what I'm certain in. And I will do this kindness, but I'm gonna respect myself first. I'm gonna do what's right in my heart. I'm gonna take care of my own needs first. And that might sound selfish, but it's not similar to going on a flight. They say, first put on your oxygen mask, then assist others. You have to take care of your needs first. Let's look at uncertainty. Uncertainty is the need for variety. And we all get it. Like I said, every single one of these needs, we get it in some way. The question is, how do we get it? Uncertainty. For me, one of the ways I met it was I would go traveling and I was obsessive about. And I'm still obsessive about it. And it's one of the things I love. But at time, maybe it was too much as well. Everything in the right, in the right amount. Uncertainty for me. When I was traveled, I literally would hit every single human need. So uncertainty for me was I did. I would fly to a country not know anybody, not know the language, not know anything. But that made me feel alive, gave me the sense of aliveness and passion because I knew it was going to be adventure. And then again, that's uncertainty that I. I've done so many trips, 49 countries so far. I know exactly what I'm gonna feel when I get these. Because I've done it so many times, I can anticipate what I'm gonna experience. And it's all good stuff. But what about the other side of uncertainty, the problems? Right. We love surprises. But when there is a problem, that's also sound. Uncertainty. When someone gets diagnosed with cancer, that's uncertainty. Not a very pleasant one. But it's also something that's gonna make you grow if you look for the right meaning. So growth and contribution, these are the two spiritual needs. These are the two, if you want to have a fulfilling life, these are the two needs. You must have growth in order to grow. Everything either grows or it dies. So if you're constantly growing, you know you're going to be happy, you know you're going to feel, you're going to feel passionate about life and looks like a contribution in order. The secret to living is giving. I think, I'm pretty sure that's one of Tony Robbins coined phrase. The secret to living is giving. Because the reason why we grow is so that we can give. We have something to give. And it goes back to again, going back to the putting the oxygen mask on yourself first so this way you can assist others. When I was growing up, I used to have this martyr mentality because Mother Teresa was an icon of mine. I read her books and I was like, oh my God, I have to be self sacrificial. And then all of a sudden, you know, that would make me worthy in God's eyes or whatever, you know, whatever the messed up mindset was, but it wasn't correct. I was self sacrificing myself, you know, saying that, you know, and that came with a bunch of different beliefs that money's bad. And it was just this, this, you know, this, this very, very deep hole. But it's amazing how like beliefs, how you have a belief system, if you don't question it, it could lead you down a dark place. Until you get into enough pain you realize, okay, this is it, I have to change it. So those are the top four. Did any of Those jump out at you. Do you find yourself? And then how do you know? Look at the activities you partake in. What are the things you need? What are the things that you do in your life to feel significance? It may be being the best mom. It may be posting on social media 10 times because you know, you, you got a new shake or you know, or you bought a new whatever it may be, like what, what is your real reason for posting a lot of these things? If it's to get detention, then it's significance. The question is how much do you do it? If that is your core driver, you are going to have problems. It's going to cause problems. My guess would that you probably have issues in some of your relationships. If it's certainty. And I'm. And listen, I'm saying these two because these were mine, right? So I could only speak from my own personal examples. And as a result of that, I could also tell you what the consequences are of having those as your top needs. When you look at certainty, I mean, certainty stifles growth from. Because I was looking to the outside world for certainty and the outside world can't give it. That has to come from within. So are you looking for certainty in your life? And that certainty may be like, you know what, you want to travel, but you are afraid to because it's, you know, it's too scary out there. You're a woman traveling alone. Whatever it may be, whatever might holding you back. And that's just an example. It could be something completely different. Like I get certainty in my cup of coffee in the morning and that's it. That's a good way of doing it because it brings me a shit ton of joy. I love it. That's it. But that's, you know, that is a more productive way of actually doing it. What is it for you? Look at the other needs. I'm going to start including worksheets with all of. So the whole idea of everything. Let me. I'm going to sidestep for one second. Say first, what are your needs? What are the two you've been putting forward in order to live a more fulfilling, happy life? What are the two you have to. You should swap out and put in first? In a second, I'm gonna go back to the idea of this one life. Why does any of this even matter? Because all this, when you have those needs, this is what gets in the way of living your one life. Living your one life is about living with passion. It's about living life to the full. It's about doing the things that are gonna bring you joy, not putting them off for some other time. And if you have significance and certainty, well, significance, especially as one of your top needs. There's no doubt that your relationships in some way are suffering, because they did for me. And relationships are the source of so much joy in your life. If you have shitty relationships, chances are the rest of your life is in shambles. You're probably in an emotional roller coaster or a tailspin. Again, I speak because it's me. I know how I was feeling. I know how I felt when I was trying to connect with people. But I had that as my top need. So going forward, this is all about living your life, reminding you that life is happening now. There is no. There's no dress rehearsal. Life is happening now. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. Tomorrow you could, God forbid, but you can go out today driving and get in a car accident. Nothing is guaranteed only now. So why not do things to help yourself grow? Do things to help yourself experience the richness and the fullness of life. I mean, and that could be grabbing a coffee, a cold Roman espresso, and just spending a few moments to appreciate the trees, your family, and there's so much more. But realizing that life is really now. Appreciate the small moments, because those really are the big ones. If you enjoy this podcast and you want to do a worksheet and participate and really figure this out for yourself, I invite you to the Patreon page. So it's One Life with Donny Rouse. It's a Patreon. I'll put the link in the description here. Listening to that, I'll make a worksheet every single time I do a podcast. And the intention of this is that so you can actually do the work, create the awareness around your body and drive towards that life you want. Drive towards the things you want versus the shit that you don't want and the shit that you're afraid of. Because if that's what you're focused on, that is exactly where you're going. That is why you're not moving forward. But people, this is probably another podcast, but I was in this group, right? I had six people, and we were talking about our dream lives. And every single person said, well, if I had, you know, if life were the way I want it, I would travel more. Every single person put travel as the top item on their list. It was a big aha moment for me because I was, huh, I do that now. You know, I. Travel is so important for me. So you can't put these things off, right? If that's what's important, you gotta go after it. So I invite you to join the Patreon page. I'll create these worksheets. Take the journey with me. I promise you, it'll be freaking monumental. You'll grow. Every week. It'll just compound. You'll start to get better and better. You'll grow, you'll get more awareness, and you'll start going after the things that are gonna make your life fulfilling. And hopefully, by listening to this, it also brings a sense of peace because you realize that really, it's kind of like imagine me sitting there shaking you, but not really shaking, because I want you to realize that this is it. Here we are. That's all there is. The things you think are important really don't matter. And I say that because until you get the perspective, sometimes you don't even know. But you got to put your focus there. That is it. Guys, I hope you enjoyed this podcast. Like I said, check out the Patreon page. I'll put the link in the description here. And consider supporting the Patreon page. I promise I will. It'll be awesome. You know, depending on what level you do it, you may be even invited to come join me on a trip one day around the world somewhere. Also, if you like this, please share it with your friends, your family. Invite them to the one life podcast, which I may be changing name. It might be live your one life podcast with Donnie Rouse. Well, we'll see. But. And yeah, that is pretty much it. I just want you to know, like, life is beautiful and I want you guys to live life to the fullest. I want you guys to live with passion. I want you to enjoy every single moment. That is my purpose. That is my mission. I hope you'll heed the call. Have a beautiful day, guys. Again, check me out. Suit me a message. If you enjoy this, shoot me a message on Instagram onnyrous D O N N Y R A U S on Facebook onnyrous Again, facebook.com-o n n y r A U S connecting with me. Any way you can get the message out, because this is stuff that everyone needs to hear. God bless, guys. Thank you so, so much for listening. I appreciate you and I'm wishing you the best in your week. Take care.