Bare Essentials - Change Your Commitments, Change Your Life

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. The majority of the things that we encounter throughout our day are non essential. Said differently, the majority of the things we even focus on are non essential. Think about what really matters in your day and all the noise that's coming at you. It comes with the premise that every decision you make has a trade off. If you decide to go to a hockey game, that means you can't go to your niece's recital. If you decide to go out to dinner with one friend means you can't go out to dinner with another friend. It's a very basic representation of what the trade off is, but it is very, very true in life because everything you say yes to, you have to say no to something else. Let's get real with ourselves. Where are you in your life? Are you a yes man or woman? Do you always say yes because you don't want to upset others? But maybe deep down you know that you probably shouldn't have committed to whatever it is that you're committing to. If you want to take control of your life, if you want to get momentum in your life, you have to learn how to say no. Because there's always going to be something trying to grab your attention. And if you are like me, I used to think that, well, you know what, I can do everything, I cannot do everything. I do believe that if you are willing to take the time that you can kind of have some of what you want, but it's going to take longer to get there. It's kind of one of the things that when I was in doing my business, I don't believe in putting off life. I believe in living the life that I want to live while I'm building my business. Because the idea of putting it off for some later point and then something happening, maybe to my health, where I wasn't able to travel, didn't seem it wasn't a smart idea to me. So I'm doing it while. But when we're looking at the things that we commit ourselves to. So, for instance, like my coffee business, doing this podcast, doing these other courses, every single endeavor that I'm putting myself into is taking a piece of that energy. So if you imagine energy literally flowing up from my body, right, all these things are taking a little bit, versus if it was focused on one point, the trajectory would be much greater. So this is more of. I want to. In this podcast, I just literally want to give you a couple examples of how I literally had just applied this, some basic examples in the last couple days. This way you can look at your life and you can start to distinguish what's essential from what's not essential. I was going to Italy February 1st, and in that trip, I wanted to. One of my bucket list items was to go to a Venetian masquerade ball for carnival. If you've ever seen them, they dress up in, I believe it's 17th century clothing. It's very ornate. It's a big affair. And to attend one of the balls for one of the better, grander balls. It could be thousands of dollars going to Venice, and I'm going to be in Italy. I'm like, you know what? Screw it. This is the year. I've been wanting to do it for 10 years. I'm going to do it. But then after reading this book, I'm not even done with the book. But just from the first lessons I've gotten in, the lessons I've gotten in the first couple chapters, I started asking myself, all right, well, what is the trade off? Right? I'm about to spend. I could spend 2,500, $3,000 to attend this dinner, an event. Is that worth it? I was looking at the after party. I mean, that's $800, plus another $300 for my costume. Is that worth it? Being that I was going to be going for a while, I was looking at it, I was like, well, what is the trade off? If I commit to going to this masquerade ball, what is the trade off? What am I not going to be able to do? And I thought about the extensive travels I wanted to do while I was in Europe, because everything's really like a skip jump and a jump away. So I could do trips to maybe Scandinavia. I can go down to Africa. These are what I would be sacrificing if I were to do this event. Because, you know, the money is finite right now, right? I can't Create more money while I'm there. I guess you could create more money, but you know what I'm trying to say. So I'm looking at it, I'm like, okay, well, I can do these trips. I can go to Egypt, I can go to Israel, I can go to Morocco. And it would probably be the same cost of doing this event that literally, that would be one night. And then it would just be a memory. Probably a really good memory, but it would just be a memory. What is it that I value more? And as I thought about it, the answer became apparent. Like, I would rather put that money towards having a multitude of experiences spanning over the course of a month than spend it all in one evening. One more example. Getting ready to go. A friend of mine had invited a bunch of friends to a birthday dinner. And knowing that whenever we go out to dinner, it's a bunch of us guys and we end up spending at least $100 per person and it's a big affair. But thinking about it, I'm like, alright, well, one do I want to go to this place for dinner? I rarely actually. I like to eat out, but not that often once in a while. I like Vietnamese food, I like Asian. That drives me wild. But for the most part I don't get that much enjoyment unless I'm traveling. So I thought about it. I'm like, well, you know, I really don't want to. I'd rather focus my funds on this next month, two months, whatever, however long I'm going to be away for. And then I thought about like, well, I was like, yeah, but you know, I don't feel like I should go, but I don't want to let my friend down. And then I thought about it. I was like, well, all right, well, how can I honor him and have the way, you know, and be able to budget? So this way I'm putting my resources towards this upcoming trip. So I texted him outside of this group event. I said, hey, you know what? You know, this is what I have going on. I just wanted to message you saying that I'm not going to be at dinner, but I would like to honor you for your birthday and I would like to take you out for a drink or, you know, do something. He's like, you know what? That's totally awesome. He's like, I just want your presence there and you don't have to give me a chance. No, I want to take you out for something. I just don't really want to go out for dinner. I was building this story in My head and it wasn't true. But even if he said, you know what, that's messed up. I wish you were there. I want you to be there. The fact is that I decided to look at the possibilities, look at the opportunity cost and say, and make a decision for myself. And that is sometimes one of the hardest things you can do because you don't want to let other people out. You don't want other people to be mad at you. If you were like a people pleaser, I was a people pleaser. In some instances I have to very much monitor myself because I could still fall into that trap. But it was taking a stand for myself, taking a stand and to realize what is the trade off here in everything? I'm going to be not doing so much this month because I'm focusing those efforts on the next month and a half. I'm going to be away. Everything has a cost. You can look at a relationship. What are the trade offs of being in a relationship? I think for myself, I'm like, well, I have freedom right now. I have freedom. I don't have to answer to anybody. I'm not in a relationship. So I could come and go as I please, travel anywhere. I only have to worry about myself, don't have to ask for permission. But then I go, what is the trade off to not be in a relationship? Sometimes I do wish I were in a relationship. Sometimes I want that person to share stories with or just to be close with somebody. It's a trade off. Everything in life is a trade off. The sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. But you have to just come to terms and be fine with that trade off. More than anything, going back to the initial point, nearly everything you take in within your day is non essential. It doesn't matter. It's just noise. You flip on Instagram, it's noise. You flip on tv, it is noise. You flip on your. You look at the stock charts and like the news, it's all noise, right? Because it is just there's always something trying to pull your attention and in doing so, it's pulling away at your life. So if there's one thing that I want you to come away from listening to this rant that I'm doing today, it is to just ask yourself, is this essential? Right? Is this important to my life? And if you don't lie to yourself either, don't say, oh, well, I got to watch the news. Because you know it's bullshit, right? You know, they regurgitate the same thing. Over and over and over. I remember being in Africa and I was watching the news, the evening news. This is when I think Trump was in office. And there's all this, you know, commotion. And it seemed like in the United States, it seemed like there was something going on every single moment of the day, like some new scandal or something. And I'm sitting in Africa, I'm sitting in Zambia watching the news. They're like, all right, well, and the news, the reporter saying, and in American news today, boom, boom, boom. They hit like three points. And that was it. I was like, oh, interesting. That's all. So unless you have a plan for your life, someone else does, unless you stand up for yourself, you are going to be doing the will of somebody else. Said differently. You are going to let someone else decide the trajectory and direction of your life. And if you want to live a life that is passionate, as I want for all of you, you have to learn how to take charge, how to say one. First, understand what is it that you want? Know what you want. If you don't know what you want, there's no way you could possibly go in that direction. And if you aren't sure of what you want, start taking some guesses. Start moving in a direction. Because by moving in a direction, you're going to realize that it is the right direction or it's the wrong direction. You can change course, but you can't change course when you're not moving. So know what it is you want. And then next is just make decisions that are aligned with that direction. When you understand that everything is a trade off, if you say yes to this, what does that take away or what does that not enable you to do? Realize that trade off. That being said, I am not sure as to the future of this podcast. I feel that I want to do it because when I come in here, it's usually something that I really want to share, something, a lesson in my own life that I want to share with you because one, it implants the lesson further me. And two, I want to give you that gift of living life on your terms, that gift of following your own heart. But as I evaluate, I'll make the decision after I evaluate all the different things, all the different balls that I'm juggling, because I know that by juggling all these balls, I'm actually hurting myself because I'm not moving forward fast enough and more efficiently with certain endeavors. Not that I can't do everything. I just can't do everything at once. Which is funny, because my motto has always been listening. I'm going to do everything if I can. I'm going to try anyways. But I'm realizing that focus is how you're going to get the momentum. Focus is how you're going to move forward and really make results. The results are what I want for you. Stay tuned. I will likely continue this for a little while and make the decision because in a lot of ways this is very much in alignment with my goal and what I want to contribute to the world, which is letting you giving you the tools, the mindset just to live your best life, to ask a different question, to align yourself with what your heart desires. So that is all I've got for you guys today. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If you did, please give it a thumbs up. Give it a share thank you so much for tuning in. I hope this in some way helps you think about your day differently and helps you and makes you ask the question, is this essential? Right? When you're looking at the person over there who's working out or doing something and it's like, and it bugs you, right? You're like, oh well, why are they doing it? Is it essential? Does it play any role in moving you forward? Just like the trade off, your trade off is the energy that you're devoting to that. So conserve your energy, put it towards your own life. That is all I've got for you guys today. I hope you enjoyed this post and God bless. Thank you so much for tuning in. And remember, if you want to subscribe, ask a question or a comment, you could do so by visiting my website at www.donnie d o n N Y Rouse R A U s com donnyrous.com God bless and I will see you again soon.