Before I Die - Death: Life's Reminder to Live

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm Espresso Sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You, too, can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. This one is called Before I Die. The worst thing we can do is live a life that is expected of us rather than being true to our hearts. This is something that I feel confronted with on a daily basis when I think of what is expected. Me as a son, as a sibling, as a business owner. But hopefully, by the end of this podcast, my intention is to connect you with that desire, that little thing that's stirring deep inside your heart that maybe you had been putting off or maybe you'd been quieting that voice. But the intention is to let it out, to let it grow, because by doing so, it'll bring energy. It'll bring, like, vitalization to your life. It'll bring excitement to your life. So let's start with a few questions. Who is it that you have to be in your everyday life? When we think of roles we play in our lives, often there are things that we feel like we have to abide by roles we have to play. So if it is a coffee roaster, for example, like, this is one that I had to deal with, feeling that I had to be this third wave kind of people. I had to get the fedora, I had to wear the vest. I'm joking about that. But in terms of how things were being done in the coffee industry, I felt like I had to abide by the strict set of rules. And again, this is just something that was making up in my own mind. But how often do you do that, right? How often you have these things swirling around about who you have to be, what you have to do, how you have to act, that it literally is just in your mind. No one is making up this conduct except for yourself. So what are the roles that you play in your life? Secondly, what does that role look like? How do you have to act? And then once we've established what that role in the Persona that you have to play. What do you want? How do you want to live your life? What are the roles you wish you played? Because this is where the true power lies. And getting into those roles. I'm going to get into this. We're going to talk more about some of the experiences you want to have. Again, one of the main reasons I come on here every single day, one, almost every day, is to connect you with those desires you have deep inside you to get you to live the fullest expression of your life. With the understanding that not every day is taken for granted, or not every day is guaranteed. You can die at any moment. That is scary, but at the same time, it is a blessing because it lets you awake to the fact that now is all you have. So if you want something, do it now. There are a lot of desires I have with regard to living my life. One of those things that comes up fairly frequently is the desire to live abroad. In 2006, I went to Rome, Italy. It is the first time I lived outside of the country for an extended period of time. To give you a little bit of the backstory, prior to that, I was dating a girl for about six years. I was in college. I never wanted to. I didn't want to leave and go away to school because I didn't want to rock the boat. I wanted to avoid the argument. Just the thought of bringing it up. I was like, no, no, no, forget it. It's not worth it. But it was worth it. But as life would have it, everything for a reason. I didn't end up going away to school. I ended up commuting my last year up to Yukon stores, spending the entire time in Stanford, pretty much dating my girlfriend. Post college, right after I graduated, I went to Europe for about a month, traveled around to 11 countries. I got to taste a lot of different countries going an inch deep and a mile wide. When I got back, my girlfriend at the time said that she wanted to travel, but this time she went away for three months. A little jealous because I wanted to have that experience. I wanted to know what is it like to be independent, to be in a place where you don't know anybody, everything is new. Inspired by that, I said, all right, well, I'm going to book. Rome, Italy. We got a little bit of a tiff after that because she's like, well, you're not going to book it. And that argument was just some of the things that were brewing for a while. I knew that I was starting to resent, right. Even though we had been together for six years. I felt like I didn't even know who she was. I couldn't even tell you her favorite food. And it wasn't because I didn't know. It was because my mind was just blocking it out because I was building up so much resentment that I just didn't even want to think about it. And what was the resentment? The resentment was not being true to myself, not stating what it is that I wanted for the relationship and for my life. A major point of this is that everyone is going to have their opinion. Everyone's going to have a plan for your life, but it is not their life. So I ended up saying, all right, well, you don't think I will? All right, I'll prove you. I literally went online, book the ticket to Rome, Italy. And I was like, I'm going to Italy. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. She broke up with me. But it was coming. It was destined to come very, very shortly. You know, like, that entire time period was a very rocky point for the relationship in Italy. I was extremely. I felt alone. I had. I think I've mentioned this before on podcasts. I had a room of, like, 20 girls or something like that in my class. While it's every straight man's dream, the only thing that I really wanted was a friend. I wanted someone who I could have, like, camaraderie with, that I could go out, be stupid. That stupidity in a friend came with my friend Lucas, which you could lock us up, literally, in a room, and we would find a way to have a good time. He's still one of my best friends and someone that I respect and admire because of our very different personalities. But while I was in Italy, there was the desire to move. I wanted to experience living in Rome, Italy, for an extended period of time to learn the language, to just see if. Try it on, to see if it would fit, and also to get out of, like, the. Try a different lifestyle. I went to the government center. I brought, like, you know, my papers and everything else. And they were trying to look. It's funny, in Italy, they. While we had everything on computer, they brought out a file like, well, where's your grandfather from? I'm like, minturno. They literally brought out a file, and we're flicking through records. I don't know if, like, death or birth, and, like, trying to find his record. And they're like, you know what? This might be easier if you just go back to the United States and do it. I did that it took me three years to finally get my citizenship. And that by that time, I started my business, and I was like, well, I don't know if this is the right time. But it's funny how the things that you desire, the things that are stirring inside you don't leave, right? They just sit there and they pop up every now and then saying, hello, here I am. Remember me? Every three years, I would look back and be, you know what? I should have done it then, because, you know, I could have done it, but now I'm too far in. And then three years would pass, and I'd be like, oh, my God, you know, I should have done it then three years earlier. Because now I feel like it was like a sliding scale. Three years would pass, and I would look back, wishing I'd done it three years earlier. So it's like, all right, well, what gives? It's the desire that was stirring inside of me. So now more than. I don't even think it's like 20, almost. Well, not quite 20 years later, that desire is still there. And I just came back from Italy. I was there with my sister, and now all of these things are starting to stir again. When I was in. In Italy, I had the inspiration. You know what? There's nothing holding back. Winter is my flow of season. Let me go. And I made arrangements within my business to operate so that I can be away for an extended period of time. With cold Roman, it's not that easy yet. But for the roasted coffee, I pretty much made it so I could step away, have everything done, and then come back whenever I need to. So having set that up when I was abroad, that stirring of desire started to happen. And when I was there, I was like, well, you know, yeah, why don't I just move here? I could work on coffee. Like, you know, I could do, like, a document the coffee from southern Italy all the way up to northern Italy, talking about the best cafes, where to go for the best cup of coffee, and even improve my craft. Like, I know a ton about espresso, probably more than anyone listening to this, and most of the people I know, to be truthfully honest with you, but when it comes to actually roasting for espresso in the method of the Italian roasting style that I like, I have no clue. Not to say that I couldn't figure it out. Like many other things, I just literally put in the time, the money to test out all these different roasts. I can figure it out. I'm 100% confident in that. But it's still something that I desire. And so I'm like, well, I could go to Italy. I could do, you know, I could study this and it would be fun. And with all these things coming in, all of a sudden now all the fears start to come in. Well, what if I don't meet people? What if I don't have money coming in? And, oh, God, what if I go there and I don't enjoy it? You know, so you could see, you know, where the desire started. But yet all of a sudden, you're literally poo pooing on all your dreams. One of the things I want you to come away from, from the story is noticing that there was a desire, but then also noticing the counterbalance, right? Manifesting is the big thing right now. What you don't realize is that what you're manifesting is the exact opposite. These worries are the manifestation of the thing you don't want, and they're preventing you from getting the thing you want. But with death, let's bring it back to the original title of this episode. Death is a reminder that everything is finite, that there is nothing else to fear. Because in the end, you really have nothing. Death is the final destination. So anything that could go wrong, it's nothing. You could rebound from anything because until you're in the ground, that's when it's over. But before then, you could rebound from anything. Anything is possible as long as you're willing to reach for that dream. So looking back at the experience, I was going, well, what if I had the best time of my life? What if I made friends like I do in all my travels that I'll have for the rest of my life? What if I learned the craft of roasting Italian espresso? What if I got even more inspired and I created something even bigger than I could ever have imagined because I was willing to take this trip? That is the truth, right? Because whatever you're putting out there, whatever you're looking for, that is what you are going to receive. Isn't it true? I've been, you know, there's been times where I would look at someone and perhaps they have this, like, look on their face, or I'm projecting that they're going to be a mean and miserable person, that the experience was going to be an awful one. Something in customer service, all of a sudden I realized that, well, wow, this was just a filter I was putting on. Give you one more example of this. So I just purchased a wake up alarm clock. It's like one of the ones that mimic sunlight. So before you wake, like, say your alarm is at 6 o', clock, a half an hour before the light starts to get brighter and brighter and brighter and brighter. So this way you wake up slowly without that, that jolting alarm. When the, the guy sent me the, the, the tracking code for, for this alarm clock and I looked, he said, hey, you know, I just want to send you the code. Here, here it is. And I had paid him on Venmo, so there was no way, if it was a fraudulent thing, if he wanted to steal my money, he totally could have. Because, you know, he's like, well, I only do Venmo. I was like, well, how about PayPal? You know, at least, you know, this way it's secure on both ends. He's like, nope, only Venmo. So I said, okay, I'll trust him. And I paid him on Venmo. He sends me the tracking code. And I get the tracking code. I'm looking at it, I'm clicking it in, waiting for it to update, and it says, package not yet received. So I'm like, well, how the hell. He just sent me it. How hasn't the package been received yet? So the first thing I thought of is like, this guy is he's stealing my money. And then I went to his profile and I was looking at pictures to see, well, is he trustworthy? And I was trying to find, I was finding every reason as to why I thought he wouldn't be trustworthy. I get home today after dropping my car off for some maintenance and I see a package on the floor. I'm like, alright, didn't see this? Maybe, I don't know when this got here. I look down and I see that it has my name on it and it is the clock that I ordered. Funny, I was building this story in my head that was so far from the truth and it was just a construct of my mind. But how often do you do that to your dreams? So what I want you to gather from this is that there is only now, right? To put off your dreams that you may not be able to do some of them right. You might have dreams to, like I said, travel Europe, right? Maybe it's not possible in this exact moment. Meaning, like, maybe you can't move tomorrow because there's odds and ends that you have to tie up, but maybe next year or the year after that and you could start taking the steps, making the plans to get there, right? Having a little milestone set up. What I want you to gather from this is to listen to Your heart to follow it and look at your life. Like be at the end of your life, right? You are on your deathbed, ready to kick the bucket, looking back at everything. What is it that you're going to regret? If there's something in your mind that you know you want to do, ask yourself, am I going to regret not doing this? Sometimes it's not even maybe it's just saying, well, am I going to, am I not going to regret? Am I going to regret doing it? Right? I've never regretted a single trip because every single thing has guided me further on my journey. Going to Europe right Now, when I think about it, I was talking with a friend of the gym and he was like, well, dude, he's like, you're single, you have no children and your business gives you the flexibility and freedom to do it. What the hell are you doing? And I'm like, oh man, when you phrase it like that, I'm like, oh, of course. Well, why wouldn't I do it? And then the only thing holding us back is fear. Fear is the only thing that's going to hold you back. The what ifs. But here's the truth of the matter. The truth is that whatever it is you want to do, if it's a big, I mean, it could be something small, right? Maybe you want to start your own business. The what you're currently doing is always available to you, right? You could always. If I move away and then I come back, Stanford's not going anywhere and Stanford's not going to change if I. Or if you want to start that business, right? The job, the role that you're in, if you want to come back to it, say you're, you work at, in a hospital as a nurse. I don't even know. You could always come back to that role. It's not going anywhere, right? But the cost of putting off your dream is at the cost of your emotional well being. It's at the cost of you feeling excited and passionate about the life you're living. It's at the cost of being true to yourself. That is what I want you to come away with. It's about being true to yourself. It's about experiencing and enjoying the journey that you're on as much as possible because it's your journey. Honor that and be true to yourself. Let's go back to the questions at the beginning. Just because, just to make it fresh in your mind. What are the roles that you play? What roles do you have in life? It could be a parent, it could Be a student, it could be a CEO, whatever it may be. What is the requirement for that role? Said differently, what are the personality traits? Who do you have to be in that role? Because sometimes you feel stifled in a role because you have to behave a certain way. Well, I want you to know that it's pretty much bullshit. It's all in your mind. It's what you're saying that you have to believe or that you have to behave. Third, what do you want, right? What roles do you want to play? What experiences do you want to have? And then just feel into that feeling. How does that feel? How does that make you feel? Do you feel alive? Do you feel more empowered? Because now you break in, out of that. That mold that you had put yourself in. This is where you belong. So I hope by listening to this, I stirred some desire in you, that in some way I made you think of the things that you promised yourself, the things you want to experience before you die. Death. I was just listening to Steve Jobs Stanford speech back in 2005, and it pretty much said that death is our friend. But it's the reminder that this is the only moment you have. And when you think about failing, when you think about all these other things, they pale in comparison to death. Death is the end. All right? As long as you're still alive, you can do whatever you want as long as you're willing to reach for it. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I hope it inspired you to make some changes, to have some experiences in your life. If you enjoyed this, please consider subscribing. You could ask a question or comment by visiting my website@www.donnyrouse.com Again. D o n n y r a u s.com thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you. I know this was a little bit. This feels. I don't even know how much time has gone by, but this feels a little bit longer than some of the other podcasts. I. And I want to thank you for staying with me, for tuning in and allowing yourself to just listen to the questions I'm asking you, listen to my own life story so that it may stir that desire and you may question your life path so that you may, if you need to, correct and go and follow your own true life path, the things that you really want. So I praise you for that. And I want to say thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. God bless. I will see you next week. And remember, you only get one life.