Changing Lanes - Overcome Any Fear

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You, too, can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse. You are listening to the podcast One Life, Changing Lanes. There's a quote that I'd like to. That I heard that always kind of stuck in my mind. It says, fear is the biggest killer of dreams, more than failure will ever be. And when you think about that quote is because any new action we take is going to require us to step through some kind of fear. So where does that fear come from? That fear comes from taking a new action. You see, a lot of the time, we look out into the future and we expect the worst to happen because we're literally. We're basing it on prior experiences, maybe prior setbacks. I won't even call them failure, because failure only occurs when you give up. So on past experiences, we say, okay, well, we look out and like, we look at, like, the worst outcome that could possibly happen. But that's only what's in your conscious. It's only what you've experienced. So in order to experience something new, you have to take a new action. And that requires you stepping into the unknown. And that's where you need the courage. So my intention by the end of this episode is to move you past a place of fear, somewhere where you're feeling stuck. So I'll ask you this. What is one thing, an action that you have to take that's going to require you to. That you need to take in order to achieve a desire, a goal, an outcome that you want? I want you to get that in your head. And then I'm going to ask you a series of other questions. So by the end of this episode, I want you to be able to work through the fear. And the questions are this. What is the scene that you're replaying in your mind over and over again, right? Because we think visually, and as a result of the visualizations, we start to add words to it and then words with emotions until we literally can freeze Ourselves, because we're just literally focusing on the fear. Why must you take the action? Said differently, what is it that you really want? Third, what is the cost of not taking action? Right. What are you giving up by not taking any action? And then lastly, what is the smallest step that you can take that would move you forward into the direction of that thing you want or the thing you say you want? And then what's the next smallest step? And the next smallest step? So the story I'm about to share with you is one that I recently had. So I was traveling around Ireland, as every year for my birthday, I pick a new country. I just take off. It's kind of like it's the gift to myself that keeps on giving. And while I was in Ireland, there were a couple options. So I landed in Dublin and I could have taken a bus. So from Dublin, you could literally take a bus to every part of the country, like Galway. You can go up to Belfast, you can do a bunch of different things. Killarney. But the. Because you're taking a bus, they're going to be restricted to literally doing the main routes, like the main highways to these cities. As a result, you miss a lot of that natural beauty that's in the Ireland countryside. So in my mind, I had this whole image of what it was that I wanted to experience. I didn't want to just take a bus somewhere. I wanted to go around. I wanted to stop at these little coastal towns. I wanted to meet local people, stop at the pubs, have Irish stew, and literally, again, just stop whenever I want to stop. I didn't want to be restricted by having to be on a tour bus. So that was the desire. And what that would require me to do is to drive a car, which might not seem like a big deal, but when you then throw in the twist that you have to drive on the opposite side and that the steering wheel is also on the opposite side, then it starts to get a little bit scary because now all of a sudden, one wrong move, right? I've been driving in the United States for I don't even know how many, like, 25 years or so. And I have the habit of staying on the right side of the road and driving in that methodology. So how can I literally flick a switch and all of a sudden now drive on the opposite side while sitting in the opposite side of the car? It was one of the things that had scared me prior to my trip because I knew what I wanted to experience. And I knew that this was one of the steps in moving Forward in that. So I landed in Dublin. I did a couple days in Dublin, and because it was St Patrick's Day, every place was packed. I was staying at a hostel called Jacobsen, and the hostel price was like $125 a night, which is more than I'd ever paid in my entire life. I mean, literally, you couldn't even find a hotel room for less than, I think only a few hundred dollars. Everything was insanely overpriced because of the demand that was on that was being placed on the city. So I made the decision, said, you know what? I am going to leave here. I'm going to go up to Belfast. So I had a couple options. I could literally. I could take a bus up to Belfast, I could take a train up to Belfast, or I could rent a car and go up to Belfast. I thought about going to the Dublin airport to rent the car, but then I literally was overcome with fear. I was starting to freak out. I was like, oh, my gosh. I mean, I don't know if I'm ready for this yet, you know, having to get on the opposite. I literally thought of everything that could go wrong. And when I say everything that go wrong, what I was really thinking about was me swerving to the opposite side of traffic and getting killed. That was the image that was going through my mind. So I chose to take the train. I said, you know what? I'm just going to take the train up to Belfast. I'll spend a couple days in Belfast and just let my. Let my body relax because where my mind was going was not a pleasant place and I didn't want to get in the car in that mindset. So fast forward, I'm in Belfast for a couple days, loving the city, and now it's getting time to leave. I'm heading over to a place called Castle Rock before we get into my final destination or my next destination, which was Derry or Londonderry, depending which side you're on. And then I knew I had to get it. I knew I had to get the car. Feeling a little bit better about it, but still scared shitless, I took a train to the airport. And at the airport, as I'm walking to the airport, because the train doesn't literally drop you off in the airport. I didn't know that. I got off, I think on a Victoria station, went all the way over to the airport, and I was literally walking along the highway, which. One of the things I love about traveling is you never know what you're going to experience. So I'm walking along the highway, and the entire time I'm trying to think of a strategy. I'm like, well, how can I get through this experience? How can I drive and make sure that I get to my next destination in one piece? AKA didn't die? So I'm walking through all these different scenarios in my mind, and I'm like, okay, well, you know, I could. I could literally. I could drive around the parking lot, right? I could literally just keep working around the parking lot until I get comfortable with being on the left side of the road. And then once I get that little. That confidence, then I could just go on to, you know, I'll go onto the highway, which is. It's a big step, right? It's not even like going on the side streets. I would have to go from the airport onto the highway, where the speed limit is actually higher than it is over here in the States. So I'm working through all this stuff in my mind. I get to the airport, and I'm talking to the guy at the counter. I'm like, well, he's. All right, well, here you go. Complimentary. You got full insurance on this, just in case anything happens. I'm like, great, because I, you know, it's been a while since I've driven on the opposite side of the road, AKA never. But I didn't want to tell him that. And so he gave me. He's like, oh, you're all set. I was like, well, can I practice in the parking lot? You think? Is there an area where I could just practice just to get comfortable with it? He's like, well, not really. He's like, you know, literally, the parking lot loops around, so there isn't a loop. You can't really practice. I was like, all right, great. So I continue to walk to my car. I'm sitting in there. I get the car. I'm sitting in the driving seat. I'm sitting there for, like, a good 10 minutes, just kind of looking. I'm like, all right, well, how am I going to do this? I'm, like, adjusting my windows and everything, practicing breathing exercises, trying to get in the mindset of pulling out of the parking lot and then getting on the highway. So let's go back to those questions. What was the scene that I was replaying in my mind, right? I was replaying merging into the wrong lane and dying. That was the scene that I was replaying. Not a very empowering scene. Why was it important that I took the action? What was it that I really wanted? What I wanted was to have an experience in Ireland that was different from other people's. The experiences in the sense that, you know, just having the bus. I like authentic experiences and that often requires me to go out on my own to do things that are not comfortable. So I knew exactly what I wanted and I wanted to see landscapes that other people wouldn't be able to see if they were just literally riding on a bus. I wanted to be like wowed and feeling that, like that just that peaceful presence, that awe of being like, wow, what a beautiful world. How grateful am I to have this experience? And what was the cost of not taking action? Well, I was at the airport, right? I couldn't. I. There had been times in prior trips where I had had maybe like a bad experience on a scooter in Rome, Italy, where I literally brought the scooter right back. I'm like, okay, I think I don't need to do this right now. But the result would be me missing out on the experiences that I had planned. The result would me be losing the money for what I paid for the car. The result would be having to go back to Dublin and figure out all this busing situation. It just, it would have taken more time and I wouldn't have seen the things that I wanted to see. So the smallest step, so I said, all right, I got the courage. I put the car in drive and I started to pull out. All right, I pulled out of the parking spot. I started looking at everything as these little steps, these little victories. And I thought about like, well, isn't that so true of life, right? Because this, I mean, the fear I felt in that can be. You can apply that to anything that you're going through. So I pull out of the parking spot. I'm like, okay, victory one. I pulled out of the parking lot. I'm still on the right side of the road. I mean the left side, but it is their right side. I'm like, great. That, that is a victory. I did my first right turn and I ended up on the right side of the road. I was, okay. Another victory. Immediately after I had it, like my navigation was telling me I had to merge onto the highway. So I was like, alright, here's the next step. Thankfully, you know, merging on the highway. I literally had to stay on the left side anyway, so it was great. So I merged onto the highway and I'm going. I think it was like 70 kilometers per hour. And you know, I'm going, going, going. I'm like, alright, this is great. I'm I'm starting to get a little bit more confident in this now. I'm like, all right, this is. I'm doing this. I'm doing this. I feel confident here. I'm, you know, I'm in the center of the lane, thankfully, because they have this. The key I had had, like, the. That lane assistance where if you were to drift off, it'd pull you back into the center. So there was a guide guiding me back into that center lane. So it made me even more confident, even more certain. So I was going. And then all of a sudden I see on the navigation, I see like a circle symbol for a roundabout. If you've ever driven in Ireland, the entire country is made of roundabouts, which is actually. I thought it was intimidating at first, but actually turned out to be very easy and made it easy to drive around the country. So I get into the roundabout, and on the first roundabout, I didn't look in the right direction. So there was cars coming from my right hand side, and I literally had just kind of pulled down. All of a sudden, cars are honking at me, and I'm freaking out, trying to figure out what. What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? And then I end up getting into the lane and I end up pulling off to the street that I had to pull off on. Taking deep breaths. Oh, my gosh, what the heck just happened? And I just said, you know, all right, just keep going, keep going. So I kept driving, and I ended up pulling off to a place called Castle Rock, which is probably like a couple hours away. I was meeting some friends there from the last hostel in Belfast, and they didn't want to. When I told my three friends that I was renting a car because they had taken a train over to Castle Rock, I was like, well, why don't you just jump in the car with me? You know, I have more than three spots. Plus, it would be more comforting to me to have people in the car, like a fourth set of eyes. So this way, you know, if I were to make a mistake, someone else is there to correct me. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think so. My friend, she was really nervous about getting in the car in the first place. She's been living there and hasn't even stepped in the car. So she was going to get in the car with me, at least not in my first attempt. So I met up with them at Castle Rock. We saw this. This old temple, this cliffs overlooking the water. We stopped down by the beach. I Got a tea with some. I think it was called a bop or a bob with a sausage. It was like this beautiful sausage breakfast sandwich. It was amazing. And I looked at the views, and I was like, okay, time to get on the road. So I brought them over to a place called Derry or Londonderry, where we walked around the Citadel. But prior to that, so I'm saying, all right, well, do you guys want to just get in my car? They're like, oh, yeah, sure. They're like, well, how was the driving? I was like, oh, I've got this. I've got it. So they get in the car and we're going. And at one point, I had to do a reverse turn. I had to pull in the driveway and then pull back out to go the opposite way. A new step. I hadn't done this before. So I pull in the driveway, and I'm pulling out. I'm looking again in the wrong direction. And when I pull out of the driveway or a car honks, and when I pull out of the driveway, I pull on the wrong side of the road. I see a car coming, and I immediately correct. And again, my body was a little bit jolted. Like, oh. Oh, man. They're like, well, you know, you. Then they. They were guiding me. They're like, come on, get on the other side of the road. After I made that mistake, I did not make it again. Like, it was that experience. It was that jolt. I said, okay, wow. I have to be super conscious now of making sure that I stay on the side of the road. We get to Londonderry, we walk around the Citadel, we see the city. They end up taking off. And now I'm kind of nervous again because now I'm spending a night there. But I know the next morning it's going to require me again to get back in the car alone and start doing this drive where I don't know what to expect. The following day comes, I do it, and everything starts to come very easy for me. In fact, it became second nature. I didn't even have to think about it anymore until the end of my trip. At the end of my trip, I'm on my way back to Dublin, and my navigation or the apple play in the car, decides to kick out. Now, all of a sudden, I'm like, I'm trying to fumble my phone around in my hands while trying to keep an eye on the road. And London, I mean, not London. Dublin is the busiest city in Ireland, right? The traffic was insane nearly the entire time while I was in the country. I barely had anybody on the road when I got into Galway. There was a few people. It wasn't crazy. It was very easy to navigate. When I got in Dublin, that was a very different story. So I'm driving through Dublin, trying to keep my eyes. And I literally looped around, I looped around the city because I couldn't make sense of the navigation. I couldn't keep my eyes on the, on the street at the same time. And I didn't, you know, the pull off thing was kind of weird too. Like their light system is different. Where in the United States we have lights above the lane. There's. They have like multiple sets of lights in different locations and it just, it's confusing. So I ended up finding my way back to the, to the drop off point for the car. And I'm like, you know, I'm looking for. No one's in the place. I'm like, where do I drop this damn thing off? I didn't want to get back on the highway and start looping around the city again. So I saw the guy says, oh, no, no, you have to bring it over to Terminal 2. They'll take it there because we don't have the, the ferry or the bus to take you back to the terminal. So it's like, all right, here we go again. So I end up driving there. The guys who told me that end up getting there before me. God only knows how, some magic, but, you know, I give them the car, they go, great job, here you go, you're all set. And that was it. So what do you take away from the story I just told you and how can you apply it to your life? The experience I just had was synonymous with literally every scary thing that you could experience, right? Because in the beginning it's always scary. Like you're thinking about what is the worst that could happen. Again, I want to reiterate that your mind is only able to comprehend what it knows. It doesn't know what it doesn't know. So the success you have in the future, the experiences you're going to have, it doesn't, it can't comprehend that yet because it hasn't experienced it, right? So it's only focusing on the negative. So it requires you to take that leap of faith, it requires you to take that small action and then the next small action. When I was there, I thought about the experience I had as a goal. How does this relate to my life, my business? The things that literally scare the shit out of me and have frozen me in the past? And what is the. How do I move forward? By taking that just that small step? So let's bring it back to that fear that you have or that action you need to take that you're feeling fearful of. What is the scene that you keep replaying in your mind over and over and over again? Because we think in scenes, right? We think of pictures. These pictures evoke words and the words evoke feeling. So what I want you to do is become aware of where you're putting your focus. Because by changing where you put the focus with one of the next questions and what you want, then you can start to feel better about taking that next step. And why must you take the action? What is it that you really want? What is it that you're going for? Why are you taking. Why are you even listening this in the first place, Right? If there's a fear you're trying to conquer, why do you want it? For me, it was, you know, one of the best experience I had was literally driving on the opposite side and conquering that fear. But the real intention was to be able to see the country, to be able to stop off, to. To have experience that other people would not be able to have if they were just doing the bus or if I were just doing the bus, right? I wanted. I was craving a unique experience I was creating to see this beautiful country, the scenery there. And I wouldn't have been able to do it had I just opted on the bus. So there was only one option, and that was renting a car. So what was the cost of not taking action? Well, easy, the cost. One, I would have lost the money. Two, I would have lost time because I would have had gone back to Dublin. I would have to figure out all this train stuff that I. Or in bus stuff that I wasn't anticipating. What is the cost for you of not taking that action? And then lastly, what are the small steps you can take? Like, if I were just thinking about having to drive and literally from Dublin, if I had literally taken the car out in Dublin, I probably. I don't know what would have happened. I was in a good mental state when I was in Dublin. I was really, really focusing on, like, on crashing the car or doing something wrong. I needed that little extra time, that little buffer. Like, I booked the car when I was in Belfast, but I needed that buffer, just kind of calm my mind and refocus on what it was that I really wanted and how I was going to go about driving. Because I was like creating a strategy in my head as to, all right, well, first I'll do this, and then once I'm comfortable with this, then I'll do this. And that is how it happened. It happened in a sequence of steps. So what is the next step that you can do? The next step and the next step. Break it down into small digestible pieces. Doesn't matter how small. The most important thing is that you're taking action in these small steps, because it is the compounding of those small action that is going to get you to the thing that you desire, your outcome, your final destination or that goal is. And that's what it's all about. And then as a result of that, now you can put me in any country. I can drive on the opposite side of the road with ease because I've done it. And that's what you'll be able to do once you've conquered that fear. Now, all of a sudden, when you meet somebody who's like, oh, my God, I don't know how to do this, you're like, oh, that's easy. I experienced the same thing. This is how I did it. And you build up your repertoire and you become more skillful, more resourceful going forward, because now you recognize the path. You recognize the path of power. Like, oh, well, this is kind of similar to this, different. But I know that I was afraid here, I'm afraid here. And this is just the steps, right? It's all the same. So I hope you take this and I hope you apply it to something that you really, really want in your life. It could be booking that flight after two years of the whole Covid experience, and finally getting on a plane again, realizing that you need to get on a plane in order to hike the Mount Everest base camp or spend a week in a ashram in India, whatever it is. I'm telling you my goals. I did the base camp. I want to do an ashram in India. But it's going to require you. What is the thing that you are required to do in order to get there that you are fearful of and just keep taking that small step. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. Goes, guys, this is, again, like, my whole purpose for doing this is to want you to step away with the realization that life is happening now. Like, life, don't put it off until there'll be subsequent episodes. I'll do after about the people and experiences I had. But life is happening now. Don't put it off. Because every single day is a blessing. Every single day is a gift. So don't put off the things that really matter to you. That is all I got for you guys. If you enjoyed this episode, please hit that subscribe button, Share it with your friends, your family, loved ones who you think may benefit from listening to this. Thank you so so much for tuning in. As always, I know you could literally be putting your time anywhere, but you're putting it here, spending time with me and I hope that I was able to deliver some value and provide some clarity into your life. So this way you could live your one life, the life that you were meant to live. If you have any questions, comments, you can feel free to send them me via email at donnyrous. Com so visit www.d o n n y r a u s com. That is all I've got for you guys today. Thank you so much for tuning in. God bless and I will see you again soon.