Detached Outcomes - The Art of Allowing

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too, can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse. You are listening to the podcast One Life Detached Outcomes. What if I told you that the way to get your outcome was to actually detach from it? That means to let go of the resistance that you have around it. Often we want something and we carry this expectation for it to happen. Or this anticipation. Well, it's not really anticipation. It's like we stifle the very thing we want with this undertow of, well, maybe it won't happen, and we try to force it, but again, as a result of forcing it, we stifle it literally out of our life. I had a firsthand experience with this on my most recent trip to Portugal. Actually, several experiences with it that kept coming up and kept reoccurring, reminding me to detach from that outcome. But before we get into that, I want to ask you a question, because we all have been there, and we all are there in certain areas of our life. There are certain areas of our life that just kind of flows. And there are other areas of our life where we hit this resistance. And we can't understand why we haven't gotten the very thing that we want. And we don't even know that it's our own hands that are stifling, that are cutting off the oxygen, the vital resources to that thing. So what is something that you want that you feel like it has been eluding you? Next, what is your connection to it? Like, when you think about it, do you feel free or do you feel restricted? Does it make you feel tight? Right. That's going to let you know what your point of attraction is for that object that you desire. And then I want you to imagine what would it feel like to just know that that thing, that object, was going to appear in your life. It could be the significant other. It could be that body that you want. It could be the trip that you desire. It could be whatever it is. What if you knew that it was going to happen. There was no doubt in your mind at all. You were living in faith. How does it feel in that spot and from that spot? Answer this question, because likely you felt different than you did five seconds ago. How much more likely are you going to attract the outcome that you want? So I just got back from a trip to Portugal, and having done Ireland two months prior, I had this feeling inside that I'm like, you know what? I need to do another trip. Because Ireland just didn't do it for me. And I'll explain that a little bit in more detail. When I was in Ireland, I was traveling around. There was a lot of college kids staying at the hostels that I was staying at, different than any other place that I visited, especially like, Portugal. And as a result, I didn't get the connection that I wanted to. I didn't have the experiences. I had a car and I wanted to invite people into that experience. Hey, do you want to take a road trip? I'm going to Belfast. I'm going to Londonderry or Dairy, however you want to call it. And I wanted to have that experience that I've had in so many other of my trips. I know that I was really, really forcing it. So I ended up booking this trip to Portugal one, because I just wanted to go to Portugal, and basically I just wanted to go to Portugal. But Portugal had a different vibration to me. I was in Porto and I had spent some time walking around the city, and then I was feeling really tired. It must have been like the first day I got there, I was exhausted because I had gone out the night before. And then I had to catch an early morning train to Porta. So when I arrived, I couldn't really. I couldn't check in until, like, my room wasn't going to be ready till 3 o'. Clock. So I just dropped off my stuff and I kind of went out in this haze of, like, this. My mind. My mind just felt like it was somewhere in the clouds. I went and I did a port tasting. I got pretty drunk early on because I think the only thing I ate was like a pastel de nata, one of the pastries that Portugal is known for. And then I made my way back to the hostel. When I was in the hospital, I went to the bathroom, just kind of shower up and freshen up a little bit. As I was leaving, I saw someone exiting the room. So I got my clothes on and I walked downstairs. And as I was getting downstairs, there's two guys sitting on Stairs to the doorway. I can't really. It's hard for me to kind of tell you how the orientation was of this place. And I was, you know what, Let me just talk to him. So I said, hey, hi, guys. Where are you guys from? It turns out they were both from Canada. And then I started going into, like, well, what are you guys up to? What are you guys doing today? And they mentioned that. They said, we're going to go to the beach. And I was like, oh, that's so funny. So am I. I'm actually going to do the same exact thing. And then they invited me to join them and we ended up having a blast, like, an amazing time. My friend Stephen and my friend Jonathan now. But prior to that, I was literally, like, looking around almost on a hunt. Who can I invite to hang out today? Who can I invite for coffee? And as a result, he was literally making me frantic. And I ended up connecting with people, but it wasn't the. Well, actually, I made two other friends who were awesome, too, but there was still this nervous energy around there. I would go through periods where I'd go in and out of this energy. When I was let it go, things just flowed. I met the most awesome people when I was in it. I was alone, and I was just very much in my busy mind. The next occurrence of this was I went to Madeira and I was traveling around with a couple friends of mine, a friend from Germany and a friend from Spain. When we were traveling around, one of my friends, hey, I have a friend, my friend Jacqueline. She is actually living in Puerto do Sol. If you want, I'll connect with you. I'll connect you with her. You guys could go out, maybe just meet up, have a drink, have a talk, whatever. So I was driving around the island with my two friends and I said, you know what, Let me give Jacqueline a call. Let me just at least stop by. Because my friend went out of the way to make the connection and I'm going to be passing it, so let me just stop in. We can have a coffee or a drink and that's it. We made our way there. We end up meeting by this restaurant on the water and having, I think I had a glass of wine and we had something called Ginga, which is a cherry liqueur that they make in Portugal. We ended up leaving and then the following before, the following day, like that evening, I said, you know what, Let me invite Jacqueline out and let me see if she is free tomorrow because my two friends are going to go do something else. And I'm free for the entire day. Let me just. There was some resistance because sometimes I feel like, well, if I invite people, then, one, I have to spend the entire day with the person. Or two, in some way that's going to restrict my trip. But from my past experiences, I know that's not the case. I know the thing that I want, there's this need to let go of the expectations to what it is that I really want. What I really wanted was I just wanted to have a great friend, have a great time, explore, have some adventure, live curiously. That next day was going to be my last day. So I sent her, hey, I'm going to be driving towards this place called Porta Sao Lourenzo. Or it was like a peninsula. It reminded me of the Southern Cape of Cape Town, South Africa. So she obliged. She's like, well, what time do you want to start? I said, we'll start somewhat early and we could finish. She said, can we finish by 6 o'? Clock? I was like, likely. Not likely. We're going to, you know, we'll finish later in the evening. So this. And I'm going to kind of go give you a roundabout to this story. But it's funny, so I'll just include it. So she goes, all right, well, that's fine. I'll take a taxi. Send me the address. So I sent the address, which is Rue 31st, Rio de Janeiro. And I'm looking at this. So she's, all right, I'm hopping in, Cap. I'm not going to have any cellular signal. So I'm like, okay, I will meet you outside of my apartment at 10am Little did I know that I never actually gave her my apartment number. I gave her a street. So she arrives in Funchal and she's talking to her taxi. She's like, well, you know. He's like, well, here you are. She's like, here what I am? She's like, this is where you want me to drop you off? She's like, but we're on, you know, where's the apartment? He's like, I don't know. You gave me a street. So I was like. I realized that as I was leaving my apartment, waiting for her, I looked up at the apartment building. I saw a number 14. I'm like, oh, shit. And I looked back at my reservation for the Airbnb. I was like, oh, my gosh. I gave her a street. Not even an apartment number, or I gave her a street. And so I spent the next half an hour walking up and down the street, trying to see maybe I could find her walking in the street and I could signal her down. About maybe 45 minutes later, I get a call, and she's using her WI fi. She went to a cafe and used her. Someone saw her distressed and said, hey, look, are you okay? And she explained everything to them. They let her connect to the WI fi. Then she gave me a call. And then we met up that day. I was talking to her. I was like, I apologize. She's like, no, I thought it was so funny. I thought you were going to be upset because I was late. I was like, well, how could I? I gave you the wrong. I didn't give you an address, actually, not even the wrong address. And I'm going to kind of bear with me as I'm explaining this, because I'm going to go through the day and just how awesome of a day it was and what the epiphany was at the end of the day when we had a conversation. So she hadn't spent much time there. And I didn't go to the mercado in Funchal. So we go through the Mercado and they have all these exotic fruits. I had tried some of them earlier when I had just arrived, but the places I tried them, they weren't really ripe, so they didn't taste that good. We went to this one fruit stall, and this lady had all these exotic passion fruits, you know, little Portuguese bananas, these custard apples, all these exotic things that I've never seen before. So I said, all right, well, you know, she was giving us taste. So I said, okay, well, why don't we do a fruit tasting? So she's like, all right, let me note this. So before she even made the decision to come to Funchal to meet me and have a day's experience with me. I promise. I said, I promise you that this will be the best experience you have on your trip. I promise you an amazing day. And come to find out, she was actually doubting. She said, well, should I go? Should I not go? And when I made that promise that she ended up coming. All right, so back to the food. So all these exotic fruits and escarry. Well, give me one of these. Give me one of these. Give me one of these. And I probably had maybe like, 10 fruits. And I go to pay for it. It was like $70. I never paid that much for fruit. But some of the foods were actually really expensive. Like, I think it was like €19 for, like, a fruit, and then €10 for another Piece of fruit. And we ended up going back up to my apartment. We were. Cut them all up, and we were just eating a ton of fruit. But after that experience, we hit the car and we went to Porta di Sao Lourenza, which is this beautiful, like, kind of like it looks like chain islands, but most of them are connected by a landmass. And the pitch and, like, the. The panoramics are stunning there. So we're going there. It's windy. It's like the wind is literally, like, almost blowing me over. I could extend my hands out and lean forward and with my, like, jacket open, and the wind would literally keep me up. That's how windy it was. We had a great time there. I mean, we ended up going up, hiking up to this top of this mountain, which was, like, in the middle of this reserve. We climb up there, and we're just watching, like, tourists go by. The reason we were up there is just because I had this inkling that I wanted to get a vantage point that other people don't have. So we climbed up, like, stepping in these, like, prickers. They were, like, pricking me in my shoe. And anyways, but after Puerto di Sa Lorenzo, we ended up driving school. Where do we go now? I was like, well, I don't know, let's. I'm going to feel it. And so I started just saying, like, well, what is feeling what my body was telling me to take? Was it telling me to take a turn here? Was it telling me to go straight? Was it telling me to go left? And we ended up going into the mountains. That my intention was to actually end up in the mountains. Because if you've ever been inside in, like, a valley where you have these giant cliffs, it gives you a very unique perspective. Reminded me of being in Thailand. So we're driving, trying to find this thing, and we hit a little cafe. It looked amazing because it overlooked this giant, like, this giant wall of rock. And on the patio table, they had a foosball table. So I went in there, we ordered coffees, we ordered a couple bottles of water, and we played a game of foosball, like, making some friendly bets. After that, we proceeded to literally just drive. We didn't know where we were going. We ended up coming up to a lookout point. And I mean, really, it sounds so basic when I'm actually explaining it to you and telling you about the story. It sounds like, well, you know, that doesn't sound like that exciting, right? But the experience, because we were so immersed in what was going on, like, in that moment, it was magical. And that's kind of been the lesson and the experience. It will be one that there's so much magic in the present moment, but when trying to control everything, it slips away. All right, so we're back. We're back in Funchal, and she's sharing with me. We ended up going out to dinner with my, like, my. My Spanish and my German friend, as well as an Italian guy. But later on, she's sharing the experience. She says, you know what? I was kind of, like, feeling very restricted. Like, I was, oh, well, should I do this? This is not really. This is not really me. And she was telling me how she just. There was a point where she was like, you know, I just said, screw it. I'm just gonna let go. I'm just gonna let whatever happens happens. And she told me there was something funny, that everything that she. Everything that she wanted, she got in the sense that, like, she created it in her mind first, and then by letting go, she was able to receive it all. She attracted. Everything that she experienced that day, she told me. But if she had, at any moment during that day, pulled away because it was not something she was comfortable with, she would have missed out on the experience completely. She would have missed out on that vision that she had, what it was she was trying to attract. Hmm. Maybe you know, somebody who's done that personally. How often do you do that? Do you say, okay, well, this is what I want, and I know it's gonna require me to do some things, but I'm not really comfortable doing that. That uncomfortable thing, that thing that is outside of your comfort zone is the very thing that is going to give you what it is that you desire, but it also requires you to let go. I had to let go. So she told me that she had to let go of all those uncomfortable things and just allow the life to flow to her. Me, I. I didn't know how she was going to, you know, how I was going to travel with her. So anytime when I travel, I like to be very curious. So anyone who has that mentality or will at least allow me to lead and just go with the flow. I promise you, great experience. I promise you. It's never failed anybody yet. But I need to have that freedom. I mean, that's one of the reasons why I travel, because when I'm here, I try to structure myself. My day is at home. When I travel this, I want to explore. I want to be curious. So I was hesitant. I was like, well, what if she's not the right person that I got, the kind of person I want to travel with. What if this. And then I just said, you know what? Let me just let go. I'm not going to try to make anything happen. Let me just experience it. And as a result of letting go, we had an amazing time on both sides. So what I want you to come away from, from this story is that, yes, it's important to know what you want. It's important to hold that intention, feel the intention, and then let go of the outcome. And you'll know you've let go when you don't feel the resistance anymore. The only way I could try to explain it to you was, you know, when I met my two friends, my two Canadian friends, I had this, like, this desire. Like, I was like, I wanted to go out in town and hang out with people. I didn't want to go to the beach alone. And I was. I just felt very tense. And then, I don't know if it was like before I made my way up to the room, I just said, you know what? Let me just let go. Let me just trust that whatever comes my way, whatever comes into my day and into my life at this moment, that it's meant to be, that it's just gonna happen. And then there was this relaxing of my entire body because I was feeling pretty tense. And then no later than I relaxed, all of a sudden I meet these two guys and they ended up becoming really good friends. We had an amazing time. I ended up spending the next day with my friend Steven and his father. We did a little coffee tour. We met some Portuguese, a group of Portuguese friends, had shots, had a bunch of stuff. It was an amazing night. And all that came from just letting go of the outcome and having faith that it was going to show up. So let's. And one thing I want to add, though, is because when I said the questions, and I'll review them again right now, I mentioned that one of the last thing was feeling it and having faith. I can't express it, but you know what it feels like when you have faith that you know that the outcome, whatever it is that you want is going to be there. And as a result, you're just waiting, you feel at peace, and that's what it was. So just keep that in mind. So let's go back to the questions, because I want you to have whatever it is that's going to light you up in life. And I also want to show you that one of the ways, Well, a way of getting There faster is by letting go in, not having so much tension, not having so much restriction around that. So what is something that you desire that's been eluding you? What has been your connection to it? Have you been tense around it? Are you living in conflict where you feel like. Or maybe you doubt that it's ever going to show up in your life at all. And pay attention to how that makes you feel because that is the point of attraction for you. Now imagine that thing showing up. How would it feel if you had complete certainty? Say, you know what? I know this is going to come and I'm just going to sit back and wait for it to come, but I know it is coming. How would that feel to have complete faith that it was going to come to you? And then the last question, and most importantly, how would you show up in your day? Because when you release, you allow everything to come in. It's almost like trying to look through a paper towel tube. When you're looking through the paper towel, you're trying so hard to find, say, something out in the distance, but because you're looking through the paper towel tube, you literally only see a 1 inch diameter. And you really have to scan your environment and it's going to take a long time because you can't possibly scan your entire environment through this one little inch hole. But when you relax and you take your eye out of that roll, all of a sudden everything comes into focus. Now you have an expanded vision. It's kind of like that. So, guys, I hope that this episode makes sense to you and in some way allows you to detach from the outcome, to ease into the outcome, to have faith that what it is you want is coming to you, as long as you will allow it to come to you. Anytime you ask for anything, the answers are always being given to you. You just got to quiet yourself and listen. You have to let go of the resistance. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I know that you could be doing anything right now like watching some your favorite series, but you chose to be here and hopefully this connected with you and connected you to a desire. Something that was going to make your life feel more fulfilled, more satisfying, more alive. So thank you so much for tuning in. If you have any questions, if you'd like to subscribe, if you'd like to make a comment, you can do so by visiting my website at www.donnyrouse.com www.donnierouse.com that is all I've got for you. Guys today. Thank you so much for tuning in. God bless, and I will see you again soon.