Family Matters - Finding the Blessing in the Most Challenging of Times

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life, Family Matters. What if the fear of losing people you love was actually a cue, a reminder to express that love? And what if expressing that love actually had a bigger impact than just a few words you were exchanging, but actually changed your relationship, Changed the way that special person approached their day, changed their outlook on life as well as how they showed up in the world? Said differently, the amount of impact you would have would be exponential. Would it be worth expressing that love? A couple years back, I had one of the biggest scares of my entire life. My father was told that he needed to go in for an open heart surgery. He had a leaky mitral valve and that he needed to have a procedure done. There were many procedures that doctors were putting on the table, but there was one, the open heart that many of the doctors advise against. But there was one that had Dr. Who had the confidence that he could successfully pull off this operation. I remember the night or nights leading up to his surgery. I remember laying. I was laying on the couch with my father holding his hand and inside I was trembling. I was trying to fight back the tears, trying to hold in. So this way he didn't see what was going on inside, which was extremely difficult for me to do because I tend to well up fairly easy. In my mind I was thinking, what would life be like without my father? I never at once considered that thought before, but now I was faced with that reality. And then aside from that, there was all the things that were beyond my control. Looking at the doctors, what they were saying, his chances of success were in this. Some doctors were extremely confident, other ones were extremely pessimistic. So I had all these things welling up in my mind and I didn't know how to process them. And more than anything, the one thing I didn't want to do was leave words left unsaid. Said differently, I Wanted to tell my father that I loved him. In my family, this wasn't something we didn't openly express. Love. Love wasn't. We didn't say, oh, I love you. If we did, it was kind of like, oh, love you, bye. And it was. We didn't take the time to be present in those words and to allow each other, like the person who's saying it as well as the person who's receiving it, to feel them. I did that that night before the surgery. I told him I loved him. As I said these words, tears were pouring down my face. I prayed. I said to God, just let me know that it's going to be okay. Let me know that it's going to be okay. And that very same night, I remember feeling this calmness come over me and I couldn't express. I didn't even know why. Going into the surgery, my father had asked for me to accompany him. They allow one family member to go into the pre op room and then they tell you a bunch of stuff. I have no freaking clue what they said because I wasn't in that state. And then I was sitting there holding my father's hand again, trying to, to. To fight back tears because I didn't want him to know what I was feeling inside. But not just. It wasn't just fear. It was also gratitude and love and fear of losing the person I love the most. And like I said before, I am horrible at holding those feelings back. So floodgates opened. Thankfully, he had. They had to give him something, you know, like, to. For him to go through with it because he was very fearful. And now he's in surgery. The time seemed to go like the time was going in slow motion. The minutes seemed like hours until we got the final call to go into the room. I struggled with it because I remember when my mother had had her surgery and one of the scariest images I had seen was her coming out of the sedation, not knowing where she was. So I had this trauma in my mind from seeing my mother go through the same thing and just seeing them, seeing your parents like the people who were you always see as being in this position of power, who were always there to love and support you, to be so vulnerable. But I knew that I needed to go and knew that I needed to muster up the courage to do so. So I was believe I was the first with one of my siblings to go up there, me and my sister. And we go into the room and we're just like, okay, 1, 2, 3. We go into the room and we see my father there, and he looks absolutely amazing. And again, all of a sudden, the floodgates started to open and I just started to cry. It was almost the equivalent what I would imagine. Or when you are going to the airport, remember those days in the movies where you would see someone, you know, like they're coming in from the airport and the people who are receiving them on the. At the departure. At the arrival gate, hadn't seen them in years. You know, then they walk through that apartment gate, they're holding up signs or jumping, they're cheering, they're crying, they're embracing. Hugs. That is how I felt. I felt like I had seen someone that I hadn't seen in years. I was just so felt, so grateful, so blessed, so lucky to have them in my life for yet another day. The lessons here are really, don't waste a single moment without letting the people you love know that you love them. And also, never think that there's always time, because not a single one of us knows when our time is up. And as a result, the only thing we can do is live in this moment right here, through this entire experience. One of the most beautiful gifts that I came away with after looking at this entire experience and really trying to make sense of everything, like all the stress, all the fears, even going forward now, all of a sudden, like, it was the fear of mortality in my mind, but then looked at what was beautiful. One was that I still had my father. And then the second thing that I found to be so beautiful was that as he was going in for that surgery, when he was in surgery, all of the memories flooded my head. I thought about all the sacrifices my father had made, all the energy he poured into teaching me to being there when I was sick, and just how great that sacrifice was and how much I loved him because of that sacrifice. You know, it's not what you do or what you give somebody. It's the. The energy, the presence you give somebody. And no one gave me more of that than him. And realizing that, it made me just want to hug and embrace him every single day that I have him in my life. And as a result of that, now I do. So I have some questions I want for you. So think about who are those most important people in your life and when was the last time you told them you love them? You don't have to drive. If you're driving, pull over and just write this down. Or if you're not going to, just pull over, make a mental note of it and Then the next question I want you to ask yourself is, if you knew that you only had one day left with this person, what would you want to tell them? What would you want them to know? Now, you might be hearing these words. You're like, well, that's easy for you to say. You have a great family life. That's easy for you. Like you, you have a family. It's easy for you. What if you don't speak to your family? What if your family likes complete shit? What if you have resentment for it? I get it that it could be hard. I get that not every family is picture perfect and neither is mine. But it reminds me of something that heard from one of my mentors. He goes, you are the way you are because they weren't who you needed them to be. Or I'm messing up the quote. I'll say the quote slightly differently. You are the way you are because those are the parents you needed to have. Meaning, there was a lesson there for you to pick up. And everything you are right now, all the gifts, all the blessings in your life, is because they weren't who you wanted them to be, but they are who you needed them to be. So when you reflect on that now, you're able to shine the light of compassion in gratitude for those people who brought you into the world. Now, what if you're saying, well, you know what, but I don't know who my parents was, but you had someone who cared for you. Maybe it was a grandmother, maybe it was a family friend. The same thing applies. So in closing, I have one action for you to do, one action to take. And it's such a simple, simple, simple action. Tell that person, that first person that came to your mind when I asked you to think of them. Tell them how you feel. Tell them you love them. Tell them the reasons why you are so grateful. And then just see what happens from there. I hope you enjoyed this episode here. I hope that it really helps boost the area of your family as well as your friendships by letting them know just how important they are, but also by realizing that there's only this moment right now. And to live now. Don't put off for another day, because not a single day is guaranteed. So if you enjoy this podcast, please hit that subscribe button, give it a thumbs up. Share it with five people whom you feel would benefit from hearing this message. If you'd like to comment, subscribe, or ask a question, you can do so by visiting my website@www.donnierous.com Again. D O N N Y R A U S.com thank you guys so so much for tuning in. I appreciate you being here. And remember, you only get one life. Live passionately, live fully, and most of all, live now. God bless you guys and I will see you again soon.