Fast Forward to Friends - The First Step to Making Authentic Friendships

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you're listening to the podcast One Life. Fast forward to friends. How do you go about making new friends? How do you, like, where do you go to meet them? And when you meet them, how do you start to foster a friendship? All these things may sound like they're, you know, like it's easy, like it's something that just happens. Happens automatically. But the truth is here is that you have to put some thought. And there are some simple mindset shifts. Let me say that one more time. There are some simple mindset shifts that when you realize that, it'll open you up to the entire process, it'll put you out there more, and you will start to attract the tribe. One of the reasons why is because you will be repelling the people that don't belong to you. So there are three things that I wrote down here. And the first is friendships require energy. The second is that not everybody is your tribe. Not everyone is meant to be in your life. When you know that, you feel okay letting the ones that do not belong in your life. And then lastly, you need to explore. You need to meet people. I am in Miami, Florida. So this is my. Into my second month of being here. And I gotta say, it's been a roller coaster of a ride in the sense that from the moment I got here, right, like, I never moved. I've traveled the world, 51 countries and counting, but I've never moved anywhere. So I've always lived in my hometown of Stamford, Connecticut, until two months ago, where I decided to make a transition to Miami, Florida. Here in Miami, Florida. Now I am faced with challenges that I had never encountered before. And one of those challenges was making friends. The first two months here, I'm like, man, this is. I don't know if this is right for me. Like, I don't know if I want to stay in Miami. And what was really going on was What I was saying was that I didn't have a social group. I didn't have the friendships to make me feel like that I belonged here and that. And, yeah, I didn't like that I had my tribe, right, because prior to this, everything was back home. But then something beautiful started happening as I opened myself up, I started going out and just making. You know, meeting people and just talking to people. I love talking to people. But since I had been here, I was telling myself a shitty story that it was difficult to meet people. But the truth is, is that I was just in comfort zone. The truth is, is that I was afraid to start initiating conversation. This is one of the traits that I pride myself on, but yet I was getting stuck in just feeling shy, comparing myself, which is understandable, right? I'm in a new environment, all new people, new guy, new kid on the block. Pun intended, Donnie Wahlberg. And so I understand, right? I'm gonna give myself some grace there. And when I would speak with some friends, they were like, donnie, you've been there for two months. Like, people usually settle in in six months. It usually takes six months for you to be in a place and to really feel like you belong there. I said, well, it's funny. Now my mindset has completely changed. I'm like, six months. Who the freak wants to wait six months to feel settled into a place? I want to do it within one month. I want to make 2ma. So the point I'm trying to make. So I went out and I started making friends with people. I started meeting new people, and I met a couple good friends whom I started putting more time in. Which brings me to the first point. Friends require energy. If you meet someone for the first time, you're not gonna go up to be like, hey, what's up, man? Best friend? They're gonna be like, who the frig is this weirdo, right? Your time, you need to have give energy to a relationship in order for it to grow. As you put more energy into it, you start to feel comfortable with the person. You start to understand who they are. You start to develop a deeper appreciation, know the nuances of it. I went on. I had met someone on Hinge, a girl on Hinge, and we went on a coffee date, and I wasn't feeling. It wasn't like, I was like. I wasn't like, oh, wow, this is the spark. This is it. But she was awesome. Like, I was. Well, this is. She just has a great energy. I like her. She has, like, almost like, this nerdiness to her and it's. I just like her vibe. So we, we left the, we left it off just saying, you know what, let's just be friends. If something were to come of it after that, that fine, but let's just be friends. And as a result of that, I'm. I was going out and I was playing a like pick up volleyball and I said, let me just text her, see if she is open to going to that or the movie. They do an outdoor movie here. I was like, let me text, see if she was. Is available, you know, because I know that in order to build a relationship I need to put time there. I need to like invite her out and get to know her more. So she couldn't, she was unable to attend. But then she goes, hey, you know what, there's an art deco tour I'm going to do tomorrow if you want, let's meet up after that. So I said, all right. So we ended up meeting up with her and a couple friends. We ended up going out for tacos and just had a great time. And so I tell you this because as a result we've hung out several times already and it's just developing a friendship. And then the second thing is not everybody. Point number two, that's just showing you that it takes time to develop a friendship. And point number two is not everyone is meant to be in your tribe. I met, I mean, I met a lot of people since I've been here in Miami beach. And some of people, it may be in passing and then we may have get into a conversation and exchange numbers. But if I'm honest with myself, I'm like, do I see myself hanging out with this person? And in a lot of the cases it was no. And initially I'd be like, oh, baby, I feel bad. Am I being a dick that you know that I'm cutting this person off? Not at all. Right, listen, not everyone is meant to be in your life. Doing something like that is literally gonna water down your energy. It's gonna pull you away from the relationship that feel good and suck you into the ones that suck, right? And then it just drains your life energy. You wanna be around people who inspire, people who make you feel good, people who make you want to achieve. Do be more just people whose company you enjoy, right? On a very gut level, you know who those people are. You say xyz, do you enjoy being around them? You're like, no. But you know, I feel no. Save your energy, right? Understand that not everybody is meant to be in your tribe. And when you understand that, and you really, really understand that, you have no problem cutting the people who don't belong in your life out, pushing them aside, letting them fade, doing whatever, best wishes to them, but concentrating on where you want to go and the relationships that are going to fill you up. Because that's what life is about, right? It's about being with the people who are your tribe, who fill you up. Lesson number three, you gotta get out there. You can't meet. You're not gonna meet people in your room. You're not gonna meet them on social media. And if you do, it's gonna be a superficial relationship in most cases. You gotta get out there. So one of the things I started doing here was. I started. There was a group. I was jogging one night, and I saw this, like, five people stretching in a circle. I was like, oh, should I? I was like, I wonder if that's like a group or if it's like just a group of, like, a organized group or if that's just a group of friends. And I was, like, hesitant to go up to them. But one of my intentions for being down here is I wanted to make friends who lived an active lifestyle, not the people who were going out partying, drinking every night. Cause that's not me. Like, once in a blue moon, I'll go out there and have a couple drinks, fine. But it's not my everyday. I pride myself on my routines, on my body, my health. So I was looking for a group of friends that embodied these values that I have. When I saw this group sitting there stretching, I was like, should I go up to ask them as to whether or not they're a group of friends or an organized group? And I was like, going back and forth. And then, like, I always do. I go like, 1, 2, 3, go. And I just, like, kind of threw myself into the circle. I said, hey, do you mind if I asked you a question? Is this just a group of friends or is this like an organized running group? They're like, oh, yeah, do you want to run with us? I had just done like two miles. I was like, shit, do I? Yes. All right. So then I did a 3K up the beach, then back down. And then. So I ended up doing, like, probably like five and a half, six miles that night. But the intention was I wanted to meet people. And as a result of that, now I did my second week of running with this group, and they're all, you know, already we're all. There's the camaraderie there. They're like, yo, Donnie. And everyone knows my name. I remember all their names. And then now that social group is starting to grow. But I didn't stop there. Like, I was like, all right, in the group. I end up doing a volleyball meet up as well. And the group that I was supposed to meet up with through this app didn't show up. So I was, all right, well, I'm here, right? I already showed up to play volleyball. I am playing a damn game of volleyball. So I went up to this group and just inquired and people were like, really good. I'm more of a beginner, so I felt a little bit hesitant to even ask. But I pushed myself through it and I asked, say, well, you know, do you mind if I join in? Started talking to a girl who was from Italy, living in London. And then I just kind of. I met the entire group and learned how to play doubles, something I never done before. It's a completely different game of volleyball playing doubles versus a team of like six. And. And so the point I'm trying to make, and now this, this week I have those same things lined up and I'm going to another running group in Fort Lauderdale and I am doing a meditation. Yoga, not meditation, sorry, yoga. Wednesday morning at the south end. What I'm trying to. The reason I'm telling you all this is because it is only by putting myself out there, is only by putting myself in different social situations that I am going to meet people that I jive with or I don't jive with. But I got to be out there, I got to be meeting the people, I got to be doing things right. I'm not going to meet them in my room. When I'm in my room just doing work and maybe going skateboarding, then doing work again. It's like, ah, yeah, it's fun, it's nice. I mean, it's freaking beautiful. I'm looking at the ocean now, but it's, you know, like, I crave like, connection. So this is really filling me up. And when I realized that, like, I could meet someone just by going up a group, I may meet someone and I don't jive with them. I may never go back to that group again. Or I can go to the group, meet some awesome people, maybe have like a best, like meet like a best friend, a new best friend. And all of a sudden now it completely transforms my time here in Miami, right? Like, how awesome is that? Like, rather than look at the fear, the shit you're afraid of, let's look at what is possible how one person could change your entire experience. Like, let that be the motivator between trying something new and just putting yourself out there and introducing yourself, because that is the truth. Again, if. If it doesn't work, throw it away. You have no obligation to do anything that doesn't light you up. So that is my advice to you on how to just start to build some friendships. And we'll go over those three one more time. First, give the relationship energy. Like, anything, whatever you put energy towards, it grows. Friendships are very much the same. Like, you're not going to become friends with someone right out of the starting gate. You need to invest time to grow that friendship, just like you need to invest in anything you want to grow, anything that's worthwhile. Secondly, not everyone is your tribe, and I say that like, you know, don't feel like you have to be everything for everybody and that you have to. You feel bad because you met someone, they're really liking you, but you're just not feeling their vibe. Let it go. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You don't even have to say anything. You could just let it fade away. It doesn't matter, right? Like, I. I say this because. And I say this with love, because I've done that a lot as well in the past. And now I'm realizing. I've realized very quickly that, no, like, I got to put my energy where I want to go, where it feels good. And then third, you gotta put yourself out there. I'll say it again. You gotta put yourself out there. You gotta put yourself out there. You gotta put yourself out there. It's the only way you're gonna meet people. It's the only way you're gonna experience that full richness of life. Because it is about people, right? If you were just living alone in a room, but you had every desire you ever had met, life would still suck, right? It's the people that add the color and the spice to life. So go out there, make some new friends and just be yourself, right? Because you don't need to be pretend to be anything other than yourself, because when you do that, you're not gonna attract the authentic friendships, your tribe, the people who are going to love you for you. So remember that and just go out there and just start living your best life, because it all starts with the people you meet. So I hope you enjoyed this podcast. Hope this inspired you to just maybe shake things up a little bit, get out of that comfort zone and just start meeting some people. Your best friend is waiting out there. So if you enjoyed this podcast, if it inspired you, if you know a hermit who doesn't leave their house but needs to send this to them or just have them reach out to me, I'll more than happy to give them some words of advice and inspiration. So again, if you have any questions or comments, you can send them to me via my website@www.donnierouse.com. again, www.d o n n y r a u s.com thank you so, so much for tuning in. I know that you could put your attention anywhere, but you chose to put it here with me. And I hope that in some way this added value to your life and, and maybe just kind of got you thinking a little bit differently about the relationships in your life. Which ones you should take on, which ones you should let go, which ones you should put more energy into or at the very least, just get out of your house more, right? Get out of the pajamas, put some nice clothes on, shave, if you shave and just get out there. So that is all I've got for you guys. I hope you enjoy this podcast. Remember, you only get one life. Live fully, live passionately, and most of all, live now. God bless you guys and I will see you again next.