Finding Happiness - How to Know What You Really Want

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You, too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life Finding Happiness. You want to have this clarity in terms of what it is you want for your life. You want to be able to make these decisive decisions. But when it comes down to actually figuring out what it is that you want, you don't know. It frustrates you because it's something that you should know, right? So you look to other people, you look to other people for advice and recommendations as to how you should live your life. If that sounds like you, this episode is for you. I had just done a. I had gone to see a psychic. And so I'm going to share my experience with that in terms of the different categories of my life and the things I wanted and just kind of this whole interaction that I had with this person. But before I go into that, let's talk about. So what actually gets in the way of you knowing what you want for your life? I'll give you three things right now. First is the people around you, right? We have. We are communal people. We want to relate to others. We don't want to let others down. So as a result, sometimes we tend to bend our desires in order to fit other people's or to fit in. Secondly, when there is a lot of noise in the environment, when you feel uncertain about certain things, such as your finances, such as the political situation, such as your job, all of this turmoil inside your head causes you to doubt. It's hard to make a conscious decision. It's hard to make a good decision because there's too much noise. And then thirdly, there is your own criticism. So you've had prior, you failed in the past, right? Maybe you made a decision, you thought it was right and it didn't end up turning out the way you wanted. As a result, now you just doubt yourself. If any one of these are you, I want you to relax. Don't beat Yourself up. But also know this, that you do know what you want. So the first thing you have to do is just stop getting out of the story of saying that you don't know what you want, because you do know exactly what you want. So the questions are, what is getting in the way of you knowing from what you want? Second, maybe there's some mental noise. Is there a lot of mental noise in your life? Maybe it is worrying about the politics. You turn on news, and you know that the moment you turn it on, it puts you in the state of anxiety. And as a result, the rest of the day thereafter, because you're digesting it the first thing in the morning, the rest of the day, you literally, you can't even think straight. Stop. Stop that. Or maybe you made some mistakes. And in the past, what mistakes have you made that are still. You're still holding onto, right, that you haven't let go? You still beat yourself up over these things, and as a result, they impact every other. All the other areas of your life, all the decisions that you have to make going forward. So I came back from my trip this past week, and it was little bit, as sometimes the trips are, it could be a little bit jaunting of an experience, right? Because I'm. I'm away. I went away for five weeks. This time I was doing coffee all around Europe. Oh, not around Europe. I was doing coffee all around Italy. From literally from the north, all the way down to the south, and even over to Sicily. So while it is a glorified work expense, it was actually very, very tiring. There was times where I just wanted to relax. I was like, you know what? I would give anything just to sit for somewhere for a few days and do nothing. So I ended up doing that in Miami. But when I came back home and then now confronted with a lot of the things that I wanted to forget about, like a lot of the frustrations and a lot of the demands from just myself mentally. Right. Because I guess in some part of me, I did take a mental break, but there are still demands I make on myself. And as a result of being here, like, they kind of resurfaced. So I was in a place where not really knowing what I want to do, doubting the decisions that I want to make for my life. When I was down in Miami, I was like, oh, my God, this place is freaking amazing. I want to move here. When I came up, I had that same feeling for the next day. And then the day after, I was like, how am I going to do that. And I started poo pooing on myself all over in my decisions, like, I should do this. I should do this. And what that did was it weakened the support system, meaning they weakened the legs of that table, of that desire. If you think of it, I've used this, this. I've used this analogy for. For belief systems, but it's very much the same with your desire. You desire something, but once you start shaking the legs, and all of a sudden, now the desire becomes shaking, soon you don't even remember what it is you want. A friend of mine had gone to this psychic, and she was telling me that she had a great experience. Like, the psychic had mentioned something about her father, and she's like, this was crazy, because I felt like she was talking directly to me. I was like, you know what? I'll give it a try. Give me her name or number. I'll make an appointment and I'll just see if, you know, if she has anything to offer. I'm going into it with no expectations. So I went into this. To this appointment, and she was telling me which spirit guides were present in the room with us. When we started going into things like my business, I noticed that a lot of the things she was saying were very, very vague. They weren't very specific. And I guess I was probably doubting from the get go. Like, all right, well, you know, in order for me to be a believer, you got to give me something concrete. You got to let me know that you're. You're. You have something very specific about my life. And she was talking about business, about, like, the job I'm in and like, you know, oh, well, you know, if you work. She was saying something about working there for a while and then be able to move on. Like, it's my own company. Like, I am. I am the boss. Like, I am doing this. So that there was. So I was like, all right, this is. Doesn't really sound like, you know, like, she's really connecting to anything or at least not connecting to me. We got on the area of love life, and it was one of the last questions I asked her. It wasn't even something that I wanted to bring up. I was like, you know what? We're here. Fuck it. Let's just open the doors. Let's go there. She was talking about relationships that I've had over the last years and stuff like that. I'm like, you know, I haven't been in a relationship in a very long time. The last serious relationship I had was 2009. So there was all these, like. There's all these, like, gaps that were. I was coming across in this experience with her. One of the other things that I asked her about was living somewhere, right? Like, all right, well, where. If I were to move somewhere, where would it be? And we were talking about. She's like, well, can you be more specific? And then I kind of gave her. Let's just say us. And she, you know, she was kind of feeling the energy of this imaginary map that was in front of her. And she's like, you know, she's feeling, like, Connecticut in this area. Then she's like, going down. She's like, all right, I'm feeling like, you know, like, New Jersey, Delaware. I'm like, you are so off. You are completely off. And then she's like, ann, San Diego, California. I'm like, well, yeah, I like San Diego, but I don't want to move there. And where I most felt recently, where I most felt connected to was Miami. And she's like, you know, I don't really feel anything in Florida. I'm like, hello. And the point I'm trying to make, why I'm telling you this story is especially that last part about the moving place, was that she was giving me this, you know, her intuition as to where she thought that I would be the best. Where the best energy was for me, right? But in my mind, like, I'm. I'm going to this person, try to get some clarity, some answers. And I guess I did, but it didn't come from her. The clarity came from myself. As she was saying these things that did not align with me, I'm like, no, you're wrong. No, in my mind, I'm saying this. I didn't say it out loud to her, but I'm like, no, this is what I like. So the point I'm trying to make, again, is that you know exactly what it is that you want, but sometimes you just have to quiet that inner critic inside. You have to quiet the noise. You have to get some more where you could be alone, maybe in nature. And you got to get off this thing. If you. If you're watching the video, I'm holding up my cell phone. Get away from this thing. This is the biggest distraction, unless you're watching my podcast, but this is one of the biggest distractions in your life and one of the things that's keeping you from living your best life. Because how can you expect to know what it is you want when you're constantly being bombarded and being Told as to what you should want. Again, it starts to shake those legs. It starts to make you doubt, like your intuition. It starts to make you doubt the feelings that you have inside. And all of a sudden, now you're operating from this brain, which has just been programmed from everything around you. So, number one, you need to get quiet in the silence of your mind. That's when you start to think about the things that you really want. That's when things start to appear. And in that silence also, I will say this. You need to have. And surround yourself with different experiences. So I. It's. I had been feeling kind of shitty when I got back from that trip, like, that last. The week after my trip, I was like, oh, my God. I feel like. I really feel like shit right now, to be honest with you. But I was, you know what? This is? I need to change what I'm consuming. I need to do different things. So I started listening to more podcasts around personal development, around, you know, watching YouTube videos of travel, because that always at least puts me in a peak state. And when I feel good, I think good, and I make better decisions. So put yourself in a different state. Put yourself in places, new things. Variety is the spice of life. Variety is the spice of life. One of the benefits of doing something different is that literally, it, like, shakes your brain. Your brain is like, oh, welcome. What's going on? You know, this is a new experience. I have to turn off that mental chatter. So this way I could take in and, you know, and make sure that we're safe. And so you start expending all this energy, taking in your environment. All of a sudden, you're open to new experiences. When you are stuck in your room or when you're stuck by the computer or you're stuck on your phone, you don't have that ability, right? Your. Your brain is like, all right, this is what we always do. This is easy. Let's just turn off the thinking, and we'll just go on autopilot. Let's go to the people around you. Like who. Like, who are you trying to make happy? I know I come from a very close family, so there's a lot of pressure, probably. Well, there is some pressure from, like, my parents, because they want to keep us all very close, you know, nearby, because we have a very, very close family. So there is some pressure, but a lot of the time, it's internal pressure, too. I'm like, oh, well, I don't want to miss what I miss out on. My seeing my niece, my nephew, Grew up. Oh, miss out on my brothers getting together. So that was kind of more, more pressure from yourself. But sometimes it's the people who influence you. Like, oh, why, why would you really want that? Ah, you know, they get hurricanes all the time and this, that and the other thing, they're going to literally make you doubt the very thing that you want. And if you were like, I just came from there, right? We'll use the Miami as an example. I just come from there. And I was like, you know what? This just feels right. The people, it's more my pace. I like the act active life, like being able to go to the beach, play volleyball, play soccer at the park, sunrises, sunsets. Are you guys falling in love with Florida now? But when you come back up here and all of a sudden you. Everyone's like, oh, well, yeah. Oh, you got to worry about your car. Oh, the rust on your car. If you're making your decisions based on the rust of your car, then there's something faulty in your decision making. And then let's go to the last one. You've made mistakes in the past. Who hasn't? Right? In the past, you've made the mistake which or the decision you made was for you, the best decision you can make in that moment. I do believe that all the decisions are there to guide us, right? I wouldn't say that. I always live it out there. Like, I'm like, oh, you know, bad decision. Here we go. It's just here to guide me. Okay, Let me learn from it. Not at all, right? Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes you have to make a shitty decision and then all of a sudden you're in the thick of it for a year, four years, you know? But sometimes there are lessons that you need to learn in life, and the only way to do that is by following with what it is that you know, right? So there's nothing wrong with decision, but maybe there's a life lesson that you need to learn there that'll help you progress later on in life, right? We all have to learn things and we will repeat and cycle through the same type of experience until we learn from it. So when you start, when you start to get down on yourself and hard on yourself for making a bad decision, rewind and ask yourself, well, what did I learn from this? While it wasn't a pleasant experiences, what can I take away that will help me in life going forward? Because there's always something. It's just that you have to search for it. You have to dig for that deeper meaning that Deeper lesson. So those are just some of the things, what I found to be three of the major things that get in the way of you knowing exactly what you want in your life, as well as making the decisions to move your life in the direction you want to go. So let's just recap and let's ask again those questions. They might even be new questions. But what is it that you want, right? If you don't know, you're going to say, well, I'm listening to this podcast because I don't know what I want. If you had, you know, if you didn't have to worry about money, if you didn't have to, you know, if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you want? Right? At least that'll. That'll start to point you in the right direction. Secondly, what kind of. What is your mental. Your mental space like? Is it cluttered, meaning you just have thoughts coming in and out where you can't even rest? Are you paying too much attention on your phone? Like, look at your screen time. If you have more than. Well, if you have more than an hour, but if you have three hours, and I'm not gonna. Not hating on anybody, but how much screen time do you spend on your. How much time do you spend your phone. This is literally could ruin your life unless you set it up in a way that reinforces the life you want to live, which is in a completely different topic anyways. But stop the mental chatter. And then thirdly, get quiet. Find a place. If you've never meditated before, start meditating. It's not easy to start, right, because your mind's gonna fight you. But I promise, once you do it long enough, all of a sudden that noise just stops and you become quiet. And as a result of, when you awake from that, all of a sudden there's a lot more clarity because there's no longer the noise going on in the background. So I. This was very much on a whim. I wasn't gonna. I rarely ever record later at night, but while I was at the gym running and then having a conversation with a friend, this popped in my mind. So I wanted to come here to share it with you. Because, you know, who doesn't have trouble figuring out what it was or, or doesn't doubt some of the decisions you have to make Depending on where you are in life, it's highly likely that you're gonna. If you're say you're decisive and you know exactly what you want, it's very likely that you're going to have some turbulence and it's going to make you second guess. So I hope that this podcast here in some way just gave you some tools or at the very least let you know that you're not alone. Right? And just to get quiet, create a sacred space for yourself and start to think about those things that you want, start to allow yourself the space to dream. I say it all the time, you get one life, live it. And the reason, as I say that, is because there is no time to waste. The reason why I'm on here right now is because of that, the pattern of everyday living. I feel that when I look around, people put off their dreams, put off the desires, go see a new, start that business, go see a different country, to experience the number one ramen in Japan, whatever it may be. And as a result of putting it off for so long, it never happens. And I do believe while the beauty in life is from like the small moments, the big ones help pretty the big ones help too. Right? So that is it. This is me signing off. I hope you guys enjoyed this podcast. If you did, please give it a like comment. Subscribe. That's how I know that you enjoyed it and that it's impacting you in some way. Again, thank you so much. If you'd like to subscribe, ask a question or comment, you can do so by visiting www.donnierouse.com www.donnyrouse.com thank you guys so much for tuning in. God bless and I'll see you soon. And remember, you get one life, live it. Thank you very much.