Follow Happiness - Interview with Paul Samuel Dolman

Our state most of the time is somehow predicated on our thoughts of the moment. You could have all those qualities, but if you're not in the moment, then they won't work. You have to get quiet. So if the TV is always on and the radio and you're on the, you know, your phone, every five seconds the universe whispers. And if you don't listen, then it gets louder.

Hi guys, my name is Donnie Rouse and you are listening to the podcast One Life Today. I have Paul Samuel Doleman on with me. Paul is an author of several books, most notably Hitchhiking with Larry David as well as Martha's Vineyard Miracles, Seven Crazy Days in Maui and others. Paul also hosts the podcast what Matters Most, which is also a self titled book. He is passionate about connecting with others on a soul level, applying self realization to everyday living and aims to positively impact while also being aware of the beauty that surrounds us and in each moment. Paul, do you want to say hello?

I will. I was enjoying that was a really lovely introduction. We should use that maybe for my podcast. Go ahead. Great to meet everybody in your audience. Thank you. Thank you all for hosting me through Donny.

So truth be, truth be told, I want to like kind of quickly get in, you know, I'll tell the story about how we actually got to meet one another. And it's, I mean, I listened to a few of your interviews about your book and it just reminded me of the story of kind of like how we met and your purpose and how the journey of life, it just kind of has unfolded for you. And so a friend of mine, a mutual friend, Maritza Coscarelli, goes, oh, Paul Samuel Doleman, you have to meet him. I reached out to him, connect with him. So your number sat on my, in my phone for literally a few weeks until one day I had this like, there was like this little nagging thing in my mind. It was like, you know, I felt like it wasn't the right time. And then there was something, it was like, oh, call Paul. I was like, oh, all right. And you know, I called you and then immediately, and I love this when I feel it with people. Like immediately I could feel a connection with you. I felt like we had like that same wavelength. And then, you know, we started talking about coffee. You're an espresso drinker, which only increase that bond even further. And I just, from the conversation and then after reading a little bit about you, I just, I love everything you're about and how you experience life. But I'm not gonna Steal, you know, I'm not gonna steal your thunder, but I guess if I'm gonna, you know, ask one question, it's gonna be for you, like, what matters most.

Hmm. I love what you said, too. Thank you, Donnie. And it was great to connect with you, and I'm glad Maritza put us together. I literally will say yes to anybody who reaches out trying to connect, because I reach out too, and I think we just want to keep the flow of yes going. They pass the baton of yes around the global community here. And what matters most to me. It's funny, I've done almost 700 of these shows. I wrote two different books about what matters most. There were four other books. And every day, I guess I ask myself that question. By the way I move through the world. You could say cliche type things like love, but yet that's true Connection, for sure. People, I think right there, if I throw those. Those three things in the blender and the Vitamix. Love connection. People being authentic, transparent to. While, you know, protecting other people's privacy, following your heart, being aware, kind, compassionate, and present. Because if you're. You could have all those qualities, but if you're not in the moment, then they won't work, really, because you're thinking ahead or behind or sideways. So if you take all of that into the now, wherever Eckhart Tolle is, I hope he's smiling in that elf smile of his and just be here now and just see what the moment is asking. And usually if you just show up, tune in, and I try to. My plan, if I don't even have a plan, is just usually, what should I do next? And, yeah, we plan on this. And I can plan a dinner, or used to be able to before all this stuff happened with quarantine. But, you know, for the most part, just staying open and flowing and seeing what shows up and making sure I show up.

I found that to be. I mean, that is. It could be a challenge in and of itself, because, I mean, I've done several posts about this. Is that controlling your state, because everything flows from the state you're in, and yet it's so easy to get distracted, so easy to get pulled out. I know even in this quarantine thing, I mean, I could be on the high and then all of a sudden be triggered by an interaction with someone, and all of a sudden I'm thrown a little bit off kilter, and then it's like, well, trying to get back. And I feel like a lot of the time, even just that that attempt to get back, in a way, is just kind of the mind deviating you even further because now, like, it's almost. You're acknowledging some kind of resistance when just seeing it for what it is and letting it pass off, seeing. Seeing that it's just an event that happened and nothing that you have to put any thought or any kind of emotion behind and let it kind of drift away.

Yeah, so true. And our state most of the time is somehow predicated on our thoughts of the moment. And we have to allow our humanness because I can feel completely connected to everything, then a moment later, not have the most petty thought. And I used to think I get annoyed with the mind, but that's just the mind. It's like a barking dog. And it has its purpose, too. We couldn't be here having this sort of experience. And then, like you said eloquently, you don't want to try to fight or resist it. But a lot often if I feel sort of a feeling, I want to feel it, and then I'll ask if it's somehow related to my thoughts. And usually it is. Now, today happens to be my mother's birthday. My mother passed away in December, so it's kind of. That's a bittersweet. She had a beautiful life. I have nothing but wonderful memories for her. Reunited with my father. Had experiences with both of them in my dreams, which seem to be an altered state interaction, multidimensional interaction. And. And so if you're missing somebody, you want to feel it, you don't want to happy talk yourself out of it if it's something else, like you feel entitled to have more or for the rain not to be out there, or the wind or whatever that's.

Yeah, you're like, last. Last week. That's been my. I'm like, what the heck's going on with the weather?

Shitty weather affects me, too. But it's okay for the first time in a long time. Today, for a few hours, I felt sort of blue around the whole quarantine thing. Not that I was locked in because I'm in Florida. The weather is beautiful. I'm riding my bike. I just took a swim in the ocean. That doesn't sound like the Shawshank Redemption or anything crazy, but it just sort of. I felt for everybody and just that it's a shame there's so much suffering and that it's a lot harder than it has to be. But yet, then again, it is. And all I can do about it, I thought, well, at least I'M gonna come on the show today with you. And I smiled at some folks by the beach and try to do the best you can. You can only do what you can do, but you also want to acknowledge the feelings. You can't always just be happy, guy, because that's artificial. Usually the people that do that end up hanging themselves at some point because too much builds up.

And I think that's. That is like. I consider myself to be fairly happy in the sense that even with all this, I don't feel like my state. I get irritated from like, you know, being inside and feeling like I'm have this cabin fever. But at the same time, I think there is a one the mindset that people think that everything has to be perfect, even the trajectory of growth. There's this misconception that, oh my God, one that you're always happy. And if there's anything I've experienced, and even in travel, I mean, travel is one of the happy things that brings me joy. There's so many times when I look back on the experiences I've had where I'm like, holy shit, I'm stressed out because I'm trying to book a flight and I might have missed a flight. All these things. And yet they're all kind of happenstance. They all happen for a reason. But looking back on it, you never look at the stuff and like, wow. Yeah. You know that. That heat wave I experienced when I was living in Rome, that really sucked and that, you know, that ruined the entire trip. No, it added to it, but it's like. And you realize looking back that it was those moments that actually gave you the experience. And there's this misconception that things have to be picture perfect, especially with like, the social media culture. And then with that said, the idea that, like, you know, talk about depression. I think people who. We don't allow ourselves to stay there that long because, you know, we've conditioned ourselves. I have a friend who said he would always say he's depressed. And when I asked him, I'm like, that's not words, not even in my vocabulary, because I would never use that word to describe who I am. And how, like, we know when the whole form of identity, how words, you know, you know, when you identify with a state of being and all of a sudden, like, it puts you into that state of being. There's a physiology and all the stuff that happens as a result of it, but everyone feels it for sure. You know, no one's happy all the time.

Well, you said something really Good there too, about words. Language is so important. And because language gives clues on what one's. The mind is thinking, the subconscious. When people say, I'm being crushed or.

I'm broke or blah, blah, blah, Hard images.

Yeah, it says something, you know, and it's. It reflects something. And the physiology of the body responds to our thoughts and our language and everything. You can literally have a thought that's unpleasant. You can feel your stomach contract or something in your body tighten up, and you can have other thoughts, and you can feel like endorphins cut loose, and you feel great. So I think monitoring what you're thinking and saying, which is awareness. And I like to have. I meditate. We talked about this on our call too. I do these brief little meditations. Sometimes I'll go longer, but just sort of a centering moment where I just did it earlier today on the bike. I just pulled over. It was a beautiful day, and I just thought, look at the world in which I live in. Deep breath. Look at the birds, the colors, the sky. It's so infinite. It's all mysterious to me. It really is. The whole thing's a mystery. Here I am cruising around in a mammal suit, vulcarbon. But yet I have a consciousness of some degree. And it just was like, wow, okay, great. It just was a centering moment. I'm on a magnet, okay. And then I got back and started pedaling again. You know, cross the street, look both ways. It's the combination of that. But just being aware as you move through. It's so easy to go into a trance. I've been in periods of my life where I wasn't very present and conscious, and I missed out on a lot. It wasn't as rich. I might have accomplished more back then on paper, but it wasn't as rich. A lot of it you miss. And then I think it's just good to be here and say, wow, like your coffee. You were kind enough to send me your coffee. For anyone listening, it's fantastic. But to really taste it, and then if you're having the lasagna or I make a juice every morning, really taste it and go, wow. And then you could turn it into a meditation. When I'm cutting up all these ingredients, it's like somebody planted this. Somebody picked it. Somebody put it on a crate, put it in a package. It shows up at a grocery store about a mile away, throw all of it in a cart. This is hunting and gathering. Now. Put it in a juicer, and it's really good for Me, and then I wash my hands in hot water. And most of the world doesn't have clean water. And almost a smaller percentage has hot water on demand. So even if I had a little 400 square foot, ramshackle something, if I had those basic things that I just mentioned, I'm ahead of, like billions of people. No better as an organism, but just somehow more fortunate in this moment. And I think if you start to frame things that way, you sort of trick the mind and you rig the game. We're just going to feel a lot better about moving through the world and not look at the false advertising or the airbrushed pictures or what passes for success and glitz, glamour. And you're sort of just like, you know, it's pretty good right now. And then part two would be, if you feel like you need anything or want anything, say it's writing a book. Maybe you just really want to write a book. That's what I did. I wanted to have the experience of writing a book. And the first one, I never thought in a million years would be a book. I just wanted to write something. I thought it was just this thing. I didn't think it was a book. Then when I realized after it was done and working with a great editor, Peter, that I had a book, I had already felt so successful because I just completed it. And anyone's written a book could tell you how hard that is. It's like a marathon. And I was just so happy that it got done. And I thought, I don't know if it'll change anybody's life. And then I realized, well, it already did. It changed yours. It changed my life. So I felt like a huge success. I had no expectations. The book came out Hitchhiken with Larry David. True Story picked me up at Martha's Vineyard. And I thought no one would ever read it. I was just so happy I had a cover on it. It was something you could hold. And, you know, there were a few copies at first, and then people were buying a few copies at first, and people were buying tons and tons of copies and every level. Donnie. It just was like, you got to be kidding. Like if you did something and checks just kept showing up at the mailbox or people literally do write me notes. To this day, we all over the world, how the book touched them and why and their beautiful stories they share. And now the book has been optioned again. I think it's the third time it might be a movie. It's a million to one if that ever happens. If I just Go get a ticket. And it's at a movie theater. It's going to be amazing. Now the movie might absolutely suck. There might be high speed auto chases and shootouts that I never wrote in the original book. It won't matter. It's like, are you kidding? I can remember in this moment, I was in Martha's Vineyard with the girl I was in love with. We were walking around, eating an ice cream cone after dinner, and I looked in this small bookshop, Portobello Road is the name of it. And down on Dock street, owned by my friend Kevin Butler. And I saw someone pick up my book and look at it, start reading and laugh. And I was watching it with her, and we were behind the window. Guy has no idea what's going on. And then he puts it under his arm and he goes up and buys. Was like finding $1,000. It was the most fun. Even talking about it. Now I have chills. That's priceless. And you just never know where things are going to land. It's all a bonus. And that's how I feel about my life right now, at this stage of my life. I've had a great run. Do I want to swim at the Great White Sharks? No. Do I want Covid? Not really. So run over by a train. That's not on my list right now, so. But it's been a great run. Whatever happens, as they say, is going forward is gravy. But while I'm here, I'm happy. You could call me up wherever you are, write me a note, listen to the podcast, buy the book, talk to me. I'm here. I'm available. I'm here for the world because the world has so blessed me.

So that brings me into two points. One was the whole act of. The whole act of taking an action. Right? So it's like you went bike riding one day and then you were you. If I'm correct, then you hitchhiked back.

I. No, no, no. What happened was the day before I went. It was the very first day I got to Martha's Vineyard. I broke up with the girl, and we ended up getting back with. That's the girl I was looking through the window with, watching the guy. So I break up with this girl, she breaks up and I bring her. It's horrible. And I just go to Martha's Vineyard to get out of Nashville because I Too small a town. We were torturing each other. You know, the old breakup. Get back a little bit of space. Sounds like. Yeah, it sounds like a Shylight song. So I go up there and the first day I'm so enthusiastic and I'm probably not trying to deal with my feelings. So I get on the bike and I ride like 30, 40 miles. There's hills. Woke up in the middle of that night to take a leak and I could barely move my legs, they were like so sore. So the next day I was supposed to go to the far end of the island to go to this beach on Aquinnis, Indian territory. There was a car at the house, but I didn't want to tie it up for the whole day. There was no way I was going to ride that bike again that far. So I felt led like you did to call me to just stick out my thumb like I did years and years earlier when we were young on the island to get a ride to Quinnan. I didn't know if anyone picked me up. And lo and behold, because I guess it was destiny and fate, Larry David, the comedian, pulled over and you know, and you know, it's a standard line I've said a hundred times in interviews. He lets me in the car and then he asked me if I was a serial killer, you know, in a Larry David Kirby enthusiasm kind of way. And my funny line back to him was, well, even if I am, I'm on vacation, it's Martha's Vineyard, I'm not working. And he laughed. And then he drove me to the far end of the island. We had this great talk, like you and I are having now. I didn't think, I want to write a book and it's my big break and I'll finally be recognized by the people in high school who were not kind to me. But I just had a great talk with Larry David. And then of course, I ran into him a lot of other times. Massive synchronicities all summer. And then the last night of the summer, I had a dream. And in the dream, like the dreams from my parents visit, I felt this presence. And I was in the theater and it suggested I write a book called Hitchhike and Larry David. And when I woke up, I wrote it down on a piece of paper and the rest is history, as they say.

And you had said, he quoted, and I'm paraphrasing here, I don't have the exact words. Something along the lines of money can't make you happy, but it can make you happier.

Yeah. He felt like money itself wouldn't make you happy because that was the great part. I started asking him some really deep questions, which is the forerunner of my what matters Most podcast. I've always been curious. I love being curious. And I just said, you know, what do you think about being famous? He said, luck had a lot to do with it. I asked him if he believed in God, and he paused and he said, oh, there's got to be something. Just look at all this. He swept his hand across the sky. He said, it's something. It's so amazing. And I said, well, money buy you happier, so make you happier. And he said, if you already are happy, it'll basically make you happy. It'll contribute to it. It won't hurt it. But if you're unhappy, it won't make you happy. You can't, like, buy you happiness, but it'll all. And I've learned this, too. It augments whatever you.

Exactly. It amplifies it better word.

So if you're already greedy and miserable and you have a lot of money, you'll be rich, greedy, and miserable. And if you're already sort of generous and happy and flowing, you would be person with more money who's generous, happy, and flowing, and you would probably just exponentially give away about the same amount as you had before. It just would be more money because you had a greater wealth.

So I was. I was intrigued to find out that you actually had. So at one point, you sold everything you had and you went the nomadic route, and you set out to travel and experience life.

I did do that. And where did it take you? Yeah, first I have to say the disclaimer for everybody out there. You didn't have to be as draconian as I did it, but I've always kind of been that way.

I like that. I'm that way.

I had a big house in Nashville I built through the music and entertainment industry and had the black BMW 7 Series and was playing the role. You know, I tried on that suit literally for a little while, and then I just thought, all right, it's like a role as an actor. I don't want to be on this TV series. After the seventh season, I'm out. Even though it was, you know, a hit show, so to speak. So I basically started downsizing, got rid of the car, and went from the big house to a smaller townhouse. And then from a smaller townhouse, I went and house sat and ultimately got rid of almost all my possessions because I felt guided, too. I felt like the universe kept saying, get rid of everything. So I hoarded enough for a small room, which a friend who owned a big building downtown put in his storage unit. There was literally it got stolen while I was gone. I didn't even go to get it for five years. So the universe was right. They said everything. And so I sold everything. And I gave away 99% of everything else. And I just had a bag, basically. I went to Costa Rica. I took my mom to Ireland. I traveled around Europe. I went out to the West Coast. I was in Sedona. I lived in Maui for three winters. For a while, I was in Beverly Hills. I ended up at this huge estate. I took a lady's picture in Maui with her kids, and she ended up reading my book and invited me to live in her guest house. That's the fourth book, Beverly Hills Hobo. So I live in the guest house, and I'm, like, trying to produce movies and working with Mickey Rourke and all these other people. And that was another suit. That was a different show. I was on that show for a season, and then I thought, nah, I'm out. But so I did all that. And that was a good five or six years. And I always was provided for wherever I went. There were towels and plates and forks and knives. I didn't need to own the artwork. And when I was done, I could move along. Or if I needed clothes, I'd go to the Salvation army or the Goodwill and buy really nice stuff for, like, two bucks, wear it for a while, and then give it back before I left because I was too lazy to carry a heavy bag and then go to the next scene. And then after, I think, about six, seven years, I got tired of it. I was like, all right, I need some sort of nest. And that's also about the time when my mother and father, I realized visiting them, they would have to go into assisted living care. And I became the assisted in the assisted living. I decided to move close to them, really close. And St. Augustine beach, where I live in the winter now. And I ended up kind of just taking care of them like they took care of me when I was little. I drove them around everywhere, went and did all their groceries. They became my best friends. And that. That was easily the best decision I've ever made in my life. I didn't think I'd be there to hold their hands for their last breaths, that it ended up that way. I was just doing the right thing that was in front of me next. And it was the most beautiful thing I've ever done. Just to take care of the people that gave you every break in the world. You can never pay them back. But it was nice at least to try to do Something for those that gave you everything. And it was wonderful. It wasn't really bad or hard or a massive sacrifice for me. I felt like I did it for them. But I ended up realizing ultimately I did it for me and it was the best thing I've ever done.

And even, even that's a state of mind because unless you, you know, it's kind of like any. You have to guide your thoughts. Because I have a hard time sometimes, like, I have. It's kind of like bumping heads, different belief systems, everything else. But when you actually put thought into what it is that you're grateful for and you look at what they've given you, even if you've come up with. I mean, I've spoken to people who haven't had the best upbringing. I'm like, even then you have to be grateful for it. They're like, well, why should I be grateful? I'm like, well, because that even if you grew up in a harsh environment, the realizations it gave you to endure or whatever it is, there's always something to be there. As long as we're willing to. As long as we're willing to, like, to shift our focus and kind of reframe and find it, you know, there's good always available, and it's easier said than done, but it's always there. So it really is like a choice and a mindset. But going back to, like, what you're saying about the simplicity. So I. One of the things that, when I travel internationally, especially places like Vietnam, where I most recently came from, it's always this. It's the simplicity of things that I really, really enjoy. Like, you know, sitting, you know, having noodles at this. Like a. Sitting at a play school table while the person who owns the shop is washing the dishes in a tub in the alleyway and all these things, you realize that, you know what, when I'm traveling, I don't. I never step foot in a mall. I don't buy an article of clothing. I don't. There's nothing I purchased. My every penny I have goes to experiencing the culture, experiencing the people around me. And. And it was like a big aha moment when I came back home, I'm like, wow, when I come home, all of a sudden, like, Amazon, what can I buy on Amazon? Oh, the mall. What kind of clothing do I need? When the moment I take a flight somewhere, all that stuff disappears. All that stuff disappears.

I love your take. Wow. And simplicity is one of the great keys to happiness.

Yeah, but it's, I mean, it's easy to get caught up in, like, you know, materials. And I mean, even. I mean, I work in coffee, even coffee makers. I mean, I'm starting to get rid of cells. There's no way I can even brew all the coffee on these things. I have too many devices. And what is. So define success to you? Like if you had to say, like, success could be either a social mission or what is success to you?

Well, I love what you said too, and I'm going to have to definitely mind your brain because the last few days I've been thinking that after this lifts, I want to go spend a year out in the Far east, like Thailand, Vietnam. I want to do Bali, check out Fiji, want to spend some time in New Zealand. Just to have those kind of experiences. And I think experience for one thing, we can't even take our bodies with us when we're done here, wherever, whatever happens next, who knows? But I do believe we could take the experience with us. And so for me to tie it in your question, to me, success is having authentic experiences and being kind and looking back and even if I thought, oh, I could have done that better than kind of learning from it, not beating myself up and then doing a little better or trying to do better, having patience when you don't want to have patience, making the right choice when it's not always the easiest choice. Choosing people over profit, morality over shortcuts, kindness over harshness. Coldness. Going the extra mile, putting yourself aside, but not to the point where you become a martyr, because then that's too far the other way. Having good boundaries is success. Going to bed and getting good night's sleep, consistently eating healthy food is success. Honoring the sacred body, doing its best day in and day out. Thankless gig, trillion cells, thankless gig and just a thousand things like that. I feel like success is the small and simple things usually that add up. And it's enjoying the experience when it happens. And what happens to me, it's not any sort of big thing. It's not fame or fortune. I happen to know a ton of those people through my entertainment life and karma and the vineyard. And it has nothing to do with happiness. If anything, it's a barrier that separates you from other people. You become an illusionary self. And if you get caught up in it, well, good luck with those mental illnesses. But I think success is being here and appreciating how miraculous it is and then being kind of a nice person moving through the world, not in a grandiose way, but just a pleasant Presence who found their path. Boy, that sounds like a nursery rhyme riddle. Present your next book. Where's Dr. Seuss when you need him? And then kind of just there you are. That even if he came in and out for a coffee and you never met those people again, you kind of, like, left a good vibe in your wake. And you were happy and considerate of the people, you know, wherever they were. You listened and opened doors. That's my take.

That's when I travel. And that's the other reason, is that I love me. Even like today, like, I look at the United States and I feel like the United States is so divided politically, and that's just kind of like the gasoline on the fire. And one of the things I love when I travel, I mean, it could be anywhere. It is just the seeing. Like, seeing people for who they are and not just as part of the human race. Like, seeing dignity in everybody. Because it's so easy, like, when you're. When you're in your own little world to think. To think a certain way. But once you step out of that, when you realize that the world is different. I mean, I had a friend from Ireland who I met in Spain, and he's like, you know what I thought? I used to think all Americans were assholes or were idiots before I met you. I'm like, oh, well, thank you, I think. But it's that same experience, because you have these biases. But until you. You sometimes. It's not that you can't do here in the United States or wherever you are, wherever you call home. It's just that by stepping into that unknown now, all of a sudden, everything becomes open, because now you're in a new environment, and whatever biases, stereotypes you have are almost broken down because you realize that you need to break them down because of survival. You need to get by. So I love that it just shreds like that mass. And you just see people as people and that we're all the same. We all want the same thing, see different ways of doing it. But, you know, I love experiencing the way other people do it. So I. If you go, I. There's a very good chance. Like, I. Last time we spoke, you were talking about traveling. You're like, you know what? Just go do it. Because I have. I am setting the stones now to go international and to have these experience. Do the experience that I want and bring them to people, to view and inspire them to live life. If you go to Southeast Asia, there's a good chance I will be there. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?

I've ridden scooters and things like that in Maui and everything. I had one. Yeah. Let's do it. That'll be a blast. Take the show on the road.

Oh, totally. And so let me. Let's talk about experiences for a second. Because I know when you talk about the experiences, they become real. And you start to get passionate and you start to get very energetic about them. So when you think of Southeast Asia, traveling Asia, what is the lure for you? What is it that's pol you and calling you there.

Different culture, different people. Buddhist philosophy. I have friends that are living there who just rave, who have similar sensibilities where they're in Chiang Mai and. And I think that I see it too, as a place to have just a very different type of experience. Away from the American imperialistic empire. You're gonna live there? Yeah, probably.

I have a feeling you're gonna live there, probably.

Right. And also, I could live like a king economically. And so it kind of takes the burden off. I've had a great American experience. I've never identified myself even as an American or a white guy. I know those are things that are, you know, projected on me. And I am those on some technical. I'm just a global citizen of the world. I'm a galactic being. I mean to be. But I'm grounded, You know, I show up. I stop at the red light. I'm not taking any drugs, but I just feel like, let's shift it up. We're only here. I'm here as an eternal being, roaming around in a carbon suit. Would you want to do the same fucking thing over and over again? I can't imagine anything more boring. So I've had a great run, and now I have no obligations. I feel like I'm at midlife. Or it might be the last two weeks, we don't know. But I'm feeling pretty healthy. So let's go see what the other side of the world is up to. I want to go to Scandinavia and see what. I have friends there, all over. I just want to. I love traveling because there's no routine and it gets you out of the comfort zone. And I am an expert at building comfort zones, man. Like nobody's business. Which is good when you park me somewhere. I'm going to find the juice bar, the great coffee. I'm going to get a bike. I'm going to hike. I'm going to get a comfortable bed. Bed. I'll move very quickly if it's not working. But it's good to stay on your toes. You feel really alive. And I'm very fortunate. I can. And I can live like a pauper. I have traveled on pennies and stayed in hovels and shit. I can be high maintenance, but I can also live. I could live in an ashram and be happy, like, just eating rice and beans and meditating and talking to guys like you, you know, so. And for any listeners out there, if you have any attractive female listeners who are conscious and healthy, I'm looking for a partner to do all this with. I think that's my other hurdle, where I feel like I've had a great run, as had some. I've been in some great bands. I've made some great solo records, so to speak. But now I would love to, like, get back into collaborating because I feel like there's certain music you can make for using that metaphor that you keep. Like, Lennon and McCartney were great on their own, but together, the Beatles were unbelievable. There's an alchemy of spirit when we come together with our tribe and our community. But especially I'm feeling with intimate, deep, personal love, vulnerability and being very available and healing the places you can't heal, that only another helps you heal. Just being there to love someone, not to get, but to give. And to be in that kind of flowing situation with someone who's conscious, that would be great. I feel like you can't force it and be like, pushing a rope, but you can be available and go out into the world and see what happens. So maybe I'll meet her on my travels.

I have a good feeling you will, right? I have a very good feeling you will be psychic. No, no. I know. I've had the experience and I've had, like, in the trips that I've done, I've met people. I'm like, oh, my God, if I were to stay. You know, there are, like, moments where they just. They're just kind of like, you meet someone, they're in your life for a few days, and then you. And then you move on. And I've kind of had. I've had all the above. I've had people, you know, that was that exchange. You, you know, you're. You spend time together and it's a great time, and then you part your ways. I've had, you know, I've met people where I was head over heels for the person and they didn't feel the same thing for me. And then I left. I'm like, all right, what the hell? I have great stories about that, too. And haven't found like that, you know, I haven't found the one like me. I've. And then I've met people. It just never. Sometimes the time is too short because I'm on a. I'm on like a kind of like a schedule with travel where you don't really get to time to know somebody. So really I wouldn't doubt it for. In a second. I mean, a second. I would willing to bet that what you said on the trip that things are just gonna magnify. I mean, especially since you were saying about your synchronicities and meeting Larry David multiple times on that island. How the island's 50 miles. What is it? The.

Yeah.

And I have a good feeling that you're probably pretty good at materializing things that you imagine that that's.

They're very kind. And that's only because I listen. I have so many great experiences, but it's not my mind or ego that are making them happen that is creating it. It's probably some sort of co collaboration. But I just listen and I'm guided and sometimes I just end up looking at a tree or an owl or nothing or maybe a sign that says dead end. But it. I just listen. I don't question. I listen. I listen. I listen. I had a cool experience the other night. I was on the phone with a friend in California. It was about 10:45 at night. Suddenly I just felt like I needed to go outside, beautiful, clear night, get my driveway and look up. Saw a ufo. I was like, whoa. All right. I didn't think we were alone. I'm almost. I know we're not, but. And then I went back inside and did whatever, you know, did the next thing. Just listen. Anybody can do that if you're out there listening. There you go. Just listen.

I was just gonna say exactly that. So a lot of people, like. So I. One of the things I do and I've been getting. I've actually noticed more and more answers coming. Like I'll pray for guidance. I'll set an intention. You know, say God, please help me with whatever it is. Finding a path towards like, you know, to move forward with my business. And all of a sudden like the inspiration will come. But it's kind of like you have to know. I found that you have to like one. You got to be. You got to look for it and acknowledge that that's where it's coming from. Because a lot of time it's like this whisper. It's a very faint voice. You hear it, but like you're almost. If you're too busy up here, you're gonna miss it completely.

Bullseye.

Yeah, but if you're. If you're able to. Quiet. If you're seeing it all sudden, like it's there. I mean, I've gone to sleep, and I would set an intention before I go to sleep. And I'm very careful now, set intentions at night, because sometimes I'll set an intention. I'm like, help me, whatever, Design. What's the course I'm supposed to design for online. All sudden, every five seconds, I'm like, writing down something. I get up, I go to sleep, wake up again with another idea. I'm like, all right, if I don't write it down, Every time I write it down, something else keeps coming up, but there is that guidance. So if someone was going to say, you know, Paul, tell me. You know, like, I know everyone says we're guided, but what. How do you really tune in to hear that guidance?

Well, you. I love what you said. And the big key is what you said in the beginning of that. You have to get quiet. So if the TV is always on and the radio and you're on the. You know, your phone every five seconds. Yeah, these. The universe whispers. And if you don't listen, then it gets louder and it can hurt. But the really good. Yeah, the good stuff. The good stuff is whispered, and it's to get that early warning radar going on. So I say, create space, quiet time. Take time to yourself. I have to be by myself a lot, don't. I don't watch tv. It's just a noise. It's a cesspool. Especially news. It's not news. And then. So take quiet time. I meditate a few minutes a day. I would sit comfortably and just close your eyes and ask. Ask questions and see what comes up. And then don't talk yourself out of it. And then as you get better at it, it's practice. Like, whether you're playing golf, tennis, or going to the gym or yoga, the more you do anything, the better you get at it. And there's not good or bad. It's just. You become more comfortable with it and you get. I've gotten better at identifying the aspects within me. Then make the suggestions. Like, if it's the universe, it's unbelievable. But if it's the ego, it might be more linear. Or if it's the guy that's afraid of running out of money, or, you know, the inner assassin or the critic, you just. Aspects of yourself, you're never Going to make any of them go away. Because you're holistic. You're everything. So you just. It takes practice and be patient with yourself. I'm terrible at that. I'm very critical. I have to watch the critic. He's always there, ready to pounce. You know, somehow it should be perfect. I don't know how. That makes no sense. But he's not gonna go away. So. Okay. Thank you for your criticism. Sometimes it's constructive. Rarely, but thank you. I needed that.

It's interesting, the head and the heart. When you feel like. You know, like when you said identifying, like, identifying with the. Which one is up here and which one is the universe. And that in and of itself is like, you know, identifying that, like. So I don't know anything about this. Tell me how to identify what's coming up up here and what's coming up from in here.

Well, the question really is. Already, you're halfway there. More listen. I feel like. Listen to your gut. You know, that old cliche, Listen to the heart region. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and listen and go. I like to put my right hand on my heart or my left hand, close my eyes and just say, okay.

What?

What? What? And then open space. I found that if I don't have a lot of thoughts, all of a sudden, I'll feel guided. Take a right, make a left. Go here, go there, and. Oh, okay. And sometimes extraordinary things happen. Go hitchhiking. Okay. Yeah. Say yes to that. Really? Okay. Say no to that. Oh, all right. And just listening, listening. And sometimes, if nothing comes, be okay. Don't need to know or force an answer. I had a cool thing today. I was. I bought a ticket to Martha's Vineyard. I've been watching the prices like crazy. Yesterday, I bought a ticket to Boston for 95 bucks, which is cheap one way. Jacksonville, Boston. A friend of mine was going to come get me from Martha's Vineyard and bring me down. And now he's afraid, I guess, because, you know, doesn't want to see me after a flight. He might get sick. So I said, that's all right. Don't worry about it. So I had been looking at the flights from Boston to Martha's Vineyard for, like, a month, and they were always 350. So all of a sudden, today, I don't know what I was doing. I was watering plants. That's what I was. And it just said, go check those Cape Air flights. I thought, all right. So I turned the water off, went inside. On the day I'd Already bought the ticket. I went in and they were 149, and it was perfect. So I got $200 off. It sounds silly, but this is just an example of practical listening. So then I was looking at all the other days and it's 350, 289. But for some reason, in that moment, I got a great deal and it wouldn't work online, which is really great. So I called up and I met this incredible woman and we had this really deep talk, way beyond buying a ticket. Her name's Margaret. She lives in Maine. She's been working for 42 years and travel. And I realized it was all perfect. It was all supposed to happen. She said, oh, I'm going to listen to your show. She looked me up and what's the name of that book? And we had a human experience. So it was more than just buying a ticket. Now, it doesn't happen every time I buy a ticket, but constantly. There are things like that. The first time I went to Maui, I went on a moment's notice. I was in la. Christmas was coming, I'd finished some business. I thought, where should I go next? And I swear I heard, go to Maui. Never been before. And I thought, okay, when it's a tomorrow. And I was like, all right, the universe needs to understand that I'm gonna get crushed on a plane ticket if I buy one tomorrow. So the universe is, like, playful. It's like, just look. I was like, all right, I'll just look. I Google and on, like, Maui Air or whatever. Hawaiian Air, one of those. I forget what it was. There was a flight to Maui in the morning. One ticket left one way for like $90. So I was like, what? So I bought it. I bought the ticket and I left the next day. And I put on Facebook that night. That night, all right, I'm going to go to Maui tomorrow. When I went to bed, and then when I woke up, there were, like, three people who loved my book or something, like, well, let me know if you need a ride, or, hey, I've got an empty place if you need a place to stay. I'd live with my boyfriend. It just rolled out the red carpet, so. And it doesn't always happen like that. Someday I may say, yeah, I had a feeling I did this, and I was obliterated, you know, by a thunderstorm. Nothing could happen to me anyway. It would be a great way to go. So you get my point. I'm just. I'm riding the wind, I'm riding the waves. A surfer doesn't create the waves. A body surfer doesn't create the waves. We rise the waves. And sometimes you get tumbled around, but you just out there kind of riding the waves. That's all we're doing for five seconds. Right. Nanosecond here in time. The Earth's billions of years old. I come here for a few minutes. That's pretty good. You know, make the most of it.

I like the idea. So I. I usually make big decisions, usually when they're. When I'm feeling inspired, like, and I know that when I look at everything that I've done over the course of my life, the. It's usually where I've made these, like, these moments. A lot of time they've come with a challenge where someone questions my ability to perform an act or do something where I'm like, you know what I'm going to now? I'm going to show you. I'm going to prove you. But it's also when I get inspired, I try to take action. So, funny story. This past maybe like three days ago, I was talking with a friend. We were talking about doing a coffee series. I was going to go to Italy with three of my sommelier buddies. We're all espresso sommelier certified. And we were going to go to Roman Naples and literally do a mini series on, like, the cafes, the culture, best shops, tourist sites. And really just it was more about getting together with a group of friends where we'd have shenanigans and laugh. And I was feeling so pumped up from talking about this with another friend who lives here in the States that I was like, you know what? I'm feeling so good right now. I should just go on and book this flight. Right? You know, I looked on, and then tickets were $123. One way to Portugal.

Wow.

Okay. So I started looking at it, and as you know what, if I'm going to do it, I might as well spend a few days in Porto. So, all right, change it layover, because they give you free layover. So I did Porto. And then all of a sudden, the flight went up to $200. I'm like, okay. And then I said, all right, well, you need to buy luggage. $85. Okay, $85. That's fine. I'll book it. And then. And then I get an email back confirmation saying, oh, well, you know, your. Your flight went through, but your baggage didn't. And I was like, all right, well, what's the price of the baggage? And I looked on the email and they were showing baggage, $225 per bag. And I was like, well, there's no way that I'm not doing. Because, you know, that's, you know, it brought my flight to like, maybe like 450. And I've never paid. That's what I pay in like, the height of season when everyone's traveling. So I was like, you know what? Then I'm not going to do it. So it's funny one how we create our own meeting too. So, like, I was, well, that's the sign that maybe I shouldn't be doing it now. Which whenever I bring that approach into the picture now, all of a sudden, like, I'm like, well, you know, if I'm not meant to do that right now, that's because something else is coming my way. And as a result of that, now I am doing a YouTube, like, I'm convert, switching over to YouTube. There's a whole different chain of events that happened as a result of choosing to put my awareness somewhere else but what I wanted. Like, so people have a hard time taking risk, right? They know, they have a gut feeling as to what they want to do, and they're just kind of afraid to, like, take that jump. And I like pushing. I like being there, being there on the bridge with them saying, you know, you ready? Ready? We're going to jump now. One, three, one, too. Because I know once you jump that the experience is bliss, right? Because it's like, like I said, you have to. Life is happening outside, not in your room. Life is happening out there. And the more you interact, the more you touch with people, the more like, these life starts to take shape. So wanted to ask you, so give me an example of your life where you had an obstacle or challenge you had to face. Or maybe it was like choosing to follow your own path. What that if you could kind of rewind think about that thought process was when you made that step and then what that grand realization was as a result of taking that action and how it kind of. How everything else kind of happened in your life as a result of that. Taking that one major action by making.

A mistake first and then altering it or when things didn't work.

I would say I'm thinking more along the lines of like a fear where, like, you had. You had to pursue something that you wanted to, but there was this fear that maybe it won't work out or maybe someone that, you know, your family might, you know, you might face criticism from family. What was something that you chose to move forward, though even Though you were scared?

Oh, great question. That's what I thought. I just wanted to be clear, really. It was getting out of the entertainment business because I had been a piano player, and I was making about 20 grand, 25 grand a year and traveling. Maybe I made more, sometimes or less. You know, you don't make a ton of money as a musician. Then I was a songwriter and made some money doing that. And I was working in Nashville and traveled some more and played the piano. Then I formed my own company. And at first it made zero, as all new companies tend to. But it took me a while to get it going. And then it was like a hobby. It was fun, a challenge. And I kind of invented it, too, like you did. They told me, you know, a small company can never do this and that. And I'd been a big athlete in the day, so. Like Michael Jordan. Not with that level skill. I, you know, made up sort of these slights that I was going to prove, you know, like to make myself more competitive and to drive myself to. At those days when I used to have ambition. If you see mine, let me know. I lost it years ago, but I was trying to, you know, I was gonna prove it and make money. You know, it's in my 30s. That's what you do.

And you didn't lose the ambition. It just comes easy for you now.

That's true. That's right Now I'm riding my bike with the wind. I like that. Thank you. So, yeah, it's a lot easier with the wind. So anyway, this thing took off over years, and it starts printing money. And all I basically do is have meetings, listen to music, have ideas, help artists go. And lots of eating. Lots of eating. Go for coffee, go for breakfast, go for Danish. Dinner is the poem. And in the meantime, I'm getting a piece of action on anything that happens. And checks come to the mailbox. I dance to the mailbox all the time because some days it'd be two or three envelopes. There might be none, but other days it'd be like all these envelopes, and it'd be like, checks for 100, 200.

I'm picturing you doing an Irish jig To the mailbox.

I'll be doing the Irish jig. Yeah, I'm half Irish. And so, you know, it's like, oh, the mailbox. I love the mail. And all these checks and deposits and people giving you cash. And so it's just printing money. I mean, for years, and I'm walking around with thousands of dollars in my pocket. Looking to be like, help people out and tithe and who needs a buck? And Mr. Generous, I'm saving, I'm investing. I'm not buying a ton of stuff, but, I mean, I'm way beyond my $20,000 a year days. Happy. I'm reading books. People love it. It's easy. And then the universe, my soul just basically says, that's it, I'm done. Let's do something else. And I was like, what? This thing is a money wheel. I don't do shit. I mean, I have to put the time in, but it's easy. Now. It's like I'm calling my best friends, trying to get a meeting, and they're like, oh, bring the tape. We'll go eat, or let's go play golf or come by this weekend. You know, it wasn't hard. It still was competitive to try to get a song recorded or an artist signed. And then, you know, I was lucking into shit that went right making money. And I'm up in New York on an expense account for a few weeks at the Hudson and la at the Sunset Marquee. I'm living the life. I've got this gorgeous model girlfriend from South Africa who looks like Lauren Hutton. I'm a success. I was doing all the things white guys do when they get successful. I put on some weight, you know, so I, you know, I made it. I had a big house in the woods, and I'm having dinner parties all the time that are catered. And I'm philanthropic, you know, my own little way. And then my soul says, I am done. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? We're printing money. So this argument goes back and forth. I'm not kidding, you know, I'm not like Mr. Brave then, where I just listen, I'm like, what about the money? What about the money? Said, we have enough. We'll never go hungry. So this, for about a year. That's how uncourageous I was. I was like, debating with my soul, like, how it can't just stop. It's un American. It's. And I remember when I told my dad I was thinking of getting out, he says, what, are you nuts? You crazy? You just. You made it, you know, on a material level, so. And the universe kept saying, my soul would, well, just get out. You can always come back. And if you miss it. But here's the deal. You're never going to miss it for a minute. That's the truth. So it basically became untenable. I can remember a night I was at the Palm having dinner and I almost stood up and just screamed like, I can't do it anymore. I don't give a fuck. I'm done. It was all I could. Like, I would have been like Peter Finch in Network. I'm mad as hell and I can't take it anymore. So eventually I had the courage to just get out. I let all my clients go over. I had a plan, I slowly got down to zero, and that was it. And truth be told, I never missed it for 30 seconds. And you couldn't pay me. The irony now is you couldn't pay me anything to go back. And then I got lucky too, because I got out of the music business before collapse because of technology. So I got out on top of. But that's a decision that was really challenging. That went against the grain of the normal linear mental. And, you know, I had to change my lifestyle. It wasn't three massages a week. The high priced gal who thought I was crazy. That ended. I got into a lot more meditation, ended up selling the house. I ended up selling the townhouse, got rid of the big car, drive an old two Prius, but never been happier. I was way happier afterwards. It felt like a hobby that. Just making a lot of money. And then I got caught up in it. But it took a lot of courage to say, no, I'm out. I can't do it anymore. But it wasn't for you listening. It wasn't impulsive and fast. And I didn't have like in a movie where I just saw light through the clouds. It's a lot easier now. But you know, back then, that was a big step. That was a big step. And because I did that, I ended up having the experience and wrote the book, which changed my life. And then of course, I had the podcast, which came from the book and thousands of other great things. So it was the right decision. It was the right call.

It's. Yeah, that. It definitely is not a. It's not a process. It's a process. So even like with now with my coffee company, so I've been having this desire, this itch to be in the world, to travel. I mean, I love meeting new people. I love having experiences. And I. Everywhere I go, it is coffee related. So it's not like there was a mismatch there. You know, Like I. And coffee was really a connection device for me. So everywhere I go, I would always meet people. And coffee was the. That was the medium in which it happened. And you know, and then this call now I'm kind of transitioning. I have my brother working with me and we're kind of figuring the details out. But I agree there's a point in where I was getting stuck was that, well, this is what other people. This is what people expect of me. Well, what are my customers going to think? What are my parents going to. You know, they're going to think the ideas I have are crazy. They're going to. I don't want to hear the criticism and all these things just all the shit just layering on top, on top, keeping you in. It's kind of like the. They say, like, you should all over yourself. You should, you should, you should. And, you know, but realizing, like, hearing that voice inside and I'm one person, I would always act pretty. It might be brash for some people, but like, I. When I feel something, like, I'm very. Like, I'm an instigator initiator, which when I feel something quick, I jump on it and I act quick. I'm very quick to initiate. And then like, you know, I work on something and then I'm like, okay, what's next? But, yeah, it is a hard. I mean, I think so many people, and I do coaching too, and people, they get hung up. They're afraid to make these steps which they know are going to bring them to happiness. And it's just getting. And that's why, again, going back to travel, why, like, travel? It's stepping out of this comfort zone, getting out of the familiar to realize that everything you want is out there. I mean, it's sounds very cliche to say, like, oh, yeah, everything's beyond, like your. Everything happens beyond your comfort zone. But, you know, we can't even. We tend to focus. When I say we, I tend to focus a lot, you know, well, what could go wrong? What if I do this and I can't support myself? What if, you know, going back to what you said, if I wanted to come back to do whatever it is I'm doing here, that option is always available. It's never off the table. But we. I think that we try to put ourselves in this box of. And think of all the things that could possibly go wrong and not really looking at everything that could go right if we just make that step and all it takes is that one decision.

Well said. And you're never just totally liable. I mean, you can. It could be. There might be nine decisions and nine layers and levels till you get where you need to go. And you're never really going to get Anywhere you need to go. It's unfolding experience.

Very much so. So what is. If you could. Let's go. Let's see. So best. Best experience. We're gonna do a little. A little lightning round as far as fast as I could think of. These questions.

Go. My best experience ever.

Best experience.

Oh, God. Well, most fortuitous is probably being born here.

Let me see. Feeling alive. When I say experience, like, I want that experience that you're like. You remember, when you think of it, it puts that smile on your face.

Too many to count.

But I was first one that comes to your mind.

I was in the Everglades as a kid, when I was young, and I remember just feeling completely connected to everything. And there was a deer in the wild, the first one I'd ever seen with her baby. And then the alligator was swimming by, and I just felt totally expanded in one with nature. It was a perfect Florida day. There was no humidity. That's what comes to mind.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would that be?

Oh, wow. Sushi came to mind. I'll go quickly.

I like that. If you had to pack your bags and travel to one destination tomorrow, where would it be?

On a private jet.

On a private jet.

On a private jet. And everything's open. I'd like to go to Thailand. I'd like to go to Thailand.

Okay. You were on this trip, and you're allowed to bring one person. Who would you bring? Anyone.

Well, you're a blast. But I bring my friend Catherine a lot.

Okay. And, yeah, I mean, that's. That's pretty much it, man. I really enjoyed the conversation. It was. Yeah. I mean, it's just all these, like, tidbits of knowledge, and just if there's one thing that I kind of. I pulled from this, it's kind of. It's trusting life. Right. Because it's in the moment. It's so easy to kind of get disoriented and think that, you know, worry about how things are going to unfold. But you have to have a little bit of faith. You have to trust that life has got your back.

Amen. Well, you are life. There is no separation between life and you. You are life. You are living and you are life.

Yes. All right, well, Paul, man, thank you. Thank you for an awesome call. Again, the book is Hitchhike with Larry David as well as many others. I. After watching a few of those interviews that you done, I think it was World Book or Book World News or. I can't remember there's a three part series I'm like I'm going out and getting this book today and I'm getting the book and like I said I chose to do the interview just because I we spoke and I'm like this guy is freakin the real thing he's a cool dude gotta have him on the show so Paul thank you so much for coming on and being guest and I look forward to seeing you.

In southeast Asia I can't wait we will definitely connect and I'm looking forward to meeting you and keep making that great coffee and if you let that go God bless you better things will come yeah for sure thank you for this this has been fabulous best questions ever and you're just a beautiful light and presence in the world I'm really honored that you thought enough to have me on thank you God bless you brother talk to you soon God bless you too Peace.