Gift of Presence - What You Really Want

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You, too, can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse. You are listening to the podcast One Life, the Gift of Presence. What do we really want in every interaction? Let me ask you a different question. If you were the only person living in the world, what fulfillment would there be in life? Why would you want to do anything if you were the sole person benefiting from it? So I think we can all agree that if we were the only persons living on this planet, that life would suck, right? There would be no juice. There would be nothing to make us want to do anything, to improve, to go out and have fun, because we would be alone. So how is that any different in the interactions you have with people that you love every single day? This podcast is inspired by a few interactions that I had with the people around me, basically my family and some of my friends. And so when I was thinking about this, I was like, you know what? It's so true, because I thought about the pains that I was having in my life just because of the connection. Sometimes I feel alone when I'm doing my work alone. If I'm just literally sitting in my room trying to work on stuff, it's kind of like, I know that I need connection, and I know that you need connection. But then the answer is, the question is, well, how do we communicate to the other person so that they feel our presence and we get that. That thing that we need, that interaction that we need. In order to answer that question, I want to ask you some questions. Think about the interactions you've had recently and the interactions that make you feel alive that make you feel good. Examples of this could be like someone sending you a text, hey, Happy Birthday. Or someone calling you, or stopping over your house unexpectedly and saying, hey, listen, I wanted to bring you this little piece of cupcake because I know it's your birthday and I want to say, happy Birthday. Think of those things. What are the most meaningful interactions you have with those that you love. Next, think of the interactions that you've been having with those people closest to you. How have they been? How have you. How have you shared or wished them congratulations for an important event? Has it been a text? Have you literally, you know, sent a text? Do you send a voice memo, maybe a video? Do you stop by the house? What do you do? And then what is one thing that you can do going forward to change that, to make your presence felt? I was on a family thread, and all the cousins were chatting, and they were wishing one of my cousins a happy birthday in the chat. I don't read all the chat because literally, it's about a thousand messages coming in at once. And I find a little bit overwhelming at times. So I'll pick in, like, little snippets. And I saw it was my cousin Sonia's birthday, and then another one was. It said, happy birthday, Bri. I'm like, wait, what do you mean? Who's Bri? They're not on the text. And everyone's like. Then people were starting to poking fun, like, at me because, are you lost, Donnie? And I said. I said, no. I was like, why don't you respond with a call? It's a lot more meaningful than putting it in a chat for the mother to then share the message. Think about that from your own perspective. Imagine it's your birthday, and one of your best friends, whom you would love to hear from, gives you birthday wishes, but via another friend. So they say, hey, Donnie. Yeah? Jamie says happy birthday. And Jamie's a good friend of yours or a family member. You're like, well, why doesn't she just call me herself? Why would she tell you? Right? So there's an incongruency here, because these people that mean so much to us in our lives need and want our presence, but yet we get stuck in this busyness of, oh, because, you know, life gets busy. But if life is getting busy, you're choosing the wrong thing to let go of. You're choosing the wrong thing to rush, right? Because in the end, it's those interactions, it's the relationships you have with your family and your friends that really matter. I was doing production yesterday. I was brewing cold ramen post production. After I was finished, as I was cleaning, I called one of my friends, and I'm sure she's gonna listen to this. So I didn't tell you this, but here you go. And granted, I called out of the blue, but I wanted to share. I'd heard a podcast, and I wanted. It was like, Based on someone from. In finance. It was like, I think his name was Japreet Singha. It was on the greatness podcast with. Oh, man, we're so butchering the name with Lewis Howes awesome podcast. And I wanted to share something with her and I called her out of the blue and I could tell she was preoccupied. And as I was speaking, explaining what I experienced and what I wanted to share, I could tell that her attention was a little bit scattered. And as a result, it was almost like making me like, I couldn't even really speak clearly the words because I felt like she wasn't really there with me. Granted, I called her out of the blue. I know she's a busy person, she has kids, she's doing her business podcast, a bunch of different things, but maybe it was just like, hey, listen, I'm really busy right now. I don't have that much attention, which I often get from her. But hey, what's up? And then just the awareness. So it made me almost like fumbling over my words because I didn't feel like I had the presence there. Now I'm not pointing fingers because it made me, like, reflect back on my own life. Where have I done that? I was actually in the car and I had called one of my friends to wish him a happy birthday. And I was like, you know what? I need to call my cousin Sonia. I need to wish her happy birthday and my other friend Lucas, his birthday as well. And I was thinking about making a video as I was driving, because it had to be done now. I said, well, no, that's stupid. What kind of like, does that show? Am I going to give them the feelings that I want to give them by me making. Look, driving and, you know, trying to look at the camera, maybe, or not even looking at the camera? Like, if that were me, how would that make me feel? It would be no different than saying a text saying, hey, happy birthday. Because I'm not giving the camera, even if it's just through the camera, I'm not giving it my full presence. So as a result, I put it off and I'm actually going to do it right after this. I wanted to get my. While I was motivated to do the podcast, I wanted to come on here. So again, let's go back to what gets in the way in the first place. It is this bullshit that, like, well, you know, there's too many things coming at us and that we can't respond to anything. So we literally respond shitty to the things that are most important to us. When it's everything else that should be waiting, right? The demands for work. There's so many demands about us. There's always going to be demands about us, around us. But it's up to you to choose where you're going to put those focus and the things that are most important to you. So what is most important to you? Who is most important to you? I could say. So let's bring it back around full circle. Let's think of the contacts, the interactions you've had with the people you love that really left you feeling warm inside, that, like, were really heartfelt, where all of a sudden, maybe you were having a really bad day and all sudden you had one interaction with somebody and it literally changed the entire day, the way the entire day unfold. What was it about that interaction? Because there's clues there. There's clues to say, wow, if this is how it made me felt, if I do this to someone else, I can get that same result. So we're looking for the formula next. Let's get real with ourselves. So how have we been interacting with other people, right? What, have we just been sending text messages? Are we. When we're with the person, are we not even really there? Right? You're out to dinner with a friend and they're talking to you, but they're looking down at their phone, setting tests, text, uploading their dinner to Instagram, like, who the hell cares? Who cares? Not to say that it's bad, but you're doing it at the cost of the person who is sitting right in front of you. If both of you are doing it, then shame on both of you, right? Where have you been? Like, where have you been wrong? And it's again, it's not to point fingers, it's bring awareness. And then lastly, what is one thing maybe you can do right now, One person you could reach out to to say, hey, do something, do something differently. Think in advance. What is the reaction you want to get out of this person? What is most likely to give him that reaction? Mother's Day just passed and I normally, this is something. And this is bad because this is usually every year, I'm like, oh, man, you know what? I wish I'd put more thought into doing this. Or even when I'm getting gifts for my niece and nephews, my niece would say, oh, Donnie's gift came in. It's like months later, she's like, oh, it's because he likes to get gifts on the day of my birthday. So I am at fault for that. I acknowledge it but at the same time, the gifts that I make are extremely thoughtful and I gave. So yesterday I was bringing a gift to my niece, Ollie, and I dropped off, I got her a backpack. It was going to be her first backpacker's backpack that she will traverse the world in. It's 100 times better than my backpack. So that tells you something. The fact that I was willing to put the money in and get her a great backpack when my backpack literally needs to be replaced soon, but I have nostalgia in mind. Then I had gone to Amandala, which is like this meditation tool. So you look right in the center and it helps you focus and meditate. And then the last thing I got her, I got her these things, if I'm pronouncing it correctly, it's Hanafuka. These earrings from one of my favorite manga called Demon Slayer. She put them on, they look great on her and she's like, oh my God, thank you so much. She gave me a hug, but I could tell that she felt it. Granted, I gave it to her late, but I could tell she felt it because everything that I gave her was very heartfelt. I am also taking her on her first trip, her first backpacking trip abroad. So the reason I tell you this is just to put thought into the things that matter. Put thought into the people who matter in your life. And when you're feeling flustered, when you're feeling like life is crazy and it's beyond your control, pause and say, well, what is really important to me? What are the reactions I want to have? How do I want the person who I'm going to spend time with to feel the interaction and let that be your guide. Going back to what I said in the beginning, the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. So lesson for you as well as myself, again, most of the time when I'm doing these podcasts, I'm literally here reflecting on my own life, giving myself life saving suggestions or whatever. I can't even think right now, but I'm giving myself these inputs to say, hey, remember, this is what's important. So I'm hoping by sharing myself, I remember this, but also that it impacts your life. So this podcast is going to be changing a bit. I'm going to be doing more things, interviewing more people around people who I feel are living an exemplary life, life on their terms. Life where they have passion, joy, excitement, are in great health. And I'm going to start bringing different content to you in that way. So this way you could start to build on all the different areas of your life, so I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If you did, please consider subscribing so this way you don't miss a single episode. If you have any questions or if you would like to comment, I would love to hear it. You can reach me by visiting my website at donnyrouse. Com Again, donnyrous. Com. There again you can subscribe. And thank you so much for tuning in. I appreciate your presence here and God bless. I wish you nothing but the best in life. Remember this, you only get one life. Live it.