In With the New - Let Go of the Dreams You’ve Outgrown

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You, too, can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. Hi, guys. Donny Rouse here. And let's talk about change. So change can feel very painful, but nowhere near as painful as staying in the same place. When you get complacency, you start to feel pain because the body always wants to grow. Yourself is always trying to improve, to grow, to do more, to be more. When you take your eyes off of a vision for your life, life tends to push you, right? You've probably experienced it in an area where you've gotten laxed. All of a sudden, things come up that cause you pain and require you to get back on track. Said differently, require you to put more attention to an area of your life. The reason for this podcast today is I want you to think about that vision, who you want to become, to give you a clear vision of that. Let's imagine that we were three years out in the future and you were looking back and you're telling me you're saying, donnie, oh, my God, you'll never believe what these last three years have been. What would you tell me? How would you describe? What would you have achieved? What would you experience? Who would you have become? I asked this question because for everything we want, we have to give up something else you can't fill or you can't fill a full cup. Meaning actually, what is the quote? The quote, I actually wrote down the quote saying, empty your cup so that it can be filled. That is the correct one. Because you have to make space for the new stuff coming into your life. Because if you're holding on to the old self, the old goals, the old identity, then that's exactly what you're going to be moving towards. You're going to be kind of stunt your growth. This is. This podcast came inspired because I was doing some of my own big growth. Things were like, I'm moving, and that means getting rid of some of the the coffee equipment that I had purchased over the years, one of the biggest one was my roaster. That's like a 10 kilo roaster. And before I want to go in this, I want you to again go back to that vision of who you want to be. Like, if we look three years out and you're looking back and you're telling me how excited you are about all the amazing things that happened, what are those things? Second question, what did you have to give up in order to achieve or obtain or experience whatever it is that you had just said? And then lastly, what has it pulled in or what has it brought into your life? You look at the joy, the excitement, the passion, and I want you to put your focus there. Because a lot of times we refrain from making decisions that are going to move our life forward because we're afraid of giving something up that has been a part of our identity. But the truth is, is that a lot of time, if we wanted to really regress, the option's always there. So I'm getting ready right now for a move to Miami, Florida. And with that came the sale of some of my coffee equipment. And to give you an example or to give you some background around, like the coffee equipment, I had a big roaster, small roasters, espresso machines, what else? A bunch of different things that I had held on because when I had started out in the coffee industry back in 2009, my dream was to open up a small shop and to hook up that roaster and to start selling coffee. Over the years, my business didn't grow in the way that I thought it was going to grow. When I first started my business, I had this two kilo roaster which put out maybe like three 12 ounce bags of coffee because you can't roast 100% of the capacity. You can only roast 80% of the capacity. So it would give me around three 12 ounce bags. And in my mind, when I first got on that machine, I calculated, I'm like, well, if I roast eight hours a day, every day of the week, I can make. I don't even remember what the calculation was. And I quickly realized that there was no way, one, I was going crazy sitting by the machine for that long because it was only doing three bags at a time. So not only was it time consuming, but it was very monotonous because it was like the same thing over and over. It was more of like machine operating rather than it was applying creativity to the task. So then I started working out of a different roastery I started renting time on someone else's machine, which pretty much nullified, like the machine I got. I bought my machine in 2009, flew out to California, which was an experience in and of itself, and then flew it back here, had it worked on with the intention of hooking it up, but that never happened. And then I moved to another roastery, where I currently am, which gives me more capability and more freedom. So I had this roaster that was literally been sitting in my parents garage gathering dust. And when it came time to put the roaster up for sale, I was like, all right, you know what? It's time. It needs to go. Someone reached out to me via email. They're saying, hey, you know what? I saw your roast for sale. I'm interested. Can I come and see it? And I was sitting on my computer that night, well, actually last night, and thinking about it, I'm like, man, am I really going to let this go? And what I was really saying is, am I really going to let this part of me, this dream, this aspiration go? I had this roaster, if you've seen, is a beautiful roaster. It's like fire engine red, and it produces superb coffee. And so I'm thinking, well, maybe one day I would use it, right? What if I want to use it? You know, what if I'm in Miami and I want to hook up, make a cafe there? What am I going to do now? Buy a new roaster. And I started creating all of these stories in my mind as to why I was uncertain as to whether or not I should sell or not. But what was really happening was that I was trying to stay in this spot and not really stretch and move out because it was kind of painful to give up this former identity or this. This dream I had. I had dreams of like hooking this thing up and roasting coffee. But then that changed when I got quiet with myself and I said, well, let's see, you know, like, what is it that I really want? What is going to move me forward? What's going to move me towards the dreams that I have? And it was not hooking up my own roaster and having a cafe. If you know me in per, you know, or even if you're just listening to this podcast, you know that I'm a world traveler. I like to travel around the world, and I do multiple trips a year that can be challenging, have a physical occasion. So the benefit of where I do my production now, for example, is I am able to literally dial in my roast I'm able to sample, get a coffee, sample it, and then literally send a recipe or make adjustments and send a file to my roaster and then have him manipulate the roast in my way. So I still have all the control, more control, actually. And it gives me the life that I want. And what I really realized was that I was afraid to give up this former identity, this old self, which was based around these goals that I had that were no longer relevant to me. So then I, you know, I emailed the, Emailed the person, updated my listing, and I move forward with it. I'll give you one more example. So in the move itself, I am happy to say that it's official. I have. Well, I mean, all this, I'm just waiting for confirmation from the association, but it looks official now. And the entire process, you know, like, I was speaking with my friend and as I was telling her about the possibility of doing this move, she's like, you're lighting up. She's like, you got to do it. She's like, I don't want to see you go, but you must do it. You got to do what you're being called to do. And so I put the decision. I hadn't thought much about it until recently. And then I was, you know what? I got to make good on this. I always wanted to live outside of Connecticut. I was like, I have to make good on this dream of mine. And I started to take the steps and I was all right, you know, as I made the decision, I'm like, I put this date on the calendar. I was like, yes, it is happening. But there wasn't, you know, I looked, I spoken to different realtors and they said, well, yeah, it's possible. You got to look closer to date. And all that. Did you know, it wasn't even like I had locked anything in at the time. All it did was give me a little bit more clarity, a little bit more certainty that yes, it was possible for me to find a short term rental in Miami beach for six months. And then I reevaluate. And that started. It gave me more confidence in being able to make the move, you know, fast, fast forward, which are actually. Which rewind now. Which is like maybe a couple weeks ago. So fast forward now. I'm confronted. I've. I've been looking, actively looking, and I'm looking at two or three different apartments that all are appealing. I'm like, oh my God, you know, which one do I pick? And I was going back and forth based on one on one side. I Was looking at like this beautiful apartment. I was like, well, I should. That's the apartment I should have, right? And I was. It was almost like the Keeping up with the Joneses. I was like, well, looks nice and this is what I feel like I deserve. Yet when I closed my eyes and I thought about the place that my intuition was guiding me to, it was this other one, one with a nice balcony on the beach. And it was actually less but in a different area. And I. And I went back and forth between these, these two options. And then I decided, you know, to go the one with the balcony because I like to have my coffee outside. But fast forward. Then it came time to actually pull the trigger to fill out the lease, you know, do the security deposits and all of that stuff. And I started to feel a little bit nervous. I started to get like, second guess my decision. But then I went back to like, well, what is the reason I'm doing this in the first place, right? It's not to have the perfect apartment. That's not. I'm not going to Miami beach to be like, you know what? I need to have like the perfect apartment. The apartment I want to live in for the rest of my life or the place. And it has happened now. No, that wasn't the intention at all. When I became clear about what it was that I wanted, my intention there was to leave Connecticut and to experience something different and to have the independence just to know, like this, knowing that I can do it on my own, that was the driving experience. So it didn't matter where the hell I went. And once I became clear about that as well as who I wanted to be, because I would do visualizations, but morning and night and just. And sometimes it was harder. So if you're trying to visualize and you're like, I tried to, and I can't figure it out. Relax. It doesn't always come easy. Especially I'm saying, like maybe one third of the time or maybe even like a fifth, I actually get the visualization correct where I'm actually able to see what it is that I'm moving towards. But it doesn't mean I don't keep trying. Because as you know, the more you do it, the more you're able to see that picture. I digress. So it came down to pulling that trigger. And I again, I found myself feeling very nervous and scared about making that next move. But when I remembered who I wanted to become and the lifestyle I wanted to create thereafter, like this, this was just a step, the move to Miami is just a step. What is going to come thereafter is going to be much, much greater. And when I was reminded of that and what I was moving towards, I was able to move forward. And if you're saying, well, all right, well, Donnie, well, what is it that you were moving forward from? What was the thing that was painful or the part you had to give up? And it wasn't so much of an identity, but it was the comfort of being around my family all the time. I'm one of five siblings, both my parents here, I have awesome sister in laws and we're very close knitted. Every week we do Sunday dinners and I've never been outside of that. So when I was thinking of this, I'm like, all right, well, man, come Thanksgiving, what am I gonna do? I can't make it up there for every holiday because during the flights, during the holidays get like more than 5x the price. All right, so I'll have to select what holidays that come up or maybe they could come down. And all these things were coming into my mind that I had never considered. But I knew if I didn't do it, I knew that I would regret it. I knew I would. I would be mad at myself for not going in the direction I wanted to go because I wanted to stay in comfort. And yes, my family, I mean, I love my family, they'll always be there. But you don't owe it to anybody to make decisions based on what they want. You owe it to yourself to make decisions that are aligned in the direction that you want to bring your life. So let's go back to those three questions. Where do you want to head? Where do you want to point that arrow? Let's imagine yourself three years out. Right? Three years out, you're saying, Donnie, you know what, I listened to that podcast of yours and, oh my God, let me tell you about the last three years. They have been mind blowing and amazing. What would you tell me next? What would you tell me about the hurdles and the things you had to overcome? I mean, this is. Maybe this is like getting out of certain comfort zones. Maybe this is giving up on old dreams that were no longer serving you. Maybe this was just stepping into an unknown. And even though you, you loved all the people around you, you knew you had to make a decision that would move your life forward and would make you make good on the dreams you have for your life. And then lastly, it's. I mean, essentially, we already talked about that. That's the dream. Like, what did you feel after you made Those decisions and what new things came into your life because there's. When there is a void, there's always something that comes in to fill. And going back, you know, you. You need to empty your cup in order for it to be filled. And you can take that many different ways. But the way I am meaning it here, in this episode here, is just to release the things that are no longer serving you. Release the old identities that maybe you didn't even create for yourself, but maybe someone labeled you with an identity, and now you've just been living in that identity because, you know, you fill that role. It's like you're performing in a play. You get around a certain group of people, you're like, okay, here we go. You know, get good. Boy or girl, you know, don't do anything wrong. And you go into this role rather than being your true and authentic self. So I want you to just kind of see that. See what you. Exactly. You have to part ways with so that you can move towards a more empowering vision for your life. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. This episode is part of a daily. A daily live feed that I'm doing. And the live feed is just to kind of share some of the experiences and thoughts as I'm going through this journey, because it is a big change for me and it is definitely pushing me out of a comfort zone. And I'm okay with that, especially when I come here, because my intention here is I want to live my best life so that I can inspire you to live your best life. So if you enjoyed this podcast, please share it with five people. Leave a comment. Ask a question in the comment section. And thank you so, so much for tuning in. As always. I know you could be putting your attention anywhere. You could be scrolling on your Instagram feed to see what your neighbor is eating, but you're not. You're choosing to empower your life. You're here with me now, and I am very grateful for that. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember, you only get one life. Live fully, live passionately. Live now. God bless, and I will see you again soon.