Just Say No - How to Master Your Time Towards the Things That Matter Most

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. Just say no. Have you ever committed to something only to look back and regret it? Have you ever taken an action, taken a job, gone to see a doctor, where you look back and you realize that maybe something felt a little off? Maybe it wasn't in line with your best interest? Maybe it was just a pure waste of your time? So in this episode here, I want to share with you a story, a personal story, and something that I constantly kind of bump up against and have to ask this question, this question of just saying no. And I'll explain to you what that is. So imagine every single decision that comes into your day and your life is a no. Starts off as a no, right? You're like, well, all right, well then if everything's a no, then what the hell do I say yes to once it's a no? Your next job or your next thing you have to do is to find the support to make the thing a yes. And what this does is it makes you look for the reasons as to why you're doing the thing in the first place, why you want to do it right? Sometimes you may do something and it's not really in alignment with you because you may be doing it to people. Please. So without, we're just going to ask a couple questions. What is some think of a time where you committed to something and then only regretted it later? And then if you had said no to that in the beginning and had to look for the reasons as to why you should do it, what reasons would you have found? Are there some people pleasing tendencies here? So the reason for this story is to get you to look at situations like this and to take a different action. Earlier today I had a phone call. I was going in for an I can't remember what the test is like the ultra whatever it is, they give the imaging of your thyroid gland the ultrasound, and I was going in there. This had been going on for several months. My doctor was like, oh, you know, I think I might feel an enlargement on your thyroid. Maybe you should get it checked out. So for six months, I'd kind of been hemming and hawing because the expense of the out of pocket expense was something like. For the test he wanted me to get, it was something at $3,500. So I went back to him, I said, well, you know, I have to pay my deductibles high, so I have to pay a lot out of pocket. He's like, all right, well, you know, let's just wait. We'll wait a few months and then come back in and we'll. We'll look again. A few months passed, and he goes, all right, you know what? I still think that you should get it checked out. I was like, all right, fine, I. I'll do it, right? Because I started putting all these thoughts in my mind. I was like, well, I just want to get peace of mind now. I don't want my thoughts to be going in that direction because it's not, you know, it wasn't a positive state because I was always worried. And I'm like, well, what if you find something? Why is he telling me to. I should go get an ultrasound? All these thoughts were just starting to go through my head. So I was like, all right, fine, fine. All right, I'll go do it. And then I was asking more questions about the building. He said, well, that's something you could discuss with them. I was supposed to go in for that ultrasound. And then I was like, you know what? The night before, I was like, maybe I should call other places, right? Because there is a bunch of radiology places, right? Like, I shouldn't have to go to the hospital to get it. Maybe I could save a hundred. Couple hundred dollars and that would be worth it, right? To save a few hundred dollars out of pocket. What the hell, why not? So the following morning. This morning, I decided to call some of the different radiology departments. The first one I called was like. I gave them the codes for the test, and they said, okay, well, yeah, it was, you know, 230 and 240. So it was less than $500. I was like, what? I was like, for both. They're like, yeah, yeah, that's the total cost. I was like, oh, my gosh. And I immediately canceled the appointment that I had later today and signed up with this place because it was literally, I saved $3,000 just by getting a second opinion. And I was a little perturbed that my doctor didn't suggest it. The fact that I told him that I was paying it out of pocket, that he didn't offer another option. He is a part of this Stanford Health system. But the entire time it made me question my doctor, patient or relationship with them. In the past I had thought about this several times. I was like, well, I don't really feel like I'm jiving with this guy. Even the questions I asked. It seems like you go in, it just seems like some routine when you go in. There's no asking about anything regarding health, your psychology, any aches? Every time I go in there, I feel like I just get passed through. It's all right, you're all done. It was very, very basic. I don't know, I'm not lacking words right now. But I knew that I should change doctors, but I never did it right because I'm like, oh, you know, that's going to be weird. Then I know when I have to submit the change of doctor, he's probably going to be like, oh, why are you changing? And I was trying to avoid it, right. It was a part of people pleasing. So I asked myself again that same question. This time I'm like, well, why am I with them? Like let's just say like to someone said, do you want to go with this doctor? And let's just start off with no. What supporting reasons can I say, well, yes, I want to work with them. I was like, the only thing I could find was that, you know, sometimes we would go to. Whenever I would go to my, my physician, we would talk about travel. All right, well I'm like, well, that is not nearly enough for me to stay with the physician. For me to stay with this doctor. So now I'm in the process of looking for a new primary care physician. But that was just one example. And it doesn't have to be like, that's just an example of decision for a physician. But how about time where you're spending with friends? Maybe you're spending time with people who don't really light you up. Maybe it's just because it's been a pattern or habit or maybe because you have a part of a social group and you just feel like you don't want to anger anyone. In times like this, you should also use this methodology. And I'll give you another example. I was invited to an event and now since I started being more protective with my time, I said, all right, well I Can't go yet. I said, let me, I'll get back to you. And I thought about it like all the reasons why I, you know, I said no. And they said, well, what supporting reasons can I say why I want to attend this event? I couldn't find any. In fact, there were going to be people there that I didn't even want to associate with and converse with. So I said, well, what's the point? Like, I'm not going to go there, try to save face with people and plus, I don't want to go. So I said, you know what? Unfortunately I have to decline. I'm not going to be able to make it. And you might find that by doing this kind of work, you're going to find yourself that maybe you're a people pleaser, right? I tend to go that route and I have to be very conscious of it to build up that, to resist that old habit of doing that. But if you want to live a fulfilling life, you have to take control of your time because it's the one thing that you cannot get back. There's a saying that I really, really enjoy. It's called simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, meaning when you simplify things, when you know exactly where to go, there's no more. You're no longer wasting your energy in a million different directions. Now you are laser focused. You can go with fast and precision in a direction and you can get results. How does it work with your life? Right? Like, let's just say, okay, my health, for example, everything has, everything has a trade off, everything has, you know, if you do one thing, you can do another. Going to this event. All right, One of the things that I've been doing lately, I'll give you a little bit of an inside look into some of the health things that I've been doing. I started not eating three hours before I go to sleep and then turning off all electronics. And I think it's an hour and a half, 90 minutes before I go to bed. So I'm trying to get, lately I've been getting to bed around 10:30, I'm trying to make a little bit earlier, 10 o'. Clock. So this way I get full eight hours of sleep. So looking at this party, for example, all right, I could go to this, but then what's the cost to it, right? Because there is a cost. Like I had an event the following day and doing it, it's going to throw off my routine. Like, granted, if I wanted to, I'm more than willing to sacrifice some of these things for things that I'm very passionate and want to engage in. But when I don't, then there's a cost to saying yes just to say yes, or saying yes just to appease people. So the reason why I tell you this is just because I want you to have more time. I want you to put more time into the things that matter to you and not to be wasting it off in a million different directions. And I'll give you one last example as to where you should put your time that a lot of people don't put their time. It is the planning, right, to sit down and put some consciousness into your day. It's not something that people find sexy by any means. And I am, you know, I am very active in doing this. And a lot of the time I have to remember, I have to tell myself, like, oh, I don't really feel like doing this shit. It's. It just takes so much time. But the best time that you could spend is by putting conscious time into the creation of your life. That creation starts with the visualization, the creating the vision that's going to pull you forward, something that excites you. So when I look at the decision, I'm like, all right, well, now, do I want to do this? No. I don't even have to pretend like it's a no out of the get back. Like, I know I don't feel like doing it, but when I think of all the supporting reasons as to why I should, then all of a sudden they overpower it. Now I'm like, well, yeah, because I want to live a life that's passionate. I want to create these habits that make me more energetic, more engaged, more healthy. All right, well, then it's a yes. And I put the time there. So that is all I've got for you guys. I hope you enjoyed this. Maybe you can apply this to a decision, something that you're facing right in this moment, right? Maybe the weekend's coming and you have an engagement with some friends and you want to just test out this method, test it out with anything. I just encourage you just to try it because I know that it'll make you feel good. It'll help you see and uncover maybe some unconscious patterns that you're not even aware of people policing. Because the only way you're going to take control of your life is to pull back that time from the places that are not serving you. So if you enjoyed this podcast, if you know someone who can benefit from it, hit that subscribe button. Share the podcast with them. If you have any questions or comments, you could ask me them via my website at www.donnyrouse.com d o n n y r a u s.com in my best robot voice-o n n y r a u s dot com that is all I've got for you guys today. Hope you enjoyed this episode. God bless you and remember, you only get one life. Live it. Thank you so much and I will see you again next week.