Lead By Example

Leading by example. Sometimes when we want love from another person or we want a certain response, we will and they don't get and they give us a response that's other than what we want, we will withhold or we'll kind of pull back until we get that response. Sometimes we'll even get a little bit sarcastic and we'll throw these snark comments. I did this with my 5 year old nephew. If anyone's ever had like a, an argument with a five year old or a child, you realize it doesn't really go anywhere and that one of you has to be the grownup. The. So going back to the story, what had happened was my nephew called me up the day before. He's hey, Uncle Donnie, I want to tell you something. I'm like, yeah, yeah, what do you want to tell me, Cruz? I love you. I'm like, oh my gosh. Wow. So it was, I was surprised because it's not something he says to me every day or actually rarely when I talk to him, but he has these like these cute moments where he goes into and he's just like this little bundle of love. The following day, he and his sister came over. My sister came out from New York City. So we dropped my sister and nephew off and I headed out with my niece. We went to go get some Japanese ramen. While we were out, my sister had forgotten to give me the keys to the car. And the car has one of those automatic ignition systems where once you start it, the car is on. But if you take away the key, if you turn the car off, there's no way you're going to get the car back on. And then someone's going to have to come and drop off a key. So they did that. And I like to joke around. So I called my sister, I said, hey, Jeanette, I am stuck at the Japanese market. I turned the car off because you never gave me the key and now I'm stuck. And she laughed about it. She's like, ah, serves you right. Because we kind of exchanged a little bit of like, got a little argument. Not really an argument, but like, you know, the thing siblings do. And meanwhile I had the car. I just kept the car on while I was in the store. And I drove practically all the way home before I called and my nephew. So when I hung up the phone, my sister had told what it said what had happened to my, to my family. And my nephew. My nephew got very upset. He was actually worried. I mean, he was worried about his sister, which was that in and of itself was a beautiful thing. And so I didn't expect my joke to take that kind of turn. And when I got back, he was like, I hate you, Uncle Donnie. He's like, you're mean. And like, you know, he hit me in the leg because that's how high he is. And I was like, whoa, Cruz, why? He's like, you're mean. You made me worry. And I was like, well, okay, I mean, I guess he has a right to that. I didn't really think about the repercussions there. And so I had these trains from my childhood that I cherish a lot because my grandfather gave them to me or my father gave them to me and this other thing. But I had these trains and I wanted to give them to him, but I was like, you know what? I'm not going to give them to him until he stops being a little brat. Forgetting that it was my action that actually caused him to react this way. So I was holding these trains. I was like, well, he's not going to get them until he gets into a better state. And then a little while longer. I was like, you know what? This is stupid. I mean, he's not talking to me. And I'm the one that, like, I'm acting like a big kid. You know, let me just, you know, let me just give him these things. I know he'll. I know that'll make him smile. I know that he'll. He'll love playing with them. Let me go get him. So I first, I brought one of them out like it was a smaller train. It's a die cast train. I brought it over to him. I said, cruz, I have a surprise for you. He's like, well, what is it? And anytime you have a surprise, it doesn't matter how mad he is, if there's a surprise. Especially if you keep it concealed in your hand where he can't really make out what it is. It sparks that curiosity and it immediately changes his state. So I brought it over. I was like, you know, I was like. I showed him. I was like, it's a train. And he's like, oh, cool. And he sat there and he put it on this, this. I think it's like a Mattel. Like this, like, train, plastic train track that he has. He's. Come on, Uncle Nani, come play with me. Immediately changed his. Change his state. Now all of a sudden, he was friends with me again. So then I went back and I got the. There's a larger train. I don't know what Kind of engine was. But this one was actually my favorite. I was gonna hold that one a little bit and give him it at a later point, but I was like, you know what? Let me just give it to him now. I brought that over, and again, he was even more happy that he had this huge steam engine, model steam engine. And as I was sitting there and I was playing with him, it made me think. I'm like, wow. You know, sometimes we want this response from somebody, but it's really us who have to lead. Think about that. I mean, a lot of time we want someone else to change, but it's very much like, if we put in that effort first, we can create that change in someone else. I'll give you one more example. I remember when I was. My brother and I growing up, my older brother Philip, we would always be at each other's throats, literally, you know, fighting, you know, always arguing. I mean, my parents had their hands full with us, and I would always. In high school, I would always. And middle school, I would sneak into my brother's room when he wasn't home, and I would take his clothing. I would try to, you know, like, I'd wear his clothing to school, and when I came home, I would have to, like, somehow, like, have a change of clothing in my backpack so I could take it off and put that on and put his clothing back where it was untouched. And so many times he would find me doing that, and I would get in trouble. We get in fights. My father would yell at me, saying, stop going in your brother's. Stop going in your brother's room. And then one time, my brother had gone through a bad breakup, and one day he found me wearing one of his favorite shirts, and he's like. And I was like, oh, crap. He got me. He got me. And he said, you know what? Just whatever he said, you could wear it. Just make sure that you. You know, you put it, wash it, and put it back when you're done. This, like, blindsided me because my. We had always been at each other. Each other's throats, and, you know, I would go to wear his stuff, he'd catch me out, and he would flip out, and vice versa. He would go to my room, take something, like my headphones or something like that, and I'd find out, and I would flip out. But this time was different. This time he was kinder to me, and he said, you know what? Just take it. Put it back. I don't care if you. Whatever you want to take, just take. Just make sure you ask first. And I was like, wow. And then he would do the same to me. And then I was always. It opened me up. Now when he was wearing my. When he was using something of mine, I was like, that's fine, you know, just put it back. So his. Him opening up his heart opened up my own. He led by example. And it's so. And it's so important because I feel like a lot of relationships, people go tit for tat. They, you know, they do something, they feel like, you know, they've been hurt in some way. So they do something out of spite rather than acting the. Acting in the manner that they want to be receiving, right? So if, you know, if you're mad at someone, rather than just kind of keep throwing this fit and throwing jabs, letting the person know why you're grateful for them, or, you know, that you apologize, you know that you still love them, right? Just saying changing the language changes everything because then all of a sudden they're like, you know what? Yeah, I know this is stupid. I don't even know why we're fighting. I love you too. And you know, this doesn't mean anything to me. The relationship means more to me. Let's forget that ever happened. That's the power that it has. And we have to, if we want to, if we want to create those changes. A lot of time we have to lead by example. We have to call that out of ourselves first. And that's being a. That's also being a leader is going where it's uncomfortable to go. Think of a moment in your own life. Think of where you know, where maybe it's relationships that in turmoil, but you really do care about the person. Maybe they did something that you have a hard time forgiving, but deep down, you know that the relationship with them is worth a lot more than whatever this petty little thing is that you're arguing over in that example there. Like, what can you do? How can you lead by example? How can you get the response that you want? Well, you know what? I can't even go there because there's no guarantee that you're going to get the response that you want. But what I can say is that by showing up the way you would want them to show up, it speaks volumes for you and it actually will help you because you know, you did everything. You know that you're choosing to focus on what's important first. So pick one area of your life, one incident that might need some repair, that just by changing it, just by being the first act might repair that. Relationship. Relationship, that. Whatever it is. And I want you to take that action, but take it not from the. Not from the state of expecting something in return, but because you're creating the new standard for yourself. Because you know that this is right, and you know that even if they don't respond, you know that you feel good about the action that you've taken. And I promise you 9 out of 10 times, especially when you're speaking from the heart, that things will turn around because, you know, we kind of close off. We shut ourselves off, we close off our feelings, and we don't open up. But most people, I would say, especially family members, if they do hurt you in some way, it's because they themselves probably feel hurt. So by, you know, just expressing what you feel and that maybe, you know, reiterating the fact that, you know, how much they mean to you changes everything. Everything. I've done it with, you know, with my own family members, like my father. Like, there had been times where there was tension in our relationship, but I know deep down I love him more than anything. And, like, I tell him that, and if I do a little act and change it, all of a sudden you see him melt. It's a beautiful thing. And I've done that even to my siblings. So it's. It's just a beautiful act to let people know you care. And often by leading with that act, they'll open it back up to you. That is all I've got to share with you guys today. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And if you like this, please, if you're listening on your iPhone, share your smartphone, take a screenshot of it, share it to your social media, invite your friends to check out the podcast or anyone that you think would even benefit from the words that I'm speaking here. And this is also going to be posted on YouTube. Now, I'm trying to do this video series whenever possible, so this way you can see me, you can connect with me, and you could kind of feel what I'm saying visually because, you know, hearing only accounts for some part of communication. But actually seeing me will drive the point even further. So check out my YouTube channel is www.YouTube.com donny d o n N Y Rouse. And that is it, guys. God bless. Thank you so much for tuning in, and I will see you soon.