Object of Desire

Hi, guys. My name is Donny Rouse, and you're listening to the podcast One Life. Object of Desire. What is it that you focus on most frequently? Do you focus on the things that you want, or you focus on the things that you avoid? There's a percentage out there that says 99% of people focus on the things that they do not desire. And you're like, well, why would anyone do that? Why would you focus on the thing that you don't want? That's because you don't know that you're focusing on the thing that you don't want. You know, it's like the common analogy is people thinking, like, well, they're focusing on the wealth they want to create. But if you were to really. Were to break down the thought process, they're really focusing on all the reasons why they lack or the fact that it's missing in their life. Yeah, they're putting focus on it, but. But in the wrong direction. And what I want you to take away from this is that where you put the focus determines where you're getting pulled. So if you could get acquainted with, like, the feelings of what it is to have whatever it is you want, then you will be pulled in that direction. But if you do the opposite, I find that it compounds rather fast. Meaning if you're going down a road that you do not want to go down with your thoughts, it compounds faster than the opposite way. Because I think part of the answer may be just because of how we're built. We're built to kind of look for things in the environment that could possibly hurt us, and we stray away from those things and we pay more attention to them as a survival mechanism. But that is not the way to a happy and fulfilling life, I was thinking. So I've been active in the dating scene, and from different people I've spoken to, we would talk about, well, what are the desires you have for life? And one of the dates I had going on, it was. We were talking about children, and she asked me, well, do you want children? I said, well, yeah, I do, but I can't even begin to imagine that right now. I'm 40 years old, so my friends are like, well, what are you waiting for? Well, not really anything. I mean, I guess right now it doesn't feel right. So where I was going with this, when I asked her, you can tell that there was this, like, it felt very heavy that she had wanted it so bad, and the focus was only on the not having of those kids. And I know, and it's not to say like, you know, women are at very different place than some men. Well, I guess today some men, in the sense that, you know, like their biological clock is ticking. And so not to downplay, not to, you know, not to criticize that at all, but rather just the emotions that I want to focus on is the emotions that this particular person was feeling as a result of not having the thing they want. So let's put it in like, let's look at the grand, like the big picture. If you're feeling bad about something like that, right. That you're in lack because you don't have the relationship you want or the job you want, whatever it may be, what kind of energy does that put back into the world? Right. Is it something that's going to take you to that if, say, let's play career. Because that's one of the easiest ones to play with. If you are feeling lousy about the career that you're never going to get the right job, how do you think you're going to perform in that job? Now take the adverse. Let's take the opposite approach. If you realize, you know what, this is just an experience right now you're building experiences and you see the value and you know where you want to go and you've taken the mindset like, you know what, I have faith. I know that I will get whatever position it is that I desire. How do you think you're going to play differently? You're going to try harder, you'll be more optimistic, your demeanor will change, you'll be more positive. And what do you think that's going to impact? How is that going to impact your ability to see other opportunities out there? So let's take it down a notch. Let's bring this, let me prove it to you. Think of something that is in your life now that at one point was just a dream that you never thought it was even possible. What were the thought process that were guiding that? Right? Like meaning like when you before you obtained the thing you wanted, what was the feelings, the thoughts that you had leading up to it? I know from my own experiences whenever I plan a trip, there have been times where most recently when I went to Turkey, there had been times where I'd gone like the I'd planned my Turkish trip, but I didn't have the reasons in my mind. As a result, it did not happen. But as because of that gap that I had in that trip in planning the next visit. Well, I didn't only made one visit, but as a result of that gap, I started to change the way I thought, and I started getting excited about all the experiences I would have. And as a result of that, then all of a sudden, when I went there, I was like, all right, it's happening. And every experience that I could have imagined happened. So what is it for you? Like, hopefully, if you see the proof, if you see it at work in your own life, then you realize that it's true and look at the opposite. Think of the times where you didn't get what you wanted. What did you focus on then? What were the feelings associated with the object of desire? Was it one that you were certain that you were gonna have it, or one that you felt like it was dissonant, was never gonna happen? So hopefully you see that you already have this power. What I'm gonna do shortly in, like, the next minute is I'm gonna break this down to you. So this way you have a different process, a simplified process of getting to feel what it is that you want. And it all starts with knowing what you don't want. I was reading this book. I can't even remember what the book's title is. I think it's something like, your life is waiting. And in this book, he goes into kind of like the law of attraction, thinking about feeling the result. But sometimes it's difficult to feel. So he went to say, well, you know, what do you have to do is first know what you don't want? What is it that you do not want? Because a lot of the time, we get pulled in that direction without even being conscious of it. But if we first go there, right? If we first say, okay, wow, this is something I don't want, we're starting from that place. And then the next step would be, okay, well, what is it that I want? Because instead of trying to go to what is it you want? And then getting pulled back from what is it you don't want, now you're bringing what you don't want right to the forefront, and you're saying, okay, well, I know what I don't want. What is it that I do want? And often it's the reciprocal. And then once you know that, right, your picture is becoming more vivid, more clear. Because now you switched focus from the object you don't desire to object you do. How would it feel to have that? Feel it in your body. Feel it as if it's already done. And this is. I think this is one of the steps where a lot of people, including myself, at times get stuck, right? You're like, well, how does it. I don't know how it feels to you. Try to feel it, but because it's not there, it could be difficult. And the only advice I could say is feeling it, like in your heart and make you know that's how I do it. I literally focus on the feeling in my heart and accept it as already happened. It's already true. And then the last step, they say, is just look for the opportunities. Look for it coming back into your life. One of my favorite practices, and this will probably be another. I'll probably do another episode right after this, just literally to tell you how I start my day. And when I do this one practice, the day is amazing. And, you know, life just unfolds the way I want it to unfold. And when I skip it, it is shitty or not shitty, but it just doesn't go as planned because then I feel like I'm being tugged in all different directions. So the last thing is just to wait and see, wait for it to appear to come into your life. So I'm not going to steal my own thunder, but I will rephrase or I will repeat those four steps. So step number one, what is it that you do not want? Right, because you want to get this thing out of the way. First, this way, when you try to look at the optic desire, you're not getting pulled back by why it's not going to happen or what you don't want. Identify first, what is it that you don't want? Secondly, reverse that. Take the reciprocal. What is it that you do want? Get really, really clear about that and build that picture in your mind, because this is where all the juice is going to come from. Thirdly, how does it feel like when you have that? What are the emotions associated with having the thing that you desire? Feel it, feel it in your heart. When you think about these things, focus on the feeling in your heart as you're picturing all this. And then lastly, just wait for it. Your desires have been spoken. It's coming, right? Everything is always available to us. We just have to get in the right frame of mind to be able to see those opportunities. And when you see those opportunities arise, you act. I hope you enjoyed this podcast, guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. I will do a separate podcast on how I start the day and when I have those moments of magic, what the routine is in creating those. So tune in to the next episode. I hope you enjoyed this one. If you like a great coffee, try my rousecoffee.com, r a u s coffee.com and the whole point of this podcast, the whole point of my doing the coffee, is to create moments of enjoyment, right? It's this podcast is called One Life for a reason, because I want you to realize that you only get one life. Not just to go after the things that you desire, the things that are going to make you feel alive, but also to take the time to appreciate and enjoy the moment that you're in. And that is what coffee is for me, and that is what I bring. So, you know, it's going to be really, really exceptional. And then that is it. If you have any questions, comments, please give them the podcast review. If you like it, share it with friends. That is all I got for you guys. Mic drop. Thank you so much. God bless and I will see you soon.