Preparing For The Journey

Hi guys, my name is Donnie Rouse and you are listening to the podcast One Life. Preparing for the Journey. If you don't know where you're going, what are the chances of you getting to your destination? That's kind of a trick question because no matter which way you go, you're going to arrive at a destination. The question then becomes, are you going to be happy there? One of my favorite quotes was one from the book Alice in Wonderland where she's talking to the Cheshire cat and she goes, which road do I take? He answers, well, that all depends on where you want to go. She says something along the lines of, well, I don't know. In which the cat answers, then it doesn't matter. So if we don't know the direction, if we don't know the destination, how can we ever expect to get there? We need to develop this acute sensitivity, this knowledge or this understanding of where it is that we're going. So this way we could point that missile and fire at it and hopefully reach our target. But before we reach that target, we have to prepare for the journey. And that preparing for the journey is what gets you ready for the possible slip ups, the challenges that you're going to encounter along the way. So you have to, again, you have to know what the goal is. You have to know all the reasons, all the things you're going to have to do to get there, the challenges that are going to come as a result of just being on this journey. And then whether or not you're willing to still take it. One of the things I'd been doing my entire life or not my entire life, but the last 10 years was I was always talking about wanting to redo my wardrobe. If you ask anybody in my family, every year around Christmas I would get some gifts and then like, oh yeah, you know what, I'm going to go to the mall, you know, after Christmas and I'm going to buy a new wardrobe. And everyone laughs and say, yeah, sure, you've been saying that for the last 10 years. So why was it that I never took action on that? Several reasons, actually. One, the main reason was that I had forgotten what my outcome was. My outcome wasn't just to go to the mall and shop around and look for things. My outcome was to feel good about myself, to feel confident, to feel comfortable in the clothing that I was wearing, to feel like I was wearing something that spoke and that defined me. Where I was getting hung up was I was putting too much focus on spending all the time in the stores focusing on Having to return the things that didn't fit right or that I didn't want, and all the things that were actually going to make or delay or make it a little bit more troublesome to achieve that goal, doing something differently. I said, you know what, this is what I'm after. Let me write it down on paper. So I wrote everything down. I said, I want to be confident. I want to feel good in my clothing, feel attractive. I wrote all these things. I said, okay, what am I going to have to do in order to achieve that? Okay, well, you know, I'm going to have to shop. I'm going to have to look for different styles. I'm going to have to learn some things on how to coordinate. And then I said, okay, well, what are the things, the challenges, the struggles that I'm going to have to undergo in order to achieve this, this new wardrobe? And I said, okay, well, you know what? Likely I'm going to have struggle with trying to put some outfits together. Likely I'm going to buy some of the things that aren't going to match and fit into that wardrobe. Likely I'm going to have to do some returns. Likely I might get feedback from other people who don't like the style that I have, in which case, you know, I'm going to have to deal with that stuff. And the last step was, will I be okay? Would I still move on despite that? And the answer was yes. I'm going to give you a different, a little bit more of a. That was a simple, a simple example to kind of prove the, kind of lay the foundation. But I'll give one a little bit more complex. I'll give an example of self worth and confidence. So I was looking at self worth and confidence, something that I had some struggles with. And I was looking at it because I had this people pleasing aspect of my personality. And as a result of that, I would kind of placate myself. I would bend to the needs and desires of other people, sacrificing my own. So I wrote this down on paper. I said, okay, the outcome I want is confidence. I want to be able to stand in my own truth. I want to feel empowered. Then I said, okay, well, if this is what I want, what does that entail? Well, that entails speaking my truth. That entails saying what exactly I want, my expressing my own expectations for something, taking a stand for what I believe in, taking action, all these other things. Then I went to look at the challenges. What were the challenges, the struggles that I may encounter as a result of being on this journey. That's when it became real. I was like, all right, well, that means that some people might think that I'm on an ego trip. Some people might think that I always want it my way. Others might form opinions. Whatever it was, most of the stuff was just what other people were going to think about me. And as a result of that, I said, okay, well, I can't control what other people think about me. But what's more important is what I think about myself. Despite everything that could possibly, whatever people are going to think, say, despite all that, am I willing to move forward in pursuit of that goal? Yes, I am. So I took this and I applied it in the real world. Someone had texted me, and it's this person who triggers me in the past. And I would often again bend. I would be nice instead of kind. Often kind of being a butt kisser, to be honest with you. But this time it was going to be different. This time I was aware. I looked at. As I was texting a response back, I looked at it. I'm not giving you really detailed detail into the conversation, but you'll get the point. So as I was texting back and I was about to kind of be super nice, and then I thought to myself, all right, well, what am I doing right now? I have my own opinion. I have how I feel like I have to show up so that I could be that confident. Donnie. So I could be that empowered. Donnie. Is that what I am doing here? It wasn't. And I said, okay, well, how is it? Do I have to respond in order to be that confident, that empowered person where I'm holding my own truth and holding my own power? I typed out that response in the text and then I sent it. What was so amazing about this simple experience was seeing that there was a feedback loop. In the past, I would have these experiences, but I would get so caught up in the struggle, the challenges of it, I would never look back to see what was it that I was after in the first place. And with this new framework of thinking, I always reverted it back to who I wanted to become, which was insanely powerful, because now you're letting who you want to become drive your action today. And that was just one instance, but it had come up several times over with different people. And each time that I did that, I was like, okay. My awareness kicked in. I said, okay, this is what's happening. This is. And I notice it from a feeling inside, right? Because when we're not acting in our truth, we feel this discomfort, there's like this uneasiness in us that is like the first indicator. If you want to look for something to say, okay, something's wrong here, check in. It is that feeling. So I noticed that feeling several times over, and each one of those times I stopped and I checked in, okay, what's going on here? All right, I feel that, like, I'm being hesitant to respond. Like, I want to respond a certain way because I am afraid of them being angry at me. All right, well, what is in line with my truth? What am I really after? And I'm like, okay, well, sometimes it's almost like the reverse approach. Rather than say, okay, well, what is it that I'm after? I almost looked at, well, what is it that I'm reinforcing? There are two sides of the same coin. What is it that I'm reinforcing? When I saw that I was trying to bend and be the people pleaser, I said, is that what I want to reinforce? Hell, no. Hell no. So I approached it from both angles, but both were equally as powerful. Some will argue that pain is a little bit more powerful. So creating that identity as a people pleaser is one that I wanted to break, so that was powerful. I said, hell no, and I changed my response. So what is it for you? What is a goal or what is an attribute? What is something that you want to change? A reaction to something, maybe. But let's. For the, for the sake of this exercise, let's put it as a desire, like a personality trait or an identity. What is it you want to become? You can use. Let's use the example of confidence. Same thing I did. What is having this role or having this identity, what does that entail? Meaning, like, what are the things that this type of person does? How do they act? Next, what are the struggles, the challenges that you are likely to encounter when taking on this role? Here's a hint. A lot of people are going to see you, want to see you through the same eyes that they've been seeing you for their entire lives. So when you feel this power, when you bring this on, I mean, this is just one example, it's not really going to sit well because it's not what they know. But who does it matter to? Who is it important to? Who are you doing this for? For yourself? And then lastly, looking at the struggles, the challenges, all the stuff that you're going to have to break through in order to get that result you want, are you willing to do it? If it's a yes, then move forward. Guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode. This was one of the most powerful ones for me in terms of exercise and just being conscious of that. And I want you to understand that. Don't do it one time, think that it's gonna work and then get down on yourself because, like, oh, you know what? It's not sticking. In order for it to stick, you have to do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. When you bring that, even just bringing the awareness and noticing how you're responding is the start. But doing it over and over, that repetition is what brings it into your body. It makes it part of your identity. I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode. If you enjoyed it, please give me a follow. Give it a thumbs up wherever you are. If you're listening to it on your phone, take a snapshot of this, share it on your social media, invite your friends to check out the One Life Podcast with Donny Rouse, and let's all live awesome lives. That is it, guys. Have a beautiful rest of your week. God bless and I will see you soon.