Self Sabotage

Hi, guys. My name is Donny Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life Self Sabotage. You've probably heard the idea that you self sabotage your success, but what exactly does that mean? And how do you become aware of when you're doing the self sabotage? When you're holding yourself back from the success, the thing you want, the relationship you want, the money you want to achieve, the career, the dream job you want to have, or the experiences you want to experience? How do you know when it's self sabotage that's holding you back, preventing you from moving forward in those. I had two brushes with this recently, and the reality is that we have. We kind of like bump up against this on a daily basis because anytime there's a change in our life, we kind of bump that wall. And so really it becomes like, what is the magnitude or what's the. The significance of the change? Because the bigger the change, the more change it's required. The more, I guess, potential this action is that will change our life, the more resistance we're going to face. With my business, for a long time, I had been self sabotaging myself, and I'll use that very lightly because there was a lot of good that came with self sabotage, like me traveling around the world a lot. So there were some pluses and minuses. So before I even go forward with that, realize first that everything is again, give and take. And nothing risk means nothing earned, or nothing risk means nothing gained. Because you have to take risk in order to gain. You have to take those changes. So even with the trips I had dune, there was a risk or a change that needed to happen in order for me to gain an experience, a lifelong experience. So no regrets here, and you shouldn't have them for your life either. But with my business, there was a fear of moving forward. And I'll give you one specific example. I was creating. I was working on like changing around some stuff with ingredients. I'm looking for, like the right ingredients that will match the current flavor profile, but also just make it little bit the process of my brewing a little bit easier. So one of those things that is required in order to move forward in this process is to test these ingredients and to test this upgraded process that I'm creating. So isn't it obvious? All right, well, you want to move forward, the only thing you have to do is test it out. Correct and test again and correct. It's kind of like that step forward and just keep making shifts. You keep learning. But that wasn't what happened in the beginning. So what I found myself doing was I would get all the stuff ready to have to go in and do this kind of this bench test. But then I would stop. I wouldn't book my production space because I'm like, oh well. And the thoughts going through my head. And I was conscious of at a point I was unconscious to it, but then I came very conscious to it and I was talking with my friend Cynthia. I said, yeah, I know exactly what has to be done. But then there's a fear inside that's like, well, what if it doesn't work? Then I'm, you know, I'm back to the drawing board. Then I have to, you know, find a, you know, a different process or a different method in order to, you know, in order to move forward. And it sounds stupid saying it to you now because that's the only way to move forward, right? Nothing really works in the beginning. But you need that feedback in order to move forward. You need the feedback in order to fine tune whatever it is you're doing. And that's been the experience in everything that I've done with my business. Everything. The only difference has been where I've been putting that focus and focusing on the failure versus focusing on what I'm creating, where I'm moving. I'll give you one more example. Relationships. So I kind of dabble in like the dating scene. And so when I say dabble, meaning I'll like, I'll put a little time there, then I'll spend a lot of time not dating at all. So the benefit though in doing that is I became very aware of what, like of the self sabotaging mechanism at work with that. So I have been actively dating and one of the things that I would find myself doing, like I would go on a date, I would like the company of the person that I was going on the date with. And all of a sudden my head would chime in about like going into the future. I'm not gonna list it all here, but literally it would start going out in the future and it was like planning the, like the, like the break before it would even happen. Like that, well, you know what? It's not going to work. And what do you think the chances of putting forth and actually putting forth the effort necessary to move forward? If you're looking at it as already a lost cause, nothing, right? Nil. You're not going to move forward because you're like, well, what's the point? So one of the things I found myself doing, and I found myself doing it Because I was able to notice my thoughts, I became really still. And in understanding that, and I saw that I was like, ah, interesting. I realize what I'm doing. So now you realize what you're doing, what do you do next? One of the simplest things I found was just to realize, okay, well, is this. Ask yourself a question. Is this a normal pattern for me, right? Like if I look back at past experience that I've had with this, is this normal? If it is normal, then just sometimes, just by recognizing that it's a normal pattern of your thought, if you want a different result, the only thing you have to do is change your pattern. So you say, okay, well, this is the way I think. I'm gonna do this, despite that, and you'll have a new experience and hopefully you will have a different start to form a different belief system. At least that's what's been working for me and that's what I wanted to share with you. So let's rewind, right? So you're in an area and there's a lot of resistance there. So the self sabotager is at work. How do you kind of shake it up? How do you get out and get away from that self sabotager? The first thing is realize, like that wall, what is the wall that you're hitting against? You know, is it going on that second date after you realize you, like, you meshed really well the first date and now the second date, and you start to get a little bit scared, you start to pull back a little bit, realize what that wall is, and then say, oh, what is the fear? Like, what happens? What happens if I hit the wall and I bounce back, right? Because it's always fear. That's, you know, it's fear that's guiding you. Fear of change, fear of something, you know, then all of a sudden having to rework everything. So what is the fear? Secondly, I lost my train of thought for a second. Secondly, the. Once you understand the fear, but look at the outcome, like, what is, what is the possibility? What is the, what's the potential of whatever it is that you're facing and start to just kind of feel that. And then third, I want you to understand, is this a pattern that I've been running over and over? And the only way to look at that is look at past experiences where you've encountered something very similar. And if you're responding the same way, then realize that it's just a conditioned pattern in you. Maybe something from your childhood, who knows? But the only way around it is to change the way you respond to it. And then lastly, once you've recognized that it's a pattern, sometimes that's enough. I just want you to take a different action, take a new action and let your mind say, you know what, I'm committing to this and I'm committed to learning about myself and what you know and the new experience. Because you're going to learn something by taking something new, a new action. And that is the start to ending that self sabotager and putting that zipper over his mouth. So that is it for today, guys. I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If you did, if you like this content, if you want to hear more, you could sign up for my Rousecoffee email address emails that is@rousecoffee.com or you can go to donnyrous D O N N Y R A U S where all the content is going to be specific to this and there are going to be a bunch of other things that are going to be coming up. Maybe like chances to travel somewhere in the world with me and have that kind of experience, but that's all. I'm not going to. I'm not going to steal my own thunder that's coming in the future, but I hope you enjoyed this episode. God bless guys and I will see you again soon.