Stepping Over Fear: The Decision You've Been Avoiding

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. What's going on, guys? Donnie Rouse here. And today we are going to make a giant shift in your life. So before we go any further with this, I want to ask you a question. What is one thing in your life right now, in this moment, that you know you need to make a decision? You know you need to make a change, but you've been putting it off out of fear. Fear of what that decision may be. Fear of maybe that thing being greater and maybe you not being able to handle it. Fear of who you may disappoint, whatever that may be. I want to say that by the end of this episode here, we are going to free you of that and allow you to make the decision you need to make to move forward in your life. Oftentimes we have these decisions that we need to make that keep us on the fence and that we think that by not making decision that we're safe. And it's couldn't be further from the opposite. The truth of the matter is, is that when we are faced with the decision that we have to make in our life, not making a decision is also choice. And what that does is it keeps you in this vicious loop of experiencing it over and over and over and over again. One of the quotes I remember Tony Robbins saying, he goes, a coward, a courageous man dies once, a coward dies a thousand times. And this means that when you're not making that decision, you're literally cycling it over in your mind. You might as well have died a thousand times versus getting the making the decision, moving forward with courage and getting to the other side by the end of this. Again, my intention for you is to think, to conjure up one of those decisions that you need to make. Like, what is the one that's going to move you forward the furthest that you've just been putting off for so Long. This decision could be something in your business. It could be something in your health. Maybe there's been an ailment that you've just been avoiding because you're looking at the worst possible outcome and you'd rather not even know. Think of that decision. I'm going to go into a story now, and I'm going to tell you about how I faced something similar to this and how the whole thought process and how it all evolved, and then my courageous action that I took in order to free myself of this and free up my mental capacity to focus on things that were important to me. So with this, I want to kind of ask you a few questions. I wrote them down here. What in your life needs to change? Or what is it in your life that you need to make a decision on? And then just to get some leverage on ourselves, what has it cost you by not making the decision? What does it cost you? Because there is always a cost. It could be the worry, like we said, cycling over a thousand times and not even knowing what the real answer is. But you're focused on a negative outcome, and as a result, you're living that negative outcome rather than realizing maybe that it's absolutely nothing and being able to move forward with the clear mind. And then lastly, what will take an action give you, like, as a result of taking action? What will you get at the end of it? Like, what is the benefit? Like, maybe it's like, I'll know for sure and I won't have to sit here and second guess. So the story I'm going to tell you is one from my own life, and it has to do with, if you listen to this podcast, at least like a year and a half ago, I had been dealing with some pain in, like, my lower abdomen area. And I went to my doctor, and my doctor was told me that it was a hernia. And I thought to myself, well, that's easy, right? That's an easy fix. But when I went to two different. I went to one surgeon, he looked at me, he's like, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not going to do surgery on you. I don't see anything. I was like, oh, thank God it's not hernia, you know? But then the question was lingering in my mind, like, well, what the freak is it then? Right? I was going. And then I couldn't get my mind off of this. And it seemed, isn't it true the more you focus on something, the more you feel it, the more you focus on something the more you feel it. So as a result of feeling this sensation on my lower abdomen, all of a sudden, I started to put all of my focus there. Every thought, like, if I moved a certain way or if I felt the slightest little pain, I was like, oh, my God, what is this? And I would freak out. I went back to my primary care physician. He's like, I'm telling you, it's a hernia. You know, Like, I'm like, well, how the surgeon doesn't feel it. So I was like, let me book a different surgeon. I booked a different surgeon in the same office. He's like, it looks like you saw one of my colleagues. What's going on? I was like, well, I just wanted to get a second opinion. He looked at my abs. He's like. It was kind of funny. He's like, wow. He's like, you got great abs. He's like, many people would kill for your abs. He's like, I would kill for your abs. He's like, I don't see anything here. And so I'm like, okay. And I went back. My primary care physician again, he's like, I'm telling you a standby. My first assessment, you have a hernia. One of the things I noticed was like, you know, they were. When they were checking me for the hernia, they were both checking in different places. So, like, my mind was just looking at all the different things, like, what one did, what one didn't do, and trying to make sense of it all. Around the same time, one of my best friends, her husband, was diagnosed with colon cancer. So as you can imagine, guess what that did to my mindset as a result of him going through that, I was like, oh, my God. What if it's colon cancer? And my mind started spiraling. Now, all of a sudden, I went from having a hernia to having cancer, right? And when I thought that I had it, it might as well have been true, because I was living in this very, very intense state of fear and worry. And so later that year, it was in the winter, and I had a check. I had an appointment to get a colonoscopy, but then I canceled it. And there was two reasons. One reason was my insurance was about to reset, right? So anything that I put towards my deductible was gonna get reset in, like, a month, right? So why do that? Right. I might as well put it towards the deductible the following year. But that wasn't the real reason. The real reason was I didn't want to know the answer. Right. The real reason was I was afraid of getting the result and receiving that diagnosis. Be like, oh, there's colon cancer in your colon. Right. That freaked me out. So as a result, I let it carry forward for the next five months before I would even go make the next appointment. The funny thing is, throughout that time, I was living in Miami, Florida. And throughout that time, it was kind of like out of sight, out of mind. I wasn't thinking about it the entire time I was in Miami. I wasn't really working out with weights either. I was doing some resistance bands. And the only time that I would feel that sensation was. I remember once I was doing. I was doing some squats with like a heavier resistance band. Then I felt it. Like, I was like, oh, man, that doesn't feel good. Something's off. And then I kind of. I pulled back a little bit and the sensation went away. On the way back, back up to Connecticut, I started feeling that sensation all over again. Right? It was because I was sitting in the car for nine out, eight hours a day, driving north. I was like, what the hell is this? So I made an appointment, I got another MRI done. MRI doesn't show anything. MRI with contrast this time. Nothing there. I'm like, okay, well, the only thing left for me to do is to do the colonoscopy. And when I decided to do the colonoscopy, I like to do. Well, part of me is kind of weird. I want to know what my insides look like. And without going being sedated. So I was like, all right, let me schedule this appointment. And I don't know why I even told you that detail there. But the point is, when I made this appointment, I was scared because I'm like, well, I went to see this doctor and he's like, listen, I don't think you have anything right. So if you want, if it's going to put your mind at ease, let's just do the damn colonoscopy. But if I'm telling you my own opinion, I don't think there's anything there. So I went back, I digested that for a little bit. And then I thought to myself, like, well, you know what? Maybe I don't need to get this procedure done then, you know, for a week. And then all of a sudden, like, that, that worry would pop back in and it would literally take control of my life and throw me into, like, this whirlwind. And then that's when I decided to make the appointment to get the colonoscopy. Because at the Very least, I was worried also because I was paying for the entire thing out of pocket. So I was worried about the negative outcome. I was worried about the expenses of it. But then I said, well, what's more costly? Paying the. Whatever it was, $2,000 or so out of pocket, or living going forward in life with this uncertainty and living with this worry, what is going to be more impactful on. If you want to talk about my, like, the financial. On my wallet, right. It's not going to be the $2,000. It's going to be not getting that done because it literally, it's going to zap all of my energy and everything that I'm going to put into, like, my business. So I made an appointment and we get the weekend and I get to the, to the appointment and the lady's go, right? Donnie Rouse. Yeah. Wow. So we're, you know, you didn't eat anything, right? Because we were going to do blah, blah, blah. Yeah, okay. And then they said something about the sedation. I was like, no, no, no, no, no sedation here. She's like, are you really not going to do sedation? Wow. I mean, I heard it's painful, like, but everyone told me, I had a few people and told me it wasn't painful. And the doctor who was doing procedure doesn't do sedation. So I was like, oh, my God, should I be doing it? So they questioned it. And then all of a sudden they put this, this seed of doubt and worry back in my, in my, in my head just about the procedure. But. But I had made the decision before that I wasn't gonna do any kind of sedation. And I said, you know what? If the doctor does it without sedation, I can do without sedation. So I went in there and the entire procedure was fascinating. I was worried that they were gonna find anything. You know, they're putting the scope. The only uncomfortable part was there's a turn on your left side that they have to kind of like. It was like a. More sharper than, like a, than a 90 degree angle, but they have to go around and they're wiggling the pipe and it's a little bit uncomfortable. But the nurses, they were really, really good at making me feel at ease. And so they get all the way to the end. He's at ease where the appendix is. And then I noticed something. I notice where. And he's pointing on my, on my, on my abdomen. He's pointing to the area where that the scope is. And he's like, all right. He's like, we're about right here. I'm like, right here. That's not even freaking close to where I'm feeling the pain. Like, what? Like, huh. Probably didn't need to do this. The entire time, you know, in my head I'm thinking, like, that's not even close. Like, I'm feeling it lower towards, like, the. The groin area. And he's up in, like, towards, like my mid ab. The mid abdominals. Okay, all right, so that was like. That just kind of flagged out in my head. Then as he's going back, I'm like, glued to the television, watching, like, you know, looking at my insides. It was. It was much cleaner than I thought. When. When I think about going through the. The large colon, I'm like, I think of part of my French, like, stuff all over, like the walls of, like, the. The intestines. But it was actually very, very clean. And as was the course, because they're doing this procedure, they need it to be clean so they could see if there's any abnormalities. So they're. They're pulling the scope out slowly, slowly, slowly. There's nothing. I don't see anything. He doesn't see anything. And then, you know, I think I need. Part of me needed to see for myself, to actually trust it. And he gets out and he's just. Everything's fine. And it was such a relief having that. Having that closure and knowing that there was. There was nothing there. I was like, oh, my God, at least, all right, the worst is behind me. All right, so that was. I left. And I felt so good because I knew that, like, the worst case scenario wasn't it wasn't that. Right. It wasn't a cancer. And then so I get home, and then as I'm really pondering and thinking about all this, I'm thinking about the area that I was feeling, that soreness and what had happened and, like, why if someone told me, hey, your colon ends here, the place you're having this pain is not even near the colon, right? So chill out. And I would have probably been put more at ease because I noticed like, this. This pain I would get was intermittent. Fast forward. I mean, this is not part of the story that. That kind of. The story kind of ends there, but fast forward. I was in Europe for a month, and in Europe, I wasn't doing any kind of weights, working out, but I was very active. I was walking at least 30,000 steps a day and for. For hours, and I was just always active. I was never sitting in a freaking Chair. And you know, I notice I didn't feel that sensation at all while I was there. I come home and all of a sudden the sedentary lifestyle kicks in. I'm sitting at the desk doing something like this recording, doing work at a computer, maybe at my standing desk. Standing or sitting right, which both of them are harmful to your health. So I'm doing those and then I notice that pain comes back and it's like, wow, well, it's something going. And I started working out harder again too. And then I started feeling it. So clearly it's something muscular. And the reason I tell you this story is because there was a decision I needed to make. Right? Let's go back to the three questions I asked you. One, what is the decision you need to make? I needed to make the decision to move, like what I needed to do, right? Because if it was something worse, it would need to have some kind of treatment, right? Otherwise left untreated, it could be detrimental. And then secondly is like, well, how is this not having the answer? How has that affected me? I was spiraling my mind. It might as well have been a cancer because of how it was affecting my mindset. It affected relationships I was in. It was affected the part of me that I brought to my work. Work. It was always there in the back of my mind. And as a result of that, I was never able to really, really fully show up in the moment because I was afraid. And it was worrying, which are some of the most disempowering emotions that you could ever experience because they pull you out, you're not grateful for anything. As a result, your experience of life dwindles. And then what would the decision? The number three was, what was this decision? If I made that decision, what was it going to give me? And it was just closure. And to know that, like whatever it is, to know what it is that was the closure, and then I would have a way of moving forward. But until I knew what the hell I was dealing with, there was no way for me to move forward. I was just guessing as to what it was. And as a result, I was just living that same death. Because the coward dies a thousand times. I was living that over and over in my mind. So it might as well have been true. But as a result of going through and going to closure, now all of a sudden I felt free. Now all of a sudden, like whatever muscular thing like that I can deal with, that doesn't matter to me, right? Because it's not fatal. So I didn't worry about that, why do I tell you this? I tell you this because you may be dealing something, looking at a decision in your own life, and it may not be something like with your health, but it may be in your career. Maybe it is because you've been working at a job that you know that's left you unhappy, but you're afraid of what is on the other side. If you were to make that decision, what is, what's going to come after that? And I want to encourage you to lean into this fear, right? Don't, don't. And then I say this, it's a lot easier said than done, right? Because I'm not dealing. You have emotions that you have to deal with, but lean into the fear. Just look into this. Because most of the time, like all the fears, everything that we experiencing is literally just that, an experience in our own minds. The only meaning something has is the meaning that you give it. And so just lean into that discomfort to see what it feels like. I know from experience as well as I know from sometimes not making the decisions that the pain is a lot worse staying where you are than it is making the decision to move forward a lot greater. So by leaning into it, you allow yourself to confront that fear. To see, like, all right, is this even real? Right? And then to really say, like, well, if it were, can I, can I get past it? Like, how, how can I move forward? And if the worst case scenario, would I still be able to move forward? And you know, and you say, okay, well, yes, worst case scenario, I would figure whatever strategy out and then just make the step again. Everything happens on its own time. Like, so you may be like, in that decision that you're facing, don't beat yourself up if you feel like it's not happening fast enough. Sometimes you have to hit a threshold. Sometimes you need the pain to be so great that all of a sudden it breaks you through and you move into action. Sometimes you just need to relax your mind. Sometimes your mind is just so busy where you can't even think or look for an answer or a way out or the truth because your mind will just keep spiraling. In instances like that, look for a way to silence your mind. If you don't have a meditation practice, you could try doing that. Gratitude is a really, really good one. But also just getting out into nature and just getting out of the day to day routines that you are in to see something new and allow your nervous system to calm down and the answer is to flow in. So those are three strategies that I Incorporate into my own life. When I'm trying to seek silence again, it doesn't always happen. It's not always easy for me to find that silence and to find the answers. But I know deep down inside, like when I listen to my heart, I know the decision that has to be made. And while I may not always action it like in that moment, I do action it with fear, sometimes in apprehension. But I move forward. And as a result of doing that, then once I get to the other side, it's free, right? The unknown is always going to be scarier than what you were familiar with. You can stay in a spot that is familiar but uncomfortable just because it's familiar, rather than trade it for the uncomfort for something that is going to leave you happier and better. Don't make that trade. I mean, make the trade. Don't stay in the same place. Because life is. I mean, life is. Every moment is a gift. And I really realized that from doing some of the meditations. And when I look at things I'm grateful for, I realize it's all these small moments that combine and make up, you know, the day and a beautiful life. So live the most passionate version of your life by making decisions that are in alignment with it, that are going to lead to your happiness. Realizing that nothing is finite, you could always turn back, you'd always make a new decision. But as long as you're staying in that same place, you're never going to know what is on the other side, what is possible. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode here. And again, I want to bring you back to that first question that I asked you, like, what is the decision you need to make? I want you to feel into your heart like as a result of listening to this episode, what is the decision you know in your heart you need to make? Maybe not to get completion of it, but just to take the next step, to move forward. And then I want you to imagine what would it feel like to take that step and to have that closure, to know that you no longer have to worry or that now you are on the right path, Let that soak in for a little bit and then take that step and make that decision. So I hope you enjoyed this episode here. I was going to talk about something completely different, but in my morning journaling exercises, I decided to talk about colonoscopies. So I hope you enjoyed this episode here. I hope it added some value to your life. If you enjoyed this, please leave a review on Spotify, Apple, whatever software you listen to this podcast in and then please share it with some people who you feel could benefit from this. So that is all I've got for you guys today. I hope you enjoyed this and remember, you only get one life. Live fully, live passionately. And I keep throwing it in live drink, rouse coffee and wow. Live. Now I almost forgot my own tagline. So God bless you guys. Thank you so so much for tuning in. I appreciate you being here and spending time with me. Hope it enriched your life in some way. And I will see you in the next episode.