Transcending Trauma

Hi, guys. My name is Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life Transcending Trauma. We all experience trauma at some point in our lives. It's just a byproduct of living. Where we get into trouble, though, is when we create negative meanings and negative stories on the event that instead of pushing us forward, they end up holding us back. We do this through no fault of our own, because when a lot of these things happen, we were younger, and because we're being reactionary, we have these intense negative states that we apply to the event, creating a negative story about ourselves, giving ourselves limitations rather than liberating. So if we are to free ourselves, if it's all about just living life on your terms, living a life of passion, living a life of joy, then we have to look at these things, these skeletons in the closet that we've been hiding from, and bring them to the forefront and then reframe them so this way we could find the more empowering meaning. We could find the meaning that's going to actually push us forward, something we can grow from. Years ago, when I was just starting my coffee experience, I was consulting for a cafe, and the owners there were a little bit less than nice. And having just started out, I wasn't yet confident with my. With my skills, with my knowledge. Even though I knew a hell of a lot more than 99% of the people out there, I hadn't used that knowledge yet. So I lacked some confidence. So when I was first roasting coffee, I brought this cafe, a sample of that coffee and was excited for all of them to try it with the possibility of bringing it on as one of their. One of their featured coffees. When the owners tried the coffee, one of them made this face and immediately made a negative comment about my coffee. And this was something that stuck with me for years. Years where I would almost cringe every time someone would take a sip of my coffee. I was afraid of getting that negative feedback. But then when I took the experience and without just replaying in my head, because anytime you're looking at when you have an experience, you got to put it on paper. You can't keep it and think you're going to sort it out in your head, because as long as you're in your head, you might be able to logically kind of think it through, but it's almost like it's invisible ink. It's like, yeah, you bring it up in your mind, but then you forget it, and all of a sudden it's right back again. So this Time I was like, you know what? I'm going to put it down on paper. I'm going to write it down and really break this down. Because it was something that was very much limiting and holding me back. I took out a piece of paper and I started writing that down. I wrote down the experience first and then how it affected me. Looking at that experience, I said, okay, this is what happened and this is the story I was saying about it, that my coffee wasn't good. What is the truth when I broke apart, that I was able to give myself be a lot kinder to myself. Not just that trying to compensate for how she was feeling, but also where I was in my own journey. If I was completely honest with myself at that time, when I first stepped out, my coffee wasn't that good. Nowhere near what it is. It was good, but nowhere near what it is now. Because my understanding, I was still at the beginning of that journey. So I was judging myself extremely harshly and made a crappy meaning that my coffee was horrible that would follow me for years to come. But here's something else that's funny, was when I remember going to that cafe and drinking the coffee roasting. So think of, think of coffee roasting as something similar to wine, right? You can give the same grape to 10 different vintners, and every single one of them is going to give you a different glass of wine. It's the same thing with coffee. So when I was tasting their espressos, drinking their coffees, it wasn't my cup of coffee I didn't like. There was nothing about their coffee that I found enjoyable. But I liked mine. I did like mine. So it made me take a step back and say, okay, first of all, why am I taking their criticism and letting that fog or define my coffee, right? Maybe it's just that it's not their cup of coffee, but it's someone else's cup of coffee. So I started to just kind of break all this stuff down and write down all the different reasons as to why that experience was false in my mind, why I created this identity or this meaning that my coffee wasn't good, and just why that wasn't true. And if it were, allowing myself that room to say, okay, well, I've grown since then. And here's the irony. Well, first of all, the owner, one of the owners that was there, wasn't a particularly kind lady, even if she didn't like the coffee, she could have approached it with a little bit more tact. But the irony, it was that experience that actually propelled me forward. It was that experience that made me be more determined to figure out more about how to roast coffee this way to avoid that pain. So it actually did push me forward. But there's a different, there's different ways of moving forward. There's the push and there's the pull. This was, if I'm looking at it, I just actually draw this, made this assumption now, but looking at this experience, like I could have said, okay, this is the experience I'm having. Okay, someone didn't like, is there anything that I could do differently? And taking a more like a proactive choice that was more empowering to me. But instead I was holding on to these negative feelings, holding onto this negative story. And while I did improve my coffee tenfold, I held onto that negative story and carried it with me the entire way. So it's like holding onto this baggage. You're traveling, right? You say you're backpacking around Europe and you have a hundred pound bag on your back. You can travel around Europe and you carry that bag and it's going to weigh you down. Or you can choose, have a concierge service take it and just ship it to every different location that you go to. The analogy kind of works. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But you get the point. The point is that you don't have to carry all this weight around if you just simply look at it subjectively and say, what is the more empowering meaning here? One more story. I remember being at a Tony Robbins event years ago, probably like around 2010, and a woman stood up and she was saying how when she was younger, she was in a train and she was like, she was looking out the window. And in her mind she had this story that her father was trying to push her out of the window. After further questioning, it turns out he's like, well, all right. Well, was he trying to push you out the window? She'll go, well, yes, he was trying to push me out the window. And then she realized somewhere in that that there might have been a different meaning that she wasn't seeing. And that meaning was like, if you've been in a train, you. You know that some of those windows actually go pretty far down, like enough to get a child to squeeze through. So she was playing in this window, trying to look out, and her father reached up behind her and grabbed her to pull her in. So the truth was he was actually trying to save her. But in her mind, she had twisted the story and she said he was trying to push her out when she came to this conclusion, when she came to this realization as to what really happened, she was in tears. She couldn't figure out, how can I get this so wrong? I let this experience dictate the relationship with my father. They had a horrible relationship up until that point. And then in an instant, everything changed. So that same experience can be yours if you're willing to unpack some of those things that you had put away, hoping never to look at again. Because hidden somewhere in there is like, the diamond. It's that diamond in the rough. And not to be so hard on yourself, because everything really is a learning experience. You learn from doing. You can't do anything that you can't expect to do anything perfect that you've never done before. And then also, when we're kids, we make up these bullshit stories about ourselves as to why we're not good enough, why we're not good looking enough, why we're a bad dresser. That was one of mine. Actually, all those were mine. But we have to literally bring them to the forefront. Write them on a piece of paper and look through each one of them with a loving eye and say, looking at it, okay, well, what was the truth here? And look at what was the meaning that you gave it before? Is that really true? And as you break each one of these, again, being loving to yourself, looking for the truth and the truth, maybe you're, you know, like, maybe in my example, maybe my coffee wasn't that good, but it's awesome now. And that actually was just a step in my journey. It was just a part of my growth. So giving yourself the room to grow and saying that you know what, you are on the journey and not to be so hard on yourself. So let's do it. Pull out a piece of paper. This is your assignment. Like every other podcast I do, I've given you an assignment. What are some of the biggest traumas in your life that you've kind of held onto that have dictated the course, the progression of your life in not less than positive way? Write them down. Next, write what was the meaning that you gave those stories? After that, ask yourself, what is the truth? You've heard the quote that say, the truth will set you free. What is the truth? And look at it from. If you want to. If you have a hard time with this, if it seems a little bit triggering, see it from. Answer the truth from someone else's point of view, answer it from. Imagine someone who loves you and has your best interests in mind, imagine it from their point of view. How would they answer that? Maybe that'll get you out of your head and be able to answer it truthfully. And then after that, just read it and sit with it. If this exercise was anything for you like it was for me, it was very liberating. It was very. It felt light to see the truth and how I had been deluding myself for all these years. Once you've done that and you've kind of let go of the baggage, then we can create a new story and start to live the life that we know we were meant to live. That is it. Guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Please, if whatever podcast you're using, like if you're using Spotify, Apple, I hope you would just click the follow button. Give me a follow. And also if you enjoyed this or if you know anyone that might benefit from. From listening, benefit from listening to these words, take a snapshot, share it on, share it on social media, flipping over my words and you know, and just share it and invite them to listen to this podcast. So that is it, guys. I hope you have a beautiful and blessed rest of your week. God bless you and I will see you soon.