Trapped by Success: Reclaiming Time, Joy, and Purpose in a World Obsessed with More

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company. I'm espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You, too, can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. What's going on, guys? Donnie Rouse here. And today we are going to talk about the price success. So before we even get started, what does success look like to you? Does it mean having a certain amount of money? Does it mean having a certain lifestyle of freedom where you're able to move around with no strings attached? What is success to you? Because how you define success is going to determine your path forward as well as the beliefs you hold about success. In a moment, I'm about to share a story about a conversation I had with someone who is very successful in his business. But when we were having this conversation, he quickly shared with me the struggles he had. And in some sense, I felt like maybe he wasn't even aware. Because isn't it true once we get on that hamster wheel, the wheel just keeps spinning, spinning, spinning, and the only thing you're focusing on doing is keeping the momentum of that wheel going so much so. So that you forget about everything else that's going on around you? Isn't it true that you've had moments where all of a sudden you realize that, you know, wow, I was just. I've been working this job for 50 years. Where did all that time go? Or maybe not 50 years, but it's that kind of thing where you get stuck in a pattern. You get stuck in a way of being. And the mind, in an effort to be efficient, keeps you on that because it doesn't have to dispense a lot of energy. So it's easy. So you keep going. That and to the point of trying to change all of a sudden. Now is painful, but it is possible. So before we go into the story, I want to ask you, what does success look like to you? If it is a monetary value, write it down. Write down exactly what that monetary value is. If it is a type of lifestyle, write that down as well. And after you write those down, I want to ask you, what are your belief systems around that? Like, what do you, in order to have this thing, what do you believe has to happen? Do you believe that you have to work, you know, like from 9 in the morning till 9 at night in order to have this level of income or this type of lifestyle? What are the belief systems behind that? And then also I want to ask you a different question, and this is perhaps the most important question. What do you value? So if you're someone who values freedom, then being stuck in a, you know, a 9 to 5 or a 9 to 9 is gonna literally drive you nuts. If you're someone who values people, then sitting at a desk doing a job with no interaction is gonna, is gonna be the death of you. So it's important to understand what. And that's the Val, what are your values? If family is a big value, right, Then not being able to spend time with them is going to eat you up inside. What are your values? Write those down as well. So yesterday I had a conversation with someone that I was connected with by my brother, and we were just talking about business. We both work in the same industry and this person is very, very successful in the industry. And one of the first things, as we just met, one of the first things he had mentioned was how he had taken the day off. And normally he can't even get to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription because by the time he gets home, it's 8 o' clock at night, working out of state. I can only imagine that when he's leaving for work, he's leaving early, early morning. He's probably leaving around 6, 6 o' clock in the morning and getting home at 8 o' clock at night. So already in my mind I'm like, wow, that is literally, that is literally the entire day. If you're driving, doing that kind of that commute and working the entire time, by the time you get home, you're mentally drained. You really don't have much energy for anything else. So as we went on, he was sharing with me just the fact that he had been doing it for so long and how quickly time went by and I thought of myself, isn't that true? I've been in the coffee industry for 23 years now. And I say the same thing, like, I can't believe it's been 23 years. I look back at where I started, I mean, leaps and bounds from where I am today. But it just seemed like, I mean, I almost like I don't even remember, but it was so 23 years ago I started, and it seems to have gone by in a moment. One of the things that I'm happy that I pride myself on was that I didn't wait to enjoy. To enjoy the things that brought me. That brought me, like, passion. I didn't wait to do the things that brought me joy. So the entire time, well, nevertheless, I'm in a career path that I find extremely joyful. Like, I love coffee. So I made the right choice there. Right. I could have stayed in finance, which was my original career path, and I would have been dead inside. Thank God I didn't stay into finance. Not to knock anyone who's in finance. It just was not the career path for me. It's not what lit me up. And it's not to say that doing coffee has been. Has been like a cakewalk either, because there's been many challenges there as well. But in. From the time I left, I had done some trips, and I knew that what brought me passion was traveling and getting outside. And as a result of that, I made that a priority in my life. Now that I'm traveling, I'm doing a. Every year, I travel twice a year for about a month. So maybe that is. Sometimes it feels like it's a little bit too much. Like, I come back and I feel like I'm not really sure where to pick up, but. And sometimes it feels like when I get back, I'm kind of like taking a couple steps back, and then I have to regain my footing and then move forward again. And so I guess there's, you know, it. There's two extremes there. But the point I wanted to make in doing that was that I'm not waiting. I'm not putting off life for, you know, for. To earn a certain, like a. To meet a financial goal. I'm doing it because I realized that every moment is a gift. Every moment is a blessing. Every moment is. Could be the last moment, really, when you think about it. Like, none of us are guaranteed a single moment outside of this moment right now. As we went into deeper in the conversation, we shared what our passions were, and we started talking about goals. And he was sharing some of his goals that he had told a customer of his, and he had completely smashed those goals and asked me what my goals were. So I shared my goals, what they were for the beverage that I make. But I also said, well, after, you know, that is my goal for that, but my goal for life. I told him my goal for life is I want to impact people beyond like their cup of coffee. I want to travel the world. I want to get people to step outside of their day to day habitual patterns, to realize that there's a whole different world out there, to follow their dreams, go after what they love. Because every moment is a gift and not a single moment is guaranteed. I said something along those lines. After that I went over to my brother's house who lives very close by and I was sharing with my brother. I was like, hey, you know, this was the conversations we had. And he's, well, yeah, he's like, once you build up a lifestyle, you have to, there's the pressure now is to maintain it. So if you have multiple homes now all of a sudden you have to maintain like the, the upkeep of those homes paying like the, you know, the landscaper paying electricity, paying all just whatever expense arises as a result of owning that, that asset. And then my brother went on to say something along the lines of, well listen, it's one or the other, right? Like if you want this lifestyle, then you have to do that. And I, at first I was like, well no, hell no, hell no. I'm not going to be a slave to a lifestyle of having to earn a nominal amount of money in order just to maintain a lifestyle. I would not do that. This morning when I woke up, I was thinking about the conversation I had with my brother and I was like, this is bullshit. This is complete bullshit. It's just a shitty belief system, right? Who's to say that there's to think that you have to work yourself to the bone and have no time for yourself so that you could have a lifestyle like a certain lifestyle. And what is that lifestyle really? What are you really sacrificing? You're saying you're giving your, you know, your time to, for money and then you don't even have the time to spend it. So the shady belief system there is that you have to, it's not that you can't make the money and have life time and a life to do what you want, do the things that bring joy. That's the belief system was that you have to, you know, if you're going to make X amount of dollars, you have to put X amount of time in. And that's just what it is when it's, it's not true. It's not a belief system that I'm willing to adapt. And I was thinking about this this morning. I was like, you have to really, really stand true to your values. Because the world around you, a lot of people are. Have herd mentality where they're thinking what they're thinking a certain way, right? They have the fancy car now. Oh, you're like, I have to get the fancy car because I feel like I'm behind. So you start following. That's the herd mentality. You do not have to follow that. But it's funny, it's like a virus, because then you start thinking around the same way as other people, and it doesn't even match your values. It doesn't match the lifestyle that you want. So if that is you, I want to wake you up to that. And waking up to that first starts with understanding what is it that you value, right? We kind of went as like, what if success? Then I said, you know, what do you value? The first thing you. What are your values? Right? Get. Let's put those in stone first, because that is what's gonna determine what your goal should be, right? If your values are freedom, if your values are, you know, having your financial needs taken care of. Like, you have to know what your values are and then meet the goal to align with those values, right? So if you're. You're financial, if you're like, I want to be financially free, where it allows me to travel and I could work in passion project where I impact the world through X, right? All right, That's a goal, or that's it, you know, you're sharing your values, you're making it part of the goal. What do you need to make that happen? A lot of. If you're starting with the goal, you may aim for, like, the 5 million, 10 million, $30 million, whatever it is, a year. But you may be aiming too high. And what I mean by aiming too high, meaning is that your values are set right here, right? In order to meet those values, in order to be where you want to be, you may only need to make 500,000, 100,000, whatever it may be. So all this other stuff is just all this energy you're gonna dispense, but you've already met your goal, so what is the point? What is the point? Because it's costing you your livelihood, it's costing you your life, it's costing you joy. So what do you do? If you're listening to me, you may be listening to me and like, Donnie, great. You know what? I'm already there. I'm stressed out. I spend so many hours a day at work, and it's just to maintain this lifestyle. I've become a slave to my Things. What do I do? The answer is actually pretty easy, but probably not hard because maybe it might come with gossip from other people. Like, oh, wow, they're selling all their things. Well, I just gave you the answer right there. To let go of the things that are holding you captive. Holding on just to the essentials. Now, that's easier said than done because sometimes you, you know, people gossip. Maybe they'll talk. Maybe that's an influence on it. Or maybe you do get some enjoyment out of something and you just don't want to give it up. In which case you have to weigh the two out, right? You could have the, you know, the vacation home that you spend one week a year, or you could get just rent one for one week a year. It's going to be a hell of a lot cheaper, right? But you have to simplify your lifestyle. But I don't want to project here because it's all based on what you want. Maybe you get extreme joy out of. Maybe the person I was talking to got extreme joy out of managing this company and going to work every day. Maybe that's what brought them joy. I could be projecting here, but I want you to question the decisions you're making in your own life so you align with your own values. If that's what you like and you want to go drive five hours a day to go to work and then come home only to be completely depleted, by all means, do whatever you want. Do what's going to make you happy. But if you are unhappy, I want you to question it and I want you to probe a little bit further to say, well, what is going on here? What. What is? What is necessary? What is not necessary? What do I need to let go? What is no longer serving me? I know through my day I get these. Sometimes I'll get these little. These feelings, right? That like these emotions that dwell up and some. Like a lot of time I would just kind of brush them. Let me. Let me lift up the car a bit. Throw it under there. Let me throw it under this one. Let's hide them all. But I started paying attention to them and I was like, well, interesting. This emotion came up. Where did this come from? What is this trying to tell me? Because your emotions come up and they're trying to deliver a message. They're trying to deliver a message of action. They're letting you know that something is not right. Sometimes it could be just a faulty way of thinking, but other times it is allowing you to get a peek into what your real value system is. Pay attention to that because it is your guidance. So in essence, let me go back. What do you value? Like get a piece of paper right now, just write down, what are your top values in life? What is it that's going to give you a life of joy, a life of passion, whatever you want your life experience to be, Write that down and say, what is it that you value? And then next look at your goals. All right? In order to create this life, what do I need to create? What do I need to do? You know, to sustain? Create your goals based on what you value. Right. Maybe it's like, oh, to get a job that allows me to travel all the time and earn X amount of dollars. Okay. At least now you know what your target is. And if you are well established now let's look at your life and say, okay, well what is holding us back? What are we now a slave to? An example of my own, right? If I were to own a. So when I do my copy production right now, I rent space. So I rent my production time. When I'm brewing my espresso, I rent per diem. When I'm roasting coffee, it's per diem. The freedom that it gives me is that I do not have to be there all the time. I rent it when I need it and then I say, see you later, right? So I'm not paying rent every single month. So it gives me some freedom there. But also, I mean, there will probably come a point where I will. Where I'll want my own brick and mortar. Well, I want my own shop where I'm doing my own production there, but it's just not at the moment right now. And so that decision, I made that decision consciously. But I could if I were doing it the opposite way as I was, if I had the facility. Actually, you know what? I'm going to get rid of the facility. I'm going to outsource my production or I'm going to go to a co production space that allows me the freedom so I don't have to have $100,000 a month going out just because I need to maintain the space or whatever it may be. There's always a way, if you're willing to look for it. There's always going to be a solution to whatever problem you're facing. So again, if you are in that spot, what changes do you need to make to your life in order to create the life that is aligned with your values? And the last thing is, if you are courageous enough is to just start taking that first step. Courage happens in that first step. It's not, you know, when we think of courage, we think of courage as, like this bold, big, bold action that, you know, like, plows through the wall. That is not. I mean, courage is not it. Well, it could be that, but in my understanding of what courage is and how it's applied to my own life, I think of the scary things that have happened. Say, like, you know, like, you get a pain in your stomach. You're like, oh, my God, I got to go to the doctor. I don't know what this is, Right. But you're. You're resistant to it because you're like, oh, my, what if he tells me something bad? You know, what if it's something worse? And you're like, you freeze. Courage is taking that step and saying, you know what? I'm going to book the appointment. Appointment's coming. You know what? I'm going to go into that visit and see what it is. The courage is saying, you know what? I'm going to get a second opinion to confirm what he said. So courage is just taking the next step. And the reason I tell you this is just so you can start to take some. Get some movement and start to gain momentum. Because as you keep taking the steps, the steps, steps, guess what? You're going to start feeling amazing. You're going to be like, you know what? I got this. I can do this. And then that's what is going to bring you to being in a place that you've never been, you know, getting to the other side of. Of that crevasse, whatever it may be in your life. So I want to end this by just again reiterating what do you value in life and how can you align your goals to those values? And then lastly, if you are, you know, if you're at a place where you kind of feel stuck, like you've walled yourself in, you've made your slave yourself a slave to your possessions. How can you start to let that go? What steps can you take? Remember, guys, like, life is. Life is a gift. Life is not. A moment is guaranteed. So just make sure whatever you're doing that you're enjoying it, that you're making a difference. I hope you enjoyed this episode here. If you did, please leave a comment or share with someone whom you feel could benefit from hearing this message. That is it, guys. Thank you so, so much for tuning in. I remember you only get one life. Live fully, live passionately, and most of all, live now. God bless you, and I will see you again soon.