True Identity

Identity is one of the strongest forces shaping our lives because no matter what we do, we always find a way back to our emotional home. It's influenced by how we see ourselves, how we're seen by others, and what we aspire to become, but which is true. Hi, my name is Donnie, and you are listening to One Life with Donnie Rouse. Identity is who we believe we are. It's the primary driver behind all of our behavior. What makes it so powerful of a force is that we do everything in order to be consistent with it. So what is the truth? To figure this out, we must look at who we believe we are, who others see us to be, and who we want to become, with the understanding that all of this personality, all this identity really is, is just a culmination of our experiences, memories, and beliefs. Everything up until now has given us this false sense of identity. Because we looked at past experiences, memories, they all came through this limited lens in which we see the world and we created meaning. It's like getting approaching someone of the opposite sex or someone of the same sex, if that's your preference, and getting shot down. Does it have anything to do with you, the person? Not at all. It could just mean maybe they like people who are 6 foot or 4 foot or they have different preferences. But we tend to take these experiences and we start to make them part of our identity. So we might say that, oh, part of your identity is you're shy or you feel unworthy when you're looking at it through a skewed lens, through a lens that is not the true representation of the world. So how do you describe yourself? When I think of social situations, we often bring out the. We bring out, like, the best of ourselves. We say, oh, I am. I am a coffee roaster, I am a podcaster, I am a world traveler. But we rarely ever look at the shadow sides of our personality, and I really think that it's kind of dependent on the situation. One of the things I like to. One of the questions I asked while doing this exercise was, what are the like if I look at my life and I look at the results I've gotten, I look at the actions I've taken. What do those say about my identity? I got a different set of answers when I did that, when I looked at my identity. So when things are great, my identity is one thing. But then when things weren't going so great, when I was in a different state of mind, the identity shifted. And that even happened in social instances, say when I'm traveling. The identity is Very different than when I'm at the farmer's market or when I am conversing with family. So it was very, very situational and if anything it gives us some, it highlights some of the areas where we have to kind of put some focus and say, well, why, why do I feel this way in this particular area? Or why does this situation where I normally feel confident, now in this situation I feel less confident. And it's kind of like a. Think of it as shining a light. But then let's look at where we beliefs of others or how others see us. This I found to be one of the most, most important aspects of this entire, this entire podcast because we fail to recognize just how important the people we surround ourselves are to our well being, to our personal and professional development. I was doing this. So I've been focusing on identity, on creating a life that, that really that I believe I'm worthy of and that I'm passionate about in the process of creating that. One of the exercises I was doing was affirmations and visualizations. If you're not familiar with these types of exercises, affirmations are saying statements with conviction, saying I am. Or even saying something as say you have a problem sleeping, say oh, I go to sleep easily and I get the best night's sleep ever. And it's this rehearsing of it in your mind when you reminds starts to say, hey, I get the best night seat ever. Let me lay my head down and wake up rested tomorrow. And it has that effect. And so I was doing these like these. So that was the affirmations and the visualizations is seeing it as if it is already happening, as if it is real. And by bringing your body, by rehearsing this in your mind, there's no difference than rehearsing it, than it actually being true. And by rehearsing this, you're actually creating the sensations in your body saying, hey, this is true, this is what I expect of myself, this is who I am. And as a result, you drive towards that vision that you have in your mind. If you don't believe in this, just look at the area where it's not going well in your life and the identity and beliefs you have around that. And you can see that your focus is always in this negative thing. Your focus is on the thing you don't want. And as a result of that, you're bringing that into your life. So the point of the story, I was talking with a friend and I'd been doing my podcast for months now and he was saying to me, he's, you know what? I hear you on this podcast, but this doesn't really, you know, I don't feel like it's you. At first, I was taken back by this. I was like, well, what is it? Does it mean I'm being inauthentic? And I put some thought on it, and I spoke to a friend of mine and shared her. Well, I came to my own realization, but it was reaffirmed with speaking to another friend of mine, was that sometimes people will see us from where we are, not where we want to go, and they'll identify us with who we were. Not unable to grasp that. Like, you know what? You know what? They're reaching for something better. They're changing themselves to be who they want. And in order to grasp this, they most likely try pulling you back into this former state you were in. And for a moment, it actually did, but the opposite is true. So there are people in your life who have a different identity for you, a different set of expectations of what you are capable of. Who are you around them? It's a very, very different question. I have. I have the. The. I'm grateful and lucky to have several people in my life who pull me to higher. To higher places and make me strive to do, be, achieve more, and become more of my true self. And to recognize that the difference is when I'm with them now, they're actually, rather than trying to pull me back to who I was, they're trying to push me up to who I should be, who I am in reality, that I just need to recognize those are the people that I want to be around. And so when we're looking, when we're talking about the concept of identity, we got to look at how these forces play. Because the environment that you're in might not be supportive of the person you want to become, either consciously or subconsciously. People might try to hold you back just because it's what they're comfortable with. And let's look at the last part of identity. So we said, all right, well, what are the beliefs we have about ourselves? Goodness, Bad. What are the beliefs that others hold for us? But if we want to create a life, we want things to get better. If you've gotten anything from the first two little segments, I said, is that you have to have a better vision for who you want to become. Let's look at identity. So let's ask the simple question. I want you to write this down on a piece of paper. Who do you want to become? Right. Write that Down. And I'm willing to bet everything that in the process of writing this down, you're gonna start to feel different. Your focus is gonna go from changing on what you feel like you're stuck in or who you are now to what you aspire to. And that just focusing on those things is gonna make you feel different about who you are right now and about your day and about your life going forward as long as you choose to focus on those. So I did this exercise, and I was looking at that, and I was starting. I felt an emotional change in my body as I was writing these down. And let me see if I have. I could read you. I won't even bother reading it. But there was a realization. I came. And this is going to conclude this entire talk today was I was looking at the list that I created of who I want to be, and then I was like, wait a minute. At some point or another, I've actually displayed all of these things. And then I noticed that all the, like, what I want to become, I've already done for the most part. Maybe there are, like a. Maybe a few characteristics that I wanted to do, like when I put specific titles like A Pilot and different things into my identity. But when we're talking about, like, adjectives like, oh, confident, this confident, charismatic, energetic, all these things I already possess, and, But I, I, maybe I haven't been living them consistently. Maybe that's a misconception in and of itself, is that we're always in this state, but we have to recognize that it's already part of our identity. We already have that. We just have to choose to. To turn that switch on and recognize it, and that is it. And it's a matter of focusing on what it is. So I believe identity is getting it into your body, feeling it with all. All that confidence, all that certainty, and just remembering that that's who you are. And there are going to be situations that are going to make you question who you are and feel uncertain, but you have to recognize, well, what is it that. What is it that it's making you question your confidence or making you feel whatever. And a lot of times it's going to come down to a belief system, a shitty belief system that you've had way back when. But the point I'm trying to make is look at where you want to go, because only by looking where you want to go can you become and really actualize that. And then when we're talking about identity, when we act from that place. So if we say, if we're looking at, say, confidence, for example, and we're looking at this identity of being confident. And then we backtrack. What kind of actions does this person take? If part of my identity is to be a world traveler, is to be energetic, is to be an initiator, what kind of actions are required of that person to make them who they are? How could I incorporate that into my life today? So that is it for this podcast. This is my first podcast recording in a while. I have a bunch that are scheduled to go out, but this is my first podcast recording in a while because of kind of stuck indoors by the time you're hearing this. I might even release this sooner for the whole COVID 19 and so I chose to rather than wait until things open to buy my own podcast recorders. This way I can start putting out the content from home as the things inspired me because the world is always changing and I wanted to be here to take the things that come to me, put them on recordings. This way I could share them with you. So if this impacted if you guys have any questions in terms of identity exercises or how you can get clear about it, feel free to shoot me a message. You can send me a direct message via Instagram at Donny D o n n Y R a U s Again D o n N Y R A U S that concludes this episode. Guys, I hope you have a blessed and beautiful rest of your week. Be safe and I will talk to you soon. God bless you.