Trust Life

Hi, guys. My name is Donny Rousey. You are listening to the podcast One Life. So today the topic is Trusting life. So what exactly does that mean when you say trust life? There's a quote I'd heard in a bunch of the different personal development seminars that I had been to. They say, life isn't happening to you. Life's happening for you. So what exactly does that mean? I just went last night, I went into New York City to watch a movie called the Portal. And the movie was about meditation and how to silence that mind. And it touched upon all the different traumas, the things that happen in people's lives, and how when you kind of meditate and you look at these things and you stop the chatter of the mind, how you start to see how this is something that is actually there to serve you, although it may be very difficult to see that in the moment. It's there to serve you. It's there for you to build off of, to grow off of. So this way, you have something to give. So after watching that movie, there was another lesson. They said in this movie, they said you're constantly growing, so you may not. So growth is a choice. Growth is a way of seeing things, and growth is action that you have to take to move forward. But what I got from this movie was that that doesn't necessarily have to be the case in the sense that life is always kind of giving you things to help you grow, giving you things to help you move forward in life. And as a result of this, you're going to keep experiencing some of these things until you get that lesson. So I guess eventually some people might not get the lesson that they were intended to get. But I think, and this is my personal belief, and I think that when it comes to the end of our lives, when we pass over that, that is the ultimate, I guess, phase or the ultimate growth where we step into that. That state of being and seeing everything for really what it is. So looking at the experience of life, I kind of broke it into three different things, like your passions and interest. Your passions and interests, which are your calling. The patterns we repeat over and over, as well as that pain process that points us into a new direction. So I'm going to start. I'm going to give you examples from my own life. So passion. Fabian Fredrickson of boldheart, she says, your passions don't happen accidentally. They are your calling. They are your purpose. And looking back at my own life and kind of seeing how things happened, before I go any further, I want to Say one other thing about life is happening to you. Life's happening for you, not to you. It reminds me of the quote that was done by the quote by Steve Jobs. And it says something along the lines of, we could only connect the dots looking backwards. We can't connect the dots looking forward. So you don't know while you might be going through something now, you don't know what that's presenting you, what that's giving you so that you can build on that in the future. So passion. When I was younger, my earliest memory of my grandmother, one of my earliest memories was watching her make espresso for my father, his siblings, and I. I used to stand on my tippy toes looking at the little stovetop espresso maker, watching it come out the top. And it was just very magical to me. I remember the smell, the rich, dark color, and just seeing everyone kind of slow down, get together and talk and enjoy the time that they had together. And that really, really was ingrained in my mind at a very early age. Fast forward, years later, I continued to build on that. And whenever my. When my family got their first. Their first espresso machine, I was always the one making the coffee ready to be there to probably made people drink a lot more just because they knew that I had gotten that much interest, I gotten that much fulfillment out of it. So that's a dot, right? That's a dot that was in the past, that was not yet connected. Patterns repeat. So in college, I dated a girl for six years, not all while I was in college. I think three of the years were outside of college. Another or maybe two years and four years were in school. So while we were dating, the three of the years were relationship. The other three were me trying to talk myself into why I should still be in that relationship, looking at all those check boxes and like, you know what she fills out? You know, she checks this box, she checks this box, she checks this box. And what I was really doing was I was making an excuse for myself. So I didn't really like my feelings had changed. We had both grown. I mean, we started dating, I think my sophomore year in college. And then as the time passed, I started to see how we were different. But I was too afraid to let go. And then eventually, like that, after the four years we were together, like that tension I felt end up leading into resentment to the point when I couldn't even tell you what her favorite color was or her favorite food. My mind had literally erased everything I knew about the relationship. And that was it was really, really sad. And when the relationship was coming to an end, we. The thing. The straw that kind of broke the camel's back. It's kind of funny, but you'll kind of see how things kind of play. The straw that broke the camel's back she had gone to. So I had done a trip to Europe right after college in 2004, I did a trip to Europe where I toured around Europe for 21 days, did 11 countries. It was a very, very fast trip. And she was like, you know what? Well, I never went to Europe or she'd been to Europe, she was from Croatia, but she wanted to do a trip. So she took a semester and studied in Florence. I went to visit a couple weeks. And then after she had gone back, I'm like, you know what? I've never had that experience. I didn't go away to college. I went to UConn, Stanford, local branch here. But I wanted that experience. I wanted the experience of being outside of the comfort zone, being in new surroundings and being self sufficient. So I had quit my corporate job and, well, prior to quitting it, I was on the phone, I was talking to her and we got in a little bit of an argument. And how I ended up booking the trip was she's like, oh, well, you won't book the trip. And she was really testing me. And then I was like, you know what? Watch me. As we were on the phone, I went on, no bullshit, I went online and I literally bought the ticket right there and click send. I said, I'm going to Italy. And that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Because we ended up breaking up shortly after that. And the first three weeks, I was the first, like, not even three weeks. I think we broke up in March and I end up leaving in, I think in late April. Yeah, I think late April. No, May. Sometimes it doesn't matter. But that time after we'd broken up, I was celebrating. I was going out every single night, I was calling my friends, and it was a celebration. And what I was really doing was kind of avoiding the feelings. So I was with her for nearly six years. And you can imagine the effect that would have on somebody when you speak with someone and you're used to spending time with them, literally for almost every single day for six years. And after, when I took the trip and I flew over to Rome, all of a sudden it hit me and I started to feel very lonely. And for the first three weeks, I was in a classroom of, I think, 27 women and like attractive women as well. But that did not take my attention at all. All I really wanted was a friend. So I would pray every single night. I said, lord, just please give me a friend. Please give me a friend. And then three weeks later, that friend arrived, my friend Lucas. And we ended up having a blast. While we were in Rome, I always tell people when they ask me, Lucas is one of those friends where you could lock me in a white room with four walls, and we would find a way to laugh. We would find a way to make that time enjoyable. And I've never connected with someone in such an instant where literally we became best friends in a moment. It was just like an immediate connection. So while I was in Rome, I was going around to cafe to cafe. I think I counted something like eight espressos a day. It was so much to the point where, like, when I got back home, I had to give up coffee because I started getting heart palpitations. I didn't get them when I was in Italy, but while I was here in. While I was in. Came back to the United States, my heart was just racing because of all the caffeine I had. Again, while I was in Rome, I used to have, like, this loop I would do. I wake up, do the coffee loop. I would go to linguistic school, do another coffee loop. And then at the end, at night, I would do another coffee loop. So I was constantly drinking espresso. And ironically. Well, not ironically, but that actually, that trip to Rome was kind of where I started to get this idea for, or the inspiration for cold Roman espresso. If you've had my espresso, if you've stopped in markets, you know that. That is literally like my. My best selling product. It's what I'm known for. Another dot, or that. I think that was like, three dots, but another three dots, right? So then they haven't lined up yet, and then we'll give you another dot. So 2009, I had registered my company in 2007, I hadn't stepped out because I wasn't yet comfortable with the coffees I was producing. I purchased my roaster in 2007, and I was making coffee. I was sipping it. I was like, this is not good. I'm not comfortable putting this out. So what I do. I tested for three years not selling a single bag of coffee. I tested for three years testing the different variables, saying, all right, well, what happens if I make this change? Making notes. What happens if I make this change to a point where I was able to graph out the roasting curve graph out the roasting process. So I knew if I was getting this flavor profile, what do I have to do in order to change it, to get it more favorable or to get the flavor profile that I want? And so that was kind of when we're talking about this hoe, you can't see the end result. You can only connect them. Looking back in that little short time frame, like those three years, I realized what that was doing that. Those trials I was having with that roaster, what that was really doing was giving me the background, giving me the basis, giving me the knowledge to perfect my craft. So 2009, I hadn't stepped out yet, but I was in a relationship. And the relationship was. I'll say. There was the first girl that I really loved, and she was one of those people. Like, her smile. I could look at her smile and it would make me smile. It literally make me glow inside. And I never felt anything like that. But around, I think we dated for nine months. So it was probably 2008 to 2009. And I remember feeling like something was off. I mean, she was talking about plans for the future, and I felt something was off. And this feeling that something was off, I was more aware of it now because when I was in that six year relationship, I had felt the same feeling. So when that feeling came around for the second time, I was like, all right, you know, something's off. Something's not right with this. And then we ended up breaking up, I think in April. April and May of 2009. And it was probably one of the hardest times of my entire life. Like, the three days following the breakup, I questioned everything. I questioned God. I doubted the existence of God. And then from there, it was kind of like this slippery slope because I was like, well, if there's no existence, if God doesn't exist, then what the hell is the point? I mean, that means I'm just living each day to fulfill my own needs. You know, if there is no God, then what's the point of living for, you know, it wasn't fulfilling for me to live for myself. And I didn't want to live in a world that was just about self fulfillment. Luckily, after those three days, I kind of got like a new footing. I was like, all right, you know what? I believe, all right, I believe there's a God. Thank God. Thank God. And that was like the foundation that, like, built everything. Because as long as I believed in, there was a higher power. I was like, you know what? Then I'm comfortable Then I know that things will get better. I know that I'm guided. I know that I'm not just living for myself, but I'm living for, you know, to do greater good in this world. And where I was getting with this was that breakup that the intensity, the emotional intensity and the breakup that the feelings I felt from that breakup lasted four years. No bullshit, four years. And I felt like going back. I mean, I did love her, without a doubt. We had seen each other in October or so many months later. That was just to kind of reassess. And then my decision stayed true. I knew that it wasn't right, but I still loved her. So it was kind of like this hard thing to deal with. I was like, well, you know what I mean, how is this even possible? And then I felt bad I broke her heart, and I felt bad that I broke her heart. But I think she started shortly after that October meeting. I think she started dating another guy, Don. I think they're married now and everything else. And. Yeah, so what happened after that breakup was that it put me down the road of personal development. I started focusing on improving myself and that changed. So when you're looking at like the. That was just another dot and just again in that little time span, the nine months and then to the, you know, I think I started doing it maybe like a month after. Maybe like a few months after we broke up. That was like another, like a small series of like micro dots that were connected. That looking back, I wouldn't change that for anything. I wouldn't change the growth. If anything, I would probably experience it 10 times over because of the growth it gave me. The way it gave me a different way of viewing life and asking different questions and really starting to understand my beliefs and question things that I'd always taken for granted because there are a lot of those things were causing me pain. So how do all these dots add up? Right. You're probably asking that question. So again, you could only look back and connect the dots. You can't look forward and connect them. So trusting that everything is happening for a reason makes it a little bit easier for you to deal with what's going on because you know that in some way it's there to serve you. So fast forward to now. So my passion for coffee came from my grandmother. And it slowly developed along the way when I was with my ex girlfriend, Julian. We broke up and I went for those three days in Rome. I ended up meeting one of my best, one of my best friends. Today I end up getting the inspiration for Cold Roman Espresso. I don't have to say anything about Cold Roman. If you've tried it, if you've been to the market, you know exactly what Cold Roman is and how special it is. And then the breakup with my ex girlfriend of nine months, that's what kind of set me down the path of personal development. That's why I'm here with you today. That's why I have this podcast. That's why if you sign up for my emails through the RouseCoffee website, that is why I give these parting thoughts. It's part of the self development. And I'm not trying to say that I have all the answers, I definitely don't. And I'm not trying to say that I have this all figured out and that I look at what I'm telling you today and that's how I live my life 100% because it's not. If anything, this is like a. This is like a reminder for me as well because by voicing it from you, I want you to realize that one, everyone is on the same page. Everyone thinks that everyone else has their shit figured out, and that's not true. But the more we could remind each other, the more I could put this out there, the more it reinforces it in my own mind and hopefully the more it reinforces it for you. So, yeah, so now I'm kind of marking. I'm in a different territory again where I'm starting to pivot. I'm starting to question the way that I'm doing certain things, the way that I'm proceeding with my coffee company and how I want to step out with impact. And while it's been pretty, pretty emotional at times, you know, I keep saying to myself that this is, again, this is something else that served me. This is just another dot. And I again, I try to remind myself that. And I don't always do, I know, but there are. I try to always revert. And you know, life is not this like linear formula where you're just kind of going up. It's like up, down, up, down, dips, valleys, all these little things. It reminds me of this drawing I saw when someone had reaches success. The people viewing that success online, watching YouTube, Instagram, whatever it may be, that success in their mind looks like this linear line, but when in actuality it's this giant scribble of back and forth circles and knots and everything else, that's life, that is real life. And so that concludes the podcast for today. So I hope this helped you look at your own life and just kind of appreciate the process. If you are, you know, I'd love to get your feedback if you want a message. If you go to the group One Life podcast with Donny Rouse, there's a Facebook group for it. You can join there. I'd like to. I'm curious as to what your experiences have been and if you look back, if you look over the hardships that you've had, what have been, your experiences, what have been. Like those dots that you connected to make get you where you are today. In some cases, you might even say, you know what, the dots don't line up. Is it because the dots don't line up? Or maybe there's a reoccurring message, something that keeps happening over and over and over that you're supposed to learn from, but you just haven't yet. And just ask yourself that question, like, well, what is it? What is life trying to teach me here? What is it that I haven't? What is it that I'm not seeing? That's a very powerful question because by asking what it is that you're not seeing, you're trying to find something that's outside of your current scope of vision and bring that in. And I guess the assignment today or for this week, if you would just kind of do something, is to look back over your life and connect the dots and just trust that everything is happening for you. That concludes this week's podcast. I am going to be leaving, leaving for Vietnam next week and I'll be going for about two, I think about 18, 19 days. But while I'm there, I'm going to be doing some posts. I have the app Anchor Anchor fm. It's like a podcast. So I'm going to be doing some live podcasts while I'm in Vietnam and in Singapore doing my trip. I'm going to be doing coffee stuff there and just kind of going to be reflecting on life as well as well as kind of taking it easy. Summer's really busy, so once summer ends, it's kind of my time to kind of blow off some steam. So thank you guys again for listening. I look forward to getting your comments feedback. You could visit me on Instagram. Onny d o n n y r a u s one word. If you want to follow my coffee company, it's RouseCoffee r a u S C O F F E E One word. And if you think someone might benefit from hearing this podcast as a friend who might be going through something hard that maybe this might give them that little nudge of guidance. I encourage you to share, follow, and just kind of share the good word that is it. Guys, thank you so, so much for tuning in, and I look forward to seeing you the next.