What I Like

Hi, guys. My name is Donny Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life, what I Like. What do you like? Do you really know? I was talking with one of my friends, my friend Stephanie. She was listening to my podcast, and she was saying that she feels like she doesn't know what it is that she wants, what she's gonna enjoy, what she likes. And at first I thought it was kind of like an oddity become like, well, how don't you know what you like? But then I remember there was an experience where I had that. I was at an event, and I was talking to a woman who has a very successful business doing tapping, and she was saying, you know what? I forgot how to let go. I forgot how to just be spontaneous and go out and have fun. I was like, well, how do you forget how to have fun? You forget how to have fun when you're enveloped in the work you're doing and you don't give yourself that balance that out to enjoy and seek other experiences. I couldn't, you know, I couldn't fathom how somehow that could happen to somebody. But then when I looked into the mirror, oddly enough, I was doing that. I was keeping myself busy with so many different activities. And it's not that I didn't like the activities. I loved everything that I was doing. But when the free time came about, I looked around. I'm like, well, all right, what do I do? How do I spend it? What do I like? And it's funny, when you ask yourself that question, you almost feel like, well, I don't know. Of course, you know what you like. You just need a little help digging to get there. So, Stephanie, this one's for you. So if I were advising someone, well, how do you figure out what it is that you like? I would start with the emotions that you want to feel. Right? So if you want to feel excitement, if you want to feel, you know, like, connection, if you want to whatever it is you want to feel, write down the emotions you want to feel, because you know the emotion comes first. And then when you think of the emotion, you say, okay, well, what can I do that will give me that emotion or set of emotions? For an example, like, for me, travel is a big thing because travel satisfies so many of the things that I'm seeking. My sense of adventure, my sense of connected, like, being connected, the awe of seeing something beautiful, connection to myself, new experiences. I mean, the list goes on and on and on. That's why that travel, the travel bug is just so Deeply embedded in me. It's because all the things I get as a result of taking one trip, it's kind of an addiction, to be honest with you, a good addiction. So. But that's. That's what we can look for in our lives. So that's where I would start. It was like, start with your. Start with the emotion that you want to have, and then from there you can start to say, all right, well, what experience are going to give me that emotion? And the other thing is, is like, is not to. Not to be so discriminatory about what it is that you do. Because a lot of time you may say, well, oh, I don't like doing that. That's not me. But how do you know? Maybe you just never tried. I had a similar. I mean, I had the same experience with my hometown of Stanford. I've lived in my hometown my entire life. Can't say that I went out that much. Maybe when I was, like, in my 20s, I spent a lot of time downtown going out, but as I got older, I rarely spent. Ever. Ever spent any time downtown. So I built up this story in my head that was saying, oh, well, I. You know, I don't like that. There's nothing to do. There's nothing to do around here. That's bullshit. There's plenty to do around here. I just had a really shitty story. I guess that's point number two is changing your story. So I had a really bad story saying there was nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do, nothing to do. If you repeat that story long enough, just like saying, I don't know what I like. If you repeat that long enough, what do you think is gonna happen as a result of it? There's nothing. There's not going to be anything to do. But as I started branching out more, as I started taking more walks, especially during this Covid area, I was reacquainted with the things that I liked. Like, I liked hiking, I liked going for walks. I liked visiting cafes. I love. I mean, I'm a big social person and rarely would I ever allow myself to do that. I always kind of head down to the books, doing my work. Then there were a lot of things, and I would meet people who were. Who would go biking. They invited me to go biking. Now set up mountain biking in the woods. A new hobby. Wouldn't say that I would do it on my own, but with a group of people. I love the connection aspect of it, and it was challenging and Then I met some. A girl who was like, oh, well, I love going around hikes around here. There's so many beautiful parks. I mean, really, where, where are they? And she went on to share with me some of the parks. And I'm like, oh, my God, like, these are in my backyard. I never knew these things even existed. Where the hell did they come from? But I had this scotoma. I was blocking out all these things because I said I didn't know what I like or that I said that there was nothing to do around here. And as a result of that, that is exactly what I got. My brain said, okay, there's nothing to do. Let's put blinders on. So this way you don't see anything. But with those blinders off, I realized that my biggest limitation was myself. Just like, if you're saying that you don't know what you like to do, you're, you know, you're limiting yourself. You have to have an idea for what you like to do or maybe something you'd like to try, right? If you think of just travel, for example, you can say that you don't know where to travel. All right, well, what would be cool to experience? Oh, you know, I really would like to go to Italy and try the pizza there. And I heard they have heard they have good gelato too, you know, I mean, so it like. And just open that cap and just start brainstorming. You'd be surprised at what happens as a result of that. You'll fill up a. Literally an entire sheet of paper of things you can do. And so being conscious, again, like starting with the emotion first, like, what are the things that you, you like? And then what emotions, you know, what, what events, what activities can give you those emotions. And that's just kind of like a brainstorming exercise. The second is to stop telling a shitty story. Stop telling yourself that you don't know. Stop telling yourself that there's nothing to do. And number three, I'm just gonna say do anything. Get yourself out there and just talk to people. One of my clients had this exact experience. She said, well, you know what? She wanted to go out, but she didn't like the uncertainty of, like, if she were taking a trip somewhere. She didn't like the uncertainty of not knowing everything that was going to happen in the period of one week or whatever, however much time that she was spending on that trip. What do you think? I mean, I guess you could have a good time, but if you plan everything you're living, you're Leaving little room, if not any, for the surprises that happen because. Because you're too regimented to say no. Well, this is how it's going to happen. So I invite you to let all of that go. I invite you to say, you know what, I'm going to start small, go to a cafe, try a new place that you've never eaten before, and while you're there, start up a conversation with somebody. And if you're afraid, you know, you're not really used to, you don't like starting conversations, you're intimidated. That's the easy way around that is take the pressure off yourself by asking about them. Ask the people, say, well, you know, what do you like to do? And then just keep asking questions about that. Probe a little deeper. They might like, oh, well, you know what I like to paint. Really? What kind of paint? Oh, I like oils. Oh, what got you an oil painting? And you'll start to. I mean, not only that, they're going to get passionate because you're inquiring about a passion that they have, something that they really enjoy. So there's going to be a connection aspect there, but as a result, you're going to feel that energy and you're going to be like, well, oh, maybe I'll go to Pinot's Palette in downtown Stanford and I'll paint with the glass of wine in my hand. And you're open to trying new things because now you're getting different feedback, different from what you thought that experience was initially going to be like. So, I mean, like, really try anything. So I'm going to end this, this, this episode here, but if I'm going to give you the advice again, it's like looking at those three things, because it really doesn't have to be all that difficult to figure out how to add some spice and variety to your life and how to figure out, well, what is it that you like? What is it that'll bring you enjoyment? So again, the first, start with the. Start with the emotions. What are the emotions you want to feel? Right, so if you want to feel excitement, you might not go to a rock concert. If you wanted to feel peace and tranquility, you might go to a lake and read what are the emotions and what are the activities that you feel, like might give you those or cater to those emotions. Next, be aware of the story. I mean, this should probably go be the first one you say, but, like, be aware of the story you're telling yourself. If you're telling yourself, I don't know what I like. I don't know what I like. You're not going to know what you like. But if you tell yourself, you know what, I know exactly what I like, and just keep saying that over and over and over again, your mind's gonna be like, yeah, well, I know what I like. And it's gonna start to point you in that direction. And then lastly, start to talk to people. Go to places that you typically wouldn't. Not typically so much like typically wouldn't go. Because I'm not saying that you don't know what you don't like. Right? You have experiences, life experiences. So you do know what you don't like. But switch it up. If you're used to going to one cafe to get your morning mocha latte, go to a different one. Ask someone in line, say, hey, what would you recommend? This is my first time at this cafe. Oh, where are you from? And start a conversation with somebody and then see what their interests are. If you, you know, if you, if you feel that rapport, see what their interests are, and you'll be surprised at what that brings back into your own life. That is it, guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you enjoyed it, please take a snapshot with your phone share to your social media, invite your friends to listen to One Life podcast with Donnie Rouse. And that is it, guys. God bless, and I will see you next week.