You're A Monkey Derek

Hi, guys. My name is Donnie Rouse, and you are listening to the podcast One Life. You ever see the movie Zoolander? I am reminded of this quote. I don't even remember the character's name, but he goes, you're a monkey, Derek. You're a monkey, Derek. And Derek Zoolander is jumping around on stage pretending like he's a monkey. In a lot of ways, it's kind of like how we are when we don't question the controlling forces over our life, right? Because from as we're growing up, we take in everything as true. We take in all the feedback that other people give us as truth, but we don't realize is that people, every single one of us, has our own lens in which we see the world. A lens that's been tainted by their upbringings. And when you're young, you have these people with these tainted. These tainted views, these tainted lenses that they're these foggy lenses that they're seeing life through, pointed at you. And as a result of just being young and accepting everything as truth, you start to build a personality, a different personality than one that is true for you. When I was growing up, I was a big, big people pleaser. And it's still one of the things that I still trouble, you know, I'm still struggle with. The only difference now is that I'm conscious of it. I had dinner with a couple, a few friends. A few friends last week, and one of my friends, one of the guys that we had dinner with, is also a people pleaser. So we're going through. We're going through dinner, and we were gonna say, okay, you know what? We'll get dinner. We'll all split it four ways and we'll just meet at this person's house, and it'll be a great, relaxing night. Perfect. As the week went on, or as we got closer, this person that is also a people pleaser says, oh, you know, this person's hosting it. So we'll split it three ways. Then we're like, okay, that's fine. So one person said they were going to bring some wine. I brought some other things. And then the same person said, oh, well, they brought wine. Well, you know, they don't have to pay anything. And then he said to me, he's like, oh, well, you know, how do you feel about paying this? I was like, wait, is that split three ways? I know you didn't want to do it because she was hosting, but is that three ways? And he goes, oh, no, that was two. Because this person brought some wine. I was like, all right, well, you know, I brought cheese and everything else. This was the agreement we had. If you were bringing anything, you brought it because you wanted to bring something, not because. And when I took a step back, I was a little triggered by it. And I was even more triggered because I didn't want to, like, I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want to say anything because I don't want to make it look like that. I was just looking after the, like, after the dollar. But then at the same time, I was like, no, this is not. It's not okay. Because, you know, if I wouldn't do that to anybody else, and why would I expect to, you know, why would I expect someone else to do it? And if that were the case, then I should deduct everything that I purchased as well, because I brought it to the party. And so I didn't. I wanted to keep the peace. As a result, I wasn't going to say anything. And then when I noticed that thought going through my head and why I didn't want to say something, why I didn't want to speak up and speak my truth, which is just what I was feeling in that moment, I sent a text and I said, hey, you know what? Well, how is that, you know, how is that fair explained? I was like, well, if that's the case, then why don't I deduct the 20 I brought because, you know, the other goods that I brought. And he's like, all right, well, you know what? You can do that. And then the people and the kind of people pleasing aspect of me kind of kicked in. Well, I didn't. I also didn't think it was fair for him. Just, you know, he did that. But I didn't think it was fair for him to pay the difference of everything. So I took $5 or something like that with something small off because that was the people part. The people pleasing part of me kicked in. But I noticed it. I was aware. So we have to notice what are these things that we kind of habitually do? And it's not necessarily because we are trying to be like, you know, a good person. It might just be, we don't want to walk, we don't want to rock the waters. And that's something for the people pleasing aspect. How about for the person who feels like they always have to achieve or the class clown who feels like they always have to make people laugh? Right. It's kind of the same thing, just a different personality that you're Pointing to it. Because the person who wants to use laughter as a result of getting that tension, getting that love, it's the same thing, right? Kissing someone's butt as a people pleaser or trying to make them laugh so they like you, it's the same thing. Or trying to accomplish and be the achiever who does everything. I mean, that's in a lot of pressure, and that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody. And there's nothing wrong with having one of those personality traits as long as you're conscious. And it's coming from some, it's coming from within. And why do I even bring this up? What does this have to do with one life? Because when I think of everything that I'm putting on this podcast I do, on my mailings, and even the course, my one life course, it's all about living life more fully. And what this means about to the whole concept of one life is that when you're living one life, you are conscious of all the things you're going on. When you're worried about people pleasing, when you're worried about achieving, when you're worried about making other people laugh because they might not like you, that is pulling you out of the moment. That is preventing you from living in your truth. That is preventing you from going after the things that you want in life. So once we become conscious, we start to see these triggers for what they are and we can start to question them. And while it's very uncomfortable, at the same time, if someone is your friend, you might trigger them back by speaking up. Because first of all, they probably never heard you speak up about this particular thing that's bothering you, and as a result of you speaking up, they're going to be, oh, wow, where did that come from? But also, if they are your friend, if there are, if it's a true relationship, they're not going to judge you from sharing your feelings. Right. I could think back to relationships I have with one of my best friend, my friend Lucas, or my friend Nando. We've gone into, I mean, even my friend Lucas, I'll give you that one, we fought mostly over women. He's engaged. Well, he's not engaged yet, I don't think. But. But when we were, when we would travel, we would often get in arguments. And even if it wasn't over a girl, we would get arguments. But the realization at the end of those, you know, at the end was, what are we doing, dude? Like, this relationship, our friendship, is worth more than this. All right? You know What? Then we would say, all right, well, you can take her. No, no, you can have her. No, I don't want you take her. And when neither of us would pursue the person that we were initially going to pursue because just realized that it was stupid and that we valued our friendship so much more. And that's an example of speaking up and not being afraid to speak in. Because the people who are meant to be in your life, the people who are will try to. They might get triggered. But if you want them in your life too, you're going to make the attempt to try to soften that what you've said and try to understand their feelings behind it as well. But then it all kind of smooth out. And if it doesn't, then that's fine too, right? They may come around years from now. But the thing is that you don't deny your truth. You don't hide. You don't harbor all these feelings and keep them inside you. Because like a pressure cooker, once that pressure builds up, the top is going to pop. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for tuning in today. And I'd love to hear. I know I can't be the only recovering people pleaser in the room, so I'm sure there's everyone who has their own triggers, and I'm kind of curious if this relates to you. Anyway, shoot me a message. Donny D O N N Y R A U S Rouse on Instagram again, the handle is Donny D O N N Y Rouse R A U S thank you so much, guys for tuning in. I hope you had a great start to your week and I will talk to you soon. God bless.