Sexual Tips from Hollywood Actor Ryan Carnes

What if you can get some bedroom tip from a Hollywood actor? Well, stay tuned for this episode because I am going to be talking with Ryan Carnes, a Hollywood actor who's going to share some of his best tips. This podcast is for you. The modern man. I'm Dr. Anne Truong, your host. I'm an intimate health medical doctor and best selling author of the book Erectile Dysfunction Fix. I'll do a deep dive into sexual health and performance and how it affects men of all ages and backgrounds. So let's get started and be sure to visit my website@sexualhealthfulmenpodcast.com for more information and resources from the show. See you on the inside. Well, hello there, modern man. Today I am so excited because I'm interviewing a Hollywood actor, Ryan Carnes. Ryan is not only an acclaimed actor, he's also a producer, singer, songwriter and screenwriter. And he has amassed numerous credits over the years starring in ABC hit series Desperate Housewife and in Clint Eastwood Letters from Iwo Jima. And most recently, he starred in the Hulu holiday film Cupid for Christmas. So welcome, Ryan. Thank you for being here today.

My pleasure. Thank you for having me.

Good to be here. Wow. I'm just excited. You're actually my first Hollywood actor I'm interviewing today. We're going to go really deep and raw and find out how does a person like someone like Ryan get to where he's at and how did he achieve the confidence and being typed as the sexy, attractive Hollywood actor and how did he get to be there? Because, you know, he wasn't born like this, right. And so how did he develop these steps to be where he's at? And that's where I really want to dive into because we all start from somewhere and then we, we climb up to where we are and at times we actually fall down. So we're going to get into that and how we can. Everyone, all my modern men can learn from Ryan's experience. So let's start out first and how, how did you develop the self confidence and the variety that you have over the years and get to where you are now? I know that's a general question, but, you know, let's dive into it.

All right. Well, I think a number of factors, number of contributing factors because like you said, I wasn't, I've evolved as I think we all strive to do. I've, I've grown a lot over the years and, and the truth is that I used to be deeply insecure and, and it wasn't that, you know, it's, it's an interesting thing because it wasn't, it wasn't that I didn't, I completely didn't like who that I was because I like who I was because I think I've always in a way, had a strong sense of, of who I am. You know, I, I was never really susceptible to peer pressure. And I think that's indicative of, of someone who really knows who they are and on a certain level is really comfort. However, when I was growing up, you know, the, the, the household that I lived in was fairly emotionally volatile. Didn't always feel like a completely safe environment. Also, you know, I got bullied a lot in school and that definitely started to instill some insecurities in me. And, you know, I've always been a late bloomer, frankly, in a lot of ways. Probably in every way, I think. And I don't always think that that's a bad thing. I think I can see a lot of ways that, that served me in my life and on my journey. But yeah, I, I used to, I used to be really insecure. And in my early 20s, I was really depressed, Frank. You know, I was having a lot of success. I was doing really well in my career. Pretty early on, actually. You know, I was on Desperate Housewives, I was doing pilots, and a lot of things were going really well for me in work, but I was, I was really depressed and I didn't have a lot of confidence in my life. I didn't, I didn't go on many dates because I just, I didn't really love who I was. I was, I was scared. I, I, you know, I, I, I wasn't confident. I didn't, I didn't, I hadn't done things to develop or, or redevelop the self esteem that I had somehow lost along the way as a result of, of life events, trauma, things that I, that I had lived through. So it's, it's definitely been a journey for me in developing confidence. And I think I, I, I guess when I look at confidence, I would, I would, my inclination is to reverse engineer that and go, okay, well, you know, we don't, we, we, we don't just snap our fingers and wake up confident. One day we don't go, I want to be confident. And then all of a sudden you're confident. It doesn't work that way. You know, there's a certain element of fake it till you make it. But, but, but at the end of the day, confidence has to be authentic. If it's not authentic it's not genuine confidence. It's, it's a put on, it's a front. And so in order to get to confidence, we have to build self esteem. How do we build self esteem? Well, I think it's different for different people, but for, for men, I think one of the ways to build confidence is to explore, go and go, go into an inquiry of, and find out what our purpose in life is. Who are we? Who, who, who am I, what's important to me? What's my purpose? What's my mission? And am I on that purpose? Am I taking steps toward the goals that I have? Am I, am I taking steps toward developing and defining a purpose? And that takes time. That takes a lot of time. And, and I, and I don't, you know, unfortunately in our modern society, men aren't really taught that, you know, we don't, we don't live really in a tribal society anymore. And the downside of that, you know, there, you know, there's arguments to both obviously, but the downside of not living in, in a tribal manner, which is the way humans used to, is that we don't really have initiations anymore. You know, certain cultures, certain religions have rites of passage initiations, but it, you know, in the, in the Anglo Jude or I'm sorry. Well, in the Anglo Western heritage of things, we don't really have rites of passage, we don't really have initiations. We don't, we don't have things that we go through as young men that are, that are sanctioned by other men elders that help us develop at an early age a sense of confidence, a sense of self esteem. And I think we see the results of that. And when we, when we look around us in our society, a lot of us are lacking that. And it's, it's not always our fault. You know, it, it's, it's that we weren't taught how to do those things, how to have those things, how to possess those qualities. But ultimately, even though it wasn't our fault, just like every other aspect of our lives, ultimately we're responsible for it. Even though we didn't necessarily create the problem, we're responsible for creating the solution. And so for me it's been a journey, you know, it's been, it's been a journey of figuring out who. I'm not figuring out who I am, figuring out what's important to me and putting my focus in the direction of the things that are important to me. And I'm a very ambitious guy. And that can, that can be Good. And that can be bad. But I'm very ambitious. I'm very driven. And so for me, I recognize that the more steps that I take toward creating the things that I want to create, the more things that I do in the direction of my purpose and my mission, the more confident that I feel, period. If I'm not living the life that I want to live, my confidence is going to suffer, because on a certain level, I know that I'm out of integrity with myself. I know that I'm not fully in alignment. So as I've taken steps to get more in integrity with myself, to get more in alignment with myself, to be more honest with myself, my confidence has grown. And I think, you know, in. In. In a lot of the men's work that I've done in learning from other men, older men, more experienced men, that's. It's a common thread throughout. It's like we have to know who we are, and we have to be taking steps toward the things that are most important to us and to our lives.

How does a man find that purpose? How does a man kind of know who you are and find that purpose? I mean, no one. Is it something that appears on your dream? And how did. How. When did you decide that? When did you decide, oh, this is what. Who I want to be? And how does that. How did that idea come into your mind?

That's a. That's a great question. And I don't think there is one singular answer to that. I think it's a lot of trial and error. I think it's a lot of. Yeah, you know, trial and error. Like, try something. Well, does that feel good? Does that feel. Does that feel on point? No. Okay, then. Then I pivot a little bit. I redirect a little bit. Does this work? Yeah, that feels good. I can be of service in that way, I think. I think that's a lot of it, too. Is like, how can I most be of service? How can I most positively contribute to the world? And when we find those things, when we find those ways that really light us up, where we are being of service and where we see people benefiting from what we're doing, I think that's a good indicator of purpose, but it is a journey. And I think also what's important to that is for men, solitude, being willing to be alone, being willing to spend time with oneself. That's when a lot of answers come, and we have to source those answers internally. We can't. We can't outsource those answers. It doesn't matter what your mom or your dad or your teacher, your brother, your sister, your girlfriend. Doesn't matter what those people think we should be doing. It doesn't matter what who those people think we are. It matters who we think we are, who we know we are, and it matters what we know we should be doing.

So how did you find your purpose? Well, so what, what is your purpose then as a man?

Well, generally speaking, I feel that my purpose is to leave the world a better place than I found it. A little more specifically, I think that my purpose is to add more love to the world and to be an embodiment of that and to demonstrate and show that it's possible to bring heart into everything that, that one does. To bring heart. Coming from a heart centered place in, in my creativity and my, in my work and how I relate to everybody in the world.

Well, women, let's listen to this. So Ryan, purpose in life is also bring more love to the world. I like that. And bring more heart to the world. And that's, that's, we certainly need that more. So having said that, I'm going to ask you this question. Where do you rate your sexiness on a scale 1 to 10? How do you think how sexy you are? 10. Being blown out of this world?

I don't, I don't think, I don't think I'm qualified to answer that question. Frankly, I think that's above my pay grade.

I thought I'll get you laughing with that. So having, having said that, let's define what do you think is a sexy man and what, what are your perception of a sexy woman?

Well, you know, they, they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I, and I, and I think that there's a high degree of truth to that. So you know, just, just my opinions does, it doesn't mean that this is true for everyone. Look, I think, I think as a man, you know, it's a little hard as a straight guy. I guess it's a, it's, it's a little hard for me to define what I think is sexy about a man. But I guess I would say it's easier for me to define what's sexy about a woman. But I guess I would answer that by saying what, what makes me look up to a man, Right? Like, like a man that I would choose as a mentor. I would say confidence. While we're on topic, confidence, kindness, generosity, clarity of direction and purpose, assertiveness. And I, and I mean that in a healthy way. I mean that in like a, I know what I want and I go for what I want. I know what I want and I take steps to get what I want without hurting anyone along the way. I think something else is deep presence and strength. You know, strength. Not, not. And I don't mean physical strength, just strength of character, integrity. And you know, these are all qualities. I was very close with my grandfather. I really looked up to him and these are all qualities that he possessed. You know, he was, he was a rock solid guy and at the same time he was really gentle. And I think that that's, you know, that that juxtaposition is also really important. Like it's important to be strong, important to have, have inner strength. It's important to be really solid, grounded, present, and it's also important to be able to hold all of those things with humility and gentleness.

Okay, great. So what do you think is a sexy woman? Like you said, you can probably answer this question better. So I want you to get really detailed that if this woman walk across the room, your eyes would follow her and you want to get out of your chair and ask for her phone number.

Oh man, it's, it might be a long list, but, but you know, essentially there's some crossover confidence. Absolutely. Confidence, but not arrogance. I don't like arrogance. Confidence grounded in humility. Confidence grounded in a strong sense of self and self esteem, humor. Because I can tend to be a serious guy. I'm working on it, I'm getting better, but I can tend to be a serious guy. So I, I, I, I like a woman who can make me laugh. What else?

It took, it took me an hour to make you laugh. So I'm getting that.

Intelligence. Intelligence, Very sexy. Kindness. Very, very sexy. You know, one of the things that I really appreciate about the feminine about women is, is, is how they move, you know, how they are in their bodies. Like watching a woman make a cup of tea is one of the most simple yet intoxicating things I've ever witnessed. You know, like watching what? Just watching a woman do anything that she's really immersed in is very sexy. What else?

Wow. Like, give me an example. Give me an example. Watching a woman do what is sexy.

Again, I use the example of making a cup of tea.

That's what I thought I heard. What, making a cup of tea?

Yeah.

Just what is it about making a cup of tea that is erotic?

I don't know, I'm not sure. But I think, I think it's seeing a woman in her element and, and doing Something with great care and attention. Right? Like being, being fully present, fully in her body, embodied. There's something really, really sexy and intoxicating about that. I mean, hell, it could be reading the phone book. Doesn't matter what it is. It's just if she's doing it fully and wholeheartedly, it's sexy.

That's right. So you, you look for that, and it sounds like you look for more of the, More of the individuality and confidence that display and that woman as well. So. Have it. Right.

Well, and, and yeah, yeah, individuality is really important. I, you know, I, I like people who march to the beat of their own drum. I like people who think for themselves. I like people who don't subscribe to or get caught up in groupthink, you know, that, that, that's also something that I find really attractive, you know, in, in independence of thought. Unique, Uniqueness. And, you know, and when it comes to, to physically eyes, you know, eyes that sparkle.

So. Have you ever been. Have you ever been turned down or rejected for a date?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, look, I think I would say. I would say if you haven't been turned down, if you haven't been rejected from a date, you're not playing a big enough game. You know, it's like anything in life. Like if, if as an actor, if I'd never been told no, if I'd never not gotten a role, I need to, I need, I need to play a bigger game. I need to be. I need to be. I need to have my sights set higher. So, yeah, of course I've been turned down. And I think the. Look, I think the important thing to remember is rejection is redirection, right? Like, so I got turned down from going on a day with some girl or a woman, you know, was probably, maybe a good reason for that. And also, too, it's important to not take it personally. You never know what somebody has going on in their own lives. You know, I mean, first of all, I've been rejected from a date because the girl had a boyfriend or was engaged or whatever. That's a pretty good reason. You, you also, like, maybe, maybe that person's just having a bad day. Speaking of confidence, maybe that woman wasn't feeling confident that day, right? Maybe. Maybe she was, was really down. Maybe something was going on for her personally that, that made her, or that contributed to her lacking confidence and, and, and going, you know, I don't really feel like saying yes to a date right now. Maybe that person just got out of a breakup Maybe they're going through a breakup. Maybe I'm just not. Maybe I just wasn't her type, you know, that's okay too. Everybody's not for everybody. So, yeah, I've. I've been rejected.

All right, so how did you feel? Like you just kind of move on, brush it off or whatever? Or did. How did it kind of create a little dent in your confidence at all? And did you say. O know, like you said, maybe this is not the type of woman I should be asking the next time. So, I mean, how did you feel?

I think it. Well, it always just depends on the circumstance and on, you know, on the context. I can look back at times where, yeah, like, I felt rejected. I felt, I felt the, the. The pang of rejection. You know, I felt it dented my confidence. Yeah, I can, I can look back on moments where that was. Where that was true. And then I can, I can also look at moments where I didn't care. It was like moving on. It doesn't matter. It's no reflection of who I am. It's not a reflection of my value or my worth. It's just wasn't a match. Or maybe, maybe, maybe she couldn't really see who I was. Maybe, maybe I couldn't see who she was. I thought she was somebody that she wasn't. And so I was approaching her based on my point of view. Right. Because that's what's. We go through life, unfortunately, everything is a projection. We're seeing everything through our own lens. We're seeing everything from our own individual point of view based on our history. So we, we project on each other all the, all the time. So I might have been. I might have been asking out the wrong woman for me because I thought she was someone that, that she wasn't. She might have said no to me. Cause she thought somebody. I was somebody that I wasn't. I mean, who knows? Who cares? Move on. That's how I look at it now.

So be being on that topic. Have you kind of, like, been a relationship and kind of question yourself? You know, am I good enough for her? Is something going on? Is you blame yourself or do you, you know, how do you react to that?

Yeah. Yes. And, you know, I, I think it's. It's tricky. You know, it's. It's tricky because I think taking personal responsibility is really important. And when I was growing up, I was exposed to some people who were close to me in my life who had a really difficult time taking personal responsibility. Like, it was just really hard for them. And so I think at times in my adult life I've overcompensated, frankly. And I think I've taken, I've gone overboard with the taking of personal responsibility and assumed that everything was my fault. And I, and I, and I think it's a strength of mine is, is really being reflective and taking stock of my own behavior. Not always perfect at it. I don't always see mistakes at the time. You know, hindsight's 2020 and, and often distance from something allows me to have to gain wisdom and clarity that I didn't have in the moment. But I do always try to look at myself, what's my role in this? What's going on on my side of the street? I've tried to do that first. Again, not always successful, but I think that's an important, it's important to be willing to do that in a relationship. The other side of that is there have been times that I've taken too much responsibility and frankly, you know, the other person had stuff going on in their own side of the street. They had blame that they needed to take responsibility for and weren't necessarily willing or able to do that. And so there have been times when I have carried extra weight that I didn't need to carry. And that's been a really valuable lesson for me, I think, as men a lot of times, and I'm speaking, you know, in a heteronormative manner right now just because, because I'm a straight man. So that's my experience. I think there are a lot of times that we men take on too much responsibility for women's feelings or for what they're going through. You know, it's possible to get feedback from our partners and to hear that feedback neutrally and to be able to take to, to extrapolate from that what we need to extrapolate and to go, okay, I hear what she's saying. I see where I'm not showing up fully. I see where I'm coming up short course, correcting making the adjustment in behavior but not taking that on as to mean I'm a shitty guy or that's a reflection of my worth or my self esteem and it doesn't need to affect my confidence. It's just like, okay, got the information. I hear how my behavior is impacting this person that I really love and care about. So I'm going to adjust accordingly and it's not going to ruin my day.

I like how you put that. I really like how you said that men take too much On. From, you know, from. From other. From women. Right. Is that. Is that what you're saying? Is that sometimes you feel responsible? Yeah. Yeah.

I want to be really. I want to be really careful in how I communicate this because I think it. It's. It could easily be misunderstood or misconstrued. I 100 believe that our behavior impacts other people, and we have a responsibility to understand the impact of our behavior on other people. And we have a responsibility to take care of the hearts of, you know, of the woman in our lives. Right. To guard that, to hold that, to cherish that, to. To create an environment in which she can feel safe, to open. And I think that sometimes a tendency is for us to take feedback from our partners, to take that on in a way that means that, you know, we're not good enough in a way that means we're responsible for our partner's emotional experience, and we're not wholly responsible. Just like I'm, you know, my partner's not wholly responsible for my emotional experience. I am. And I think it's. It's a fine line that. That we are tasked with walking, right, like cherishing. Cherishing our partner's hearts, being respectful, being kind, being patient, being understanding, knowing how our behavior impacts her and at the same time, also knowing that she's also, you know, she. She can take responsibility. Responsibility for her own emotional experience and navigating her own internal things that she needs to navigate, just like we do. So that's. That's something that I used to do. I was really. I was bad about that. I. I would. I would take feedback from my partner very personally. I would think that it was a reflection of who I was as a guy. I would think, oh, my God, I'm. I'm. You know, I'm. I'm a. I'm a bad guy. I'm. I'm a. I'm a shitty dude. You know, that's not. That's. That's not necessarily true and accurate.

Wow. So Hollywood actor like yourself can actually feel, like you said, you know, not so good based upon what your partner is feeling herself, but you take a look, but it reflect badly upon you. And I see that a lot in my patient in that, you know, what the. Their partner is saying or feeling. They. They take responsibility for their partner's emotional response when that's not the case at all. And I really want to stress that because, you know, a lot of men feel like that and like, you. You're, you know, sexy Hollywood actor who's playing, you know, this role in this Cupid for Christmas role. And, you know, you wouldn't. You wouldn't be sexy. You wouldn't be attracted to be cast in that role, but yet you feel that way at times also. So how did you overcome that? Yeah, how did you.

Absolutely. I mean. Well, I, you know, I think our. We're. We're all a work in progress. You know, we're. We're never. It's never done until we're dead. So. So I wouldn't. I don't want to pretend that. That I operate on some level of perfection now with respect to that. Like, it. It's still a work in progress, but it's taken a lot of work. You know, it's. It. I've failed many times in relationship. Many. I've made a lot of mistakes in relationships, and I've. I've. I've heard people, you know, I, I have. And, And I think everyone has. And it, it doesn't make us bad people. It. Because, you know, unless we're doing it intentionally, then, you know, that's. That's a different conversation. But it's been. I've. I've taken, you know, the, the pain that I've gone through in relationships or the, or the heartache or the disappointment. And, And I'm not only talking, you know, being broken up with. I'm also like, having to do the breaking up with.

Right.

Like, if. If you're an. An empathetic, compassionate, feeling person, that's not fun. Nobody. Nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to let another person down in that way. So having gone through all of the learning experiences that I have in relationships, it's just been a journey, you know, and I've had mentors, I've had coaches, I've. I've had been surrounded by men, right, who can reflect to me my own behavior, who can reflect to me an objective opinion of the context of what's going on. Right. And so I think being able to. To grow from that and to. And to overcome that taking on of over responsibility. It's just been a process of getting to know myself, of getting to know what's true for me, of getting to operate in greater integrity within myself. And, and, you know, boundaries are really important part of that too. I know it's a very. It's a buzzword these days. You know, everybody's talking about boundaries, but it's really important. It's really important to be able to say to someone, you love, I hear you. I love you. I understand that my behavior has been hurtful. I understand that I've made a mistake and I'm going to do my best to correct that. I'm going to do my best to demonstrate to you that I love you and to not make the same mistake twice. And also, here's what's not my responsibility. You know, here, here's, here's what I'm not willing to take on. That's an important facet of being able to operate in relationship, I believe.

Wow.

And so therefore it's also important to have, it's also important to be with someone who has the ability to take personal responsibility so they're not constantly projecting what's theirs onto you.

I like that. And ideally you would want that in a relationship. And I oftentimes, you know, stress that to, to my patient to, you know, overcome their performance anxiety. Because oftentimes it's, you know, as we discussing before in society, it's hard to be a man. It's hard to be a man because you feel like you always have to be in your A game. You have to be the initiator, you have to be the, the one that, you know, you know, ask for that date or, and, and, and, and if you're not on, you know, in the relationship or you're not on in the bedroom, you're not performing well, you're not, you know, a man. So it's, it's for women wise, you know, we don't have an organ to show that, you know, we. Or not, you know, right. We can be on and not on and nobody will, you know, it's hard to, it's hard for you to see, but for a man, you can definitely, you can definitely tell, right? And oftentimes, like, based upon what you just said, you know, and I stress this in my framework for treating sexual dysfunction is that the brain is the largest organ. It's a larger sexual organ. It starts in the brain. It doesn't start below the belt. So in order for you to be able to initiate a sexual arousal or an erection or arousal for a woman, it starts in the brain and you have to be in the right mindset. You have to be aroused by the five senses of the eyes, the nose, the mouth, the ears and the touch and be in the right emotional mindset. So that way it can start in the brain and transmit through nerve and through blood vessel and down all the way down to, you know, your genital for an arousal response. So if this is not in the right spot or right mindset, there's nothing going to go below the belt. So, and that's all go back to what you're saying is being able to connect and being able to be on the emotional level with your partner. But sometimes that can be really complex too, right? Because it takes two people to have that balance and that connection and that communication. And as we're growing up, nobody teaches us how to communicate to your partner in the bedroom or it's not a book that you read when you're growing up. You're not taught that in school. And, you know, you don't even get taught even sex, sex education correctly in school. So it's a challenge for, for a man to do that. So having said that, I'm just going to ask this question. How did you kind of navigate that in knowing, you know, how to have that confidence and that you know what to do in the bedroom? Did you just look at Playboy? Playboy or did you look at videos? How did you do that when you were younger?

Well, I think it's a combination of things. You know, I had some, I had a few experiences when I was younger. Younger, you know, and started going through puberty where I had my sexuality shamed. I was, I was shamed for my sexuality. And I think I've, I've always, like, I'm a pretty, pretty physical guy, visceral, tactile. You know, I, and I think I've always had a high sex drive, you know, from, from the time that, the puberty, the onset of puberty. I think that's just something that's not, that's come naturally. It's just a part of who I am. And so, you know, as a, as a boy, to have that shamed was really hard. It was really difficult. It was really impactful. And so I think it took me and, you know, look as it probably does for most men because we're. Women are definitely the more mature sex. It takes us longer to mature and to develop and, and to, and to gain the kind of confidence that we're talking about. But, but because of what I went through as, as a, as a boy, I think it probably. It's been a, you know, like everything else, it's been a journey. It's. It's been a journey to developing confidence in the bedroom. I didn't just wake up that way one day. I wasn't always that way. I think, you know, it's, it's, it's been an exploration both physically. Right. You know, like having different partners, trying different things, you know, seeing what works and what doesn't work, seeing, seeing what elicits a favorable response and what doesn't, you know, these are all, these are all important things, but it's also been about my, my own internal journey toward maturity and growth. I, I think also to, you know, like we, we were talking earlier, sex is. Sex is a. Is an exchange, right? If it's, if it's done properly, if it's done in the way that I believe it's intended, like sex, it's an exchange. You know, we as humans, we are electrical. We're electrical beings where whatever percentage of water we are, water conducts electricity. I think that's correct. Right. I hope I'm not saying things that are wrong. So we, we have, we. We have, we conduct electricity. We have electrical currents moving through us, each individually. And then when, so when we're with another person, right, like, ideally, that, that current is flowing. It's. It's moving through both people. It's cycling, it's circling. And that's why, you know, for me, I believe that it's really important to be present and to be connected with my partner so that energy can flow freely. And so if one of us is not present, if one of us is not available, if there are kinks in the hose, right, the emotional hose, the mental hose, that. Going back to what you were saying about it starting in the brain, if there are kinks in the hose, the energy is not going to flow freely. So think about it, you know, like that's going to affect that, that's going to affect a man's ability, right? Because having an erection is having energy flow into that part of the body. If there's a kink in the hose, if the energy's not flowing freely, that could have an impact on the erection for women. If their energy's not flowing freely, that can have an impact in, you know, in the ways that it does for women in their. In their responsiveness, right? In their ability to be receptive. So there, there are a lot of important factors, like you were saying, and I'm just of the mind and of the belief that the best sex is the sex that's mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically connected.

Oh, boy. I'm going to have to quote that. I'm going to have to quote that I may have to use as a Ryan quote actually, in my future episode. So having said that, let's go on to the next question. Is who do you secretly envy?

You know, I still haven't come up with an answer for this question. I. I don't know. Who do I secretly envy? I mean, that's tough. That's really tough.

It doesn't have to be somebody alive. It could be somebody that is in the past as well. Let's circle that back on that, you know. All right. It could be any, you know, anyone. It could be anyone that's in the past as well. So what gives you butterflies in your stomach?

Hmm? What gives me butterflies? You know, I always think of butterflies as, as a function of the heart really. Even though the butterflies don't really happen in, in the heart, I, I look at it as a function of that and, and I don't, you know, physiologically, you, you probably. Well, I'm certain that you know more about this than I do. I don't know what that physiological response is like technically, what, what creates the sensation of butterflies, but for me, I think it's, you know, the, the incredibly beautiful connection that, that can result from two people being really open hearted, really vulnerable. You know, like gaze, gazing into, to a lover's eyes, right? And really feeling a heart connection. That's something that gives me butterflies. You know, the, the excitement of seeing a new love or a new, a new interest. And you know, there's, there's romantic feelings that are developing. Our hearts are opening, there's availability, there's sweetness, there's, there's like vulnerability in terms of, of like openness and, and, and us really being honest about what we're feeling for one another. I mean that, you know, that, that gives me butterflies. Seeing, seeing more, more, more succinctly seeing a beautiful woman that I'm in love with, that gives me butterflies.

Well, you know what that is, it's actually a butterfly feeling is the release of epinephrine, which is a fight or flight hormone that gets released. And that's why you get the heart rate going, the sweatiness, hand getting sweaty, and that flushing that you feel because of the excitement. And also dopamine release, the dopamine is releasing here in the brain. Dopamine is what gives you that kind of like addiction to sugar or even recreational drug, you know, like cocaine, so forth releases dopamine. So the dopamine is released. So that way you, it make you feel good, but makes you want to be addicted to that feeling. And then the epinephrine is, that raises your heart rate and your flushing and the sweatiness. So what that is is really a release of these hormones and messengers in your brain and in your body that makes you kind of addicted to what that experience is. So it's a rewarding experience. The butterfly feeling is a Rewarding experience. But it's also, it's a feel me good experience and something that your body say, hey, I like this. I want to get back to this unique situation because the more you are exposed to it, the more you get used to it. But it makes you feel good on the inside. So a lot of what we do is based upon physiological response in our body. You know what, for instance, is a very pleasurable experience. Right. Why is that? Because every time you have sex and have an orgasm, there are thousand hormones and messengers that is released in the brain, in the body that bring you to a different level, that put you in a very peaceful state. Especially dopamine is released. So it makes you crave for it more. It makes you feel like you're in a really good space. So having said that, the more sex you have, it actually it's a calming effect as well as decreasing anxiety effect and also help with depression as well. So yeah, that's one of the reasons why a lot of athletes are, you know, says they don't want to have sex before their performance because they want to have that, you know, that aggressiveness, assertiveness that, you know, because when you do have sex, you calms you down, right? Yeah. So you, you actually were touching upon that with, when you were saying the butterflies feeling because that connectiveness with the partner. So you were already thinking about the result of that before you knew exactly what was going on in your body.

Oh, wow.

As I was, as I was explaining, that's something that I'm very interested about, like all these hormones and all these chemicals that being a release in the body for the sexual experience. So when I asked you a couple last question is what why is acting? So you know, why is acting for you and what, what is it about acting that is, you know, gives, you know, it's fun for you.

I think in a nutshell. And basically the thing that, that, that I find most enjoyable about acting is there are two things. One, it requires me to get out of my head and be completely present in the moment in order to tell the truth of what's happening in the scene between the characters that are in the scene. That's one thing. And the other thing is I really like the truth. That's something that in every aspect of my life, truth is really important to me. I want to get underneath what's on the surface and I want to get down into the depths and to find what is true. That's true. In my own life, on my own journey, I want to know myself I want to be the best version of myself that I can be. And that requires truth and honesty with myself and, and with other people. And that requires people to be truthful and honest with me. So I really like, I, I, I am driven by, and I crave truth. So, you know, as an actor, it's, it's our job to tell the truth in every single moment given a particular set of circumstances like that. That's, that's our job is, is to be the most honest and most truthful that we can be in that given moment about what's going on with this person in this context. And so I think that's the other reason that, that I really enjoy acting is that it, it, it allows me to explore the depths of truth and, and, you know, someone else's truth. But, but oftentimes there's an overlap, right? Because I can only, I can only give to a character what I can perceive, whether that be based on my imagination or whether that is based on past experience. So oftentimes in playing a character, I'm confronted with myself, and that causes me to be in a position to have to understand what's true for me. Right. Like, I have to understand even greater truth about myself in order to be able to give what I need to give to the character.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. So before we end what, what I'd like to give you a tip for my listeners, which are men. So give me a tip on how a man can be, Attract a woman. What's, you know, things that, that women look for that, you know, in a man, like for yourself. I'm sure you have women coming to you and falling over you and so forth. And so just share, share a tip for a man. Say what, what, what Women look for that, that, you know, what in a man.

Well, again, I, I don't, I don't know if I'm the best person to, to.

Oh, come on.

Women for what? Women for look at a man. I just think, I think, I think be yourself. Authenticity is really important.

Yeah.

It's underrated, it's overlooked, and it's in short supply in our world these days. Be, be authentic, you know, just be real. And that's, that's something else that I, that I want to add is that, you know, going back to the idea of confidence, it's not, it's not. Confidence isn't bottled. It's not something we can buy. It takes work, it takes commitment to oneself, and it takes taking risks. You know, like taking risk will build risks, will build Confidence for a man to be at his edge and to challenge himself to go beyond his previous limits, that builds confidence. You know, like you can't, you can't play it safe in life and build self esteem or I don't think you can build the maximum amount of self esteem or the maximum amount of confidence. Like got, got to take risks, gotta be bold, gotta be courageous. You know, those things also help build confidence over time. Because the thing is, is as, as I, because I've failed at many things in my life. Whether it be an audition that I sucked at or whether it be a girl I asked out and she said no, or whether whatever, like I've, I've failed a lot. But you know what builds confidence? Failing and knowing that I didn't die and knowing that I can recover from that failure and then getting back up and doing it again and then the next time doing it better, that builds confidence. So without risk, I believe it's very difficult to build confidence. You have to dare to go beyond yourself. You have to dare to go beyond the previous limitations. And another thing, limitations, most limitations are only self imposed. When you really get down to it. It doesn't matter what anybody says about what other people think we're capable of or what we can do or what's possible. No it matters what we believe. The only, the, the, the only, the only limitations really be, you know, sometimes they're physiological. Like when I was a young boy, I wanted to be an NBA basketball player. Probably wouldn't have worked out ultimately, you know, probably wasn't in the cards for me. So there's certain physiological limitations, sure, in extreme cases. But ultimately I believe that we can create the lives that we want to create. We can be who we want to be and the only thing that's stopping us is us.

Wow. Thank you for sharing that. I love it when you say limitation is self imposed. That, that is, that is big. And, and, and, and in fact, I think if you wanted to be an NBA player, you could. Because I've seen professional NBA players that are like 5ft 7, 5ft 8. Right. But they compensate their, their height for their skills, you know, so it's really what is set in here, you know?

Yeah, yeah. And, and, and, and, and you know, to, and to return to the theme of today, if a man wants to be. Look, if a man wants to be better in the bedroom, it's not only just about having a, you know, a big dick or an erection. It's, it's not. If a man wants to be good in the bedroom. A man has to be good with himself. A man has to develop his self esteem and his confidence. A man has to want to grow to know himself better, to be more honest with himself, to be more authentic. Because all of that translates, all of that translates into attracting the right partner and into having a fulfilling romantic and sex life. And if a man wants to be better in bed, then also read, study, go see someone like yourself who can, who can coach them, who can help them. You know, I mean, I think we, in modern society, I think we have too many things handed to us. I think it's really important to seek knowledge. I think it's really important to seek growth. I think it's really important to go beyond ourselves and to have the desire to go to, beyond our. To, to go beyond ourselves. So if we want a more fulfilling sex life, well, study it, read about it, learn about it. Learn about, you know, study, study Taoism, study what the monks did. You know, I mean, that's another thing too is like learn, learn to learn to cycle the energy.

It.

We, we. And I want to say this because this is really important. You and I talked about this a little bit earlier.

We.

Unfortunately, a lot of times with sex, we're so goal oriented. It's like getting to the finish line, getting to orgasm, right? It's not all about that. It's really not. It should, it should be about the present moment, it should be about the journey. It should be about the exchange between those two people. And you know, I think it's important to have a partner who understands that, that just because a guy doesn't ejaculate, it doesn't mean that he didn't enjoy himself. It's not a reflection upon his partner. It doesn't mean that, that the woman didn't do a good enough job satisfying him. Just because a woman doesn't orgasm doesn't mean that she didn't enjoy herself. It doesn't mean that the, you know, it doesn't mean that the guy wasn't good enough. It doesn't mean that we put way too much pressure on the destination. And again, this is all. I'm not saying orgasms are bad. No, I'm not saying to men, don't give your woman an orgasm. No. Give her hundreds of orgasms. But it can't be all about that. Otherwise it's too much pressure. Inauthenticity comes into the picture. People are pretending, people are trying too hard. And it's not, it doesn't create the kind of connective environment that Fosters really great sex.

Wow, that is a lot of golden bombed nugget there that you just heard. Hit it right on the spot from our Hollywood actor Ryan here. But you got it right on there. I'm so glad that you mentioned that. Sex is just not goal oriented. It is really a connection between two people and oftentimes you don't have to have orgasm or ejaculation to have a good experience.

Right. And I, and I've, and I've said, you know, to, to speak a bit personally, I've said to women before, I just want you to know I don't ejaculate every time I have sex. Sometimes I do, but it's by choice. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want to keep the energy. I don't want to release that energy that comes with ejaculation. I'm not a professional athlete. But you know, sometimes there, there are reasons that I want to, that I want to maintain, that I want to retain the seed. And so I've said to women before, just so you know, you know, this is, this is what I'm doing. I might not choose to, to ejaculate. No reflection on you. I'm having a great time, I'm fulfilled, I feel fantastic, I feel incredible. Like the sex was amazing. It has nothing to do with whether or not I choose to ejaculate. And what's beautiful about that is I've had women go, wow, thank you so much for telling me that. I really appreciate knowing that I've even had women say, wow, that's hot, that's really hot. That you possess that level of control that you have the ability to not just ejaculate every time. I literally have had women say, God, that's hot, that's really sexy. So, you know, like it, it's, it, it. I think we have to get out of this mentality that sex is goal oriented, that, that it, that it's a race, that it's, you know, that there's a starting line and a finish line and if we don't make it over the finish line, we fail. No, it's not true. There's, there's many, many ways to have sex. And, and frankly some of the best orgasms that I've ever had have been internal orgasm where, you know, and, and men, there might be some men out there who don't know this, but it's possible to have an incredible orgasm without ejaculating. That's 100% possible. And then what's really Great is that you can keep making love to your partner for hours and you can have multiple internal orgasms and you can just keep the lovemaking going. I mean, that's what's wrong with that.

Nothing's wrong with that. And in fact, the woman will love that experience. So can you share how you do that? How can you have orgasm without ejaculation? What are some of the technique that you do that does it? Because it's actually quite challenging. I've actually showing my husband on how to do that and he finds it challenging. So give, give some of your tips on how to. A man can, can hold his ejaculation but still have fantastic. Or you can have multiple orgasm too. So. Right, yeah. What are some of your tips?

Well, a lot of it has to do with breath. You know, there's a thing called the microcosmic orbit that, that, that is, it's a term from, I believe, Chinese medicine, maybe, maybe the Taoists originated it. But it's, it's the circuit of energy that circles from, from the, from the root chakra. Excuse me, from the root chakra up the body and then back down the body. And so it, with conscious, intentional breath, one can, and it takes practice, but one can send the energy along that circuitry in the body cir. Cycle the energy and just keep moving it. And then, you know, what's a little bit more advanced? If one is actually really in tune with their partner and their partner is on the same page and on board for this, can actually cycle the energy, you know, so basically like it goes down my spine into my root chakra, into my partner, through her back to me. Right. Like there, there's, there's, there's a dance, an energetic dance that can take place of the cycling of the energy. And I think you're right, it is challenging and like I said, it does take practice. There are different techniques. There, There's a, There's a, an author, a teacher named Montauk Chia, and he has a book called the Multi Orgasmic Man. Yes, great book. Actual exercises in that book that men can do to help strengthen the muscles that are involved in being able to retain and not ejaculate and to cycle the energy. So there are very practical ways, right. There's, there are literal skills and tools that we can learn that help us get better at doing that. There's, there's intention. Right. Um, I think it's also important and helpful to have a partner if a man wants to practice this. It's definitely helpful to have a partner who is on the same page and who want, who, who is willing. Right. To participate in that. Because the thing is, is that I've experienced where, let's say a woman isn't totally on board with that. So her energy, if she's not on board with that and she doesn't want to participate in the same way and she's not contributing to that energetically, it's going to be harder for me to do that. It's going to be harder for me to maintain that. But if I'm with a woman and I've experienced this, if I'm with a woman who's on board with that, who's on the same page and who's like, yeah, let's, let's go for that type of sex. Let's go for that type of lovemaking. It actually makes it easier for the man or for me, in this case, it's made it easier for me to not ejaculate because, because, you know, she, she's my partner in that. There's, she's. We're doing the same dance, essentially. We're doing the same energetic dance and she is helping facilitate, she's helping support that. And it's, and it, it's a beautiful thing. I mean, it's, it's incredibly beautiful. Rewarding. It's, it's a very, incredibly beautifully rewarding way to, to engage in sex and to make love.

Wow. So how do you tap that, that energy, the microcosmic energy to, from the top, like for the chakra down, and retain the, the ejaculation? Is it, is it a muscle contraction that you do or is it a thought? What, what, how do you do that? When you send it, yet you send, when you're sent. You're about to ejaculate. How do you stop that, that propulsion, it's essentially ejaculation is the activation of the muscle that is between your scrotum and the bone in your hip. They're called the issue, the ischiocavanosum. It contracts and then your prostate contract, contract and releases the, the fluid. So how do you stop that contraction of those little muscle? They're little tiny muscle just right below your scrotum.

Well, you know, I should have said this when we started this portion of the conversation that I'm, I'm, I'm no expert. I'm not a doctor. I'm not giving medical advice. You know, I'm just a guy who's. Who's experimented with some things and learned by trial and error. And you know, read and gained some information. So there. Yeah, so, so doing pelvic floor exercises can help because it helps strengthen those muscles, which then in turn allows us to have more control. You know, one of the exercises in Montauk Chia's book is it's, it probably is going to sound crazy to some people. So the most simplistic explanation is. So like when, when, when a man is urinating, if he stops the flow of urine and then starts it again. Stops it, Starts it. Because the muscles that can, and you correct me if, if I, if, if I'm not quite right about this, but my understanding is the contract for ejaculation of the same muscles that we use to contract to stop the flow of urine.

Absolutely. Yep. Yep.

Right. So that's one very practical thing. That's a way. So it's like squeezing those same muscles that would stop the flow of urine that can stop the flow of ejaculation. Yeah, you know, there, there, there's, there's other ways. There, there's other ways. One, one of the things, I mean, this is very, this is very clinical, but one of the things that I also know is that when we're about to ejaculate, the testicles get closer to the body. They, they, they come up. So keeping the testicles further away from the body, pulling them away from the body will actually also help prevent ejaculation if, you know, one doesn't want to really.

So like physically pulling it out, physically pulling it down away from the warmth of the body, that's the first I've heard is that kind of pulling it, pulling it down away from the body will also stop that as well.

Yep.

That's very interesting. Very, very. I haven't heard about that. And I, you know what, what Ryan was talking about, what's called Kegel exercises, K K E G E L, which is activation of those muscle that stop urine is also the same muscle that will that happen during ejaculation. It actually not only help with stopping ejaculation, actually help men suffering from premature ejaculation as well. That's what we recommend for men with premature ejaculation is that when they feel they're about to ejaculate is to contract those muscles and act as if you're going to go to urinary, you're stopping your stream and also, you know, mental distraction as well. So now we have another, another tip is to pull the testicle, you know, away from the body to stop their ejaculation. One of the Other tips that I recommend for men with premature ejaculation, Go into the bathroom, go, urinate right before, you know, sex. So that way you, that way the bladder is clear. So when the bladder is clear and it's empty, you can actually last a little bit longer.

You know, you just reminded me of something else that I think is in the Mantak Chia book, and that is that he says, and this, this blew my mind. I had never heard this before. He said that something that can also help is if, if a man enters the woman before he's completely hard. Like, let's say he's like 70 or 80%, you know, with, with the blood flow instead of 100%. That, that actually, because he says what, what, what a lot of men suffer with is, you know, the foreplay will get to the place where, you know, they're just like, you know, fully, fully engorged, ready, ready to, ready to go, right? And then they start having sex and it's like, well, yeah, that's pretty logical. I don't know why I didn't think of that before. So he's saying if you enter with not 100% engorgement, that will actually help prolong ejaculation or, or make it easier to not ejaculate. And the other thing that I, that I want to add is going back to your initial question about this, like how, how. How have I learned or what's, or how to, how to. How have I been successful at, at attempting this? It's also mental too. Like, the mind body connection is really important. So I was an athlete growing up and I started weight training and working out, you know, probably 15, 16 years old. And so one of the great things about exercise, weightlifting is that it develop. I mean, there's a lot of great things about it, but, but for, for this conversation, it develops a mind body connection that if one, you know, that the people who don't work out or don't exercise might not have. And so that mind body connection can absolutely be used in this process. Because, you know, there's one thing about cycling the breath, right, and knowing particular ways to breathe that help facilitate this process. But there's also, you know, it's like a form of meditation, I guess. I mean, there's also just an imagination component there, there is a, a visualization component. So there are moments when I'm in this process where, and I'm with my partner and I'm, and I'm wanting to breathe through, you know, the, the intensity that precedes an ejaculation. If I'm wanting to breathe through that and keep. Keep making love, I will actually visualize the energy going in the way that I want it to go. I will. I will literally visualize that while I'm with my partner. So it's like. It's like directing the energy. Right? So it's like, you know, in the gym, you're doing an exercise, you're directing energy to the place where you most want to feel the intensity of the exercise. It's no different. It's visualization. And that's actually really helpful as well.

Yes, absolutely. Like, going back to what I said earlier is that the brain is a larger sexual organ, and you can essentially control everything in the brain, even control not having an orgasm or having multiple orgasms and stopping ejaculation with starting at the brain. And the brain does control that process, like you mentioned. So we discussed so many tips. I'm going to summarize that because this is Gold Nugget. And this is the good part about this podcast. It's finding tips from different people on this sexuality because it's such an uncomfortable, taboo subject. And we never have given a book on how to do it when you were younger. And everything that we've learned, it's from our experience, whether it could be a bad experience, could be a good experience, and then the different partners that were exposed to. And, you know, reading. You can read, but you really have to try. It's kind of like you can't read a book and learn how to. How to play baseball. Right. Without going to the field and practice. Right. So that's totally different. And what I find is getting tips from different guests has been really helpful, and I have to one day make a book of tips from all our guests. You look like you have something you want to say.

I do. I do. So another thing that I think is also really important when it comes to having better sex is communication. You know, it's just really important to communicate with the person that we're with in a really honest way. You know, I. We. You're right. Sex is so taboo. There's so much pressure that gets put on it, and I think that contributes to people not wanting to be open about it, not wanting to communicate about it. I read this book. I can't remember what book this was in. I think the Author's name is Dr. Robert Glover. Have you heard of him?

I'm not familiar.

I. I think. I think that's his name. Anyway, I read in a book at some point it was written by a man who, who teaches and speaks and coaches men. He said, you know, he said, I. I've said to. Because, because he was speaking about his own experience. He goes, I've said to a woman before, like, before the first time I was going to have sex with a woman, I've literally said to her, hey, sometimes when the first, the first time that I'm with a woman that I'm really attracted to and that I really like, sometimes I, you know, I get performance anxiety. Sometimes I don't perform right away. And that, that, like, blew my mind. He just, he just lays it out there on the table like, hey, I'm just letting you know it's not going to have anything to do with you. In fact, it's because I'm so attracted to you and I like you so much that sometimes I get performance anxiety. And, you know, I might not rise to the occasion right away, but if you'll just be patient with me, it'll probably wear off and we'll probably be fine and everything will be great. And I was like, wow, that's incredible that he is that honest and that open with a, with a sexual partner because it, like, it dispels so much of that pressure, right? It's just like, hey, I know this doesn't mean anything about my virility. I know this doesn't mean anything about my, my, myself as a man and my ability to, to perform or offer pleasure to my partner. It's just a thing. Who cares? So what, here's what it is. Moving on. I thought that was brilliant and really courageous. And so I just think that if, if we're willing to have more, whether, whether it's that conversation or whether it's another conversation, you know, from, from the woman's point of view or about, like, if we're, if we're willing to just have more conversations about that, to take all of the, the mystique and the, and the weight that we put onto sex off. I think we're all much better off. And the other thing too, is that, you know, and I'm not saying we're not here, this isn't a referendum on pornography. And, you know, I, I'm not here to discuss its merits any more than to say that unfortunately, I think a lot of people, especially nowadays, learn about sex from pornography. A lot of people think that that's what sex is. It's not what sex is. And it's not to say that, you know, adventure and fun and, and, and lots of energy and trying different things. Like, it's not to say that all those things aren't welcome in the bedroom and shouldn't be welcome in the bedroom. You know, I'm. I'm like, all for openness and adventure and experimentation, and I think it. It does a huge disservice to. To us, especially as men. I think there have been studies about the effects of pornography on the male brain. It. It can have a really detrimental effect on men's ability, a men's ability to get erections and to perform because of what's happened to the pleasure centers in the brain. But also, like.

That.

It. That's not how sex has to be. Certainly not all the time. Right. Like, they're, they're, they're, they're. And, you know, and there's different gradients and all kinds of different pornography rights. So just. I'm just speaking about it in general. Like, it's not men's jobs to be machines, right? Like, that's not. That's not real intimacy. That's not real sex. And unfortunately, I think a lot of people are under the misunderstanding that they need to be able to perform in those kinds of ways. And. And it's just. It's just not. It's just not true.

Oh, I love the way you say that. It is not a man's job to go on forever and to be like that.

Yeah. I don't know if I can say what I said on your podcast.

I don't say those words. Know why? I'm just not comfortable. But I'm. That's just me. But, hey, but you're. But we're. We're both saying the same thing. But. But I've treated, you know, I've treated, you know, men that are in pornography in the past. And believe me, that's not reality. That they. They have issues. They have. They, you know, they have issues as premature ejaculation. They have issues with ed. They, you know, they, in fact, they have worse issue because that's their work. You know, that's their work. They. They have to be having erection all the time without any stimulation. And oftentimes in the midst of it, you know, the director will say, stop, you know, and they stop. And then they have to resume again. So it's not a reality. And those men that you see, they. They have a lot of issues. I'm not saying all of them, but I'm just saying that, you know, that is, you know, it's. They have to be on as if, like. Like when you're acting, you have to be, you know, you have to be on at that moment and. But how hard is it for a man to get an erection, you know, at that moment, start acting, you know, right away? So they have to be under a lot of pressure and to perform. So I just want to kind of put a plug in there that, you know, it's not reality and it's not all natural as. Yeah, you think.

Right. And, you know, to be like, not to, you know, no shame for any. Anyone who's in that industry. I mean, no judgment. It's not. It's not about that. It's. I just want to be clear about that. It's just that, you know, that it's not. It's not an accurate depiction of what we should be striving for. To have a healthy sex life and to have intimacy and to have romantic, you know, romanticism in the budget.

That's all. Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that. That's a topic that we'll cover in the past. So thank you for sharing your tips, because I. I think that is awesome and I've actually learned something new. So you taught me pulling down the scrotum is another way to, you know, prolong ejaculation. So how does our listener find you and connect with you?

So primarily right now, the best way is. Is on Instagram. My Instagram handle is Ryan Carnes one, number one. And I do. I do have a website currently being built that's going to be up and running probably within the next month or so, I would say. And, you know, at that time, I'll definitely be announcing on my Instagram that the website is up. So people are following me on Instagram. They'll get the update about the website. And those are. Those are really the best ways right now.

Right. So I'll put all that in the show notes so you can connect with Ryan. And in fact, I connected with you. I'm one of your followers as well, and then very interested in a future project that you have. And the next thing I'm going to do is sit down, my daughter. We're going to enjoy watching that movie Cupid and Christmas, Cupid for Christmas on Hulu. And believe me, ladies, he's actually very hot in that movie. I just saw the trailer and I'm like, oh, my God, I know him. There's something about knowing somebody and then seeing them act that real connection there. Not only is Ryan a great actor, he's also a great, authentic person who's very attuned to himself and his and his mind and body. Haven't met him a few months ago. I know that he keeps a very strict diet and exercise regimen. So he, he works hard to look as good and feel as good as he does. It just doesn't come from drinking Coke and eating hamburgers and sitting on the couch watching Netflix guys. So it's. Now just briefly, tell us about your workout regimen and your diet and your workout regimen.

Yeah, so you know, it varies a little bit. When I can, I work out five or six days a week. I'm traveling or on location for work. Sometimes it's a little bit more difficult. But I, I, I don't do any cardio. You know our friend Eric, the trainer who I worked out with out here in Hollywood, he's, he's a physique expert. He's, he's one of the best in the game. And you know, I work with him when I can. When, when we in the same place, I usually, I don't work out more than an hour and a half. Again, no cardio. I eat a very clean diet. I do eat animal protein, but I don't eat chicken or pork. My body doesn't do very well with those, so I stay away from those. But I eat other things. You know, I eat, I eat red meat, I eat some fish, turkey, lamb, things like that, vegetables, fruit, some nuts, not a lot. And some grains, not a lot. It's, it's primarily meat, vegetable and fruit based diet. And that's how I feel the best. I've, I've, I've experimented with other forms of eating. You know, I've experimented with vegetarianism, veganism, macrobiotic way of eating. I've, I've, I've tried a lot of things and for me this is what helps me feel the best and get the best results with my workouts and you know, stay young, stay healthy and stay feeling good.

Right. And be the best who you are. But the point is, you know, you got to work on it and, and be on a, a good diet. You know, instead of, you know, eating the junk food or high carb. Believe it or not, the man's PE actually has the largest blood vessel per gram of any organ in the body. Because a flaccid penis, to become an erect penis is about 40 to 50 times increase in blood flow. Increase in blood flow. So you gotta increase 40 times increase in blood flow as an erect penis compared to a flaccid penis. So it has the largest blood vessel components. The way I'm leading with this Is that because it has so much blood vessel in that organ, it is very sensitive to what you eat because what you eat is what is being processed by your body. That float in your blood, that feed your cells. Right. So what you eat, like even I've seen men just, that was on a bad diet of just french fries, meat, potatoes and sodas. And they change their diet to really low carb lean meat and more vegetables and stop the sodas with literally within four weeks, we can see the change in their blood when I draw their blood to see the change in their blood sugar, their cholesterol level, and they feel better and able to get a more firmer erection just within four weeks of changing your diet and what you eat. So I want to stress that what you eat for a man is very, very important to your erectile capacity. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does.

And I believe that I didn't know those statistics, but, but that absolutely makes sense because I think that what we eat, you know, it, it affects, it affects our bodies, it affects our chemistry and physiology. So how could it not also affect, you know, how we're able to perform and respond in the bedroom?

Right, right. So, and, and that it takes more precedent than just going to the gym and trying to add those muscle. And that's important because when you have more muscle mass as a man, important for a man is that it releases more testosterone. So that's why it helped with your virility and your erection when you have more muscle mass. But the number one thing is your diet. So your diet is a driver of what is absorbed in your body. And that's the number one thing that I work with men on, is changing their, their diet to a more clean diet. And I'm talking about paleo or keto, really more balanced, clean D diet. And, and they, they will see a change in their firmness of their erection right away because the blood vessels are open up and they're providing good nutrients to the, the tissue. And that's why it, it help with a firmer erection. So that's one tip is that you want to get a firmer erection is to eat a cleaner diet with what Ryan just said, more lean meat, like, you know, a chicken or fish. I know you don't eat chicken or pork, but chicken, fish, and just le, I, I, I advise low minimal red meat because red meat can tend to increase the cholesterol level there and a lot of vegetables and kind of along the diet of a Mediterranean diet at this point. So thank you for being here, Ryan. We talk for a lot, have a lot of content give thank you for the tip that you've given. I'm gonna summarize all that up and I'll put everything in the show notes on how our listeners can connect with you. And now I just have an idea for a book. It's Tips for Tips for Sexual Performance from our various guests and I'd love to have more actors and actresses on the show to share their tips as well. So thank you for being here and we'll see you in the next episode. Take care. Thanks for listening to the Sexual Health for Men podcast. If you love this episode, then please take a screenshot on your phone and post it on Facebook, Instagram, or wherever you post. And be sure to tag me and let me know why you like this episode and what you'd like to hear in the future that will help me know what's great for you. And I would love to give you the most incredible free gift designed to help you improve performance quickly. Go to my website@sexualhealthformenpodcast.com to get the book the Five Common Costly Mistakes Men Make When Facing Ed. I would appreciate if you subscribe, leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and just know that you can have sexual vitality for life. I appreciate you. Until next time.